Question:
Someone sent me this; Hope you enjoy it! Personal Growth Breakthrough: Yesterday I had an out-of-body experience and almost lost myself on the astral plane, so I tried grounding myself and got a bit more centered, as you do, with the help of my spirit guides. Then the phone rang, and sensing the negative vibrations, I threw the Osho tarot (in the garbage) and checked my bio-rhytms and birth chart, but my energy was still too blocked. So I did some bioenergetic 5 Rhythm dancing and self-parenting, took some flower essences and ate an organic oat bran ginseng muffin, but my inner child wasn’t feeling nurtured yet, never mind unblocked. To fix this, I had a Rice Dream Frozen Pie, which, of course, made me hyper, so I did the relaxation response technique I had just learned at the Self Healing Angst Tree Recycling Center, while listening to my subliminal tapes. But that left me feeling depersonalized, so I did some polarity work, foot reflexology and past life regression, then rebirthed myself and called Moon Beam, my body worker, to make an appointment for an integrated Shiatsu/ Reike/Rolfing/ Feldenkreis/ Swedish/ Japanese deep tissue massage. Unfortunately, she was way too spaced from her weekend Inner Space Massage and Management Training and never returned my call, so I decided to energize my crystals and do some more tai chi because I’d realised all my visualization techniques and affirmations were making my space feel quite invaded. So to get empowered, I got a psychic reading from Mother Heart Love around the issue of my assertiveness so I could feel my radiance and have some energy for my psycho calisthenics and inversion swing before my harmonic brain wave synergy session. This made me more focused for my actualization seminar, holistic healing class and dream workshop, which in turn, made me clearer for my Gestalt behavioral cognitive transpersonal Rechian- Jungian- Freudian- Ericksonian session at the hot springs, but my aura was too weak for my trance channeling group, so I fasted until noon to recharge my chakras. At that point, I sensed my intuition was high and my cycle was focused, so I turned on my ion generator to open up for my Neural Linguistic Programming session. But I needed to have my pyramid recharged before my guided synchronicity meditation, so I got some craniosacral therapy, which aligned me for the fire walk before my tantric sensory deprivation tank appointment with Da Free Lindsey, my shamanic trans-sexual identity re-alignment therapist. But today I was feeling a little confused and felt what I truly needed was a meaningful relationship to mirror myself more honestly, so I checked in with my guru, but he just laughed uproariously (what’s new eh?). Hence I decided to stop being so coy and to check out the Psycho-Biology of Quantum-Karma Soulmate Dating Symposium Intensive to find someone who really knew what was going on. But some computer geek with dread-locks and an ionised day-glo yoga mat tried to pick me up, which didn’t really help, so inevitably I ended up locking myself in my calcium-coated Orgone Box and trying to meditate until 9 p.m… Finally, in a startling moment of clarity, I decided none of it was really working for me, so I rolled a big fat doobie, got well and truly whammied, drank half a bottle of Cabernet, and downed a carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream –and man, did I feel right with the world! — Today’s great oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Response:
LOLOLOL So funny and so sad. Harv – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Someone sent me this; Hope you enjoy it! > Personal Growth Breakthrough: > Yesterday I had an out-of-body experience and almost > lost myself on the astral plane, so I tried grounding > myself and got a bit more centered, as you do, with the > help of my spirit guides. Then the phone rang, and sensing > the negative > vibrations, I threw the Osho tarot (in the garbage) and > checked my > bio-rhytms and birth chart, but my energy was still too > blocked. > So I did some bioenergetic 5 Rhythm dancing and > self-parenting, > took some flower essences and ate an organic oat bran > ginseng muffin, but my inner child wasn’t feeling > nurtured yet, never mind unblocked. > To fix this, I had a Rice Dream Frozen Pie, which, of > course, made me hyper, so I did the relaxation response > technique I had just learned at the Self Healing Angst > Tree > Recycling Center, while listening to my subliminal > tapes. > But that left me feeling depersonalized, so I did > some polarity work, foot reflexology and past life > regression, then rebirthed myself and called Moon Beam, > my > body worker, to make an appointment for an integrated > Shiatsu/ Reike/Rolfing/ Feldenkreis/ Swedish/ Japanese deep > tissue > massage. > Unfortunately, she was way too spaced from her weekend > Inner Space Massage and Management Training and never > returned > my call, so I decided to energize my crystals and do > some more tai chi because I’d realised all my visualization > techniques > and affirmations were making my space feel quite invaded. > So to get empowered, I got a psychic reading from > Mother Heart Love around the issue of my assertiveness > so > I could feel my radiance and have some energy for my > psycho calisthenics and inversion swing before my > harmonic brain wave synergy session. > This made me more focused for my actualization > seminar, holistic healing class and dream workshop, > which > in turn, made me clearer for my Gestalt behavioral > cognitive transpersonal Rechian- Jungian- Freudian- > Ericksonian session at the hot springs, but my aura was > too > weak for my trance channeling group, so I fasted until > noon to > recharge my chakras. > At that point, I sensed my intuition was high and > my cycle was focused, so I turned on my ion generator > to open up for my Neural Linguistic Programming session. > But I needed to have my pyramid recharged before my > guided synchronicity meditation, so I got some > craniosacral therapy, which aligned me for the fire walk > before my tantric sensory deprivation tank appointment with > Da Free > Lindsey, my shamanic trans-sexual identity re-alignment > therapist. > But today I was feeling a little confused and felt what > I truly > needed was a meaningful relationship to mirror myself > more honestly, so I checked in with my guru, but he just > laughed > uproariously (what’s new eh?). Hence I decided to stop being > so coy and > to check out the Psycho-Biology of Quantum-Karma Soulmate > Dating > Symposium Intensive to find someone who really knew what was > going on. > But some computer geek with dread-locks and an ionised > day-glo yoga mat > tried to pick me up, which didn’t really help, so inevitably > I ended up > locking myself in my calcium-coated Orgone Box and trying to > meditate > until 9 p.m… > Finally, in a startling moment of clarity, I decided > none of it was really working for me, so I rolled a big fat > doobie, got > well and truly whammied, drank half a bottle of Cabernet, > and downed a > carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice > Cream –and man, > did I feel right with the world! > — > Today’s great oak is yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
– -Harv To reply to this message via email, please remove "_no_spam_" from my email address.
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