Question:
> How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always > considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. > My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever > since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he > eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I > keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to > get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated. > Thanks, > Debbi
Debbi: Sounds to me like you’re the perfect parent. We humans think it’s strange when we look out for every nuance of a baby’s welfare, but most other animals are like that too. My cat used to hiss at dustballs that drifted along the floor too close to her kittens, and wolves go bonkers if they have pups and a member of another pack gets closer than a half mile. But, is there really any significance to Halloween??? Remember…it’s a meaningless day in most countries, and here, with the exception of Wiccans, it’s only meaningful to candy manufacturers and importers of lame decorations made in China. Based on my experience, we all end up thinking like Erma Bomback, the columnist, after a few years of parenting. If you don’t let a little humor into the process, you’ll lose your mind! Wait till your son wants roller skates, a bike, or God forbid, a skateboard. Even a well-supervised activity like baseball will seem like rock climbing without safety ropes. Why? Because the night before his first game, CBS 60 Minutes will run a story about the 1-in-8-trillion kids that get hit in the chest by a ball and die before the coach can ask what happened. You’ll prevent this by watching how the coach discusses safety, and making private, tactful suggestions to the coach so he remembers that you’ll kill him if your son is hurt due to faulty coaching. Then there are the choking issues. You’ll stare at him every time he eats a classic choking food, like carrots or hot dogs. You’ll do this until he’s 11 or so, when he’ll finally say "Ma! Enough!!!". 
Venetian blind/curtain cords that kill: You don’t want to know. Pesticides: When my son was 1, I read that the two most heavily sprayed crops are two things kids love to munch on more than almost anything: Carrots & strawberries. That was 10 years ago, and there wasn’t much organic produce in the supermarkets yet. So, I ripped up part of my lawn and planted carrots & strawberries. Bullies: The first time a kid shoves him and knocks him over in nursery school, you’ll have visions of (and plans for) volunteering to help at the school, so you can quietly take his attacker into a back room, stick a carrot in his throat, make it look like an accident, and stuff the limp body into a trash bag. Consumer Reports recalls: You’ll want to subscribe to CR, or hit the library monthly to keep an eye on recalls of kid products, especially blankets that can spontaneously burst into flames, even when dripping wet. Speaking of Halloween, plan on going over each piece of candy, preferably with a magnifying glass. Really good parents usually take the whole bag to the airport and having it run through the x-ray machine at the security checkpoint. Vaccinations: Just when he’s ready for his first DPT shot, you’ll run across an article describing how a kid occasionally has a "negative reaction" to it, like blindness, paralysis, coma or death. The reaction’s usually to the pertussis (whooping cough) part of the shot, which can *also* kill, at least according to your doctor, who will be of no help with the decision to separate the shot’s three parts and eliminate one of them. Or not. Or maybe. Circumcision: "Did I make the right decision??? Will he look different in locker rooms? What about locker rooms in Italy? China? Africa?" You think you’re worried NOW??? Wait for the first 104 degree fever, when he lays on your shoulder like a limp towel and you think he’s dying, when really, he’s just doing what you’d do if you had a high fever. This is why most smart pediatricians have nurse-practitioner on staff, to handle the panic phonecalls from parents. "I know the 23 books I read said a fever this high’s not abnormal….but his hair doesn’t look right!" Maybe I should stop now. Doug
Response:
Remember that ol’ saying….. the desision to become a parent is deciding to live the rest of your life with your heart _outside_of_your_body. Things will calm down as you adjust to having this little one around, and then you won’t be checking that he is breathing as much as you’ll be checking if he is covered up and not too close to the edge of the bed. Paranoid? No, your "normal" as can be! Congratulations! Liz http://community.webtv.net/llebpmac/HaileyReganMarch26
Response:
>I’ve found that music helps alot, for both me and the baby. My mother- >in-law got me "Night Night Time," a CD of lullabies that incorporates >the sound of a heartbeat, and that seems to relax both of us. >You can find it at http://www.srtmusic.com. >In the meantime, hang in there…
The sound of heartbeat reminds me, again, of The Book ™. This is one of the basic things that newborns (especially) seem to need in order to help self-regulate their limbic system. But, not mentioned in the book is another aspect of this that is important as well. The heart is one heck of a muscle. It may have other attributes as well. Check out <www.heartmath.com> to get a hint as to some of how we might be communicating through our hearts. — Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.
Response:
I’ve found that music helps alot, for both me and the baby. My mother- in-law got me "Night Night Time," a CD of lullabies that incorporates the sound of a heartbeat, and that seems to relax both of us. You can find it at http://www.srtmusic.com. In the meantime, hang in there… Sandy Before you buy.
Response:
Well, I definitely feel better knowing that I am not the only one. It helps knowing that other moms have gone through this also. Thanks so much for your help. Debbi Before you buy.
Response:
>How in the world do new moms survive.
Well, husbands (or SOs) can be of some help. >I’m 33 years old and always >considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is.
"Insanity is contageous. We catch it from our children" Old joke — not even mine. >My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever >since.
Halloween has that effect on some people. >I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he >eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I >keep checking on him to see if he is breathing.
Before I met Kathy, she had her first. When I met her, she told me that she would wake up every few hours and kick the crib so that our oldest would jump and she would know that the baby was still breathing. Now, I had just left home less than a year before. My parents had been taking care of foster babies, so the idea of kicking the crib was a new approach to me. I promise that I didn’t laugh (or even smile) when I told her that she really didn’t have to do this. >Any advice on how to >get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Yes, like some others have said, relax and trust your instincts (and I say that guardedly). One other thought. The time is right for you to read The Book ™. I know I’ve been pushing it as if I am getting a percentage of the profits, but this seems like just too good of a time to pass up. The name of the book is "A General Theory Of Love". There are lots of parts in there (especially near the beginning) about the importance of bonding and the hows and whys. Near the end, it discusses some of the greater social implications. Read it, please. It will give you new perspectives on why you should do what you already want to do, and that will help you deal with others telling you that you shouldn’t do them. — Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.
Response:
Here’s what I did & it really helped! I thought about all the poor little babies born to druggie moms and the babies born in 3rd world countries with no running water, food, etc. and realized that these babies survive this & there seems to be *tons* of them! I also thought about this when I was worried about having a 2nd miscarriage. If they can survive that life, how easy is it for your babe, who is loved, warm, fed, and sheltered?? :) Keep picturing those poor little tykes! It worked for me… — MaryE My son: http://home.att.net/~mthill/
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always > considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. > My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever > since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he > eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I > keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to > get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated. > Thanks, > Debbi > Before you buy.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always > considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. > My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever > since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he > eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I > keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to > get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated. > Congratulations on your little one! > First off, you probably are not diagnosably paranoid, you have mommy-itis. > I have not met a mom who does not go through this. It is amazing how we > change from single carefree, daring women into much more cautious folks! I > remember the first night my son slept through the night. I woke up around > sunrise and was very concerned that he must have died! I ran right into his > crib and put my hand on his chest to check for respiration. He was fine. > Me, I’m a mom! > Hang in there. You’ve got hormones doing all sorts of things to how you > perceive things right now. Some of them will not go away. I know many > women, myself included, who continue to get all teary over stupid TV ads and > stuff that we used to think were cute or even ho-hum. And, don’t watch the > TV news about little kids getting hurt! That’ll really get to you, > particularly while your so recently post-partum! The rest, well, you are > learning to be a mom and are not 1005 sure that you’ve done everything you > ought to or done it the best it could be done or or or. This is normal, > too. As you and your little one grow through the difficult times you will > develop more confidence in your ability to make good choices, although maybe > not always the one other’s would have suggested you make. You will > eventually feel much more comfortable and relaxed with your parenting. Get > out meet some other new moms [this is also a good place, but it is fun to ac > tually sit and have coffee with them while gooing at the babies!]. And, if > you are not getting a full night sleep yet, keep in mind how fractured sleep > patterns really can effect how you perceive things. > <<<<<<<big hugs>>>>>> > You’re doing fine. > -Aula, mom to DS, age 5
Ditto – The first night that they sleep through the night, you run in thinking the worst. I too, still check each one at night before I go to bed, and I don’t leave until I see them breathe. For about a year after each kid, any type of news story about kids being hurt would put me in a funk for the day. And sad movies, forget it, I was in tears. And I’d never been like that. I’m sure that you are just fine, it is really just a new stage of your life. But if you feel that it is extreme, talk to your doctor, post partum depression is thankfully recognized nowadays and they can help. Debbie Before you buy.
Response:
> How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always > considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. > My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever > since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he > eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I > keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to > get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Congratulations on your little one! First off, you probably are not diagnosably paranoid, you have mommy-itis. I have not met a mom who does not go through this. It is amazing how we change from single carefree, daring women into much more cautious folks! I remember the first night my son slept through the night. I woke up around sunrise and was very concerned that he must have died! I ran right into his crib and put my hand on his chest to check for respiration. He was fine. Me, I’m a mom! Hang in there. You’ve got hormones doing all sorts of things to how you perceive things right now. Some of them will not go away. I know many women, myself included, who continue to get all teary over stupid TV ads and stuff that we used to think were cute or even ho-hum. And, don’t watch the TV news about little kids getting hurt! That’ll really get to you, particularly while your so recently post-partum! The rest, well, you are learning to be a mom and are not 1005 sure that you’ve done everything you ought to or done it the best it could be done or or or. This is normal, too. As you and your little one grow through the difficult times you will develop more confidence in your ability to make good choices, although maybe not always the one other’s would have suggested you make. You will eventually feel much more comfortable and relaxed with your parenting. Get out meet some other new moms [this is also a good place, but it is fun to ac tually sit and have coffee with them while gooing at the babies!]. And, if you are not getting a full night sleep yet, keep in mind how fractured sleep patterns really can effect how you perceive things. <<<<<<<big hugs>>>>>> You’re doing fine. -Aula, mom to DS, age 5
Response:
>How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always >considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. >My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever >since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he >eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I >keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to >get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
Learn to live with it? LOL. Honestly….it NEVER goes away. Not fully anyway. It’s just part of the package, imo. Josie
Response:
> How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always > considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. > My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever > since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain.
It’s normal…you will get past it…(or most of it). Some is hormonal…some is just a reaction to all the changes to your life. It will simmer down. > Is he > eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I > keep checking on him to see if he is breathing.
ROFLMAO!!!! Sorry…I *still* check my kids’ breating in the middle of the night quite often..and my oldest will be 14 in a couple months. If he’s gaining weight…and his skin is perfectly healthy…then he is indeed getting enough to eat and not having a wet diaper anymore than he should be. > Any advice on how to > get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
First of all…realize that your son has survived one of the most physically demanding months of his life..and while he’s at his most vulnerable too boot. Trust your instincts, enjoy your new baby…read everything you can get your hands on, ask all the questions you need to, but let the proof be in the pudding. When he’s laying peacefully in your arms sound asleep…as content as any person can ever be…honestly look at that little person and see that he wouldn’t be that content if everything wasn’t fine. And congratulations!!! Maureen
Response:
How in the world do new moms survive. I’m 33 years old and always considered myself to be a emotionally stable person, until now that is. My son was born on halloween and I have been a paranoid wreck ever since. I always have some fear coursing through my brain. Is he eating enough? Is his diaper wet? And the worst of it all is that I keep checking on him to see if he is breathing. Any advice on how to get a grip on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Debbi Before you buy.
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