Question:
like watching what my husband considers fun and > gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even > though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now.
I know it’s hard not too, but you shouldn’t let your (seemingly) abnormally violent childhood affect your perception of what your hubby and child do. The slate was wiped clean when you gave birth to your kid. Just about all mamals horseplay. It’s a natural way to learn to defend oneself. Wrestling has been one of the most special, loving, fun times I have with my kid on (nearly) a daily basis. I’d suggest going to another room when hubby plays roughhouse with the kids. > I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at > the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I > am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents > are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine?
Probably. Depends, of course, on the severity of the push/shove/hit. for the normal shoves and hits, your daughter needs to learn to deal with these perfectly normal activities. If you step in all the time, she, perhaps, won’t learn the necessary social skills it takes to counteract bullies. > am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself?
Possibly. should I back > off?
Probably. Again, depends on the severity of the actions. but I want her to learn to > defend herself (using words, not by hitting).
But when words don’t work what is left? My 7 year old is a red belt in Tae Kwon Do (almost a black). In three years since taking the class, he hasn’t had to use his skills but they are there if he should need them. This knowledge of his skills has given him the courage to verbally stand up to kids who pick on him about his stutter. I don’t think he would have that courage if he hadn’t taken self defense. Okay, some tough observations: Perhaps she’s whiney, mousy, bossy, doesn’t share or generally prone to tick other kids off. You gotta ask yourself if she brings on these attacks. If she does, focus your corrective energies on how to make her not so whiney/bossy/mousy. If she’s not any of those things, you must teach HER how to deal with it. Either with words or force – whatever works. Good luck, Suzy. Jim
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot > of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that > stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and > gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even > though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now. > I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at > the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I > am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents > are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or > am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back > off? > It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to > defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough > that I should do something? and what? > any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
Yes and No. Only intervene if your daughter realy needs your help and absolutely is at the point where she cannot handle it herself. Most of the time kids will resolve the situation between themselves. Too much interference is not good. Some guidance and maybe some distraction or redirection of activities. We have a mom in the neighborhood whos standard words always are "what are you doing to my daughter". Very often. Well none of the kids realy want to play with that girl anymore especially when mom is around. That is not a desireable situation either. IOW. Its a fine line – I hope you find it and walk it well
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Unfortunately, this is true. However, a little strategy can go a long way >in this realm. By that I mean not resorting to physical assault or defense >right off the bat, but talking as well. There are times, however, where one >should not be expected to just take, take, take. I can only imagine what >school society is going to be in the future vis-a-vis ZTP’s, especially by >the time my kid gets into school. And he’s already 3, and schools aren’t >putting up with much anymore. They keep going ZTP, and there won’t be any >more kids for schools to get their federal funding for. I mean, come on, >expel a kid for using a banana in the form of a gun. Come on!!! It’s >happened. > I’d just assume take my > child out of public school if they are getting bullied, or out of any > situation where there’s a real threat of physical violence, as a lot of > people are sue-happy these days too. >Well, I don’t advocate myself removing kids from a social setting just >because there’s the sense of a threat. Violence can happen anywhere, AT ANY >TIME. To homeschool is fine; I really have nothing against homeschooling. >I just think that children need to be around other children, and grow up >with them, together. To keep them from that — and, yes, I know that >homeschooled kids have access to social activities (and then what’s the >difference at that point, really, homeschooling or not???) — IMHO is just >not a good idea.
My best friend homeschools because of the poor quality of the public school in her area and over crowding in the only private school around. She lives in a very small town. My neighbor homeschooled until her church started a school. Their family wanted a more religous backed school, but didn’t want it to be a Church they weren’t attending. Therefore the Catholic and Babtist schools were out, as were the Seventh Day Adventist and the Jewish school. In both cases the kids are very involved with social activities. The point of homeschool was not to seperate the kids from society, but to make sure they got the best possible education. There kids are involved in sports, social clubs, and volenteering. Liz
Response:
At three, four, five or any age, if I saw someone kick her I would protect her. I would go get her, and say something to the other child like (hey, no kicking or pushing here). You could tell your daughter what to say or do, the next time that happens or you are not there to witness it. The other mothers should pay more attention and stop their children from hitting other children.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot > of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that > stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and > gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even > though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now. > I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at > the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I > am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents > are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or > am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back > off? > It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to > defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough > that I should do something? and what? > any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
Response:
> Wow, that’s really unsafe to not have a gate on the stairs where little ones > are concerned.
Yeah, go figure. And this is a guy who’s in the medical field himself, a true professional. Well. > As far as self defense goes, at your son’s age I think it’s a great idea, > but I think age, character and the laws of your state have a lot to do with > it. A friend of mine once put an end to bullying in his neighborhood with a > little kung fu and luckily didn’t get sued by the bully’s parents. I’d > never teach that other kid self defense, as he’d just use it to > intentionally hurt people. When you give a person the ability to harm > another person, I think they also have to be responsible enough to use that > ability appropriately, without using it for selfish or wicked purposes.
Having martial arts training, which my wife does and I plan to take back up as well as teach my kids about them, it’s all about character. If you have a good heart, which I feel my kids and myself and my wife do, then it can go a long way both for self-defensive purposes as well as a good basis for living life. The teacher has a lot to do with it, as well. > The laws where you live also determine whether or not self-defense is more > trouble than it’s worth. Here where I live, public schools have a zero > tolerance law, and there’s no regard to who started any sort of fight, > whether it was self defense or an offensive gesture. If you get involved in > ANY sort of violent conflict you go straight to Juvenile hall. All you need > is someone who doesn’t like you to pull you into a fight while standing at > your locker, and you’ve had it. You only win with the system if you get > dead. Many kids are becoming increasingly violent, and adults have itchy > trigger fingers due to the rash of school shootings. It’s really a gross > situation I know, but it’s a sign of the times.
Unfortunately, this is true. However, a little strategy can go a long way in this realm. By that I mean not resorting to physical assault or defense right off the bat, but talking as well. There are times, however, where one should not be expected to just take, take, take. I can only imagine what school society is going to be in the future vis-a-vis ZTP’s, especially by the time my kid gets into school. And he’s already 3, and schools aren’t putting up with much anymore. They keep going ZTP, and there won’t be any more kids for schools to get their federal funding for. I mean, come on, expel a kid for using a banana in the form of a gun. Come on!!! It’s happened. > I’d just assume take my > child out of public school if they are getting bullied, or out of any > situation where there’s a real threat of physical violence, as a lot of > people are sue-happy these days too.
Well, I don’t advocate myself removing kids from a social setting just because there’s the sense of a threat. Violence can happen anywhere, AT ANY TIME. To homeschool is fine; I really have nothing against homeschooling. I just think that children need to be around other children, and grow up with them, together. To keep them from that — and, yes, I know that homeschooled kids have access to social activities (and then what’s the difference at that point, really, homeschooling or not???) — IMHO is just not a good idea. > Where I live, it’s just not worth the > expense, time and ordeal to get accustomed to using force to resolve > differences, and having your child later get involved in a violent conflict > IMO, especially when your child has life goals or ambitions that they don’t > want to forfeit. But I still think it is a good idea to know self defense > if your life and limb are threatened, because it’s better to be jailed for > protecting yourself with the hope of eventual release, than to be dead.
Oh, I’m not really advocating the outright and immediate usage of force — with this kid I was speaking of, however, it’s about time for it, IMHO. Enough is enough, already. This is a consistent occurrence. One may say the thing to do is to just not socialize with this kid anymore. But, one, this kid does this with every other kid he comes into contact with and, two, my wife is professionally "attached" to the family. No one’s going to lose a job over it, it’s just nice to have good people to socialize with, you know; they just need some work in their parenting skills department — in general terms. > Anyway, just my thoughts.
And I appreciate the conversation. AJPDLA
Response:
Wow, that’s really unsafe to not have a gate on the stairs where little ones are concerned. As far as self defense goes, at your son’s age I think it’s a great idea, but I think age, character and the laws of your state have a lot to do with it. A friend of mine once put an end to bullying in his neighborhood with a little kung fu and luckily didn’t get sued by the bully’s parents. I’d never teach that other kid self defense, as he’d just use it to intentionally hurt people. When you give a person the ability to harm another person, I think they also have to be responsible enough to use that ability appropriately, without using it for selfish or wicked purposes. The laws where you live also determine whether or not self-defense is more trouble than it’s worth. Here where I live, public schools have a zero tolerance law, and there’s no regard to who started any sort of fight, whether it was self defense or an offensive gesture. If you get involved in ANY sort of violent conflict you go straight to Juvenile hall. All you need is someone who doesn’t like you to pull you into a fight while standing at your locker, and you’ve had it. You only win with the system if you get dead. Many kids are becoming increasingly violent, and adults have itchy trigger fingers due to the rash of school shootings. It’s really a gross situation I know, but it’s a sign of the times. I’d just assume take my child out of public school if they are getting bullied, or out of any situation where there’s a real threat of physical violence, as a lot of people are sue-happy these days too. Where I live, it’s just not worth the expense, time and ordeal to get accustomed to using force to resolve differences, and having your child later get involved in a violent conflict IMO, especially when your child has life goals or ambitions that they don’t want to forfeit. But I still think it is a good idea to know self defense if your life and limb are threatened, because it’s better to be jailed for protecting yourself with the hope of eventual release, than to be dead. Anyway, just my thoughts.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You know, on this note, I was going to be posting something a few days ago > with regards a situation I was having to endure with my son at a 4th > barbeque. So I’ll just put my thoughts down here. > Anyway, Noah’s 3 and the kid’s house we were at is about three months older, > I believe. We were on "his territory," so I am sure this has a lot to do > with it, fighting about toys and such. Same thing goes on here when the kid > visits here, Noah is more possessive about "his" toys. It’s only natural. > However, this kid was hitting, pushing, pinning, throwing toys, pushing off > the bed, pulling, kicking, slamming doors (this was funny, though, because > later in the day when he tried to "lock" Noah in the closet, he ended up > slamming the closet door on his own fingers. When this kid went back to > show his mother, now crying, what he had done, he decided to fight with his > own mother and try to get himself now in the closet and ended up slamming > the door on his bare feet that time. I derived a sort of sick pleasure from > this because the parents are pretty much oblivious anyway to what goes on > with their kid — this kid even kicks THEM and they don’t do much about it). > I’m getting far afield. > Within about five minutes of arriving to this BBQ, the kid, after fighting > over a pack of sports toys, hit Noah in the head with the bat, plastic. I > was about to leave right then and there because I could tell how the day > would proceed, but I figured let them work things out. This kid was in a > sort of tirade, so we just went upstairs and mingled. > They wold play in J’s (this kid) room and things would be good, then bad. > But I always had the feeling I had to keep a close eye, not overly > protective, just a close eye. This was a beach house that is kind of on > stilts of sorts and everything is upstairs, very high upstairs, the kitchen, > back deck, living room and a couple bedrooms. The kids were left to play > downstairs, far away from any parents, which I would never do, and I sort of > ended up babysitting like four kids before I could even go upstairs to > mingle. There’s streets down there where they could have run off and got > hit, and no parents except myself and one other kid’s, who came down later, > were watching their kids. Unbelieveable. Inside the house, there are steep > stairs which lead up to the front door as well as steep stairs that lead > downstairs to another part of the house. The parents get very defensive > when you ask why there is no gate at the top, one stating that, well, if J > decided to pick up his baby (5 months old) sister and throw her over, she > could het really hurt. Hello? He could just push her down the stairs if he > wanted to — what would be the difference in injury at that point? Oh, > well, he’s trained to go up and down the stairs. Yes, but he has this > little push cart thing, play fire engine, that he pushes himself and other > kids around in, and I can just see him deciding to push one of these kids > over the side. > Mind you, I don’t go to their house that often, for pretty much this safety > reason as well as the fact that this kid if a maniac, but it’s also a social > thing for me as well as my wife and these are pretty professional people, > just clueless in the parenting arena. I mean, they let their own 3 year old > kick them. What’s up with that? We’d be on a pick a switch walk faster > that my son could say he’s sorry, if that happened in our house. Oh, no. > What I’m trying to get at, in my usual around the way way is, how does one > parent react in a situation such as this, a social setting where one kid is > literally bullying the heck out of another? I don’t believe in just > leaving, although I came pretty close to doing so, but rather monitoring the > situation closely and intervening where I think it’s appropriate. Fighting > over toys is one thing, but physically pinning someone against the wall just > to see their reaction is sadistic and wasn’t very much tolerated at that > point. All of this, of course, away from his own parents’ view. They were > too busy socializing. > It was just one thing after another. I ended up staying around until pretty > late, I was the last one to go. We did some fireworks. And just about the > time we were going, I told Noah to say goodbye to J on the front porch, > before going down those steep steps, and this kid walked up to Noah and > pushed him goodbye. Had I not been there to grab him back, he’d have gone > down the stairs. All this right in front of the kid’s own Dad, and he > pretty much did nothing. Just clueless. I told him, "that’s why I think > you need gates" and we left. I don’t think we’ll be back with this kid > anytime soon. > The hard part about the day is that, even while all of this was going on and > I told Noah a couple times in front of J we’re going to have to leave > because this kid is way too violent with him, he wanted to play. It was > just hard. > I informed Noah on the way home about self-defense and told him the next > time this kid messed with him it was okay to hit him back or push him back > or whatever he had to do. I don’t want some docile kid, a pushover I should > say. Noah is a decent kid who speaks his mind and says no, that hurts, and > don’t do that, and whatever he has to do. I just want him to find about > what to do when the next level arises, as I am sure it will someday. > Anyway. Enough ranting. I’m hungry. > AJPDLA
Response:
You know, on this note, I was going to be posting something a few days ago with regards a situation I was having to endure with my son at a 4th barbeque. So I’ll just put my thoughts down here. Anyway, Noah’s 3 and the kid’s house we were at is about three months older, I believe. We were on "his territory," so I am sure this has a lot to do with it, fighting about toys and such. Same thing goes on here when the kid visits here, Noah is more possessive about "his" toys. It’s only natural. However, this kid was hitting, pushing, pinning, throwing toys, pushing off the bed, pulling, kicking, slamming doors (this was funny, though, because later in the day when he tried to "lock" Noah in the closet, he ended up slamming the closet door on his own fingers. When this kid went back to show his mother, now crying, what he had done, he decided to fight with his own mother and try to get himself now in the closet and ended up slamming the door on his bare feet that time. I derived a sort of sick pleasure from this because the parents are pretty much oblivious anyway to what goes on with their kid — this kid even kicks THEM and they don’t do much about it). I’m getting far afield. Within about five minutes of arriving to this BBQ, the kid, after fighting over a pack of sports toys, hit Noah in the head with the bat, plastic. I was about to leave right then and there because I could tell how the day would proceed, but I figured let them work things out. This kid was in a sort of tirade, so we just went upstairs and mingled. They wold play in J’s (this kid) room and things would be good, then bad. But I always had the feeling I had to keep a close eye, not overly protective, just a close eye. This was a beach house that is kind of on stilts of sorts and everything is upstairs, very high upstairs, the kitchen, back deck, living room and a couple bedrooms. The kids were left to play downstairs, far away from any parents, which I would never do, and I sort of ended up babysitting like four kids before I could even go upstairs to mingle. There’s streets down there where they could have run off and got hit, and no parents except myself and one other kid’s, who came down later, were watching their kids. Unbelieveable. Inside the house, there are steep stairs which lead up to the front door as well as steep stairs that lead downstairs to another part of the house. The parents get very defensive when you ask why there is no gate at the top, one stating that, well, if J decided to pick up his baby (5 months old) sister and throw her over, she could het really hurt. Hello? He could just push her down the stairs if he wanted to — what would be the difference in injury at that point? Oh, well, he’s trained to go up and down the stairs. Yes, but he has this little push cart thing, play fire engine, that he pushes himself and other kids around in, and I can just see him deciding to push one of these kids over the side. Mind you, I don’t go to their house that often, for pretty much this safety reason as well as the fact that this kid if a maniac, but it’s also a social thing for me as well as my wife and these are pretty professional people, just clueless in the parenting arena. I mean, they let their own 3 year old kick them. What’s up with that? We’d be on a pick a switch walk faster that my son could say he’s sorry, if that happened in our house. Oh, no. What I’m trying to get at, in my usual around the way way is, how does one parent react in a situation such as this, a social setting where one kid is literally bullying the heck out of another? I don’t believe in just leaving, although I came pretty close to doing so, but rather monitoring the situation closely and intervening where I think it’s appropriate. Fighting over toys is one thing, but physically pinning someone against the wall just to see their reaction is sadistic and wasn’t very much tolerated at that point. All of this, of course, away from his own parents’ view. They were too busy socializing. It was just one thing after another. I ended up staying around until pretty late, I was the last one to go. We did some fireworks. And just about the time we were going, I told Noah to say goodbye to J on the front porch, before going down those steep steps, and this kid walked up to Noah and pushed him goodbye. Had I not been there to grab him back, he’d have gone down the stairs. All this right in front of the kid’s own Dad, and he pretty much did nothing. Just clueless. I told him, "that’s why I think you need gates" and we left. I don’t think we’ll be back with this kid anytime soon. The hard part about the day is that, even while all of this was going on and I told Noah a couple times in front of J we’re going to have to leave because this kid is way too violent with him, he wanted to play. It was just hard. I informed Noah on the way home about self-defense and told him the next time this kid messed with him it was okay to hit him back or push him back or whatever he had to do. I don’t want some docile kid, a pushover I should say. Noah is a decent kid who speaks his mind and says no, that hurts, and don’t do that, and whatever he has to do. I just want him to find about what to do when the next level arises, as I am sure it will someday. Anyway. Enough ranting. I’m hungry. AJPDLA
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot > of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that > stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and > gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even > though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now. > I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at > the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I > am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents > are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or > am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back > off? > It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to > defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough > that I should do something? and what? > any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
Teach her to punch for the eyes. The eyes stop fights immediately. Saves a lot of time and makes it obvious to them that THEIR kid can be a victim TOO!! Steve
Response:
Hi there, I see nothing wrong with rough housing if it is done in good fun, and without anyone getting hurt beyond thier tolerance level. However, if your child is being physically hurt by other kids and is upset about it, the wrong thing to do is nothing. I have even made other kids apologize to my kids when they have hurt or kicked them at the playground, even if they did it un-intentionally. The absolute worst thing to come of you intervening would be you setting an example for your child and anyone else that cares to observe how you handle it, on the proper method of dealing with conflict – and that is to use words and tolerance, not physical violence. Your child will come to you whenever she feels she cannot handle it herself for a while after that, but after not too long she will follow your lead – children learn by example. To force her to ‘fend for herself’ in a confrontation at that early an age, when she has no idea how to deal with the hostility directed at her is misguided IMO, and you run the risk of her learning at an early age that violence is the way to defend herself. She will learn by watching how you handle it and by copying you. Best regards, Fir Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot > of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that > stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and > gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even > though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now. > I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at > the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I > am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents > are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or > am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back > off? > It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to > defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough > that I should do something? and what? > any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
Response:
>I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot >of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that >stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and >gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even >though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now.
Didn’t your parents ever intervene just to make sure someone was not bullying the younger/weaker siblings? >I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at >the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I >am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents >are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or >am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back >off?
You should back off until she obviously needs your help. Your help can simply be walking over and directing her to come play in another area, or saying in a friendly but stern tone "Please don’t hit, that isn’t a nice way to play." This usually gets a parents attention. If not and it continues, go speak to the parent. >It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to >defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough >that I should do something? and what?
Talk to her. Teach her to stick up for herself with words. I heard my 3 year old recently tell the neighborhood bully "You play mean, and I don’t like it. Please go home." The bully was trying to force herself into our wading pool over my daughters objections. I was about to intervene when Regan said "You need to go home." It was great! As much as we want our children to learn to use words as a first defence, I have recently learned that kids do need to know how to defend themselves in a physical way if needed. Hailey (my almost 6 year old) came home with a fat lip and bruises on her arm. The neighborhood bully had grabbed her by the arm and repeatedly punched her in the face and stomach! Hailey got away by kicking her in the skin. That day I taught Hailey how to throw a solid punch. I told her that if that child ever hit her again she could hit her back. She is to never hit first, and to avoid this child at when possible but she is allowed to defend herself. The next week the bully slapped Hailey at school and got a three day in house detention. Hailey did not hit her back, as the school rules say she is supposed to do. When I asked her what she would do if that happened at home Hailey said "I’d punch her in the nose!" Liz – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
Response:
I fought with my two older brothers constantly growing up. There was a lot of roughousing, hitting, scratching and tears. I absolutely hate all that stuff now – I don’t even like watching what my husband considers fun and gives my girls the giggles. to me it just brings back bad memories – even though my brothers and I have moved on and get along well now. I absolutely cannot stand to see someone hit/kick/push etc. my daughter at the playground. She is almost three. It doesn’t happen a lot but since I am a stay-at-home-mom we are at the park a lot. sometimes the other parents are there – am I wrong to expect them to tell their kid not to hit mine? or am I not teaching my daughter how to stand up for herself? should I back off? It infuriates me to see anyone hurt my child!! but I want her to learn to defend herself (using words, not by hitting). is she still young enough that I should do something? and what? any help/advice is, as always, much appreciated! Suzy
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