Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi, > My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when getting > dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes and > nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to get > dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our caregiver’s home and > she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other odd > behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to her > blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before and her > sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to bed at > 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a > night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about 2 > months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and > realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she cried > for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her and > ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing > works. > Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi there, I am new and have been following this discussion in the past couple of days. I just found a great site on the web that may be of some help to you Cathy. It’s at http:.//www.pathfinder.com/parentTime/Familyfocus/index.html Just click on the "Amazing Baby" Icon and it will bring you to the site. The site is full of advise and tips dealing with all sorts of issues of parenting. They break it down by the child’s age group, so you can find out things that seem to be common problems with other parents. It at least could be a start or a way of getting pointed in the right direction. I agree that the move could have been a contributing factor to the tantrums. Sorry that I don’t have any specific help for you, thought. Best of Luck. JG
Response:
>Hang in there. She’s too young to verbalize her fears, the tantrums are her > release of them. I know all to well how hard it is to walk away when they >get > like that. Walking away has worked for me. I just say, "okay have your > tantrum, i’ll be back when you’re done." or something like that.:-) It > usually works but nothing is guaranteed with them, as i’m sure you know. >Good luck!
I uses a similar technique on my son. If he stalls too much in the morning I tell him to call me when he is ready, and I leave him gated into his room. He gives DH a hard time, but not me. :-) Cris, Mom to Nicky (3 yo) and Kate (5 mo) Patchwork quilts: http://members.aol.com/CBGEnt/patchwork.html
Response:
>Sounds like the move may have been a little scary for her. >Also, this is the age when they start realizing that they are separate >people from Mom and Dad.
Agreed, both. The separateness makes them yearn to be independent, and they often hate having things fdoen for them, yet can’t do them themselves. I would just put the clothes on her gently but firmly, whatever her protests. Talk soothingly the while, along the lines fo here’s yoru shirt etc. I would not give choices in attire; this may well prolong the rows indefinitely. If she’s very verbal you could try a bribe: after we’ve got your clothes on, we can go and read a story, or wahtever she likes. Not IF you put them on, though. This lets her feel she can say no. And incidentally, I would ignore Elaine’s advice. — Jane Lumley
Response:
> Throughout all of this, I have noticed that sometimes when my >children act up for no apparent reason at all, that what really helps >the day for them is me spending extra time with them. I did all the >things you were speaking of, as far as trying to correct the problem >through punishment, but now what I have come to believe is that >sometimes they are wanting more love, time, or attention and do not know >how to express it properly. Every time I went through these stages of >bad behavior — and they don’t seem to end at any particular >age…..just expressed differently…….I try to spend a little extra >time during the day talking, playing, reading, or just holding whoever >the child is that is showing these type of emotions.
I’ve discovered the same thing. When my children misbehave, I try to remain very consistent in my discipline but I also increase the time I spend with them. It’s never failed to work for me yet. Linda
Response:
Cathy, I remember when my son (now 
went to daycare at that age and started throwing terrible fits and screaming all the time. I also have a three year old and now again another two year old who is just entering that stage. Throughout all of this, I have noticed that sometimes when my children act up for no apparent reason at all, that what really helps the day for them is me spending extra time with them. I did all the things you were speaking of, as far as trying to correct the problem through punishment, but now what I have come to believe is that sometimes they are wanting more love, time, or attention and do not know how to express it properly. Every time I went through these stages of bad behavior — and they don’t seem to end at any particular age…..just expressed differently…….I try to spend a little extra time during the day talking, playing, reading, or just holding whoever the child is that is showing these type of emotions. Try it and see if it works….. Julie McKellar Families United on the Net http://www.theFUNplace.com – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi, > My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums > when getting > dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes > and > nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to > get > dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our > caregiver’s home and > she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other > odd > behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to > her > blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before > and her > sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to > bed at > 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 > times a > night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new > home about 2 > months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience > and > realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but > she cried > for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to > soothe her and > ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but > nothing > works. > Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you.
Response:
: (I know, I know single parents don’t have that choice and some of them are : single parents through no fault of their own.. I have never heard of someone who became a parent through no fault of their own. — Elaine Gallegos
Response:
: Geez, Elaine, get off that high horse. You seem to be getting dizzy way up : there. I’m not on a high horse. Babies need their mommies and daddies. No hidden agenda, no secret messages. Have babies, or don’t have them. If you have them you’d bloody well be ready to sit home for a few years to take care of them…otherwise, don’t have them. — Elaine Gallegos
Response:
>there is no universal solution.
We were told there is NO way to spoil an infant under 6 months. Do what ever seems to make them comfortable and secure. Work toward things that allow the child to be self-soothing rather than reliant on you. – Ron Low Levity is the dearth of gravity. Brevity is the height of clarity. non-commercial e-mail always welcome
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Your baby is too young to be separated from you. > : Hi, > : My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when getting > : dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes and > : nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to get > : dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our caregiver’s home and > : she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other odd > : behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to her > : blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before and her > : sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to bed at > : 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a > : night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about 2 > : months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > : I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and > : realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she cried > : for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her and > : ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing > : works. > : Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you. > — > Elaine Gallegos
It sounds like too many things have changed in such a short time. She probably needs a little time to adjust. It’s obviously not the caregiver as she wouldn’t run over and give her a hug. This is the age when tantrums are common place. I have a two year old son and he screams and carries on when I turn down any road which is on my route to home. I’m sure he has a road map in his head. The only thing which works for this age is some sort of distraction. Even if it means giving her a lolly or something else she values just to get her out the crying cycle. Don’t worry about people trying to make you feel guilty about leaving your child with someone else. I stay home with my children but that’s because I’m in a position where I am able. However, if for financial or other reasons I had to go back to work for the benefit of my children then I would. You are obviously a caring mother otherwise you wouldn’t be concerned about your daughter at all. Good luck! Julie – mother to Brianna (5) and Kyle (2).
Response:
>My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when >getting >dressed in the morning for daycare.
Hi Cathy My son started to really have tantrums getting dressed around that age too. And he doesn’t go off to daycare — so that’s not necesarily it no matter what some of the *experts* online think. Tantrums for no reason are typical at this age, seems all the kids in JH’s preschool have them — its our favorite daily parent meeting topic. Could it be that she wants to dress herself? That seemed to have something to do with John Henry’s hissy fits. She’s at the age to start. Also, be sure to give her enough warning (transition time) before its time to dress her. We started with John Henry picking out which shoes he would wear, then we started to teach him how to dress himself. If he thinks we helped him, he wants to take that piece of clothing off and put it on by himself. Good luck, Suzanne (mom to John Henry, 24 weeker, now 2.5 years old)
Response:
Oh, I know there are going to be fireworks over that post! Recently my DH and I were listening to the talk station (radio) and the host was discussing daycare and whether or not their is a crisis. One comment he made was how some parents who whine about not being able to find daycare SHOULDN’T be using it anyways and one of them should just stay home. I laughed and waited and waited for someone to call and complain. Nobody did. I know it had to have made some people mad, but it tickled both DH and I who strongly feel that one parent should be at home with their children until at least 3 yrs. He makes more money than I do, so the choice was pretty simple that I would stay home. Yeah, we do cut corners here and there and scrimp, but overall we are ok. So I do feel for you knowing you will get some nasty responses and even though I don’t condemn parents who decide they want to work and just put their kids in daycare, I also agree that a parent should be home with their child/ren. (I know, I know single parents don’t have that choice and some of them are single parents through no fault of their own.. I am only referring to couples that are together – even if it means staying together just for the kids.) Bridget – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Your baby is too young to be separated from you. >: My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when getting >: dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45
Response:
Geez, Elaine, get off that high horse. You seem to be getting dizzy way up there. — *Kay* (It’s an ADD thing. You wouldn’t underst- hey, look at that!) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > : > > : > Your baby is too young to be separated from you. > : > > : Oh, okay. Brilliant; if only I had thought of that. Problem solved. No need for > : any further input. > : Seriously, does anyone have any realistic input? Thanks. > You think that taking care of your baby is some kind of joke? Why did you > have a baby if you so little of her? > : > > : >: Hi, > : > > : >: My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when > : >getting > : >: dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes and > : >: nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to get > : >: dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our caregiver’s home > : >and > : >: she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other odd > : >: behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to her > : >: blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before and her > : >: sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to bed at > : >: 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a > : >: night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about > : >2 > : >: months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > : > > : >: I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and > : >: realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she > : >cried > : >: for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her > : >and > : >: ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing > : >: works. > : > > : >: Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you. > : > > : >– > : —- > : >Elaine Gallegos > : —- > —
— > Elaine Gallegos
— – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Maybe it was too much for her to move *and* change to a big girl bed at the same time. Would it bother you to put her back in the crib for a few months (maybe with the side down if you are afraid of her climbing out and falling). That might help her sleep better. I think maybe she has tantrums in the mor- ning because she hasn’t been sleeping good. Hope this helps Petra in Tacoma, WA. With one husband, 2 kids (Aila, 8 and Lukas, 4), 2 cats and 3 dogs Somebody wrote (sorry, didn’t see original post) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Since three months old she has been going to bed at > 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 > times a > night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home > about 2 > months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and > realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but > she cried > for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe > her and > ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but > nothing > works. > Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you.
– Petra in Tacoma, WA
Response:
> You think that taking care of your baby is some kind of joke? Why did you >have a baby if you so little of her?
You aren’t even making sense here. Linda
Response:
Hang in there. She’s too young to verbalize her fears, the tantrums are her release of them. I know all to well how hard it is to walk away when they get like that. Walking away has worked for me. I just say, "okay have your tantrum, i’ll be back when you’re done." or something like that.:-) It usually works but nothing is guaranteed with them, as i’m sure you know. Good luck! Jenny
Response:
> Your baby is too young to be separated from you.
Oh, okay. Brilliant; if only I had thought of that. Problem solved. No need for any further input. Seriously, does anyone have any realistic input? Thanks. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >: Hi, >: My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when >getting >: dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes and >: nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to get >: dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our caregiver’s home >and >: she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other odd >: behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to her >: blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before and her >: sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to bed at >: 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a >: night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about >2 >: months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) >: I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and >: realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she >cried >: for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her >and >: ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing >: works. >: Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you. >– >Elaine Gallegos
Response:
Sounds like the move may have been a little scary for her. Also, this is the age when they start realizing that they are separate people from Mom and Dad. Since it’s the getting dressed that is the problem, you might try: 1. giving her 2 choices – "Do you want A or B?", not "Let’s get dressed now", which leaves her with only the options of yes or no. 2. just taking her in her warm pajamas to the sitter, and letting the sitter dress her a little later (My kids ALWAYS went to daycare in the fuzzy footed pjs.) Also – pick up a book called "Your 2-year-old" at the library or bookstore. It tells you all the stages and stuff that are normal for a two year old, and how to copel — *Kay* (It’s an ADD thing. You wouldn’t underst- hey, look at that!) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Since three months old she has been going to bed at > 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a > night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about 2 > months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) > I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and > realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she cried > for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her and > ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing > works. > Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you.
Response:
>It sounds like pretty much typical 2 yr old behavior to me. The move to >a new house and from crib to bed may have something to do with it also. >Something that I always told my children was: "We can do this the easy >way or the hard way, but we ARE going to do this." Still works with my >5-1/2 yr old.
The tantrums are VERY STRESSFUL, I know how you must feel. My 3 1/2 yr old had tons of them. I would be at my wits end because I didn’t know what to try next. The approach of "We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we ARE going to do this" is good but only if you allow alot of extra time to be able to do it the hard way in the right way. That was the most important thing I learned to do. ALWAYS allow extra time to be able to enforce the rules and remain consistent in those rules without adding anger to the situation. I’ve learned that you’ve lost the battle when you lose your wits. The next most important thing I learned was that it all passes in time. My 3 1/2 year old is still VERY strongwilled (something I’ve learned to really love) but he no longer has the tantrums and is able to understand situations better threw experience. Good luck! It WILL pass! Linda
Response:
Your baby is too young to be separated from you.
: Hi, : My daughter is 28 months old and suddenly has begun having tantrums when getting : dressed in the morning for daycare. This morning it lasted 45 minutes and : nothing worked: time outs, being stern and calm, holding her firmly to get : dressed…nothing. She just wailed until we walked into our caregiver’s home and : she ran over and hugged her like everything was fine. The only other odd : behavior is in the past month she has suddenly become very attached to her : blanket and pacifier which were never of much interest to her before and her : sleep has been different. Since three months old she has been going to bed at : 8:00 and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning. Now she wakes up 2 or 3 times a : night and cries to sleep with us. (For background we moved to a new home about 2 : months ago and moved her from crib to bed at that time.) : I don’t know how to handle these tantrums. I start losing my patience and : realize that’s not going to help. I tried to put her into time out but she cried : for 10 minutes and I could tell it wasn’t going to stop. I try to soothe her and : ask her to tell me what’s wrong, to please talk instead of cry but nothing : works. : Any suggestions would be gretaly appreciated. Thank you. — Elaine Gallegos
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