Pure Parents

Question:

PREPARING KIDS FOR THE TEEN WORLD <snip> Guideline 2:  LET NATURAL CONSEQUENCES OCCUR.  Grounding, anger or lectures teach the child to resent the parent rather than learn from natural consequences.  Wise parents, taking a cue from the airlines, say, "We’re leaving at eight o’clock.  If you are ready at that time, you may go with us." Grandma says:  Ms. Paul, you have children yourself, don’t you?  Are you telling us that when your seven year old wasn’t ready at the specified time, you LEFT him/her at home while you went on to do whatever it was you were going to do?  Nawww.  I don’t believe that.  Come on, tell us what you really did!  Maybe say something like, "We’re leaving at eight o’clock. Whether you’re ready or not, that’s when we’re leaving."  And then, after the first time the child had to accompany you with one shoe on and one shoe off, remind him of it.?

Guideline 3:  WISE PARENTS IMPOSE CONSEQUENCES TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.  <snip> Wise parents say, "Why don’t you take a walk around the block and cool off?  We’ll be happy to see your face again when there’s a smile on it."  <snip> Grandma says:  Doesn’t that tell the child that anger or sorrow are unacceptable feelings?  That you’re only happy to see him if he smiles? Nawwww.  I don’t believe that!  Come; on, tell us what you really did! Maybe say something like, "It’s okay to be angry – it’s not okay to behave badly or to make other people tense and upset just *because* you’re angry. Want to talk about it instead?"

Guideline 6:  USE SPANKINGS VERY SPARINGLY.  A rare swat on the rear by a parent may be appropriate when children are very small and learning basic obedience issues such as "come," "sit," "no," "go," and "stay."  However, regular spankings are generally ineffective. Grandma says:  Nawwww… I don’t believe it!  Come on, tell us what you really did!  Those are the basic commands taught in the very first obedience school to which one takes a dog.  And in those dog obedience schools, the owners of the dogs are taught to *never* hit their animals for any reason whatsoever.  (Didn’t keep me from thumping my Retriever on the head when she ignored me, though!)  I also thumped my kids on the head when they ignored me (thumping is the same as flicking).  My kids would look at me in surprise, and say "That didn’t hurt!" I would say, "It wasn’t supposed to hurt, sweetheart!  It was supposed to get your attention!  I said do x (whatever x happened to be at the moment), and since you didn’t do it, I assumed you didn’t hear me.  Now that you’re paying attention, I’ll say it again:  do x."  And the child did x.  No squabbling, no fussing, no problem.   I agree that spankings are generally ineffective, though.  So what did you really do to teach your toddlers/preschoolers/gradeschoolers the basic obedience tasks?  Betcha it all got done before they were 5, didn’t it?

POSITIVE DISCIPLINE DURING GRADE SCHOOL HELPS KIDS GLIDE THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS Grandma says:  Positive parenting at any time helps all the time. You know, this is the first time you’ve posted something I take issue with – so keep up the good work! Blessings, Grandma Visit Grandma’s Answer Pages at   http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/6501

Response:

PREPARING KIDS FOR THE TEEN WORLD Special Thoughts on Raising Kids Lois Paul, Executive Director Help The Children The way we discipline our children in grade school deter- mines the type of teenagers they become.  In elementary school, both right and wrong ways of disciplining work! However, while inappropriate methods may work during a child’s younger years, they fail to prepare a child for adolescence. By following a few guidelines during the grade school years, parents can help their children glide through the teen years with minimal difficulty. Guideline 1: GIVE YOUR CHILD AS FEW RULES AS POSSIBLE, and as many ass absolutely necessary.  Generally, it’s best to let the child make mistakes.  Their consequences are usually far less severe in grade school than in high school. Guideline 2:  LET NATURAL CONSEQUENCES OCCUR.  Grounding, anger or lectures teach the child to resent the parent rather than learn from natural consequences.  Wise parents, taking a cue from the airlines, say, "We’re leaving at eight o’clock.  If you are ready at that time, you may go with us." Guideline 3:  WISE PARENTS IMPOSE CONSEQUENCES TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.  Effective consequences that parents impose include isolation of the child or having the child perform extra work around the house to "pay the parents back" for family items they have abused.  Wise parents say, "Why don’t you take a walk around the block and cool off?  We’ll be happy to see your face again when there’s a smile on it."  When we take care of ourselves, children learn how to take care of themselves. Guideline 4:  GET THE CHILD’S OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS FIRST. We ask with interest and without accusation. Guideline 5:  PARENTS SHOULD MEAN WHAT THEY SAY, AND SAY IT ONLY ONCE.  Often parents give warnings:  "now I mean it!" (which implies the parent usually DOESN’T!)  Try instead, "Will you guys please take it outside now  The kids may say, What did we do?"  A good response is, "Outside is the place to figure that out." Guideline 6:  USE SPANKINGS VERY SPARINGLY.  A rare swat on the rear by a parent may be appropriate when children are very small and learning basic obedience issues such as "come," "sit," "no," "go," and "stay."  However, regular spankings are generally ineffective. To make these approaches more meaningful, discuss their pros and cons with your spouse or a friend before imple- menting any of them with your child. POSITIVE DISCIPLINE DURING GRADE SCHOOL HELPS KIDS GLIDE THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS! [ MOMSIG < 1K ]

Lois E Paul, Executive Director         Voice       (209) 478-5585 Help The Children                               FAX         (209) 478-5586 1350 W Robinhood Dr Ste2            TDD/TTY     (209) 478-5685                                   HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (17), Andy (10) Grandmother to Joshua (6), Jessica (5), and Anthony (Born 12/96)                                - All Children Are Gifted….                They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-

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