Pure Parents

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Thank God your son is no longer "perfect".  What pressure he must have been >under to always be on his good behaviour and show the world what a great >guy he is (and of course, what great parents that you are…..after >all,,,his behaviour is only a reflection of you, right????NOT)  Anyway… >the child is normal.  He is no different from millions of other kids, who >also need to show their imperfection from time to time.  Of course, >physical violence shouldn’t be tolerated, but then just deal with him as >you see fit in this regard…..i.e."we don’t hit in this family…if you >want to stay here without hitting, please do…otherwise leave the room >until you feel ready to be friendly and co-operative."  Nothing fancy, and >nothing too overreactive.  I’m sure that his change in temperament  and >behaviour is upsetting you.  But remember that he is just human and he has >feelings that will influence his behaviour just like everybody else. >Good luck, >Marie in Toronto, Canada.

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Response:

> Up until recently, my five year old boy has been what every one calls a > great child. Adults say that talking to him is like talking to another > adult….. >     But lately I see him getting very angry at small things.  He called > his dad "the stupidest dad in the world."  because his dad moved his Lego > building or thought that an accidental pen marking on the furniture was on > purpose.  When it was Thanksgiving morning he said it is NOT Thanksgiving > because we didn’t decorate our table the right way and (for the first time > ever) actually hit his little brother in the arm because he was in the > older boy’s way.    When he couldn’t get a piece of tape to stick to a > crayon, no amount of explanation could stop his tantrum……

        Sounds like he is a perfectionist at heart. My son also puts too much demand on himself, although not as much as your son seems to be doing. I just let him know that’s it’s ok to make mistakes, that’s it’s not worth letting things upset him so much, and that his view of how things should be done may not be the same as others. I bet if you keep an open line of communication with him, things will pan out eventually. Even if he does’nt want to take advise from you, let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about something. Maybe something is really bothering him and he is being extra picky in response. Maybe, if you have the chance, you or his dad can take him out for some one on one time and maybe be able to fish out if something is bothering him. [*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*][*] Lisa Jones

Response:

Thank God your son is no longer "perfect".  What pressure he must have been under to always be on his good behaviour and show the world what a great guy he is (and of course, what great parents that you are…..after all,,,his behaviour is only a reflection of you, right????NOT)  Anyway… the child is normal.  He is no different from millions of other kids, who also need to show their imperfection from time to time.  Of course, physical violence shouldn’t be tolerated, but then just deal with him as you see fit in this regard…..i.e."we don’t hit in this family…if you want to stay here without hitting, please do…otherwise leave the room until you feel ready to be friendly and co-operative."  Nothing fancy, and nothing too overreactive.  I’m sure that his change in temperament  and behaviour is upsetting you.  But remember that he is just human and he has feelings that will influence his behaviour just like everybody else. Good luck, Marie in Toronto, Canada. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Up until recently, my five year old boy has been what every one calls a > great child. Adults say that talking to him is like talking to another > adult.  He’s always very polite and even compliments strangers.  If we’re > checking out at the grocery he might say to the checker, "I like your > earrings."  When the television repairman left, my son ran to the window, > opened it and said, "Thanks for fixing our tv!"   All of this is done on > his own; we never "prompt" him to "say thanks to the nice lady."  He’s > even (usually) nice to his little brother (who is almost two years old). > At Thanksgiving he said, "I’m thankful to have a brother who draws such > great pictures."   >     But lately I see him getting very angry at small things.  He called > his dad "the stupidest dad in the world."  because his dad moved his Lego > building or thought that an accidental pen marking on the furniture was on > purpose.  When it was Thanksgiving morning he said it is NOT Thanksgiving > because we didn’t decorate our table the right way and (for the first time > ever) actually hit his little brother in the arm because he was in the > older boy’s way.    When he couldn’t get a piece of tape to stick to a > crayon, no amount of explanation could stop his tantrum.   >    I like to think that we do a good job of talking about what ever is > bothering him and using examples. "Something like that happened to me when > I was five…and here’s how it ended for me."    He just missed the cutoff > age for kindergarten, so it’s not a new school situation that’s bothering > him.  He goes to preschool twelve hours a week to give me a chance for > some one-on-one time with the younger boy and they always have great > things to say about him.  Is this just the terrible two’s delayed?

Response:

=>Up until recently, my five year old boy has been what every one calls a =>great child. Adults say that talking to him is like talking to another =>adult.  He’s always very polite and even compliments strangers.  If we’re =>checking out at the grocery he might say to the checker, "I like your =>earrings."  When the television repairman left, my son ran to the window, =>opened it and said, "Thanks for fixing our tv!"   All of this is done on =>his own; we never "prompt" him to "say thanks to the nice lady."  He’s =>even (usually) nice to his little brother (who is almost two years old). =>At Thanksgiving he said, "I’m thankful to have a brother who draws such =>great pictures."   =>    But lately I see him getting very angry at small things.  He called =>his dad "the stupidest dad in the world."  because his dad moved his Lego =>building or thought that an accidental pen marking on the furniture was on =>purpose.  When it was Thanksgiving morning he said it is NOT Thanksgiving =>because we didn’t decorate our table the right way and (for the first time =>ever) actually hit his little brother in the arm because he was in the =>older boy’s way.    When he couldn’t get a piece of tape to stick to a =>crayon, no amount of explanation could stop his tantrum.   =>   I like to think that we do a good job of talking about what ever is =>bothering him and using examples. "Something like that happened to me when =>I was five…and here’s how it ended for me."    He just missed the cutoff =>age for kindergarten, so it’s not a new school situation that’s bothering =>him.  He goes to preschool twelve hours a week to give me a chance for =>some one-on-one time with the younger boy and they always have great =>things to say about him.  Is this just the terrible two’s delayed? I think your son sounds just wonderful, and I commend you on how you’ve described how you handle his situations. I’m not an expert, just another parent, but personally I feel he’s going through a stage of moving into some new expression of his own respnsibility as a growing child. If I may, it’s unfortunate parents have labelled an important stage in development as "the terrible 2’s". I think this is quite expected at several stages in a child’s growth – there’s frustration at wanting to still "be a baby" and wanting to grow up. Your son may even be feeling this in stronger terms, because of his seemingly advanced social abilities. We have gone through this in varying intensities at different times with our 7-year-old daughter. It’s a difficult mix of trying to figure out if she wants the crushing "daddy-hug" to melt away her blues, or to be left pretty much on her own to deal with the conflict. I usually first offer the "babying" routine, and I know right away if it’s the one she wants. If not, I retreat in stages to a more "adult" approach until she’s comfortable with my position with her. It gives her room to deal with more and more of the problem herself, which I feel is what she is looking for in any case. Even then, difficult conflicts (like freindship issues) are more difficult for her, and even *she* seems confused at times as to what she wants. No problem, I offer and ask and tiptoe around, and usually the conflict for her gets resolved quite well. More and more often, she is coming to resolutions on her own, with less Dad or Mom, and this makes me all warm and gooey inside, because that is one of the major goals I have given myself as a parent – to grow the child into being able to solve his or her own problems in acceptable ways. Good Luck with the Parenting thing. . . Greg Lubianetzky Father to the world’s 2 Greatest Kids!  ;-}

Response:

Up until recently, my five year old boy has been what every one calls a great child. Adults say that talking to him is like talking to another adult.  He’s always very polite and even compliments strangers.  If we’re checking out at the grocery he might say to the checker, "I like your earrings."  When the television repairman left, my son ran to the window, opened it and said, "Thanks for fixing our tv!"   All of this is done on his own; we never "prompt" him to "say thanks to the nice lady."  He’s even (usually) nice to his little brother (who is almost two years old). At Thanksgiving he said, "I’m thankful to have a brother who draws such great pictures."       But lately I see him getting very angry at small things.  He called his dad "the stupidest dad in the world."  because his dad moved his Lego building or thought that an accidental pen marking on the furniture was on purpose.  When it was Thanksgiving morning he said it is NOT Thanksgiving because we didn’t decorate our table the right way and (for the first time ever) actually hit his little brother in the arm because he was in the older boy’s way.    When he couldn’t get a piece of tape to stick to a crayon, no amount of explanation could stop his tantrum.      I like to think that we do a good job of talking about what ever is bothering him and using examples. "Something like that happened to me when I was five…and here’s how it ended for me."    He just missed the cutoff age for kindergarten, so it’s not a new school situation that’s bothering him.  He goes to preschool twelve hours a week to give me a chance for some one-on-one time with the younger boy and they always have great things to say about him.  Is this just the terrible two’s delayed?

Response: