Pure Parents

Question:

I am in a realtionship right now that is more for convienance. The last few years I thought I was in love when I was just really infactuated. or in lust. I have found this guy that seems like he cares about me. He is kind, sweet, thoughtfull. The only thing is he has a severe anger  problem and he has ADHD. (I too have ADHD and depressiong and a jumble of other stuff). I try to give positive reinforcement on when he does things because he likes to be told he does a good job, The only thing is that I dont love him. He helps me out. I am disabled, He doesnt say that he gets mad about it. Oh and also he is a cronic Alcoholic. I try to get him to understand that I care about him. He has only one kidney. Drinking will kill him. And I do care. I just dont have one of those fantacy romance for him. I guess what I am saying is there isnt a day that goes by that he gets upset or angry at me for little things. Like how I am on the computer working and I spend most of my day sitting infront of the monitor. Then he gets upset about my parentage. How I was raised. On my family….. then he gets upset or angry on how I do things. it’s is just about little things. then builds to bigger things. I am a violent person. But I have learned years ago on how to work anger management. Only thing is a person can only take so much. I am afraid that I will get really rialed up and lighten in to his a**. I dont want to hurt him. and I dont want to go to jail over something that can be worked out. amy advice. I sure  could use it. Bec

Response:

RUN LIKE HELL!!! Christina – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am in a realtionship right now that is more for convienance. The last few > years I thought I was in love when I was just really infactuated. or in > lust. I have found this guy that seems like he cares about me. He is kind, > sweet, thoughtfull. The only thing is he has a severe anger  problem and he > has ADHD. (I too have ADHD and depressiong and a jumble of other stuff). I > try to give positive reinforcement on when he does things because he likes > to be told he does a good job, The only thing is that I dont love him. He > helps me out. I am disabled, He doesnt say that he gets mad about it. Oh and > also he is a cronic Alcoholic. I try to get him to understand that I care > about him. He has only one kidney. Drinking will kill him. And I do care. I > just dont have one of those fantacy romance for him. > I guess what I am saying is there isnt a day that goes by that he gets upset > or angry at me for little things. Like how I am on the computer working and > I spend most of my day sitting infront of the monitor. Then he gets upset > about my parentage. How I was raised. On my family….. then he gets upset > or angry on how I do things. it’s is just about little things. then builds > to bigger things. > I am a violent person. But I have learned years ago on how to work anger > management. Only thing is a person can only take so much. I am afraid that I > will get really rialed up and lighten in to his a**. I dont want to hurt > him. and I dont want to go to jail over something that can be worked out. > amy advice. I sure  could use it. > Bec

Response:

Hey Bec, you may not want to hear what I have to say, but I have to say it.  It seems to me like you two are a mismatch.  If he’s getting at you for your parenting and you’re having a lot of arguements, as it sounds to me, then you need to get out.  It’s not good for you or your kids to have tension and fighting.  And it’s REALLY not a good idea to raise them around an alchoholic, as I’m sure you know. I was in a relationship that was a mismatch a few months ago, and for a long time.  I believe that one of the best things I ever did was to get out of it because it was doing nothing but making me feel bad about myself and my parenting skills.  He and I are still friends, but we no longer share a living space, and we’ve talked about it calmly and rationally, and came to the conclusion that we just weren’t right for each other.  It’s a hard step to make, being alone, but it sounds to me as if in your case it’s really the best decision. Good luck, whatever you decide to do… remember… your kid(s) come first!! – kitz –   "Check the claws." deftones http://whatarmy.tripod.com

Response:

Hi Bec;     I know this sounds trite but do you ever discuss where his anger is coming from.  Maybe he senses that you don’t love him and his anger is his way of dealing with the frustration?   Is he in love with you?  If he is then I think you may owe it to him – to let him go.   Loving someone and not being loved back is hard to live with.  If it’s not that type of relationship – then maybe you guys just need to sit down and talk and get some expectations cleared up and discuss the things that bother you. Like you said they may only be little things but when left unattended they tend to blow up into disasters. in faith, Grace . .. When God sends the dawn,  He sends it for all.   –  Cervantes Lord make my words as sweet as honey;  because tomorrow I may have to eat them.

Response:

WOE!!! Sounds to me like you better run for the hills. If you don’t love him, and your not married, then why stay and be mentally abused? Lust is one thing, but it can be found with other people that are not so volatile. In one sentence you said he was kind, sweet and thoughtful, AND angry and a drunk. I say drunk, because I am a recovering drunk, too, and there is nothing kind , sweet and lovable about it. And if only has one kidney, and is still drinks ,it sounds like he has a death wish. Do you have children? For the Good Lord’s sake , if you do, get them out of there. It is not fair to them to be raised that way, and it is not good for you either. I am sorry you are disabled. I know you say he helps you. What kind of disability do you suffer from? There are so many kind and wonderful people in this world that would probably help youin a minute, and you wouldn’t have to put of with this man’s crapola. I used to have a very bad anger problem, especially when I drank. If you are angry too, I think the most valuable advise anyone can give you, is to get out of there, and do it yesterday. No one is worth going to prison for, or ending up dead for. Please heed this advice. You are worth much more than the shit he is dishing out to you. Wouldn’t it be better to be alone, in peace and quiet, than to live in constant fear and frustration, knowing something dire might happen?  Just please believe Christina and myself run for the hills! he is not worth your time or emotional investment. Please take very good care of yourself, and please be very – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am in a realtionship right now that is more for convienance. The last few > years I thought I was in love when I was just really infactuated. or in > lust. I have found this guy that seems like he cares about me. He is kind, > sweet, thoughtfull. The only thing is he has a severe anger  problem and he > has ADHD. (I too have ADHD and depressiong and a jumble of other stuff). I > try to give positive reinforcement on when he does things because he likes > to be told he does a good job, The only thing is that I dont love him. He > helps me out. I am disabled, He doesnt say that he gets mad about it. Oh and > also he is a cronic Alcoholic. I try to get him to understand that I care > about him. He has only one kidney. Drinking will kill him. And I do care. I > just dont have one of those fantacy romance for him. > I guess what I am saying is there isnt a day that goes by that he gets upset > or angry at me for little things. Like how I am on the computer working and > I spend most of my day sitting infront of the monitor. Then he gets upset > about my parentage. How I was raised. On my family….. then he gets upset > or angry on how I do things. it’s is just about little things. then builds > to bigger things. > I am a violent person. But I have learned years ago on how to work anger > management. Only thing is a person can only take so much. I am afraid that I > will get really rialed up and lighten in to his a**. I dont want to hurt > him. and I dont want to go to jail over something that can be worked out. > amy advice. I sure  could use it. > Bec

Response: