Question:
>> A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 > yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch > whatever video happens to be on. ><snip> > My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this. >As a religious difference. I’ve explained it that way to my kids. >Religion, to me, means the practicing behaviors rooted in our beliefs.
Religion SHOULD mean EACH PERSON practicing THEIR OWN beliefs, and NOT YOU PRACTICEING YOUR VIEWS ON OTHERS! > One of our big holidays is TV-Free-Week, coming up April 22-28. We >won’t have the TV on for videos, gameboxes, news, sports ANYTHING.
We made sure to watch EXTRA TV that week. >That’s only one example of our religious practices regarding the TV. >We mute commercials. We don’t watch degradations or gratuitous >violence as an entertainment. The kids may not see PG-13 movies.
Compared to other people your kids are ignorant and fatuous. God help them in their dealings with the 25% of kids raised more like ours were, to watch everything and understand it all!! You have arrested their development and crippled them socially! >Viewing time is limited. The TV doesn’t go on unless there is a >specific show being sought. Etc. etc.
But this is YOUR religion, not THEIRS! Just wait till they get a bit bigger and reveal when they can finally dare to, that they hate your fucking guts! >If you are serious about this woman, you can broach the subject of >your parenting style in that manner: you were brought up with >different practices and you want to know if she’ll convert to your >religion. That means the children that live in your household are >cherished in the manner that your religion practices, and this >includes valuing their spirit and soul in such a way that you don’t >let it get sullied by TV.
People like you need to be stripped and electroshocked with cattle prods in the street. Your religious abuse of others knows no bounds, you actually pretend you believe that you’re just "right" somehow, when you’re a major bigot!! >There will be other huge issues regarding your role in the lives of >the children in your household. You are wise to see if they can be >resolved before you take this to the next level. >Wendy, writing in Holy Week
There is no "Holy Week", how pompous, arrogant, and obnoxious! God doesn’t speak to you, and if you even THINK She does you need your fucking head examined for a very long time!! Steve
Response:
> A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 > yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch > whatever video happens to be on. <snip> > My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this.
As a religious difference. I’ve explained it that way to my kids. Religion, to me, means the practicing behaviors rooted in our beliefs. One of our big holidays is TV-Free-Week, coming up April 22-28. We won’t have the TV on for videos, gameboxes, news, sports ANYTHING. That’s only one example of our religious practices regarding the TV. We mute commercials. We don’t watch degradations or gratuitous violence as an entertainment. The kids may not see PG-13 movies. Viewing time is limited. The TV doesn’t go on unless there is a specific show being sought. Etc. etc. If you are serious about this woman, you can broach the subject of your parenting style in that manner: you were brought up with different practices and you want to know if she’ll convert to your religion. That means the children that live in your household are cherished in the manner that your religion practices, and this includes valuing their spirit and soul in such a way that you don’t let it get sullied by TV. There will be other huge issues regarding your role in the lives of the children in your household. You are wise to see if they can be resolved before you take this to the next level. Wendy, writing in Holy Week
Response:
I hate to say it but I think your girlfriend has sh-t for brains and is one of those people that has no business breeding! What mother with half a brain thinks it’s fine to subject a kid to gore at 6 years old?? Don’t any of these kids have nightmares? And again, is she nuts? How is the rest of her parental judgement in other areas? Jeannie
Response:
Original poster wrote in part: but as for language, violence, gore, >adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch.
Isn’t there enough violence in the real world? How are we benefiting our children by filling their minds with more? Jeannie
Response:
> Original poster wrote in part: >but as for language, violence, gore, >adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch. >Isn’t there enough violence in the real world? How are we benefiting our >children by filling their minds with more? >Jeannie
It didn’t harm our kids to watch whatever they were interested in, but they did decide not to watch some things. Steve
Response:
You and I > have probably seen different experiences with this situation, which is why > we feel so differently.
Probably. And you state many valid points. But, yes, I have personally witnessed the pain of a small child who has become attached to mommy’s (or daddy’s) wonderful new companion only to see them vanish without a trace when mom (or dad) kills the relationship. Not many young kids are capable of understanding why that happens and grow up to be weary of strong commitments. It’s not a life threatening dilemma but it is something all single parents should be cognizant of and sensitive to. — Jim
Response:
> With an anger management problem like yours
Haaaah! You’re killin’ me, dumbass! You’re too stupid to see the irony there, I’m sure. it’s no wonder you think sex is > a horror!!
I said not one thing about sex, you ignorant, perverted sphincter. This is all about protecting the child from having his heart broken at too-early an age. — Jim
Response:
> And, years ago, I married a girl who had a son from a previous marriage in > the span of a few months. I eventually adopted him and we are living > happily ever after. But please don’t try to disprove a generalization with > a specific. > For every story like yours and mine, there are dozens if not hundreds of > stories where the children are exposed to a merry-go-round of men coming in > and out of the woman’s life. I feel strongly that one of the primary ways > to raise a well adjusted, happy child is to make his life as stable as > possible. Letting him become attached to, then lose a new "dad" every few > months should be considered a form of abuse.
Then the problem is making a child think the new man is "dad" each time. Not having him around. Children are perfectly capable of being friends with a man without thinking he’s going to be their new dad! (teachers, men at church, neighbors….) If the mother has the right kind of communication with the children, the children should understand this man’s role and there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. > You and I were lucky, is all. You should have waited at least a year before > allowing your daughter to become attached to a man who is not her daddy. > I’m assuming she was under age 13 or so. Older kids are capable of > understanding these matters and it doesn’t matter nearly as much.
My daughter was a year old at the time. I still do not think I should have waited a year, I don’t see myself changing my mind about that. You and I have probably seen different experiences with this situation, which is why we feel so differently. Marie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Jim
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person > she > > has only dated for "several months." > > — > > Jim > I’m just wondering, why is this a problem? > My dh was "exposed" to my daughter from the beginning (I didn’t go on >dates > without my daughter!). I don’t see a problem with it. Is this an > old-fashioned viewpoint? >And, years ago, I married a girl who had a son from a previous marriage in >the span of a few months. I eventually adopted him and we are living >happily ever after. But please don’t try to disprove a generalization with >a specific. >For every story like yours and mine, there are dozens if not hundreds of >stories where the children are exposed to a merry-go-round of men coming in >and out of the woman’s life. I feel strongly that one of the primary ways >to raise a well adjusted, happy child is to make his life as stable as >possible. Letting him become attached to, then lose a new "dad" every few >months should be considered a form of abuse. >You and I were lucky, is all. You should have waited at least a year before >allowing your daughter to become attached to a man who is not her daddy. >I’m assuming she was under age 13 or so. Older kids are capable of >understanding these matters and it doesn’t matter nearly as much. >Jim
It’s obvious, you fucking DUMMY, that you don’t make the insipid mistake of implying to the child that any person visiting is their "new daddy"!!! Idiots only do that if they feel ashamed of their sex life and haven’t made their child aware of sex and a sex life and are seeking some artificial acceptibility for their fucking that they REALLY DON’T FUCKING EVEN NEED! How obnoxious and stupid! One’s kids can know perfectly reasonably that one is sorting through members of the opposite (or same) sex for a partner and can be asked for their opinion on it as well, since the kid may wind up living with them. This garbage of trying to keep kids ignorant of one’s sexuality is just so much destructive CRAP!! Steve
Response:
>> The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person >she > has only dated for "several months." > — > Jim >I’m just wondering, why is this a problem? >My dh was "exposed" to my daughter from the beginning (I didn’t go on dates >without my daughter!). I don’t see a problem with it. Is this an >old-fashioned viewpoint? >Marie
His is an antisexually rabid viewpoint right out of the 19th century. Ignore him. Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this >You don’t, is how. >It is none of your damn business until, if and when you marry this woman and >*then* only if you adopt the children. For now, you are just a temporary >fixture in her and her children’s lives. You are a date, for crissakes, not >a daddy! Your job is to be polite and a good host to the kids. Nothing >more. >If she does not meet you definition of a good mom, what are you dating her >for? Dating is supposed to be a trial for marriage. If you don’t like what >you see, move on, man. >The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person she >has only dated for "several months." >Anyway, I agree with you that kids should not, for the most part, be exposed >to "R" movies. Not because it turns them into "violent sex fiends" but >because I do not think kids should be desensitized to the horrors of this >world. I think desensitization is a contributing factor to this >already-uncaring world. >– >Jim
With an anger management problem like yours it’s no wonder you think sex is a horror!! Steve
Response:
> My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this
You don’t, is how. It is none of your damn business until, if and when you marry this woman and *then* only if you adopt the children. For now, you are just a temporary fixture in her and her children’s lives. You are a date, for crissakes, not a daddy! Your job is to be polite and a good host to the kids. Nothing more. If she does not meet you definition of a good mom, what are you dating her for? Dating is supposed to be a trial for marriage. If you don’t like what you see, move on, man. The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person she has only dated for "several months." Anyway, I agree with you that kids should not, for the most part, be exposed to "R" movies. Not because it turns them into "violent sex fiends" but because I do not think kids should be desensitized to the horrors of this world. I think desensitization is a contributing factor to this already-uncaring world. The kids across the street from me recently introduced my, then, 7 year-old to the movie "Halloween" (rated "R" for extreme violence, BTW) without my prior knowledge. He didn’t sleep well for days. But he learned his lesson and now doesn’t pitch a fit when we won’t let him watch a PG-13 movie we haven’t previewed. — Jim
Response:
> The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person she > has only dated for "several months." > — > Jim
I’m just wondering, why is this a problem? My dh was "exposed" to my daughter from the beginning (I didn’t go on dates without my daughter!). I don’t see a problem with it. Is this an old-fashioned viewpoint? Marie
Response:
> The bigger issue with me is why would a mom expose her kids to a person > she > has only dated for "several months." > — > Jim > I’m just wondering, why is this a problem? > My dh was "exposed" to my daughter from the beginning (I didn’t go on dates > without my daughter!). I don’t see a problem with it. Is this an > old-fashioned viewpoint?
And, years ago, I married a girl who had a son from a previous marriage in the span of a few months. I eventually adopted him and we are living happily ever after. But please don’t try to disprove a generalization with a specific. For every story like yours and mine, there are dozens if not hundreds of stories where the children are exposed to a merry-go-round of men coming in and out of the woman’s life. I feel strongly that one of the primary ways to raise a well adjusted, happy child is to make his life as stable as possible. Letting him become attached to, then lose a new "dad" every few months should be considered a form of abuse. You and I were lucky, is all. You should have waited at least a year before allowing your daughter to become attached to a man who is not her daddy. I’m assuming she was under age 13 or so. Older kids are capable of understanding these matters and it doesn’t matter nearly as much. — Jim
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi All, > I know this topic must come up now and then, but I’ve searched the > archives but have not found what I seek. > A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 > yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch > whatever video happens to be on. If she wants to watch an R rated > movie, well, that’s fine for the kids. She does seem to want to > shield them some from some blatant sex as she seems worried that her > daughters might want sex someday, but as for language, violence, gore, > adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch. > When I asked her about it, she gave the usual "They know its not real" > justification, and also, when I recently questioned how she thought it > was OK for the younger kids to see "We Were Soldiers" (Rated R), she > said it was educational and they needed to know about war. > My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this >Having seen We Were Soldiers this past week, I wouldn’t recommend it to >ANYONE unless they had an extremely strong constitution for that kind of >stuff.(I’m typing this from under my chair, btw)…it made ‘Saving Private >Ryan’ look like a walk in the park. I am pretty liberal with my ten year >old and have made some mistakes (my bad for turning him onto Kevin Smith >movies). I think its an individual call for each child and parent to make. >I always screen first, but I’ve let my son see American Pie I&II and we both >laughed like loons. He is really not interested in adult type movies unless >there is something specific about them. My boy was far more upset with >national tv showing a guy jumping out the burning WTC six months ago, than >anything I’ve let him watch. >Sedona
That’s because he knew what was real! Steve
Response:
>Hi All, >I know this topic must come up now and then, but I’ve searched the >archives but have not found what I seek. >A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 >yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch >whatever video happens to be on. If she wants to watch an R rated >movie, well, that’s fine for the kids. She does seem to want to >shield them some from some blatant sex as she seems worried that her >daughters might want sex someday, but as for language, violence, gore, >adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch.
They hear all the language everywhere, give us a fucking break! And as for the sex that doesn’t matter either, even though SHE’S as stupid about THAT as YOU are about ALL of it. >When I asked her about it, she gave the usual "They know its not real" >justification, and also, when I recently questioned how she thought it >was OK for the younger kids to see "We Were Soldiers" (Rated R), she >said it was educational and they needed to know about war.
The rating system was to please morons like you who just wouldn’t accept that it had been disproven that it causes harm, sort of like idiots voting democratically to try to change the value of pi to something "more convenienent". That’s as stupid as you are. >My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to >desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to >present this
That’s because it’s not true. It was easily disproven and humiliated as a viewpoint the LAST time it showed up here. Kids hurt people if they were hurt, if not they have no motive to hurt others, no matter WHAT they see. Humans do NOT merely imitate like monkeys, they have motives based on abuse and hate IF they are abused and hated, and not unless! If she doesn’t abuse them then they won’t feel that what they see is what they wish to do to her or to others. That’s simple human nature. Kids are as nice to others as the people caring for them are to them. Neither fiction stories told round the campfire, nor books, nor paperbacks, nor comic books, nor radio dramas nor movies nor TV nor video games, NONE of them cause anything violent in real life. With each of these inventions some clowns like you tried to suppress them and pretend that they led kids to violence, and they did it to avoid blame for hurting kids themselves and making them pissed off and angry and violent. Today it’s the same damned thing. Attempting to divert blame, nothing more! Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi All, > I know this topic must come up now and then, but I’ve searched the > archives but have not found what I seek. > A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 > yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch > whatever video happens to be on. If she wants to watch an R rated > movie, well, that’s fine for the kids. She does seem to want to > shield them some from some blatant sex as she seems worried that her > daughters might want sex someday, but as for language, violence, gore, > adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch. > When I asked her about it, she gave the usual "They know its not real" > justification, and also, when I recently questioned how she thought it > was OK for the younger kids to see "We Were Soldiers" (Rated R), she > said it was educational and they needed to know about war. > My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this
I think the viewing of R-rated movies should be a decision made on a case by case basis. Every child has a different maturity and sensitivity level. I have a good friend who’s been watching gory horror movies since he was very little and he’s not sick or twisted because of it. And he didn’t lose sleep because of them either. His father is a horror buff and watched them right alongside him. What I think is important was that his dad brought home books and magazines that detail how they do movie make-up, so that JW could see how they made someone look like they were shot, slashed etc. His dad got across the message, this isn’t real, but this is how they *make* it *look* real. As far as We Were Soldiers, it was an excellent movie with an awesome message about leadership and gave a very realistic picture of the Vietnam War. Would I take my kids to see a movie like that? If I thought that they were mature enough to handle it, I would. If I thought they weren’t, I’d pick something else. As far as discussing this with the woman you’re dating, you can always give her your opinion. But, unless you’ve taken on an otherwise fathering roll with her children, I wouldn’t expect her to change her views because you say so. Sherrie — Momma to Madison Marie (10/18/00) and Nicholas Luke (10/17/01) Cafe Mom–Information, Humor and Inspiration For Moms, By Moms www.cafemom.net
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi All, > I know this topic must come up now and then, but I’ve searched the > archives but have not found what I seek. > A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 > yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch > whatever video happens to be on. If she wants to watch an R rated > movie, well, that’s fine for the kids. She does seem to want to > shield them some from some blatant sex as she seems worried that her > daughters might want sex someday, but as for language, violence, gore, > adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch. > When I asked her about it, she gave the usual "They know its not real" > justification, and also, when I recently questioned how she thought it > was OK for the younger kids to see "We Were Soldiers" (Rated R), she > said it was educational and they needed to know about war. > My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to > desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to > present this
Having seen We Were Soldiers this past week, I wouldn’t recommend it to ANYONE unless they had an extremely strong constitution for that kind of stuff.(I’m typing this from under my chair, btw)…it made ‘Saving Private Ryan’ look like a walk in the park. I am pretty liberal with my ten year old and have made some mistakes (my bad for turning him onto Kevin Smith movies). I think its an individual call for each child and parent to make. I always screen first, but I’ve let my son see American Pie I&II and we both laughed like loons. He is really not interested in adult type movies unless there is something specific about them. My boy was far more upset with national tv showing a guy jumping out the burning WTC six months ago, than anything I’ve let him watch. Sedona
Response:
Hi All, I know this topic must come up now and then, but I’ve searched the archives but have not found what I seek. A woman I have dated for several months, mother of three, 6 yo boy, 11 yo girl, 16 yo girl, seems to think it is OK to let these kids watch whatever video happens to be on. If she wants to watch an R rated movie, well, that’s fine for the kids. She does seem to want to shield them some from some blatant sex as she seems worried that her daughters might want sex someday, but as for language, violence, gore, adult situations and the rest, she thinks its OK for them to watch. When I asked her about it, she gave the usual "They know its not real" justification, and also, when I recently questioned how she thought it was OK for the younger kids to see "We Were Soldiers" (Rated R), she said it was educational and they needed to know about war. My problem is, although I understand the idea that is isn’t good to desensitize kids to violence and the like, I do not know how to present this
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