Pure Parents

Question:

Thanks for the update, Liz. The system just doesn’t seem to work well…  :( Dorothy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this >past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not >just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show >me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get >my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. >Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The >investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was >learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being >abused by someone. >Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual >abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl >assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were >able to do more of an investigation. >All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an >investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of >them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being >investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten >out according to the news report. >The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 >and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not >sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. >The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they >will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because >I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that >option. >They need as much background on *Kim’s* behavior as possible to know how >to handle her. >I hope and pray these kids get the help they need. >Liz

There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown

Response:

> Hmmmm. You are right I think, and I am wrong. In an actual trial you can be > subpoened (si that the right spelling?). > Thanks for the correction. > S

It’s "subpoena", from "sub poena" meaning "under penalty" in Latin. The ‘oe’ diphthong in Latin was pronounced "oy". Steve

Response:

What a very sad situation.  I am sorry to hear about your daughter.  Isn’t it amazing how your instincts are often right?  Always trust them, I say!  I hope that all the kids get the help they need..and the adult well…I’ll plead the fifth. Traci Come Join the Fun at… http://www.parenthoodweb.com Log Directly into Chat at… http://phw2.parenthoodweb.com:4080/chat/world/html/login.html

Response:

Well, *there* you are! Missed your post all day, yesterday. And all that I get for my waiting was this one-liner. Sheesh! (too much pressure?) >While all that has been said is true, two things to remember: >1)  No DA in his right mind would put a whitness on the stand who >will willingly be taken appart by the defense. >2)  No DA in his right mind would want to put a kid through this, >no matter what. >Glen (not all DAs are in their right mind) Appleby >Think the best would be to claim amnesia – "I don’t remember" = hell I >cant remember what I had for lunch.

Sounds like you are just about the same age as I am. Glen (lunch?  Why?  Is it ready, now?) Appleby — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->(formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" >> Hmmmm. You are right I think, and I am wrong. In an actual trial you can be >> subpoened (si that the right spelling?). >> Thanks for the correction. >you can also be summoned to provide a statement or deposition — where it >might not end up in a formal trial >it is a tough situation when a child is involved – and it is easier to >block a subpoena for a child to testify — but adult are obligated >While all that has been said is true, two things to remember: >1)  No DA in his right mind would put a whitness on the stand who >will willingly be taken appart by the defense. >2)  No DA in his right mind would want to put a kid through this, >no matter what. >Glen (not all DAs are in their right mind) Appleby

Think the best would be to claim amnesia – "I don’t remember" = hell I cant remember what I had for lunch. Free Spirit DD(4) DS(7)

Response:

>(formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" > Hmmmm. You are right I think, and I am wrong. In an actual trial you can be > subpoened (si that the right spelling?). > Thanks for the correction. >you can also be summoned to provide a statement or deposition — where it >might not end up in a formal trial >it is a tough situation when a child is involved – and it is easier to >block a subpoena for a child to testify — but adult are obligated

While all that has been said is true, two things to remember: 1)  No DA in his right mind would put a whitness on the stand who will willingly be taken appart by the defense. 2)  No DA in his right mind would want to put a kid through this, no matter what. Glen (not all DAs are in their right mind) Appleby — Do not underestimate your abilities.  That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.

Response:

(formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" > Hmmmm. You are right I think, and I am wrong. In an actual trial you can be > subpoened (si that the right spelling?). > Thanks for the correction.

you can also be summoned to provide a statement or deposition — where it might not end up in a formal trial it is a tough situation when a child is involved – and it is easier to block a subpoena for a child to testify — but adult are obligated – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> S > (formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" > > > As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend > this > > > past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was > not > > > just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you > show > > > me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to > get > > > my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. > > > Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The > > > investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was > > > learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was > being > > > abused by someone. > > > Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual > > > abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl > > > assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were > > > able to do more of an investigation. > > > All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an > > > investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of > > > them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being > > > investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to > straighten > > > out according to the news report. > > > The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age > 3 > > > and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not > > > sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. > > > The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they > > > will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because > > > I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have > that > > > option. > > I do not think that they can force you to make a statement. If you do > not > > want to, find out your legal rights. If they are going to put your > daughter > > through the grinder… well, need I say more? > of course you can be subpoened to testify in either a civil or criminal > case — no one has the right to not cooperate in such matters [unless to > refuse to answer on the grounds it might be self incriminating]

Response:

>I hope and pray these kids get the help they need.

So do I, Liz. By the way…..how’s *your* daughter doing in the aftermath of all this? Josie

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this > past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not > just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show > me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get > my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. > Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The > investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was > learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being > abused by someone. > Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual > abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl > assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were > able to do more of an investigation. > All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an > investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of > them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being > investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten > out according to the news report. > The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 > and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not > sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. > The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they > will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because > I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that > option.

I do not think that they can force you to make a statement. If you do not want to, find out your legal rights. If they are going to put your daughter through the grinder… well, need I say more? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> They need as much background on *Kim’s* behavior as possible to know how > to handle her. > I hope and pray these kids get the help they need. > Liz

Response:

(formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this > past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not > just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show > me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get > my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. > Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The > investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was > learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being > abused by someone. > Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual > abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl > assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were > able to do more of an investigation. > All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an > investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of > them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being > investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten > out according to the news report. > The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 > and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not > sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. > The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they > will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because > I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that > option. > I do not think that they can force you to make a statement. If you do not > want to, find out your legal rights. If they are going to put your daughter > through the grinder… well, need I say more?

of course you can be subpoened to testify in either a civil or criminal case — no one has the right to not cooperate in such matters [unless to refuse to answer on the grounds it might be self incriminating]

Response:

Hmmmm. You are right I think, and I am wrong. In an actual trial you can be subpoened (si that the right spelling?). Thanks for the correction. S

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > (formerly Stephanie, formerly Stephanie  6217)" > > As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this > > past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not > > just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show > > me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get > > my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. > > Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The > > investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was > > learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being > > abused by someone. > > Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual > > abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl > > assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were > > able to do more of an investigation. > > All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an > > investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of > > them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being > > investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten > > out according to the news report. > > The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 > > and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not > > sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. > > The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they > > will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because > > I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that > > option. > I do not think that they can force you to make a statement. If you do not > want to, find out your legal rights. If they are going to put your daughter > through the grinder… well, need I say more? > of course you can be subpoened to testify in either a civil or criminal > case — no one has the right to not cooperate in such matters [unless to > refuse to answer on the grounds it might be self incriminating]

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this > past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not > just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show > me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get > my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. > Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The > investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was > learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being > abused by someone. > Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual > abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl > assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were > able to do more of an investigation. > All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an > investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of > them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being > investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten > out according to the news report. > The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 > and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not > sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. > The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they > will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because > I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that > option. > They need as much background on *Kim’s* behavior as possible to know how > to handle her. > I hope and pray these kids get the help they need.

This is so sad.  What is sadder is that you had tried to alert someone to the problem and it was not addressed in an effective manner last spring.  I know that many times, particularly with younger children like "Kim", the information is not often stated by the victim, although it can come out behaviorally, as you saw.  I hope that the children get the love and treatment that they need.  The infant, and possibly the three year old, probably will not remember any of the abuse for very long.  Kim, however, is going to need serious treatment so that she does not believe that her behavior was appropriate. Thank you for the update.  And, by the way, how is your daughter doing? -Aula

Response:

As some of you may remember, my daughter was assaulted by a friend this past spring, in a sexual way. I use the word assault because it was not just normal exploration, playing doctor or I’ll show you mine, you show me yours. This girl used verbal and physical intimidation to try to get my daughter to do things she didn’t want to do. Anyway, I had called CPS and the police and made a report. The investigated and dad temporarily moved out. I do not know how she was learning this behavior, I just knew from the behavior that she was being abused by someone. Now, today it was on the news that the mom was arrested for sexual abuse. Apparently Dad moved out and things got worse. This girl assaulted another child and this time it was at school. The cops were able to do more of an investigation. All three kids are in "the system" now. The state will be doing an investigation of the relatives to see if the kids can be with any of them. Right now Dad cannot have them because 1) he is also being investigated and 2) he has a few legal problems of his own to straighten out according to the news report. The state hopes to be able to place the kids (*Kim* age 7, brother age 3 and baby sister age 9 mnths) with the grandparents soon, but are not sure if placing them together would be a good idea at this point. The investigator I had dealt with last spring called to tell me they will be asking for a formal statement now. I had declined this because I wanted to make it less tramatic for my daughter. I no longer have that option. They need as much background on *Kim’s* behavior as possible to know how to handle her. I hope and pray these kids get the help they need. Liz

Response: