Pure Parents

Question:

> I think you’re a fucking loon!! I bet you’ll invent something else to > come when she has her first period in a few months!

Huh? What are you talking about? inventing something about her period? You lost me. Oh, and BTW, I think you’re a fucking asshole, but that’s beside the point. You seem to enjoy taking every opportunity you can to swear at someone, but yet you also seem to think that you’re the world’s foremost authority on child rearing. If I had a kid who grew up to act like you, I would definately question the way I raised them. Do you kids go around insulting people this way too, Steve? > I certainly didn’t believe in such crap beyond the age of perhaps 3, and > my parents avoided cultivating my grandparents’ idiocy about this crap. > I cannot recall not knowing that my parents were Santa Claus and that > the tooth fairy was my mother since the notes were in her handwriting. > The Easter Bunny was not even mentioned except in fun, as it was with > these other imaginary characters, they were used to demonstrate allusion > and tongue-in-cheek to us to teach us the subtelty of myth, NOT to > delude us as it seems you’ve done!!

Good for you. I’m proud of you. But like I said, I bet if you asked around, you’d find that there are still a lot of six year olds who believe in the above mentioned things.

Response:

In article <ya7S4.28086 >How do you think this should be dealt with? I am thinking that she should be >punished, one for the fact that she told Danielle the truth when she should >know better, and two for deliberately disobeying me. I’m not sure what DH >thinks, but I know he has a tendency to go WAY too easy on her at times like >these. Or am I blowing this out of proportion? I’d like your

opinions. Sorry Simply stop the candy for her.  Childhood rituals are for children, and if your SD wishes to be "teenager" about this, so be it. Although at 32 yrs old I STILL get my basket, I recall not believing in Santa around age 10….Nothing in the stocking that Christmas reminded me that maybe I still wanted to "believe". (Mom and Dad still gave me presents, BTW). Galen * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

> she just turned 7 last week. And I think that most 6 year olds still believe > in the tooth fairy and Santa claus. Ask around. If you don’t want your kids > to, fine, but I don’t mind if mine keeps her childhood innocence a little > longer if she wants to. My stepdaughter believed in Santa Claus and the > tooth fairy until she was 9, and I don’t think this is as uncommon as you > all would say it is.

I think you’re a fucking loon!! I bet you’ll invent something else to come when she has her first period in a few months! I certainly didn’t believe in such crap beyond the age of perhaps 3, and my parents avoided cultivating my grandparents’ idiocy about this crap. I cannot recall not knowing that my parents were Santa Claus and that the tooth fairy was my mother since the notes were in her handwriting. The Easter Bunny was not even mentioned except in fun, as it was with these other imaginary characters, they were used to demonstrate allusion and tongue-in-cheek to us to teach us the subtelty of myth, NOT to delude us as it seems you’ve done!! > The fact is, I asked her not to say anything, and she went ahead and did it > anyway. That’s what I don’t like about this whole thing. If you asked your > kid not to go over to another kid’s house after school, and he did it > anyway, would you like that? I don’t really care if she doesn’t believe in > the tooth fairy, it just means less work for me. But I do expect my > stepdaughter, and all of my kids, to respect my wishes. > Charlene

"respect", the code word for obediance. Why don’t you stupid authority pricks say what you mean so you can hear your own stupid obnoxious cruelty!! She was only trying to live ethically in a REAL world instead of your fucking fantasy! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > > Your daughter is 7 and you are mad that she knows the truth about the > Easter > > > bunny? That is pretty funny to me. That is something I just would not > make a > > > big deal about. I was 5 when I was told the truth so I had to put up > with > > > these idiot adults trying to convince me I was wrong and that <fake > > > character here> *is* real lol. > > How true!  My 8 year old daughter and I were at a restaurant > > before Easter and the waitress asked her if she was looking > > forward to the coming of the Easter Bunny.  When she said > > no, the waitress acted surprised and looked at me like I was > > the anti-christ. > It does astound me that anyone thinks a 7 year old SHOULD be encouraged to > believe such nonsense [delightful for a 3 or 4 year old -- but sort of > infantile for a 7] BUT that was really not the issue.  The issue is a dog > in the  manager, spit in the soup, wet blanket older sibling.  It is very > inappropriate for anyone to go out of their way to spoil fun for others — > it is malicious and spiteful and unlovely — and one of those things > parenting is about i.e. helping kids think about the consequences of their > actions and to develop sensitivity to others.  Big sister needs not a > punishment — but a deep discussion with Mom about how it makes people > feel when surprise parties are revealed to the guest of honor, when Santa > Clause is smoked before his time, when pleasures people take in > accomplishments are denigrated or put down etc etc.  If this had been an > innocent remark, that is one thing — but going out of her way to spoil > something for her sister is spiteful and mean — and should be brought up > short.

Response:

Having been twelve, a SD, and now a mom, maybe I can offer a little insight. Please don’t take any one sentence out of context and I’m not trying to insult or anything else, just be helpful.  BTW-my SM and I are now the best of friends, some 30 years later.  I know this is hard on you, but imagine how it feels to the little girl.  What if she were your own daughter?  12 is hard enough without feeling like an "outsider" in Dad’s new family.  I can see quite a bit of plain old fashioned dislike of this child in your message.  You seem to be giving her too many grown up motives while forgeting that she is still really A CHILD!! Confused, lonely, very unsure of herself.  She sounds like she desperately wants some attention and you unknowingly gave her the perfect tool, as well as lots of power, by putting the "don’t tell" ball in her hands.  BTW, a side note, I’m also the oldest of all families and it’s pretty much a given that the olders tell the youngers if the school mates don’t do it first. I know it’s hard on you as a SM, it was hard on mine. You’re trying to have your own family and you have this other child there who you didn’t raise and doesn’t exactly fit into your mold.  You will BOTH make lots of mistakes here.  Try to keep in mind as you both grow up through this that this child is also your children’s sibling.  While you can’t always make the discipline decisions as a Sparent, you will always (hopefully) be in her life.  She needs some understanding and guidance, not dislike and distain.  Try to be a little child again and see things from her perspective as well as your own. I’m really not trying to bash you here, the role you have accepted is a Really Tough one, especially with your own children now involved.  I know it would be easier if you didn’t have to deal with this stranger, but that’s not reality, so for both your sakes, try to make the best of it. When I turned 18, I revisited my DDad and SMom.  She was very apprehensive about my visit, as I was also about to re-meet my 7yo Sis.  We had BOTH made lots of mistakes when I stayed with them before and I had left about 1 year after Ssis was born.  Smom was very young and newly married and along comes this stranger to live in their house.  She suddenly was a 20 something mom with a pre-teen daughter, her life was put into turmoil as well as mine. Then they had their own family and all hell broke loose.  When I arrived at 18, we immediately sat down and I apologized to her and she to me.  DDad was shocked to come into the room and find us crying and hugging in each other’s arms (I think he expected bloodshed!).  That was over 25 years ago.  Today, I still think she is great lady and a very good friend.  She did a great job raising my