Question:
Cora, First, I’d like to know where you live so I can stay far away from that neighborhood. Second, the neighbors should get together and see if they can get a group rate on therapy. You guys definitely need it! mainmom
Response:
Forget about jail for the son or the daughter. It’s that hellish mother who belongs in jail. She has been guilty of assault for years and deserves the bloody nose and a lot more besides. I believe in spanking to a degree, but spanking is not an excuse to brutalize and terrorize child any more than adults. I’m beginning to think that no children should ever be spanked. Only brutish and childish adults need spankings. nose and a black eye. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > They > : > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is > : > one. > : > > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > : > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > : > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > : > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > : > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one > : > of those who leaves marks and many at that. > : > > Her real problem is with > : > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > : > hard at least once a week. > : > > Black eye & bloody nose? She has already LOST her son… > How about jail for him? > The neighbor this woman describes hits her children frequently, > leaving marks and bruises. She wrestles her teenage son to the floor, > pulls off his pants, and spanks him. Her son finally gets sick of > being beaten and assaulted, and strikes back, leaving a black eye and > a bloody nose. Yet you recommend jail time for the son? If you think > jail is appropriate for the victim (the child), what do you advocate > for the perpetrator (the mother)? > If he can’t conform to her rules, then he doesn’t need to > live in her house. > <shrug> he might even like jail better > Jail may be preferable to living with this mother! He would be safe > from her and protected from corporal punishment. > LaVonne > — > Life is too short to belittle
James
Response:
> The more I read of this post I’ve got to think this is a joke-post. No > parent in their right mind would ever, ever actually allow their child to > smoke – let alone condone the behavior by letting other minors smoke in > their home. If by the slight chance there are parents out there who would > think this is ok I would be interested to know why. Also, if my 13 year > old son ever laid a hand on me where bruises and blood were involved he > would be spending the night in juvenile hall – why would you even attempt > to spank a 13 year old? At that age I think spanking is inappropriate. > You should be teaching the adolescent to sit down and dicuss problems to > solve them. If this is actually a real post (still not sure) then the > whole neighborhood needs counseling from the sound of it. Remember it is > an actual proven fact that smoking causes lung cancer, emphesema (sp?), > birth defects and other health complications.
Sadly, there really are parents out there like this. We ran across something similar with my son when he was 13. He was at a friend’s house on a Friday night, and called to say the mother was going to drop them at another friend’s home while she did some errands. When we tried to contact him at the friend’s home, we were told that he wasn’t there. Turned out that no one was home when she attempted to drop them off, so she dropped them off at a local bar for two hours instead. When my ex-husband finally confronted her (tried for two weeks to reach her by phone, and finally just waited in her driveway one evening until she came home) she claimed that it wasn’t a big deal, because they only wanted to play video games while they were there. She still doesn’t have a clue as to why we were upset and why we still won’t allow our son to hang out at the bar on Friday nights! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships > I’ll give an example of a parent who should > not spank. The mother who is my next door neighbor > is a very good friend of mine. She should not > spank her kids. She has a son the same age as mine, > 13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with > a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war > with her kids. My main criticism of her and the > nonspankers is in lack of leniency. > I probably am guilty of being the cause of the > latest event. A number of the mothers in my > neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble > I caused when I told my son he could smoke. Now, > all the kids in the neighborhood want permission > from their parents to smoke. > If some here think I am severe because I spank, > you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood. > Some of them are real tartars. I believe that a > parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, > and bruises. It is not the way to go. Now, I know > that my father put marks on us. He should not have. > But, it was not excessive. You have to know him. And, > it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these > gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is > one. > On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with > her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to > smoke. Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. > Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not > approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever. My ex > sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is > not good. Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one > of those who leaves marks and many at that. > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > hard at least once a week.
Response:
Yes Jane it is true that not as many teenagers DIE from smoking as they do from teen drunk driving – THE REASON? – smoking takes its time to kill you. Therefore those kids you refer to as smoking for "to be dangerous" would be adults well into their years before they actually get one of the deadly diseases that cigarette smoking causes. Yes, I know, blah,blah, blah, we’ve all heard this before. We do all know the risks, but when you are a young person you think you are going to live forever, you cannot foresee the consequences of what you do when you are a teen. Therefore I think as adults we have the responsibility to say "please don’t smoke" to our teens, we can then list the reasons why and hope that they use good judgement. My parents didn’t condone smoking, but they did "allow" me to smoke outside of their home. I knew they were disappointed and eventually I stopped, but I was well into my twenties when I did. I feel kinda the same about teen sex, yes its going to happen but do we provide them the bed to do it in so they won’t go to the backseat of a car? JMO. — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The more I read of this post I’ve got to think this is a joke-post. No >parent in their right mind would ever, ever actually allow their child to >smoke – let alone condone the behavior by letting other minors smoke in >their home. If by the slight chance there are parents out there who would >think this is ok I would be interested to know why. > I don’t think it’s okay, but my parents allowed me to somke when I was a > teen, and my friends too. The links with disease were well-established, > and no, they were not uncaring. They just preferred me to smoke at home > as opposed to behidn the bike shed. > I don’t want to start a flame war but as an ex-smoker I must say I’m > aamzed at the fuss and fume (so to speak) around this topic. Most of my > students smoke, and they generally give up in their twenties. It’s > youthful rebellion; dangerous, yes, worrying, sure, but not > unprecedented, and not as lethal as (say) driving while drunk, or > unprotected sex. We all love our children and want to protect them from > everything that could hurt them, but we also need to acknowledge that > this is not always possible. > My feeling is that I would impose the same rules on my child that I do > on my adult guests; the garden is the only place smoking is allowed. I > woudl certainly express dismay and warn about the huge health risks, but > I simply do not feel as bothered about this as many others appear to. > — > Jane Lumley
Response:
My only worry about teen smoking is that yes it can lead to other substances. It usually puts you with a group of peers that can influence you to try other things. Please keep that in mind. I am 32 and I know – been there done that. — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wrestling the kid to the floor, pulling down his pants to spank him, my > kids feel the loss of the "good life" much more than a whipping. > Smoking: my older kid does, has for a while, but not in the house. DH > and I caught him long before we let on, finally told him to stop sneaking > around, no stealing smokes, and we know it’s to late to say you can’t when > you obviously can smoke. > Kid gets good grades, maintains a job, comes home every night, is mouthy, > but clean…….could be worse things than cigarettes. And telling a kid > not to smoke DOESN’T keep him from smoking. > Out-lawing underage smoking works as well as outlawing underage drinking or > sex.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships > I’ll give an example of a parent who should > not spank. The mother who is my next door neighbor > is a very good friend of mine. She should not > spank her kids. She has a son the same age as mine, > 13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with > a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war > with her kids. My main criticism of her and the > nonspankers is in lack of leniency. > I probably am guilty of being the cause of the > latest event. A number of the mothers in my > neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble > I caused when I told my son he could smoke. Now, > all the kids in the neighborhood want permission > from their parents to smoke. > If some here think I am severe because I spank, > you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood. > Some of them are real tartars. I believe that a > parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, > and bruises. It is not the way to go. Now, I know > that my father put marks on us. He should not have. > But, it was not excessive. You have to know him. And, > it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these > gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is > one. > On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with > her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to > smoke. Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. > Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not > approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever. My ex > sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is > not good. Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one > of those who leaves marks and many at that. > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > hard at least once a week.
Response:
They > : > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is > : > one. > : >
Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > : > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > : > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > : > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > : > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one > : > of those who leaves marks and many at that. > : >
Her real problem is with > : > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > : > hard at least once a week. > : > > Black eye & bloody nose? She has already LOST her son… > How about jail for him?
The neighbor this woman describes hits her children frequently, leaving marks and bruises. She wrestles her teenage son to the floor, pulls off his pants, and spanks him. Her son finally gets sick of being beaten and assaulted, and strikes back, leaving a black eye and a bloody nose. Yet you recommend jail time for the son? If you think jail is appropriate for the victim (the child), what do you advocate for the perpetrator (the mother)? > If he can’t conform to her rules, then he doesn’t need to > live in her house. > <shrug> he might even like jail better
Jail may be preferable to living with this mother! He would be safe from her and protected from corporal punishment. LaVonne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> — > Life is too short to belittle
Response:
: Wrestling the kid to the floor, pulling down his pants to spank him, : kids feel the loss of the "good life" much more than a whipping. : Smoking: my older kid does, has for a while, but not in the house. DH : and I caught him long before we let on, finally told him to stop sneaking : around, no stealing smokes, and we know it’s to late to say you can’t when : you obviously can smoke. : Kid gets good grades, maintains a job, comes home every night, is mouthy, : but clean…….could be worse things than cigarettes. And telling a kid : not to smoke DOESN’T keep him from smoking. : Out-lawing underage smoking works as well as outlawing underage drinking or : sex. : > Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships : > : > I’ll give an example of a parent who should : > not spank. The mother who is my next door neighbor : > is a very good friend of mine. She should not : > spank her kids. She has a son the same age as mine, : > 13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with : > a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war : > with her kids. My main criticism of her and the : > nonspankers is in lack of leniency. : > : > I probably am guilty of being the cause of the : > latest event. A number of the mothers in my : > neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble : > I caused when I told my son he could smoke. Now, : > all the kids in the neighborhood want permission : > from their parents to smoke. : > : > If some here think I am severe because I spank, : > you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood. : > Some of them are real tartars. I believe that a : > parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, : > and bruises. It is not the way to go. Now, I know : > that my father put marks on us. He should not have. : > But, it was not excessive. You have to know him. And, : > it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these : > gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They : > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is : > one. : > : > On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with : > her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to : > smoke. Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his : > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. : > Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not : > approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever. My ex : > sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is : > not good. Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a : > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. : > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle : > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants : > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one : > of those who leaves marks and many at that. : > : > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince : > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with : > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her : > hard at least once a week. : > Black eye & bloody nose? She has already LOST her son… How about jail for him? If he can’t conform to her rules, then he doesn’t need to live in her house. <shrug> he might even like jail better — Life is too short to belittle
Response:
>Smoking: my older kid does, has for a while, but not in the house. DH
They just passed a law here that anyone under the age of 18 that is caught smoking is fined between $100 and $200 the first offense and then $700 the next time caught. I think they may have to do community service along with that. There’s alot of controversy over this new law, let me tell you. I’m not sure how I feel about the law but I DO feel that the fine is way off. Gee, I wonder who is going to pay? The parents or the kids. I really think they ought to stick to the community service. I’m an ex-smoker who has alot of sympathy for the way smokers are treated nowadays. Linda
Response:
Wrestling the kid to the floor, pulling down his pants to spank him, kids feel the loss of the "good life" much more than a whipping. Smoking: my older kid does, has for a while, but not in the house. DH and I caught him long before we let on, finally told him to stop sneaking around, no stealing smokes, and we know it’s to late to say you can’t when you obviously can smoke. Kid gets good grades, maintains a job, comes home every night, is mouthy, but clean…….could be worse things than cigarettes. And telling a kid not to smoke DOESN’T keep him from smoking. Out-lawing underage smoking works as well as outlawing underage drinking or sex. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships > I’ll give an example of a parent who should > not spank. The mother who is my next door neighbor > is a very good friend of mine. She should not > spank her kids. She has a son the same age as mine, > 13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with > a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war > with her kids. My main criticism of her and the > nonspankers is in lack of leniency. > I probably am guilty of being the cause of the > latest event. A number of the mothers in my > neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble > I caused when I told my son he could smoke. Now, > all the kids in the neighborhood want permission > from their parents to smoke. > If some here think I am severe because I spank, > you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood. > Some of them are real tartars. I believe that a > parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, > and bruises. It is not the way to go. Now, I know > that my father put marks on us. He should not have. > But, it was not excessive. You have to know him. And, > it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these > gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They > advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is > one. > On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with > her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to > smoke. Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. > Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not > approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever. My ex > sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is > not good. Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one > of those who leaves marks and many at that. > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > hard at least once a week.
Response:
>Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships >I’ll give an example of a parent who should >not spank.
Are you trying to say that after what you’ve written, *YOU* would be a good judge of who should and shouldn’t spank a child? The mother who is my next door neighbor >is a very good friend of mine. She should not >spank her kids.
Uh…but it’s okay for *YOU* to spank your kids, right? She has a son the same age as mine, >13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with >a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war >with her kids. My main criticism of her and the >nonspankers is in lack of leniency.
The "nonspankers" have a "lack" of leniency? Why are you grouping "nonspankers" in a posting about your neighbor? You are a very confusing writer. You say yourself that she DOES spank her children. >I probably am guilty of being the cause of the >latest event. A number of the mothers in my >neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble >I caused when I told my son he could smoke.
You "told" your son he could smoke? Where have you been, woman! Ever heard of lung cancer? Now, >all the kids in the neighborhood want permission >from their parents to smoke.
Well of course they would. It’s the "cool" thing to do. I hope to God that those parents have better sense than you. >If some here think I am severe because I spank, >you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood.
Well, I now know them well enough to know that they think your obvious abundance of "leniency" might just kill your son. >Some of them are real tartars.
You mean they are Mongolians? Or do you mean they are ferocious people? I’m just curious because you couldn’t possibly mean they are all suffering from tartar on their teeth. Which is it? I believe that a >parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, >and bruises.
Oh yes, by all means, HIDE the signs of abuse. Did you get your parental training from a professional abuser because most physical abusers try very hard to "hide" the marks they leave. I see further down that not only did your father beat you but your ex as well. No wonder you’re such a specialist in how to hit a child without leaving a welt. It is not the way to go. Now, I know >that my father put marks on us. He should not have. >But, it was not excessive. You have to know him.
Honey, you are a classic case of denial. You are protecting a person who "beat" you. You are enabling. NEVER, EVER make excuses for someone who has physically abused you. That is the FIRST sign of domestic violence. NO ONE should EVER be physically abused. There is NO excuse! NONE! And, >it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these >gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They >advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is >one.
No, YOU are one as well. >On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with >her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to >smoke.
What an AWFUL parent! She should be shot! Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his >friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor.
So, as a parent, you’ve disregarded the wishes of the boy’s parents and "allow" them to practice their smoke signals in your home, eh? What a winner! >Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not >approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever.
Of course not, Cora. THAT would leave a mark, wouldn’t it. My ex >sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is >not good.
And you continue the vicious cycle with your son. Unbelievable! Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a >black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. >She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle >him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants >and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one >of those who leaves marks and many at that.
Where the Hell do you people live? I can hardly believe what I’m reading here! >I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince >her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with >her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her >hard at least once a week.
You need counseling, Cora. I hope all those kids can get out of there alive. I hope to god your son finds some way to stop smoking. What a truly sad AND frightening story. H.
Response:
> The more I read of this post I’ve got to think this is a joke-post. No > parent in their right mind would ever, ever actually allow their child to > smoke – let alone condone the behavior by letting other minors smoke in > their home. If by the slight chance there are parents out there who would > think this is ok I would be interested to know why. Also, if my 13 year > old son ever laid a hand on me where bruises and blood were involved he > would be spending the night in juvenile hall – why would you even attempt > to spank a 13 year old?
I agree, this is a weird post — perhaps a joke, but then again, who knows. However, there have been more than one parent on alt.parenting.spanking who proudly described spanking their teenagers. Spanking is hitting — children do not deserve to be hit, teenagers do not deserve to be hit — you and I do not deserve to be hit. Teenagers who hit/hurt parents are generally teenagers who were parented with physical punishment — and finally become big enough and strong enough to hit back. At that age I think spanking is inappropriate. Spanking is inappropriate at any age. Hitting/hurting others teaches hitting/hurting others, whether the person is 2, 5, 10, or 13. > You should be teaching the adolescent to sit down and dicuss problems to > solve them.
Absolutely. And that teaching begins when the child is very young. One cannot discipline by hitting through toddlerhood, preschool, and middle childhood, and suddenly expect a teenager to solve problems through discussion. And, like you, I still wonder if this is a serious post! LaVonne
Response:
This is a cryptographically signed message in MIME format. Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit I agree with the person that said communication is the way to deal with your teenagers.It works for me.I’m not trying to put anyone down or anything,but pulling your 13 year olds pants down and whipping him seems a bit mental to me. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > > and underpants off in order to spank him. > You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If > he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something > much more than a spanking. > Perhaps the reason he is blackening his mother’s eyes and bloodying > her nose is a result of all the hitting and hurting he has received > from her, prior to turning 13. He’s now big enough to not take it any > more. > In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a > spanking might even be an effective tool. > Spanking is less effective than other methods, regardless of the > childs age. It also teaches violence as a way of solving problems, > expressing anger or displeasure. It chips away at the relationship > between the parent and the child, and model’s disrespect. Sounds to > me lik this child is reacting to the way he has been treated. > And there is never an > appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that > to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for > it. > I do, but won’t use it. > At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many > things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest > contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on > a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the > American Lung Association. > I agree 100%. Cora’s post is weird. I’m wondering if it’s even > "real." > LaVonne > > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > > and underpants off in order to spank him. > You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If > he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something > much more than a spanking. > Perhaps the reason he is blackening his mother’s eyes and bloodying > her nose is a result of all the hitting and hurting he has received > from her, prior to turning 13. He’s now big enough to not take it any > more. > In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a > spanking might even be an effective tool. > Spanking is less effective than other methods, regardless of the > childs age. It also teaches violence as a way of solving problems, > expressing anger or displeasure. It chips away at the relationship > between the parent and the child, and model’s disrespect. Sounds to > me lik this child is reacting to the way he has been treated. > And there is never an > appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that > to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for > it. > I do, but won’t use it. > At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many > things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest > contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on > a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the > American Lung Association. > I agree 100%. Cora’s post is weird. I’m wondering if it’s even > "real." > LaVonne > > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > > and underpants off in order to spank him. > You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If > he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something > much more than a spanking. > Perhaps the reason he is blackening his mother’s eyes and bloodying > her nose is a result of all the hitting and hurting he has received > from her, prior to turning 13. He’s now big enough to not take it any > more. > In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a > spanking might even be an effective tool. > Spanking is less effective than other methods, regardless of the > childs age. It also teaches violence as a way of solving problems, > expressing anger or displeasure. It chips away at the relationship > between the parent and the child, and model’s disrespect. Sounds to > me lik this child is reacting to the way he has been treated. > And there is never an > appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that > to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for > it. > I do, but won’t use it. > At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many > things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest > contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on > a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the > American Lung Association. > I agree 100%. Cora’s post is weird. I’m wondering if it’s even > "real." > LaVonne > > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > > and underpants off in order to spank him. > You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If > he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something > much more than a spanking. > Perhaps the reason he is blackening his mother’s eyes and bloodying > her nose is a result of all the hitting and hurting he has received > from her, prior to turning 13. He’s now big enough to not take it any > more. > In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a > spanking might even be an effective tool. > Spanking is less effective than other methods, regardless of the > childs age. It also teaches violence as a way of solving problems, > expressing anger or displeasure. It chips away at the relationship > between the parent and the child, and model’s disrespect. Sounds to > me lik this child is reacting to the way he has been treated. > And there is never an > appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that > to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for > it. > I do, but won’t use it. > At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many > things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest > contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on > a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the > American Lung Association. > I agree 100%. Cora’s post is weird. I’m wondering if it’s even > "real." > LaVonne
Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit <HTML> I agree with the person that said communication is the way to deal with your teenagers.It works for me.I’m not trying to put anyone down or anything,but pulling your 13 year olds pants down and whipping him seems a bit mental to me.
<BR>> <BR>> <BR>> > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a <BR>> > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. <BR>> > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle <BR>> > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants <BR>> > and underpants off in order to spank him. <BR>> <BR>> You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If <BR>> he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something <BR>> much more than a spanking. <P>Perhaps the reason he is blackening his mother’s eyes and bloodying <BR>her nose is a result of all the hitting and hurting he has received <BR>from her, prior to turning 13. He’s now big enough to not take it any <BR>more. <P> In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a <BR>> spanking might even be an effective tool. <P>Spanking is less effective than other methods, regardless of the <BR>childs age. It also teaches violence as a way of solving problems, <BR>expressing anger or displeasure. It chips away at the relationship <BR>between the parent and the child, … read more »
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I have a 13 year old daughter who I have had problems with. She is smoking too. It isn’t the smoking that I don’t like. She stole a pack of my cigarettes after much discussion about it. I tried to talk to her about it and she responded well, only to do it again 2 weeks later. I gave her a choice. Either she could lose her phone for 3 days or she could take a spanking. She chose a spanking. I didn’t pull her pants down. I just spanked her with her jeans on. She chose a spanking because it would be over with soon and she wouldn’t have to lose her phone for 3 days. I have run out of options because any other punishment doesn’t seem to work. She has been a very good girl her whole life and this is the first time ever that I have had to spank her. I search for alternate suggestions, that I have not tried already and I can’t find any. I just wanted to write, and mostly ask for some help is all. > Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. > It would certainly upset me, Cora. In fact, this puts you in the position > of contributing to the delinquency of a minor by allowing access to > tobacco. You could be facing some stiff fines and possibly jail time, not > to mention the wrath of the other mothers. > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > and underpants off in order to spank him. > You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If > he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something > much more than a spanking. In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a > spanking might even be an effective tool. And there is never an > appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that > to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for > it. > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > hard at least once a week. > Why would you try to convince someone to let their child suck poison into > their lungs? If she forbids it at home, and the child still smokes, at > least he won’t be poisoning himself while he’s at home. Not to mention > poisoning the air for everyone else in the household. > A 14-year-old daughter is also too old to spank. > At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many > things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest > contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on > a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the > American Lung Association. > The younger a person starts smoking, the more damage is done and the harder > the addiction is to break later. > — > *Kay* (It’s an ADD thing. You wouldn’t underst- hey, look at that!)
Response:
> Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his > friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor.
It would certainly upset me, Cora. In fact, this puts you in the position of contributing to the delinquency of a minor by allowing access to tobacco. You could be facing some stiff fines and possibly jail time, not to mention the wrath of the other mothers. > Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a > black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. > She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle > him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants > and underpants off in order to spank him.
You said her son is only 13? This entire family is way out of control. If he’s balcking his mother’s eyes and bloodying her nose, he needs something much more than a spanking. In fact, a 13 year old is past the age when a spanking might even be an effective tool. And there is never an appropriate age for pulling down a child’s pants to spank him. Doing that to a 13-year-old is so out of line, I don’t even have a good metaphor for it. > I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince > her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with > her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her > hard at least once a week.
Why would you try to convince someone to let their child suck poison into their lungs? If she forbids it at home, and the child still smokes, at least he won’t be poisoning himself while he’s at home. Not to mention poisoning the air for everyone else in the household. A 14-year-old daughter is also too old to spank. At the risk of being rude, Cora, spanking seems to be only one of the many things you should be worrying about as a parent. I would suggest contacting the school counselor about family therapy (which is available on a sliding scale in most areas) and also get information on smoking from the American Lung Association. The younger a person starts smoking, the more damage is done and the harder the addiction is to break later. — *Kay* (It’s an ADD thing. You wouldn’t underst- hey, look at that!)
Response:
Leniency, parent-kid wars, bad relationships I’ll give an example of a parent who should not spank. The mother who is my next door neighbor is a very good friend of mine. She should not spank her kids. She has a son the same age as mine, 13. And, she has a daughter who’s 14, along with a 7 year old son. She seems at times to be at war with her kids. My main criticism of her and the nonspankers is in lack of leniency. I probably am guilty of being the cause of the latest event. A number of the mothers in my neighborhhod contacted me and told me the trouble I caused when I told my son he could smoke. Now, all the kids in the neighborhood want permission from their parents to smoke. If some here think I am severe because I spank, you don’t know some of the mothers in my neighborhood. Some of them are real tartars. I believe that a parent should try and avoid leaving marks, welts, and bruises. It is not the way to go. Now, I know that my father put marks on us. He should not have. But, it was not excessive. You have to know him. And, it was not his intention to leave marks. But, these gals, boy, they accuse me of lightly tapping. They advocate leaving marks. My next door neighbor is one. On the smoking thing, she had quite a loud fight with her 13 year old son on this. She does not want him to smoke. Of course, now that my son smokes, I let his friends smoke here too. This too upsets my neighbor. Well, she slapped him in the face. Now, that I do not approve of. I never hit or slapped my son ever. My ex sometimes hit or slapped and more to me and this is not good. Well, my neighbor’s son gave his mother a black eye and a bloody nose. This was just the start. She wanted to spank him for this. She had to wrestle him to the floor and restrain him and pull his pants and underpants off in order to spank him. She’s one of those who leaves marks and many at that. I’ve been talking with her. I am trying to convince her to let her son smoke. Her real problem is with her daughter. She is at war with her. She spanks her hard at least once a week.
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