Pure Parents

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> IN>My son Matthew is 8 years and has had continuing trouble > IN>concentrating in school. It began when he seemed to have trouble > IN>understanding verbal instructions in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom. He > IN>is, and has always been very easily distracted. He seems to recognize > IN>the problem in himself, and asked this year for his teacher to seperate > IN>him from the other children (distractions) in his classroom. The teacher > IN>   We have tried all types of things. We have offered rewards, goals, > IN>worked individually with him, made special arrangements with teachers > IN>and all the positive methods. We’ve tried stronger methods like spanking > IN>and restictions…etc. Nothing seems to work. Each time, he gets into > IN>more trouble, and seems to be loosing respect for adults. > IN>   This does not seem like autism, ADD or anything like that, but > IN>something is certainly wrong. We are looking inward to try and figure > IN>out what WE might be doing wrong, and are at our witts end! Should we > IN>get family counciling? > IN>Please E-Mail too if possible. > Sorry to snip so much. >I couldn’t find your original post,

same here, I have a 5 1/2 year old who does not understand verbal instructions. He has been repetedly tested for comprehension, expressive language, vo cabulary and he is 1 1/2 year behind the average child of his age. I would suggest to see a Speach Therapist that can make an assessment of his comprehension skills. I would also think as Annalise has mentioned that your child could be more visual than auditory skilled, is he good at jigsaws? Maths, music, coordi- nation? Poor language and coprehension skills are sometimes linked with dyslexia. If you would like to talk about E-mail me. ciao Donatella

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > IN>My son Matthew is 8 years and has had continuing trouble > IN>concentrating in school. It began when he seemed to have trouble > IN>understanding verbal instructions in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom. He > IN>is, and has always been very easily distracted. He seems to recognize > IN>the problem in himself, and asked this year for his teacher to seperate > IN>him from the other children (distractions) in his classroom. The teacher > IN>   We have tried all types of things. We have offered rewards, goals, > IN>worked individually with him, made special arrangements with teachers > IN>and all the positive methods. We’ve tried stronger methods like spanking > IN>and restictions…etc. Nothing seems to work. Each time, he gets into > IN>more trouble, and seems to be loosing respect for adults. > IN>   This does not seem like autism, ADD or anything like that, but > IN>something is certainly wrong. We are looking inward to try and figure > IN>out what WE might be doing wrong, and are at our witts end! Should we > IN>get family counciling? > IN>Please E-Mail too if possible. > Sorry to snip so much.

I couldn’t find your original post, so I’m relying on the above "snipped" one.  So I hope that this helps:  I’ve just read a magazine article (in a South African parenting magazine) about children who have difficulty in school, and the children they described sound very like your son.   The article suggested that some children learn best through auditory/verbal stimulation – the type of stimulation which most primary schools rely on.  However, other children are "visual learners", who don’t have well-developed verbal and language abilities, but learn best through the use of pictures, shapes and figures.  Such children often have poor listening skills and auditory memory.  Although they are often very intelligent, the school environment works against them, and they often get distracted, bored etc.  The article also said that they’re often misdiagnosed as having ADD. The article also mentions a newly published book on this, but it’s South African, so I don’t know how easy it would be for you to get a copy – I can send you details if you like. Hope this is of interest to you, and good luck! Annalise — Annalise Abraham                   phone : +27 31 2616370

Response:

IN>My son Matthew is 8 years and has had continuing trouble IN>concentrating in school. It began when he seemed to have trouble IN>understanding verbal instructions in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom. He IN>is, and has always been very easily distracted. He seems to recognize IN>the problem in himself, and asked this year for his teacher to seperate IN>him from the other children (distractions) in his classroom. The teacher IN>   We have tried all types of things. We have offered rewards, goals, IN>worked individually with him, made special arrangements with teachers IN>and all the positive methods. We’ve tried stronger methods like spanking IN>and restictions…etc. Nothing seems to work. Each time, he gets into IN>more trouble, and seems to be loosing respect for adults. IN>   This does not seem like autism, ADD or anything like that, but IN>something is certainly wrong. We are looking inward to try and figure IN>out what WE might be doing wrong, and are at our witts end! Should we IN>get family counciling? IN>Please E-Mail too if possible. Sorry to snip so much.  Your son sounds as though he’s very frustrated. He knew he was having difficulty in 1st and 2nd grade, and yet he was passed on to 3rd grade.  Were his grades on an equal par with the other students’? Is he a young eight year old?  Depending upon his birthdate, he may have started school a bit earlier.  Perhaps he is not mature enough to be at his present grade level, but that is just a thought. He does sound similar to children with Attention Deficit Disorder and may benefit from being tested.  I know the testing can be expensive, but well worth it I believe.  He also may have some learning disability which frustrates him.  I would consult an expert and get to the bottom of it before he becomes more frustrated than he already is.  This frustration may be something he is unable to explain to you. Best of luck, Patty (mother of 6, grandmother of 10)

Response:

My son Matthew is 8 years and has had continuing trouble concentrating in school. It began when he seemed to have trouble understanding verbal instructions in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom. He is, and has always been very easily distracted. He seems to recognize the problem in himself, and asked this year for his teacher to seperate him from the other children (distractions) in his classroom. The teacher said this has had a positive effect on his work. He is a smart, well spoken, and an otherwise social child. His gradework is about average; C’s but he is increasingly having behavoral problems in school. We are not overly critical of his grades (who wouldn’t want A’s?), but first and foremost, insist that he treat others in class with respect, and listen to teachers. I told him at his last report card, that I am happy with his grades, but cannot accept poor behavior/dis-respectful behavior in the classroom. But, he said to us last month that he was "dumb", and that "everyone in the class was smarter than him, and that he knew something was wrong with him." We were devastated, and of course tried to build up his confidence, but it seemed to have NO effect. He seems to be very anxious. He’s always flourished when praised, but increasingly no amount of positive re-inforcement seems to help. Even said "we don’t love him…we just say we do ’cause we’re his parents…" Ouch!! (There’s a dagger to the heart)     His problems seem to be mainly (with several exceptions) outside of the house (school, church, sitters…etc), but he is a great child at home. He’s no angel, but is certainly not uncontrollable while in the house with my wife and I, but rather a normal 8 year old boy. He seems to get himself into trouble at school (almost always by being distracted or not listening to instructions repeated over and over by his teachers), or while in the care of others, and always blames someone else. He is a little like the bank robber who although caught on video tape, refuses to beleive it was him. He refuses to admit that he is at fault for anything, and blames (teachers "who are mean and hate him", us, or other kids "for starting things every time"). When we say we do not beleive him, he is in tears. Today he again was disciplined in class. But he embellished it after the event, saying his teacher hit him in class on the face. He was SO convincing (crying and all the rest..saying that we never beleive him for anything) that we called the school to find out what happened. We did not however, accuse anyone of anything, trying only to get to the bottom of things. It’s a good thing, because it appears that it was a lie. Although several persons were there at the time, he continues to insist that he is telling the truth, and the we never beleive him.    We have tried all types of things. We have offered rewards, goals, worked individually with him, made special arrangements with teachers and all the positive methods. We’ve tried stronger methods like spanking and restictions…etc. Nothing seems to work. Each time, he gets into more trouble, and seems to be loosing respect for adults.    This does not seem like autism, ADD or anything like that, but something is certainly wrong. We are looking inward to try and figure out what WE might be doing wrong, and are at our witts end! Should we get family counciling? Please E-Mail too if possible. HELP!!!

Response:

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