Pure Parents

Question:

> Recently, on alt.parenting.spanking (and perhaps some other groups), a > person who opposes spanking complained that spanking provides external > control rather than teaching self-control.  I’ve given the matter some > thought, and come to a rather different conclusion. > ===== > One of the problems with physical or emotional punishment is that it may > only teach a child what NOT to do. We have to be more purposive in > parenting and create a locus of self-control.

Why is it that I keep getting this kind of response over and over, as if punishment and strong, positive efforts to teach a child were inherently incompatible?  They aren’t, and can even reinforce each other to a certain extent if punishment is used properly.

Response:

Recently, on alt.parenting.spanking (and perhaps some other groups), a person who opposes spanking complained that spanking provides external control rather than teaching self-control.  I’ve given the matter some thought, and come to a rather different conclusion. ===== One of the problems with physical or emotional punishment is that it may only teach a child what NOT to do. We have to be more purposive in parenting and create a locus of self-control. One of the difficulties that parents have in organising their own thoughts and activities to meet those of their young children is that of identification. Having left behind their own childhood they have forgotten the sequences in the staged process of development. Secondly, they are so unconsciously accepting of their own traits and genetic inheritance that they find difficulty in appreciating that their child might be different. Thirdly, they have come to accept their own level of conscience as driven by the super-ego, and they forget that that of their child is still forming. Yet the child has to find a psychic balance or it will be anxious, constantly re-organising its own developmental process against its inherited traits. This harmony or imbalance will affect the child