Question:
Once again you never fail to show what a classy guy you are. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Oh please Steve save it. > Put it between your legs and crack it, bitch. > Steve > > > I know what you mean about the catcalling right in front of you – > > > unfortunately we now live in a world where good manners and even common > > > decency are in short supply. > > No, they simply changed. Now such calls are compliments and it would be > > indecent to them to forgoe them!! An insult no less! > > Steve
Response:
> It is not always the boys that are at fault.
There is NO "fault". Sex is good, period. > Some girls throw themselves at > boys trying to entice them and tease them all the time.
Many girls really like to fuck. They aren’t "teasing", they really DO want to fuck! Their parents simply wish to pretend they don’t. > I would not just blame boys.
What the fuck is it with "fault" and "blame" and shit with you anyway! > Also, boys like to mouth off a lot; but this > does not mean they are bad or worrisome.
Word: Sex talk is good. The guys you DON’T want can’t talk about it!! > They are very brave when in > groups. But when alone they are very meek.
That would have been everybody in the 50’s and early 60’s. Things changed after that, however. Now 11 and 12 year olds go to group fuck-parties. If you don’t think so then you’re confused. > I would not worry so much about your daughter, who has a good head of her > shoulder, as you stated.
And by that ignorant little intimation you mean, of course, that you imagine you’ve trained her like a dog not to have sex. What bullshit. Those were always the girls who fucked you in the park at the START of a date! > I would check out where she goes and who she is > going with.
Yeah, like you can tell anything or do anything about it! You’re fucking obnoxious! > I would make sure there is no drinking at the parties that she > attends and that it is chaperoned.
What a fucking fool you are. > As far as dates, you will get to see the > boy when he comes to pick her up.
Boy are you behind the times. By the time kids are fucking they don’t even drive yet these days. > I would just be careful of parties, and > have her home at a reasonable time at night.
Useless, they fuck any hour of the day or night. > Don’t let her drive with anyone that has been drinking; have her call you > for a ride if need be.
You won’t get to decide that, and she’ll be a lot more likely to believe in your advice about that if your advice isn’t the total bullshit you’ve been laying out in this post!! Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has > dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing > at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for > class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I > have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife > usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say > and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely > don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will > happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got > a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot > of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, > adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and > that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her > own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing > to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for > any > responses suggestions etc.
Response:
Bill; No it isn’t unusual but I think you should relax. Your daughter sounds like a great kid with her head screwed on right, and even talks to you about these things, so keep those communication lines open. I know what you mean about the catcalling right in front of you – unfortunately we now live in a world where good manners and even common decency are in short supply. Keep loving your daughter, listen to her, and realize that you aren’t going to win every battle. The worst thing you could do is come down hard on her. Pick your battles. From what I hear, you (and she) will be fine – it is so hard when they grow up, isn’t it? Especially in today’s world. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
Response:
> Bill; > No it isn’t unusual but I think you should relax. Your daughter sounds > like a great kid with her head screwed on right, and even talks to you > about these things, so keep those communication lines open. > I know what you mean about the catcalling right in front of you – > unfortunately we now live in a world where good manners and even common > decency are in short supply.
No, they simply changed. Now such calls are compliments and it would be indecent to them to forgoe them!! An insult no less! Steve
Response:
Oh please Steve save it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Bill; > No it isn’t unusual but I think you should relax. Your daughter sounds > like a great kid with her head screwed on right, and even talks to you > about these things, so keep those communication lines open. > I know what you mean about the catcalling right in front of you – > unfortunately we now live in a world where good manners and even common > decency are in short supply. > No, they simply changed. Now such calls are compliments and it would be > indecent to them to forgoe them!! An insult no less! > Steve
Response:
> Oh please Steve save it.
Put it between your legs and crack it, bitch. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > I know what you mean about the catcalling right in front of you – > > unfortunately we now live in a world where good manners and even common > > decency are in short supply. > No, they simply changed. Now such calls are compliments and it would be > indecent to them to forgoe them!! An insult no less! > Steve
Response:
> I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys.
<snip> > And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried.
Why not try trusting her? > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions.
No, you should not be this worried. Trust her. > But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across.
This holds true no matter how old she is, nor where she is. It shouldn’t be an excuse to lock her away from the world. > I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
The only thing you can do, is make sure she has a good self-respect and looks out for herself, and this is true for the rest of her life. The deal is, is that if something horrific is going to happen, like she gets dragged out of her car and raped, there’s little you can do to prevent it, now, or when she’s 40. However, the vast majority of rapes happen under very different circumstances, ones where she has some control over the situation. Control of where she is, whether or not she’s intoxicated, who she goes out with, whether she’s alone, and whether or not she trusts someone she shouldn’t. These are the things you can influence, and it sounds like you already have. Locking her away from the world isn’t going to help. Cathy Weeks edd 12/12/01
Response:
Your daughter is entering the age where her good upbringing is going to start to pay off. Get to know her friends. Groups of teens like to go out to parties or the movies. This should be enough for her until she’s at least 15. Around 15 or so, it’s reasonable for her to expect to start dating. I suggest you encourage her to date, and really get to know several boys. Not real heavy dates. Movie, occasional dinner, early curfew. This will give her a basis of comparison. She will get a sense of having a choice. Girls get into trouble when they naively get overdependent on the first boy they date, or who shows interest in them. It can only do a girl good to know early when a boy is pushing too hard, demanding too much, or just generally being big pain.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
Response:
It is not always the boys that are at fault. Some girls throw themselves at boys trying to entice them and tease them all the time. I would not just blame boys. Also, boys like to mouth off a lot; but this does not mean they are bad or worrisome. They are very brave when in groups. But when alone they are very meek. I would not worry so much about your daughter, who has a good head of her shoulder, as you stated. I would check out where she goes and who she is going with. I would make sure there is no drinking at the parties that she attends and that it is chaperoned. As far as dates, you will get to see the boy when he comes to pick her up. I would just be careful of parties, and have her home at a reasonable time at night. Don’t let her drive with anyone that has been drinking; have her call you for a ride if need be.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
Response:
> She’s noticed that some women, especially black women in the movies, treat > men who come on to them as lower life forms. How else should such approaches be > handled? She has taken on some of that persona and responds in kind to leers > and come ons. Movies and books can be a great help in a culture that generally > influences her very poorly. In art, she sees women of complexity and virtue > attract men of the same caliber – if she dresses certain ways she will bring to > her certain types. I see the movies and read the books when I can and we > discuss relationships and how they might evolve and what they can become.
Wow, a child learning about herself from popular media. Interesting. Maybe if she kept a level head, and was nice to people instead of treating them like "lower life forms" because they want to be around her, she would find that life is really worth living. Maybe she would find that boys aren’t all out for her sex as you would lead her to believe. Some of them are just social, and are redeeming in other ways. > I’ve also told her she is becoming an adult and starting to "write" the > story of her life. Does she want the first chapter to contain an excerpt about > some covert sexuality with a boy or does she want to have it be about a > decision she makes when she is ready and the relationship is ready and the man > is right?
And she could find her one and only at 15 or 25. Are you going to spoil that opportunity for her by telling her that the seriousness of a relationship depends on the chronological age of the participants? Wisdom is where you find it, and limiting yourself and your children makes them not only closed minded, but really obnoxious to deal with. > I try to walk my talk too. A disdain for wild parties, an avoidance of > flirting, attempts to percieve and comment on the attractive elements of the > opposite sex’s personality all to be a good model.
So you’ve avoided aspects of your own life that are enjoyable and human? You’ve avoided the enjoyment of life that comes from letting your hair down, going native, dancing in a conga line around the bonfire, chatting to women, and playing music loud? You are doing your daughter a disservice by teaching her that balance between stoicism and hedonism is impossible, that life is one or the other. Your daughter is 15? She’s old enough to enjoy a party of that nature. Host one, so she knows how it is done. > I also recall from my reading that daughters with fathers who are involved > in their lives are statistically more likely to become sexually active later in > life than are girls whose fathers are absent or less involved. It seems it > almost doesn’t matter what exactly you are doing with your daughter but only > that you are doing something.
So do something already. Don’t be stuffy.
Response:
> Hi: > Also, I’ve been kidding about boys for years. I’ve told both my daughters > that males don’t mature until they’re 30 or over and to be merely amused by > them till then. Who in their right mind would be interested in such
creatures?. That you refer to males as "creatures" is pretty telling about your own personal issues with men. Sad that you want to pass that attitude onto your daughters. > I’ve mentioned to her what she knows is true. When she’s a senior in just a few > years, she’ll be looking at the boys of her present age as lower life
forms. Hopefully, she’ll realize your perception of all males is incorrect, and be able to relate to them on equal footing. > The boys help too – as did the ones you mention yelling after your daughter at > school. They rarely fail to lower themselves to the occasion as if to prove > they should be ignored.
Catcalls and disrespect are best ignored, but you are advocating ignoring males. Why? > She’s noticed that some women, especially black women in the movies, treat > men who come on to them as lower life forms. How else should such approaches be > handled? She has taken on some of that persona and responds in kind to leers > and come ons. Movies and books can be a great help in a culture that generally > influences her very poorly. In art, she sees women of complexity and virtue > attract men of the same caliber – if she dresses certain ways she will bring to > her certain types. I see the movies and read the books when I can and we > discuss relationships and how they might evolve and what they can become.
So you teach her that men that might want to be around them are lower life forms. > I’ve also told her she is becoming an adult and starting to "write" the > story of her life. Does she want the first chapter to contain an excerpt about > some covert sexuality with a boy or does she want to have it be about a > decision she makes when she is ready and the relationship is ready and the man > is right? Is she just going to be a character in a boy’s book? I remind her of > what Dickens says in the first line in the first chapter "I am born" in David > Copperfield, "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or > whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."
By the lessons you are teaching, it sounds as if you don’t believe any man will ever be "right". > Along those lines, I even appeal to the parent she will be. Girls her age > have usually thought quite a bit on how they will mother children. Does she > want her life to be a model for her children or would she rather have to hide > things or dodge their questions? Indeed, I understand from my reading that many > mothers worry about their daughters precisely because of their own behavior > when teenagers and I’ve mentioned that to her.
When I was your daughter’s age, how I would mother my children was the farthest thing from my mind. I was too busy being a normal teenager, and having fun. I have nothing I wish to dodge and hide from, when it comes to my own children. > I try to walk my talk too. A disdain for wild parties, an avoidance of > flirting, attempts to percieve and comment on the attractive elements of the > opposite sex’s personality all to be a good model.
No fun at all, no relating to the opposite sex. > I also recall from my reading that daughters with fathers who are involved > in their lives are statistically more likely to become sexually active later in > life than are girls whose fathers are absent or less involved. It seems it > almost doesn’t matter what exactly you are doing with your daughter but only > that you are doing something.
I will agree that a present father in a girl’s life plays a very important role. Does your daughter have her father in her life? Or is your negative attitude about men there because she doesn’t? — ~Nan~ Did you click today? http://www.Breastcancersite.com
Response:
> Hi: > The conventional wisdom is not to restrict or expect much from teenagers as > they will lie to get what they want and close the lines of communication. While > it is true that many will lie, especially girls, I don’t feel my role as a > parent is akin to that of a reporter.
Reporter? You don’t GET to know. Give it up. > Merely to act, actually not act, so that > I get the latest news and feel good as I’m confided in seems a big step away > from being a proactive parent.
A "pro-active" parent is sort of like saying "pro-active nazi". It is not some laudable perversion, and you may ruin your usefulness to your daughter for the rest of your life. You don’t GET to know, get used to that. > After all, teenage girls spend hours processing > every tiny interpersonal event with their peers. There is hardly room for more > confidants. They need sound advice and people that have expectations of them.
They have enough of that shit with their peers, you’re even worse for them than their peers because you are incapable of understanding. Yes, I know you’d like to pretend you can, but you can’t. > However, the child is becoming an adult and some shift towards friend or > confidant may be appropriate depending on the child.
You’re trying to talk yourself into highhanded bullshit again. When that bad old debbil pops up on your shoulder you need to learn how to say NO to your reflex to control, to try to decide for them, to piss them off at you so thoroughly that they will leave you alone a VERY long time and you’ll next see them when they pat you on the head like a the senile idiot you are when they ship you off to the home so you don’t embarrass or annoy them. If you can’t mind your own damn business sitting still at least find a differnt hobby and go do it. > I steer or try to steer a > middle path with my 15-year-old daughter. I enforce some controls over crys of > anguish but mix them with "junkets."
Then you’ve already ben deemed annoying and you’re being stepped right-around and you are finding yourself out of the loop entirely, IF you even know that you are! You do not steer, you’re being given a plastic steering wheel with a suction cup and being snidely ignored. You might as well give up if you don’t learn your place, which is asking, not telling, not demanding, or you will be old and alone. You may offer advice if ASKED, but you won’t even be given the chance given to do so if you don’t butt-out and wait to be asked!! > An occasional big exception like getting > to go to a party put on by the seniors. I tell her I’m trusting her not to > drink.
She drinks, count on it. If and when you find out and throw a fit your life will turn to shit because she will be gone and your rollercoaster will have begun that tells you who she REALLY thinks you are, always a shock! Learn this lesson now, because you will have just about one chance to demonstrate whether you’re an asshole or not, and maybe only a fraction of another chance!! > She, like me, wants to be deserving of trust as it is a precious > thing and even has commented that now she really can’t drink since > she wants to keep that trust.
They all say that. They feel out what you wanted them to say and say it to you, or worse they let you say it to yourself and ignore you in embarrassment for you. You’re being snidely sidetracked to keep you, a difficult relative with no apparent brains from making an ignorant scene. That was for YOUR consumption, and not for anybody else of importance!! > Her older sister is a different story. Trust to her is more of a > resource to be drawn upon. Each child is different.
No, they act different to you to get what they want out of you. That never changes unless you give up trying to run their lives and then you have a slight remaining chance of being permitted to really KNOW your daughters as people! But you’ll probably fuck that up too. > Also, I’ve been kidding about boys for years. I’ve told both my daughters > that males don’t mature until they’re 30 or over and to be merely amused by > them till then. Who in their right mind would be interested in such creatures?.
You’re an idiot. Anyone without a penis wants a boy. Girls now are experts at acting to you as you imagine girls should be, but to their friends like THEY want to be. > I’ve mentioned to her what she knows is true.
What a statement. Read that over a few times and note the intense self-deception!! That’s what she deluded you into thinking she agrees with you about, for convenience’ sake. > When she’s a senior in just a few > years, she’ll be looking at the boys of her present age as lower life forms.
You really ARE an idiot. She’ll have had 20 partners by then. > The boys help too – as did the ones you mention yelling after your daughter at > school. They rarely fail to lower themselves to the occasion as if to prove > they should be ignored.
Girls SAY that to you if they think you need to hear it to keep your fucking nose out of their business. Girls are ALWAYS practicing for Hollywood! They LOVE it when boys are gross, the RIGHT boys, the ones they want to fuck. > She’s noticed that some women, especially black women in the movies, treat > men who come on to them as lower life forms.
They have also noticed that you treat girls their age as lower life forms. They are VERY VERY subtle in their snide inside jokes at you. > How else should such approaches be > handled?
YOU don’t GET to "handle" it, Bud! > She has taken on some of that persona and responds in kind to leers > and come ons.
That’s normal, leave her the hell alone. That’s called socialization to her peer group, and NOBODY has been successful opposing it since the dawn of the human species! If you try your life will turn to shit and you’ll lose your kids over your stubborn stupidity! > Movies and books can be a great help in a culture that generally > influences her very poorly.
She will see it from HER paradigm, which is not yours at all! > In art, she sees women of complexity and virtue > attract men of the same caliber – if she dresses certain ways she will bring to > her certain types.
ALL that means a TOTALLY different thing to her than it ever did to you!! You have weird little snobberies which you imagine are universal to each successive generation, and you could not possibly be more in error!! > I see the movies and read the books when I can and we > discuss relationships and how they might evolve and what they can become.
And she tells you what you’re fishing for, and makes fun of you to her friends, "You should have heard the crap my father was running past me last night…" > I’ve also told her she is becoming an adult and starting to "write" the > story of her life. Does she want the first chapter to contain an excerpt about > some covert sexuality with a boy or does she want to have it be about a > decision she makes when she is ready and the relationship is ready and the man > is right?
She wants a romance novel with lots of fucking early and often, idiot. That old tired phraseology sounds so unbelievably tired and weak and backward to her that she will never even bother to tell you how much she thinks you’re full of shit. She wouldn’t even know where to begin on you, you’re a lost fucking cause to her!! She knows there is no WAAY to tell if a man is worth bothering with without fucking him!! ALL women know that now, and they know that paternal shit of yours that you reflexively spout when you get jealous as she starts to give YOU a hard-on is just a neurosis your generation suffers from in your middle-aged crisis!! > Is she just going to be a character in a boy’s book? I remind her of > what Dickens says in the first line in the first chapter "I am born" in David > Copperfield, "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or > whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."
Nope. She’s writing her OWN book, BUT WITH LOTS OF FUCKING!!!!! > Along those lines, I even appeal to the parent she will be. Girls her age > have usually thought quite a bit on how they will mother children. Does she > want her life to be a model for her children or would she rather have to hide > things or dodge their questions?
You’re assuming she’s as stupid as you are about sex. She most likely is not. By the time she grows up and has kids people will be able to fuck at the beach and nobody will know what "porn" is, because they will fuck openly in mainstream movies. > Indeed, I understand from my reading that many > mothers worry about their daughters precisely because of their own behavior > when teenagers and I’ve mentioned that to her.
That’s neurotic, and she undoubtedly sighed inside that you were so stupid and limited and predictably mentally disordered about sex. > I try to walk my talk too. A disdain for wild parties, an avoidance of > flirting, attempts to percieve and comment on the attractive elements of the > opposite sex’s personality all to be a good model.
Your daughter gags about you behind your back. GOD but you’re stupid!! > I also recall from my reading that daughters with fathers who are involved > in their lives are statistically more likely to become sexually active later in > life than are girls whose fathers are absent or less involved.
And … read more »
Response:
> You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter.
Like people are saying, she’s going to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants to do it. If you did well up to this point, she’ll be fine. If you failed, you’ll know.
Response:
Hi: The conventional wisdom is not to restrict or expect much from teenagers as they will lie to get what they want and close the lines of communication. While it is true that many will lie, especially girls, I don’t feel my role as a parent is akin to that of a reporter. Merely to act, actually not act, so that I get the latest news and feel good as I’m confided in seems a big step away from being a proactive parent. After all, teenage girls spend hours processing every tiny interpersonal event with their peers. There is hardly room for more confidants. They need sound advice and people that have expectations of them. However, the child is becoming an adult and some shift towards friend or confidant may be appropriate depending on the child. I steer or try to steer a middle path with my 15-year-old daughter. I enforce some controls over crys of anguish but mix them with "junkets." An occasional big exception like getting to go to a party put on by the seniors. I tell her I’m trusting her not to drink. She, like me, wants to be deserving of trust as it is a precious thing and even has commented that now she really can’t drink since she wants to keep that trust. Her older sister is a different story. Trust to her is more of a resource to be drawn upon. Each child is different. Also, I’ve been kidding about boys for years. I’ve told both my daughters that males don’t mature until they’re 30 or over and to be merely amused by them till then. Who in their right mind would be interested in such creatures?. I’ve mentioned to her what she knows is true. When she’s a senior in just a few years, she’ll be looking at the boys of her present age as lower life forms. The boys help too – as did the ones you mention yelling after your daughter at school. They rarely fail to lower themselves to the occasion as if to prove they should be ignored. She’s noticed that some women, especially black women in the movies, treat men who come on to them as lower life forms. How else should such approaches be handled? She has taken on some of that persona and responds in kind to leers and come ons. Movies and books can be a great help in a culture that generally influences her very poorly. In art, she sees women of complexity and virtue attract men of the same caliber – if she dresses certain ways she will bring to her certain types. I see the movies and read the books when I can and we discuss relationships and how they might evolve and what they can become. I’ve also told her she is becoming an adult and starting to "write" the story of her life. Does she want the first chapter to contain an excerpt about some covert sexuality with a boy or does she want to have it be about a decision she makes when she is ready and the relationship is ready and the man is right? Is she just going to be a character in a boy’s book? I remind her of what Dickens says in the first line in the first chapter "I am born" in David Copperfield, "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." Along those lines, I even appeal to the parent she will be. Girls her age have usually thought quite a bit on how they will mother children. Does she want her life to be a model for her children or would she rather have to hide things or dodge their questions? Indeed, I understand from my reading that many mothers worry about their daughters precisely because of their own behavior when teenagers and I’ve mentioned that to her. I try to walk my talk too. A disdain for wild parties, an avoidance of flirting, attempts to percieve and comment on the attractive elements of the opposite sex’s personality all to be a good model. I also recall from my reading that daughters with fathers who are involved in their lives are statistically more likely to become sexually active later in life than are girls whose fathers are absent or less involved. It seems it almost doesn’t matter what exactly you are doing with your daughter but only that you are doing something. hope some of this makes sense Come visit <A HREF="http://www.zona-pellucida.com">Zona Pellucida</A> A site seeking to inspire parenting through art, literature, and stories and to place children at the center of our lives.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has > dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing > at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for > class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > She sounds like a terrific young lady, and I can see why you’d be proud of > her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I > have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife > usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say > and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely > don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will > happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got > a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot > of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, > adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say most is perpetrated by boys. Girls > tend to do their fair share, also. I know *I* did when I was a teen 
> You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and > that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her > own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing > to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for > any > responses suggestions etc. > I have a teenage son, and 16 month old daughter. I worry about my son, and > I’m sure I’ll worry more about my daughter > I imagine, though, if your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and you > are able to trust her, she will be okay, in spite of the things she sees, > and the people she meets. It’s tough, but sometimes we have to trust that > our children will make good decisions. And even tougher when we have to > step back and let them learn from their mistakes. I’m sure other posters > will have some other advice for you, but ignore Steve. All he’ll tell you > is to let your daughter have sex whenever she wants 
> — > ~Nan~
She will anyway, if he gets in the way he will lose her for life. Steve
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like.
Tough shit, pops, their way of doing things is barely understandable to you. Don’t even try at this point, you’ll fuck up really badly! > She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys.
YOU forget, daddy-poo, ALL boys are "the wrong kind of boys" to reactive assholes like you! > She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys.
Bullshit, you have an "innocent virgin daughter fantasy". You think she’s a "daddy’s girl", when more of THOSE manipulate their fathers than any OTHER kind of girl! The one thing parents of your generation have trouble understanding is that in this generation girls are more like boys than they have EVER been! Sexually, initiative-wise, and every other way. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter.
YOU forget SHE has hormones! > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across.
It doesn’t matter, you can’t control her, and if you try to your life will turn to shit because she’ll turn on you and you’ll never get another truthful thing out of her again, ever! > I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter.
Now you’ve escalated your paranoia up to denying her womanhood, calling her a "girl" and pretending that male contemporaries of hers are "big nasty men". You’re talking yourself into a line of bullshit. > What steps can I take to prevent this.
You can’t, you’re wrong, shut the fuck up and go sit down someplace and think about sports or work. You’ll never get it right if you try to insert yourself in her life at this point, your home and your relationship with your daughter will turn into wet shit-soaked tissue paper and will come apart in your hands inextricably if you interfere! > Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
Shut the fuck up and leave her the fuck alone, if you try to get in her business she is going to hate your fucking guts for the rest of your fucking life. You DON’T understand her generation and you’re not even CAPABLE of understanding and keeping up with it, let alone making her decisions for her. Leave her and her peers the hell alone! Make sure she has good birth control and then just shut the fuck up and walk away!! When in doubt say nothing, when not in doubt be very very afraid of yourself! Steve
Response:
My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated a couple) and also with the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any responses suggestions etc.
Response:
Be happy that she is telling you what goes on, that means that she doesn’t feel like she has to hide anything. If you start trying to control her, she will stop telling you what goes on, likely even lying about it. She will also want to be away from you more, and thus into that kind of situation more often if you push her away by trying to control who she is with and what she does. If she is willing to come to you about it than there is no reason not to trust that she will make the right decisions. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her. > However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys. > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
– "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." Don’t dream it, be it. -RHPS http://www.teenhelp.org To email: remove _removethis_
Response:
> My daughter will be a high school junior this coming year. She is at the > point where she is wanting to become involved….. with boys (she has dated > a couple) and also with > the real world…. she has just started a summer job and she is lookiing at > things she can do for her community, and is tinking about running for class > president next year, maybe. I am proud of her.
She sounds like a terrific young lady, and I can see why you’d be proud of her. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> However…. I am quite concerned about her becoming involved with > teenage boys. We have her in a public school, and on occasions when I have > picked her up from school (I pick her up sometimes, although my wife usually > picks her up) I get a look at these teenage boys on campus and > what they say and do…… you know, they are calling out to girls "Hey > honey would you like some fries with that shake" .. right in front of us > parents! and they are definitely not very scrupulous with what they say and > how they say it. And I have heard things about them that I difinetely don’t > like. She comes home and tells stories about what these young men do at > school and at football games, etc. and I am worried about what will happen > if she sees boys more often, and maybe the wrong kinds of boys. She’s got a > pretty good head on her shoulders but I am still quite worried. I hear > about what they are doing at school…. one wonders what they do when > they’re not at school! Actually, I have a pretty good idea what some of > them do because she tells us what is going on at school parties…. a lot of > booze, some drugs, and some other stuff wich I should not mention here, adn > I suspect most of it is being perpetrated by the boys.
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say most is perpetrated by boys. Girls tend to do their fair share, also. I know *I* did when I was a teen > You may say, "boys will be boys" and that it’s only there hormones and that > most young men are well behaved but I am still worried for my daughter. > Should I be this worried? Or should I just trust that she will make her own > good decisions. But even if she edoes the right things, who knows who or > what she will come across. I keep hearing on the news what men are doing to > young unsuspecting girls and God forbid any man should do anything to my > daughter. What steps can I take to prevent this. Again, I know I cant be > around her all the time but what is there anything I can do. Thanks for any > responses suggestions etc.
I have a teenage son, and 16 month old daughter. I worry about my son, and I’m sure I’ll worry more about my daughter I imagine, though, if your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and you are able to trust her, she will be okay, in spite of the things she sees, and the people she meets. It’s tough, but sometimes we have to trust that our children will make good decisions. And even tougher when we have to step back and let them learn from their mistakes. I’m sure other posters will have some other advice for you, but ignore Steve. All he’ll tell you is to let your daughter have sex whenever she wants — ~Nan~ Did you click today? http://www.Breastcancersite.com
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