Question:
> It is never too early to teach your children fiscal responsibility. How > ever, if this was the first time I might let up a little on the severity. > Let her have her phone privileges back when she pays for her charges. > Then as someone else said, Have her get a phone card and use that. then this > will never happen again.
and why isn’t the right to communicate with friends part of the child’s basic participation in the household and family? why the punitive attitude? If there is a genuine cost problem and the family really can’t afford to support the calls at all — they they need to work with her to figure out how to do so — perhaps have her responsible for her phone card — but it isn’t naughty to want to talk to your friends — and providing some reasonable amount of support to do that if you can afford it is not ‘irresponsible’. I agree with the idea that she needs to be responsible and a partner in this — but not with the subtext of this thread which seems oddly puritan about such a simple need as talking with friends — in a world when friends are often no longer just next door.
Response:
> > Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Phone cards are cheap, she can buy them at Sam’s and talk as long as she > wants…
and there is a subtext here thatthere is something bad about kids talking to their friends — I grew up with this uptight anal sort of attitude towards phone calls — with 5 minute limits etc etc and the sense that there was something profligate or wasteful about talking on the phone — but luckily managed to get over it when my kids were young teens. When they are on the phone chatting with their friends they are 1. developing social skills and bonding 2. not out in a car with a boyfriend who has had a few beers or otherwise at risk. Having a generous attitude towards safe and pleasant activities seems a minimal thing for a parent of teens — there are enough things to hassle them about without ‘restricting’ their phone calling and nagging them etc etc. The money is an issue — but approach it with an attitude of ‘how can we make this work so you can talk with your friends’ not with this sort of purse lipped punitive restrictive demeanor. Maybe it is phone cards, maybe it is a different phone system, maybe it is some time limits — BUT approach it as a good thing you want to help them with rather than as yet one more thing to slap down the teen with.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > > pay for em..am I being fair? > Phone cards are cheap, she can buy them at Sam’s and talk as long as she > wants… > and there is a subtext here thatthere is something bad about kids talking > to their friends — I grew up with this uptight anal sort of attitude > towards phone calls — with 5 minute limits etc etc and the sense that > there was something profligate or wasteful about talking on the phone — > but luckily managed to get over it when my kids were young teens. When > they are on the phone chatting with their friends they are 1. developing > social skills and bonding 2. not out in a car with a boyfriend who has had > a few beers or otherwise at risk. Having a generous attitude towards safe > and pleasant activities seems a minimal thing for a parent of teens — > there are enough things to hassle them about without ‘restricting’ their > phone calling and nagging them etc etc. > The money is an issue — but approach it with an attitude of ‘how can we > make this work so you can talk with your friends’ not with this sort of > purse lipped punitive restrictive demeanor. Maybe it is phone cards, > maybe it is a different phone system, maybe it is some time limits — BUT > approach it as a good thing you want to help them with rather than as yet > one more thing to slap down the teen with.
Hi, I have four kids, 6, 10, 12 and 15. I agree with you 100%. I do not see anything wrong with them talking on the phone. They don’t have cell phones or long distance friends, so money is not a factor in it. I allow them to talk, as long as they are not forsaking things like homework, chores, showers etc. I have had to make a few rules with my daughter, just because it was annoying. The 10 yr old had friends who would call around in a circle, since some do not have 3 way calling. The phone would ring, she would talk for a minute, or two at the most, then hang up, then a minute later another friend would call, they would talk for a minute, then hang up, then my daughter would call another, then that one would call the first one back, then she would call my daughter,, on and on, they would have conversations with 5 or 6 girls at a time like this, for hours if you let them. (Makes me wish the other girls had AIM so they could all talk together) But after 30 minutes or so of the phone litterally ringing every 3 minutes,, well, even us sane people have to say something. My son on the other hand, who is now 15, talks on the phone a lot. Every day. Usually later then his sister, so there is no conflict there. His problem was around the age of 10 he said to me, "Mom, do I have to stop what I am doing and talk to someone EVERY time they call?" Well, I have taught them that "No, they don’t have to stop what they are doing." Some of my friends think this is rude, but honestly, if a child is outside riding his bike, or playing with his brother, or chemistry set, or the million other things that can be very important to them, then I am not going to say "You should talk to whoever calls, whenever they call". Many of his friends didn’t quite get this for a while and actually thought I was just saying "He’s doing this right now" so that he wouldn’t talk on the phone. I wasn’t, but do not think we should be a slave to the phone either. Just like now, with caller ID, if I am doing something important, even playing a game with the 6 yr old, I can see who is calling, and if it is not something I deem more important, like one of the siblings calling, or such, then I just let it go to the voice messenging and see what the message is when I am done. Am I weird? or does anyone else do this? Sandi — -Sure, I will get a life…… as soon as I figure out where to download one!- 25,000+ visitors can’t be wrong, Arizona Information is moving on.. Arizona Information, weather, pictures and more http://arizonainformation.freeservers.com
Response:
>No, Vartec is 5 cents with a 10 minute minimum, or else a $4.95 minimum >per month.
You are correct. I checked my phone bill after reading your post, it is a 10 minute min. and no monthly fee. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Kim "Give your heart wings or you will never fly…"
Response:
> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair?
Phone cards are cheap, she can buy them at Sam’s and talk as long as she wants…
Response:
Blah…rulebreaker…old thread. Sorry 
Response:
It is never too early to teach your children fiscal responsibility. How ever, if this was the first time I might let up a little on the severity. Let her have her phone privileges back when she pays for her charges. Then as someone else said, Have her get a phone card and use that. then this will never happen again. — Claudia AKA StillWaters Visit my two web sites: Gay Parenting http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/gay_parenting_families Home page with 100’s of low fat sugar free recipe http://dietchef.ecorp.net
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair?
Response:
>Perhaps you can buy her a prepaid phone card on a monthly basis. She can use >the card herself or give the number out to friends who can use it to call her >instead of collect. Once the card is used up, that is it for the month. >Kim >"Give your heart wings or you will never fly…"
thanks for that idea!..never really thought of it before 
Frannie
Response:
> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
Keeping her incommunicado is antihumane, but barring any further long distance unless prearragned and/or pre-paid is reasonable. You don’t need to support her need for great distances when not anticipating the charges in your budget. If she violates it again THEN simply put a block on the phone for long distance and deny her the use of it. Take out your home phone and get a cellphone for you. Steve
Response:
>Perhaps you can buy her a prepaid phone card on a monthly basis. She can use >the card herself or give the number out to friends who can use it to call her >instead of collect. Once the card is used up, that is it for the month. >Kim
Not sure I like that idea. With the phone bill coming in each month the parent can see exactly who it is that she is calling or excepting calls from. Maybe she should keep her own log of calls made and recieved and compare it with the monthly phone bill.
Response:
You didn’t say how old your teen is but it’s possible that she really didn’t know how much this would cost. After a similar experience with my younger teen, I banned initiation of 3-way calls from our house and acceptance of collect calls. Then I explained how 10-10-220 and similar plans work. Now, she calls and talks for 20 min. for $1. Then they hang up and the person calls her back using 10-10-220 (or similar no.) and they talk for another 20 min. for $1. This way they split the cost of the call and as far as I’m concerned 40 min. per conversation is long enough. I will pay up to $5/month for her long distance calls. She pays the rest. (Most of her friends live locally, so this doesn’t cut her off.) Michelle
Response:
I would make her pay for any long distance calls as long as she lives in your house. You are being fair.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
Response:
You can also use 10-10-811. It too only charges a dollar for 20 minutes but in a different way. It is 5 cents per minute, with a minimum of 3 minutes, so if her call ends up being a message on voice mail, you save yourself 85 cents. And, if she were to go over the 20 minutes mark on accident, it is only 5 cents more a minute with no monthly service charge. It is a company called Vartec and you can even have it put on your phone service as your long distance carrier, then you don’t have to dial the 10-10-811 before making the call. Kim "Give your heart wings or you will never fly…"
Response:
> You can also use 10-10-811. It too only charges a dollar for 20 minutes but in > a different way. It is 5 cents per minute, with a minimum of 3 minutes, so if > her call ends up being a message on voice mail, you save yourself 85 cents. > And, if she were to go over the 20 minutes mark on accident, it is only 5 cents > more a minute with no monthly service charge. It is a company called Vartec > and you can even have it put on your phone service as your long distance > carrier, then you don’t have to dial the 10-10-811 before making the call. > Kim > "Give your heart wings or you will never fly…"
No, Vartec is 5 cents with a 10 minute minimum, or else a $4.95 minimum per month. I use Vartec 10-10-811 and they’re great! Call 10-10-811-0 to ask if they are available in your area and start the plan with them, make sure they don’t charge you a minimum if you don’t want one, they can go with $4.95 a month and 5 cents/minute with no minimum, or they can do 5 cents and a 10 minute minimum. But here’s another trick, have your local telephone company have you removed from ALL connected default long distance companies as well, insist on removing ALL of them, EVEN THEIRS!! They don’t have to tell you about it, BUT they have to remove it if you ask them. They will continue to charge you a small federal tax, however, no worries, but if you use a 1010-number for long distance you don’t NEED their long distance TOO!! They will be happy to continue to charge you 4 or $5 minimum a month for a default long distance carrier which you don’t use for exactly as long as you remain stupid!! And if you are low income then get their Universal Lifeline or other service for your unlimited local calling, that will save you another 5 or 6 bucks!! Ask about it. Steve
Response:
> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
I think you are. — ~Nan~<– Help someone today: http://breastcancer.care2.com/
Response:
> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
I agree with the other posters that it’s fair to expect your daughter to pay for her calls. The one thing I would add is to be sure she knows ahead of time how much she is expected to pay for – all her calls? Or will you cover up to a certain limit? I liked the idea of getting her a prepaid phone card.
Response:
I"m a bit confused. How would you know if her friends called? Anyway, can you not get some sort of calling plan to solve this? Is there some sort of $20/month flat rate plan that you can get (which is what it is around here) or something like that. The way we (and most of my friends) have it worked out is that anything within the monthly $20 (which can be anywhere from unlimited to 800 minutes depending on where you are and who your company is) is fine (most months, the whole family can stay within the boundries of the $20 plan). Anything beyond that (calls made during the weekday, or calls that go over the limit) are expected to be payed for by whoever made the call. > Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
– "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." Don’t dream it, be it. -RHPS http://www.teenhelp.org To email: remove _removethis_
Response:
Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to pay for em..am I being fair? Frannie
Response:
> Ok..so I get my phone bill and my daughter has almost 15 dollars worth > of calls…I told her I expect her to pay for them…and then she > starts arguing she never made all the calls..only some of em…so I > pointed out that if her friends called here..even if it was collect it > would say so…she’s mad that I have restricted her calling now…no > calls at all for 2 weeks because of a previous thing ( she didn’t call > saying she would be late) and probably no long distance calls for at > least month..unless of course she has the money on hand at the time to > pay for em..am I being fair? > Frannie
Yep. — Kitten = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = I’m a bitch, I’m a lover; I’m a child, I’m a mother I’m a sinner, I’m a saint; I do not feel ashamed I’m your hell, I’m you dream; I’m nothing in between You know you wouldn’t want it any other way – – - Meredith Brooks
Response:
Perhaps you can buy her a prepaid phone card on a monthly basis. She can use the card herself or give the number out to friends who can use it to call her instead of collect. Once the card is used up, that is it for the month. Kim "Give your heart wings or you will never fly…"
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