Question:
Listen I am a teen mom and peer pressure is hard to deal with but in the end is your decision and it is a tough one I was 16 when I got pregnant and I have had std’s and now I am 20 and find it hard to have a normal life PLEASE wait or at LEAST do it safely protection MORE that one kind. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> TEENS SEEK ADVICE > Reprinted from Living With Teens, by Blossom M. Turk, > Ed.D., Legendary Publishing Company, 1990. > QUESTION: There are three of us writing this letter. We > are all high school seniors this year, but we have been > friends since 5th grade. Our question is, how do you stand > up against the peer pressure to have sex with your boy- > friend? Because we have been friends for so long, we tell > each other many personal things. All three of us are going > steady this year and we are definitely feeling the pressure > to go all the way. If what the girls at school are saying > is true, almost everyone is doing it. The three of us come > from church-going families who believe that premarital sex > is bad. But most of the kids at school say, as long as > it’s someone you are going with, having sex is okay, is fun > and is perfectly normal. What do you think? > RESPONSE: In any peer pressure situation, the teen who > feels good about herself/himself in most areas of his/her > life is not as susceptible to pressure as the teem who is > either insecure or immature. > There are several questions teens can ask themselves to > help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. > whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. > * Could you do what you are being pressured to do and > still feel good about yourself? > * Would what you are contemplating add to or take away > from your positive feelings about yourself? > * Would your decision help you or hurt you? Help or > hurt those you love? > * Think of the person you respect and admire most in the > world. Would you want that person to know what you are > doing? > Having sexual intercourse within a loving, committed, > marriage relationship can be a beautiful and pleasurable > experience. However, sexual intercourse is not the only > way two people show love for each other. Love can be > shared listening to music, love can be shared looking at a > beautiful sunset or a wonderful work of art; love can be > shared when two people are working together to reach a > mutual goal; love can be shared by just being there for > each other in time of sadness or disappointment or illness; > love can be shared in a stimulating conversation or by > laughing at something that is funny for both of you. Real > commitment, real caring, mature love, is sharing feelings > and experiences both good and bad. > Too often in a teenage relationship, sex is misused. The > people involved want to have sex just because "everyone is > doing it." The other person is seen as am object or > conquest. rather than as a unique individual with feelings. > Too often, teens in a sexually active situation have not > weighed the pros and cons of their choice; they don’t > consider the possibilities of pregnancy, venereal disease, > the guilt or the unrealistic hope that sex will make them > beautiful, mature, and popular. > This is a subject about which teens should feel comfortable > talking with their parents. Teens, give your parents that > opportunity and parents, remember that the most beautiful > part of parenting is helping one’s child make sense of all > the conflicting messages that abound. > Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 > Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 > 1350 W Robinhood Dr Ste2 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 > HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html > Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (17), Andy (11) > Grandmother to Joshua (6), Jessica (6), and Anthony (Born 12/96) > - All Children Are Gifted…. > They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
Response:
TEENS SEEK ADVICE Reprinted from Living With Teens, by Blossom M. Turk, Ed.D., Legendary Publishing Company, 1990. QUESTION: There are three of us writing this letter. We are all high school seniors this year, but we have been friends since 5th grade. Our question is, how do you stand up against the peer pressure to have sex with your boy- friend? Because we have been friends for so long, we tell each other many personal things. All three of us are going steady this year and we are definitely feeling the pressure to go all the way. If what the girls at school are saying is true, almost everyone is doing it. The three of us come from church-going families who believe that premarital sex is bad. But most of the kids at school say, as long as it’s someone you are going with, having sex is okay, is fun and is perfectly normal. What do you think? RESPONSE: In any peer pressure situation, the teen who feels good about herself/himself in most areas of his/her life is not as susceptible to pressure as the teem who is either insecure or immature. There are several questions teens can ask themselves to help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. * Could you do what you are being pressured to do and still feel good about yourself? * Would what you are contemplating add to or take away from your positive feelings about yourself? * Would your decision help you or hurt you? Help or hurt those you love? * Think of the person you respect and admire most in the world. Would you want that person to know what you are doing? Having sexual intercourse within a loving, committed, marriage relationship can be a beautiful and pleasurable experience. However, sexual intercourse is not the only way two people show love for each other. Love can be shared listening to music, love can be shared looking at a beautiful sunset or a wonderful work of art; love can be shared when two people are working together to reach a mutual goal; love can be shared by just being there for each other in time of sadness or disappointment or illness; love can be shared in a stimulating conversation or by laughing at something that is funny for both of you. Real commitment, real caring, mature love, is sharing feelings and experiences both good and bad. Too often in a teenage relationship, sex is misused. The people involved want to have sex just because "everyone is doing it." The other person is seen as am object or conquest. rather than as a unique individual with feelings. Too often, teens in a sexually active situation have not weighed the pros and cons of their choice; they don’t consider the possibilities of pregnancy, venereal disease, the guilt or the unrealistic hope that sex will make them beautiful, mature, and popular. This is a subject about which teens should feel comfortable talking with their parents. Teens, give your parents that opportunity and parents, remember that the most beautiful part of parenting is helping one’s child make sense of all the conflicting messages that abound. Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 1350 W Robinhood Dr Ste2 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (17), Andy (11) Grandmother to Joshua (6), Jessica (6), and Anthony (Born 12/96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
Response:
I think educating children [on when to start a family] should start when they’re very, very young and more likely to integrate teachings into their beliefs. 
snip) :>There are several questions teens can ask themselves to :>help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. :>whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. (snip)
Response:
(snip) I think the mysticism of saying someone is "changed" some way the day they first have intercourse contributes to the irresistibility of the adolescent’s urges.(snip)…… good point, but I see I must not have made myself clear in my original response. I was issuing a warning to REALLY think things through, not giving my friend an invitation to jump right into a different plane of existence. At least she understood me (if no one else on the newsgroup did) and THAT’S what is important to me. I’ve yet to meet anyone who didn’t look at life quite a bit differently after his/her first intimate encounter, whether it was in the context of a serious relationship, fling, one-night stand or, uh, using ’hired help’. But I’m sure there are always exceptions! Rebecca L.
Response:
writes: >I’ve told her that if she does ever think >she should "go all the way", she needs to remember that she won’t be >the same person after the ‘act’ that she was before.
I think we need to be staunch advocates for non-intercourse forms of mutual gratification – not just because I think it’s nice to delay having intercourse until a certain emotional preparedness is attained – but because there’s a lot to be learned which could be skipped if one jumps straight to the *act.* Former Surgeon General Elders was right on. If we de-stigmafy masterbation, those who choose to wait for the *act* will have an easier time of it. I think the mysticism of saying someone is "changed" some way the day they first have intercourse contributes to the irresistibility of the adolescent’s urges. Levity is the dearth of gravity. Brevity is the height of clarity.
Response:
> I think the mysticism of saying someone is "changed" some way the day they > first have intercourse contributes to the irresistibility of the > adolescent’s urges.
Unfortunatly, many of us were more disappointed then we were changed.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->This is a multi-part message in MIME format. >Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii >Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit >Content-Disposition: inline; filename="ADVICE.TXT" >TEENS SEEK ADVICE >Reprinted from Living With Teens, by Blossom M. Turk, >Ed.D., Legendary Publishing Company, 1990. >QUESTION: There are three of us writing this letter. We >are all high school seniors this year, but we have been >friends since 5th grade. Our question is, how do you stand >up against the peer pressure to have sex with your boy- >friend? Because we have been friends for so long, we tell >each other many personal things. All three of us are going >steady this year and we are definitely feeling the pressure >to go all the way. If what the girls at school are saying >is true, almost everyone is doing it. The three of us come >from church-going families who believe that premarital sex >is bad. But most of the kids at school say, as long as >it’s someone you are going with, having sex is okay, is fun >and is perfectly normal. What do you think? >RESPONSE: In any peer pressure situation, the teen who >feels good about herself/himself in most areas of his/her >life is not as susceptible to pressure as the teem who is >either insecure or immature. >There are several questions teens can ask themselves to >help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. >whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. >* Could you do what you are being pressured to do and > still feel good about yourself? >* Would what you are contemplating add to or take away > from your positive feelings about yourself? >* Would your decision help you or hurt you? Help or > hurt those you love? >* Think of the person you respect and admire most in the > world. Would you want that person to know what you are > doing?
Of course, the first step is to realize that you are being pressured. Sometimes it isn’t all that obvious. Some other questions: – Is what I’m being pressured to do RIGHT or WRONG (moral/immoral, legal/illegal, etc.)? – Do I really want to do what I’m being pressured to do, or do I want to do it because I value my friends’ (or whoever) approval and they will disapprove if I refuse? – Do I want to live my own life, or do I want my life to be run by the people who are with me? – Am I going to make the decisions that affect my life, or am I going to let other people make the decisions that affect my life? Regards, Tom Wheeler
Response:
Nicely said and done! Jim
Response:
(snip) >There are several questions teens can ask themselves to >help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. >whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. (snip)
Great post! I may show it to my 15 yr. old friend. When the subject of premarital sex comes up, I’ve told her that if she does ever think she should "go all the way", she needs to remember that she won’t be the same person after the ‘act’ that she was before. In other words, don’t waste the experience on the wrong person/relationship. I am appalled at the number of kids (I’m talking as young as 12) in our community who sleep around – usually with older boys/men, get pregnant, get diseases, do drugs (the connecting thread with these kids seems to be disinterested parents, from the info my friend has given me). My friend could be exaggerating on how many kids do engage in self-destructive behaviour, but our family doctor told me she had two 12 yr old OB patients last year, and several more under the age of 17. She was wondering what could be done to modify the sex-ed program in our local schools (which I thought was pretty good), since the kids are tuning it out……. Rebecca L.
Response:
TEENS SEEK ADVICE Reprinted from Living With Teens, by Blossom M. Turk, Ed.D., Legendary Publishing Company, 1990. QUESTION: There are three of us writing this letter. We are all high school seniors this year, but we have been friends since 5th grade. Our question is, how do you stand up against the peer pressure to have sex with your boy- friend? Because we have been friends for so long, we tell each other many personal things. All three of us are going steady this year and we are definitely feeling the pressure to go all the way. If what the girls at school are saying is true, almost everyone is doing it. The three of us come from church-going families who believe that premarital sex is bad. But most of the kids at school say, as long as it’s someone you are going with, having sex is okay, is fun and is perfectly normal. What do you think? RESPONSE: In any peer pressure situation, the teen who feels good about herself/himself in most areas of his/her life is not as susceptible to pressure as the teem who is either insecure or immature. There are several questions teens can ask themselves to help them make a decision in a peer-pressure situation. whether it be about sex or drugs or alcohol. * Could you do what you are being pressured to do and still feel good about yourself? * Would what you are contemplating add to or take away from your positive feelings about yourself? * Would your decision help you or hurt you? Help or hurt those you love? * Think of the person you respect and admire most in the world. Would you want that person to know what you are doing? Having sexual intercourse within a loving, committed, marriage relationship can be a beautiful and pleasurable experience. However, sexual intercourse is not the only way two people show love for each other. Love can be shared listening to music, love can be shared looking at a beautiful sunset or a wonderful work of art; love can be shared when two people are working together to reach a mutual goal; love can be shared by just being there for each other in time of sadness or disappointment or illness; love can be shared in a stimulating conversation or by laughing at something that is funny for both of you. Real commitment, real caring, mature love, is sharing feelings and experiences both good and bad. Too often in a teenage relationship, sex is misused. The people involved want to have sex just because "everyone is doing it." The other person is seen as am object or conquest. rather than as a unique individual with feelings. Too often, teens in a sexually active situation have not weighed the pros and cons of their choice; they don’t consider the possibilities of pregnancy, venereal disease, the guilt or the unrealistic hope that sex will make them beautiful, mature, and popular. This is a subject about which teens should feel comfortable talking with their parents. Teens, give your parents that opportunity and parents, remember that the most beautiful part of parenting is helping one’s child make sense of all the conflicting messages that abound. [ MOMSIG < 1K ]
Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5), Jessica (5), and ? (due in Dec 96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
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