Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi everyone — > Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior … >Lisa, >I have a 20 month old going though a very similar "phase" – when angry or even just excited he >will scratch and try to bite. I have had discussions with a few other parents that have had >children go through the same phase, and the consensus seems to be that it is a phase which will >pass. When our son scratches or tries to bite, we use time-out. I am not convinced at this age >that the process is teaching him not to bite (I don’t know if he yet knows the cause and effect >relationship) but it does calm him down. We usually quietly tell him to go to timeout — he has >a corner of a room that he goes to with no toys – and we wait just 1 minute or so. >One word of advice – if Jacob is around other kids often, you may want to watch a little more >closely than usual through this phase – our son has tried to bite other 1 and 2 year olds if he >feels physically attacked (someone grabs his arm, etc). >-Ed (Dad to Ed)
I just read about something that sounds just like this in The Emotional Needs of a Toddler by Lieberman pg.117-119 Billy’s mom 3/7/95 http://home.aol.com/cyndilee "Children are a gift to be enjoyed, not a project to be made" "There are only two lasting things we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings." —–Hedding Carter
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi everyone — > Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior (is this the > right word?) that I have become concerned about. It seems that when he > gets angry, he will screech, try to bite and/or scratch, or even try to > pull hair. My husband and I want to teach him that though it’s okay to > be angry, we would prefer he talk out his feelings instead of act on > them. Steve and I are very loving and supportive of him, and we are sure > that we are helping to motivate his self-esteem. Could it be that he is > trying to gain some independence? Steve and I are choosing the battles > that are worth fighting, and just letting the "little" things go. Could > anyone offer some advice? How should we best handle these tantrums? We > have ignored him during these tirades, and have tried doing something > constructive when it was all over. This seems to help somewhat. Are we > doing something wrong? Should we do something different? What have > other people done in this situation? I don’t know if a time-out would be > to this group. Thank you! > Lisa
You cannnot reason with a child this age! Ignoring outbursts is the best way to deal with it. Let him have his little tantrums on the floor and you go about your business. Talking it out is for later when he is older. My daughter is 2 and we are dealing with this now too! Susan — Susan K. Murie ++++ Photographer http://www.xensei.com/users/susanm
Response:
> Hi everyone — > Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior …
Lisa, I have a 20 month old going though a very similar "phase" – when angry or even just excited he will scratch and try to bite. I have had discussions with a few other parents that have had children go through the same phase, and the consensus seems to be that it is a phase which will pass. When our son scratches or tries to bite, we use time-out. I am not convinced at this age that the process is teaching him not to bite (I don’t know if he yet knows the cause and effect relationship) but it does calm him down. We usually quietly tell him to go to timeout — he has a corner of a room that he goes to with no toys – and we wait just 1 minute or so. One word of advice – if Jacob is around other kids often, you may want to watch a little more closely than usual through this phase – our son has tried to bite other 1 and 2 year olds if he feels physically attacked (someone grabs his arm, etc). -Ed (Dad to Ed)
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi everyone — > Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior (is this the > right word?) that I have become concerned about. It seems that when he > gets angry, he will screech, try to bite and/or scratch, or even try to > pull hair. My husband and I want to teach him that though it’s okay to > be angry, we would prefer he talk out his feelings instead of act on > them. Steve and I are very loving and supportive of him, and we are sure > that we are helping to motivate his self-esteem. Could it be that he is > trying to gain some independence? Steve and I are choosing the battles > that are worth fighting, and just letting the "little" things go. Could > anyone offer some advice? How should we best handle these tantrums? We > have ignored him during these tirades, and have tried doing something > constructive when it was all over. This seems to help somewhat. Are we > doing something wrong? Should we do something different? What have > other people done in this situation? I don’t know if a time-out would be > to this group. Thank you! > Lisa
Lisa… I’m no psychiatrist, not by any stretch of the imagination ;-} but my wife and I are raising a 7-year-old girl Teri and 6 month-old Tommy. The "books" are helpful on this, I recommend any of them by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. We’ve also gone back to "The Complete Mothercare Manual" (good for fathercare, too!) published by Conran Octopus Limited, 1987 ISBN 0-7737-2148-7, and Burton L. White’s "The First Three Years of Life", Prentice Hall Press 1985, ISBN 0-13-319187-7. We don’t take any "book parenting" for gospel, but often it’s helpful when you’r at a parenting dead end, and need some ideas on how to work it out! Brazelton says, in effect, that what you are doing may be correct. He advocates the idea that this time of life, they are challenging their own independence. He also says if you try to stop or help them during a tantrum it’s likely to prolong it. Brazelton recommends leaving the area, then return when it’s all over and pick him up and comfort him. Hope this helps… Greg Lubianetzky
Response:
>Hi everyone — >Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior (is this the >right word?) that I have become concerned about. It seems that when he >gets angry, he will screech, try to bite and/or scratch, or even try to >pull hair. My husband and I want to teach him that though it’s okay to >be angry, we would prefer he talk out his feelings instead of act on >them. Steve and I are very loving and supportive of him, and we are sure >that we are helping to motivate his self-esteem. Could it be that he is >trying to gain some independence?
Can your son talk yet? I also have a 17 month old who screeches loud enough to burst your eardrums. He has no other way of releasing his frustration at the moment as he is not yet talking. As soon as they learn to verbalize, the unacceptable behavior will gradually go away. I say gradually because my three year old, a precocious talker, will still hit or scream if he cannot find the words he needs. It helps if you can identify their feelings for them and tell them of an acceptable alternative so they can learn how to express thru words instead of actions. Of course at the end of a long day we will resort to "Stop that noise!"
Response:
Hi everyone — Just in the last few days, Jacob has begun a new behavior (is this the right word?) that I have become concerned about. It seems that when he gets angry, he will screech, try to bite and/or scratch, or even try to pull hair. My husband and I want to teach him that though it’s okay to be angry, we would prefer he talk out his feelings instead of act on them. Steve and I are very loving and supportive of him, and we are sure that we are helping to motivate his self-esteem. Could it be that he is trying to gain some independence? Steve and I are choosing the battles that are worth fighting, and just letting the "little" things go. Could anyone offer some advice? How should we best handle these tantrums? We have ignored him during these tirades, and have tried doing something constructive when it was all over. This seems to help somewhat. Are we doing something wrong? Should we do something different? What have other people done in this situation? I don’t know if a time-out would be to this group. Thank you! Lisa
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