Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >made > >>>me chorttle merrily by potificating: > >>>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher > >>>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer >it…betcha it > >won’t be > >>>>>: god though! > >>>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can >lay > >>>>>hands on you if you like > >>>>Oh? Lesbians? > >>>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! > >>>-><- > >>>Madog > >>A mission? > >>What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? >erm, > >>kill? > >>NightMist > >Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy >guys on > >bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better >chance if > >they sent out some really hot women… > >and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. > >Hexar > Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and > brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the > door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a > copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they > didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced > her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man > household would have made them feel right at home…… > NightMist > Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away.
hmmmmm…do remind me to knock on your door and say I’m a mormon…*licks her soft lips* Would love to see you in a red teddy…and in nothing at all.. St. Alicia Erisdaughter {Nuit}
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – made >>>me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it >won’t be >>>>>: god though! >>>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>>>hands on you if you like >>>>Oh? Lesbians? >>>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >>>-><- >>>Madog >>A mission? >>What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >>kill? >>NightMist >Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys on >bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance if >they sent out some really hot women… >and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. >Hexar > Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and > brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the > door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a > copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they > didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced > her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man > household would have made them feel right at home…… > NightMist > Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away.
The Purple Hath summoned me… Makes me wish I had gone on a mission. I might of stayed around and had some fun. But than again… that’s a good indication of why I didn’t go. Damned freaks. You wouldn’t catch me dead riding around on a bike in a white shirt and tie. For one thing, I wouldn’t be able to stay on the bike if I were dead. Tesseract Purple High Priest of the Michal Valintine Smith Cabal Knight Of the Purple Figure Servent of The Purple and Our Goddes, Eris Before you buy.
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>>me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>>>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it >>won’t be >>>>>>: god though! >>>>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>>>>hands on you if you like >>>>>Oh? Lesbians? >>>>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >>>>-><- >>>>Madog >>>A mission? >>>What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >>>kill? >>>NightMist >>Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys > on >>bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance > if >>they sent out some really hot women… >>and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. >>Hexar >Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and >brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the >door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a >copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they >didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced >her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man >household would have made them feel right at home…… >NightMist >Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away. > I am reliably informed that they don’t do that anymore except for some > throwback types deep in the wilds of Utah.
In other words, they were jealous. — The Cat Who Walks By Himself Episkopos of the Coaxial Cabal … experienced jealousy once. Didn’t like it. Won’t do it again.
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roflmao! I’ll keep that in mind next time they come to visit! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it >won’t be >>>>>: god though! >>>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>>>hands on you if you like >>>>Oh? Lesbians? >>>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >>>-><- >>>Madog >>A mission? >>What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >>kill? >>NightMist >Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys on >bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance if >they sent out some really hot women… >and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. >Hexar > Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and > brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the > door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a > copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they > didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced > her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man > household would have made them feel right at home…… > NightMist > Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it >won’t be >>>>>: god though! >>>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>>>hands on you if you like >>>>Oh? Lesbians? >>>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >>>-><- >>>Madog >>A mission? >>What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >>kill? >>NightMist >Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys on >bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance if >they sent out some really hot women… >and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. >Hexar >Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and >brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the >door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a >copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they >didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced >her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man >household would have made them feel right at home…… >NightMist >Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away.
I am reliably informed that they don’t do that anymore except for some throwback types deep in the wilds of Utah. Hexar Master of Drunken Pipefitter Gung-fu Discordian Illuminated Secret Cabal Organized for the Benefit of All Living Lifeforms (D.I.S.C.O.B.A.L.L.) "Putting the Disco back into Discordianism" "Just be glad you live in a state where piss doesn’t freeze, buddy!" Madog
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it >won’t be >>>>: god though! >>>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>>hands on you if you like >>>Oh? Lesbians? >>Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >>-><- >>Madog >A mission? >What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >kill? >NightMist >Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys on >bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance if >they sent out some really hot women… >and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. >Hexar
Last time the Mormon’s came to my door my littlest kid answered and brought me their card. So I slipped out of my robe and went to the door in skimpy blood red lingerie. Even after I told them we had a copy of the Book of Mormon and thought it was interesting reading they didn’t look comfortable. So I called kiri to the door and introduced her to them. You would have thought that finding a two woman one man household would have made them feel right at home…… NightMist Still wondering why they turned almost purple and ran away.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >me chorttle merrily by potificating: >alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be >>: god though! >>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>hands on you if you like >Oh? Lesbians? >Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >-><- >Madog
A mission? What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, kill? NightMist
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->me chorttle merrily by potificating: >>alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >>>: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be >>>: god though! >>>Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >>>hands on you if you like >>Oh? Lesbians? >Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! >-><- >Madog >A mission? >What does it pay, where do I have to go and who do I have to do? erm, >kill? >NightMist
Madog does have a point though, the Mormons keep sending those goofy guys on bicycles out to try to converty us. They would stand a much better chance if they sent out some really hot women… and cut out the restrictions on alcohol, and pot, and…. Hexar Master of Drunken Pipefitter Gung-fu Discordian Illuminated Secret Cabal Organized for the Benefit of All Living Lifeforms (D.I.S.C.O.B.A.L.L.) "Putting the Disco back into Discordianism" "Just be glad you live in a state where piss doesn’t freeze, buddy!" Madog
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>I don’t own hell. I don’t even decide who goes there. <
How the hell did you sneak through my killfile filters, you annoying moldy sock puppet on the masturbating hand of some demented old fart. Take your hateful anti-everything venom and shoot it up your ass. – Ron Low Levity is the dearth of gravity. Brevity is the height of clarity. non-commercial e-mail always welcome Allow 2 days for replies
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>Praying hard for you sinners,
You rang? -><- Madog, Keeper of Bobo the Chimp Lord of Petty Annoyances Space Lord, Ambrose Bierce Mexican Travel Agency Cabal http://members.xoom.com/ABMTAC http://www.eriswerks.org -><- "You don’t need drugs, take my word for it. Why alter a perfectly good altered state?" — Gurdjieff -><-
Response:
me chorttle merrily by potificating: >alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be >: god though! >Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >hands on you if you like >Oh? Lesbians?
Yeah, I’d love a bunch of women on a mission to handle me! -><- Madog, Keeper of Bobo the Chimp Lord of Petty Annoyances Space Lord, Ambrose Bierce Mexican Travel Agency Cabal http://members.xoom.com/ABMTAC http://www.eriswerks.org -><- "You don’t need drugs, take my word for it. Why alter a perfectly good altered state?" — Gurdjieff -><-
Response:
drank too much MD 20/20 last night and barfed: — origin: alt.parenting.solutions: [snip another barrage of demented bullshit] >|I’m not a troll, "Mary." I’m a True Gospel Preacher. Why won’t you stop
Yer a fucking parody. Of jews, of blacks, of christians, of human beings in general. And an insult to all of them. >|resisting the Lord’s call and surrender to Him? He’s not going to stand
Nothing to surrender to. >|at your door knocking forever, you know. Eventually He’s going to head >|down the path and shake the dirt from your front porch off His Holy Feet
You mean he’s something like a Fuller brush salesman or the Avon lady? >|as He does. When Judgment Day comes your name — whatever it is — won’t
Still stroking off to those hellfire and damnation fantasies, hunh? >|be found in the Book of Life and you’ll be cast into the Lake of Fire, >|where you’ll BURN in torment for all eternity. I just want you to be
Is this how you pop your jollies? Using theological terrorism to gain converts? Or did being slapped around too many times as a child cause irreparable brain damage? >|sure you know what being an atheist really means — eternal damnation.
As if you haven’t said that 50000 times already? Sheesh! Come up with something new for a change…. >|STILL Praying for You,
Yer wasting your breath, never mind being insulting. >|Grandmother "Hairiness" Hickey -|- >|God’s Dirty Joke on Mankind |
– Erikc (alt.atheist #002) | "An Fhirinne in aghaidh an tSaoil." BAAWA Knight | "The Truth against the World." ICQ 26776011 | — Bardic Motto If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all. —- Noam Chomsky Christianity summarised: "Kiss god’s ass or he will burn yours"… Remove "21" to respond.
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alt.parenting.solutions,Grandmother Gospel Preacher >: Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be >: god though! >Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay >hands on you if you like
Oh? Lesbians? Kool! — Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job. It is your job to find ways around your boss’s roadblocks.
Response:
: No, just from Ohio. Sounds like I am going to "your hell" for spelling : errors now! I don’t own hell. I don’t even decide who goes there. You’re headed for hell anyway because you’re so irreverent. There’s still time to turn back the other way if you really want to. All you have to do is say YES to Christ Jesus. And stop those blood rituals in the bedroom too. I used to enjoy driving through Ohio, although around Cincinnati the roads are bumpy. Youngstown has some of the best restaurants in that part of the country. And the people there are much friendlier than those in neighboring Pennsylvania, where both houses and people are carved out of stone. : Now, now sorry to disappoint, but I won’t end up in a place that doesn’t : exist. The devil’s got you convinced that hell doesn’t exist. I assure you that I have seen it — from afar. I can tell you it’s not going to be a picnic for anyone who winds up there. Cries of torment rise up from the Putrid Pit twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for all eternity. : Someone is knocking on my door? I don’t hear anyone knocking on my : course not, god doesn’t exsist…how the hell could he be knocking on my : door? Of course the idea that a being called god actually exists is totally : illogical…why would a god tell me to love him, but then at the same time : tell me I have to fear him, and then if I don’t I will go to some place : called hell? Sorry, I don’t buy it. Make fun of the Holy Bible all you want to. You’ll get yours. Your problem is that you’ve stopped listening for God. He is there, ready to hear your prayers of penance. If you approach Him with a hard heart, He will ignore you just as you have ignored Him. You must let Him be Lord of your life. That means remembering there’s only one s in "exist." : Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be : god though! Should I send you a team of soul-winning missionaries? They can lay hands on you if you like and cast out your personal demons. Praying hard for you sinners, Grandmother Holiness -|- God’s Ambassador |
Response:
> : Whew! Grandama is back in full force! Grandma says: > You spelled "Grandma" wrong the first time around. Have you no shame? > : Let me tell you, it would be a whole lot better for a woman to do that then > "Then"? Don’t you mean "than"? Or maybe you’re from Mississippi where > the two words are pronounced alike.
No, just from Ohio. Sounds like I am going to "your hell" for spelling errors now! > If you wind up in the dark depths of hell you won’t have any name.
Now, now sorry to disappoint, but I won’t end up in a place that doesn’t exist. > : I know I know…don’t feed the troll…but it’s so much fun! > I’m not a troll, "Mary." I’m a True Gospel Preacher. Why won’t you stop > resisting the Lord’s call and surrender to Him? He’s not going to stand > at your door knocking forever, you know. Eventually He’s going to head > down the path and shake the dirt from your front porch off His Holy Feet > as He does. When Judgment Day comes your name — whatever it is — won’t > be found in the Book of Life and you’ll be cast into the Lake of Fire, > where you’ll BURN in torment for all eternity. I just want you to be > sure you know what being an atheist really means — eternal damnation.
Someone is knocking on my door? I don’t hear anyone knocking on my course not, god doesn’t exsist…how the hell could he be knocking on my door? Of course the idea that a being called god actually exists is totally illogical…why would a god tell me to love him, but then at the same time tell me I have to fear him, and then if I don’t I will go to some place called hell? Sorry, I don’t buy it. Oh but if I DO hear a knock at my door I will answer it…betcha it won’t be god though! — Mary (*The Atheist at heart*) Atheist # 1715 How come if I talk to*god* I am praying, but if *God* talks to me then I am schizophrenic?
Response:
: Whew! Grandama is back in full force! Grandma says: You spelled "Grandma" wrong the first time around. Have you no shame? : Let me tell you, it would be a whole lot better for a woman to do that then "Then"? Don’t you mean "than"? Or maybe you’re from Mississippi where the two words are pronounced alike. : …for her to come to you in need and then have her child re-named and : put in a cage! I personally didn’t put Little Martha in the Cage, but now everyone, including her whore of a mother, is glad Mr. Kwon did. Martha’s mother actually went out looking for work wearing nearly a whole tube of red lipstick. I’m going to have to redo her whole appearance for her — and at my own expense too. Plus, I’m looking after her brat for her at no charge. If that’s not love, tell me what is? Martha is doing well in daycare. I’ll soon put her in our kindergarten. It’s time she started learning to read, write, and spell correctly. Please note that you’ve stated you think it’s better to murder a child than to clean up her dirty face and discipline her. You really ARE a Godless heathen. : If I had been that woman I would have walked out on you… She was free to. I didn’t put HER in the Cage. She’d been turned away at ten other places — and sexually violated at two others. She knew I was her Only Hope — and her last chance. Plenty of people refuse to shape up and do walk out on my Outreach Programs, which are tough. They soon wind up on the streets or in prisons or madhouses. : I am sure there are plently of other churches willing to help without : renaming her child [and] putting her in a cage. She couldn’t find any. She knows that what I’m doing for her and her daughter is RIGHT. : Speaking of names : isn’t mine great? Mary – The mother of Jesus’s : name… Don’t you mean "the name of Jesus’ mother"? You don’t impress me with your lousy grammar, spelling, punctuation, or pride. : and an atheist wears the name now. (sorry sister..I’m NOT changing : it) If you wind up in the dark depths of hell you won’t have any name. : I know I know…don’t feed the troll…but it’s so much fun! I’m not a troll, "Mary." I’m a True Gospel Preacher. Why won’t you stop resisting the Lord’s call and surrender to Him? He’s not going to stand at your door knocking forever, you know. Eventually He’s going to head down the path and shake the dirt from your front porch off His Holy Feet as He does. When Judgment Day comes your name — whatever it is — won’t be found in the Book of Life and you’ll be cast into the Lake of Fire, where you’ll BURN in torment for all eternity. I just want you to be sure you know what being an atheist really means — eternal damnation. STILL Praying for You, Grandmother "Holiness" Hickey -|- God’s Good Will Ambassador |
Response:
Whew! Grandama is back in full force! Grandma says: >Or the "right" to murder her living fetus in cold blood?
Let me tell you, it would be a whole lot better for a woman to do that then for her to come to you in need and then have her child re-named and put in a cage! If I had been that woman I would have walked out on you…I am sure there are plently of other churches willing to help without renaming her child putting her in a cage. Speaking of names : isn’t mine great? Mary – The mother of Jesus’s name…and an atheist wears the name now. (sorry sister..I’m NOT changing it) I know I know…don’t feed the troll…but it’s so much fun! — Mary (*The Atheist at heart*) Atheist # 1715 How come if I talk to*god* I am praying, but if *God* talks to me then I am schizophrenic?
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > : Hiya Grandma, > Jesus loves you, Don. > : Are you serious or what? > Totally serious. The wicked have trouble taking me seriously. I’m here > to help them find the True Way to Holy Heaven. Their home-made > pseudo-religions won’t help them a bit. > : You seem to have a fear of foreskins. > I’m not afraid of them: I’m disgusted by them. They’re dirty and I can > smell them from ten feet away. God wants True Believers to be properly > circumcised as boys so no smegma will accumulate in the folds of their > filthy foreskins and offend decent people like me. > : You also seem to have a fear of children. > Hardly! I love children. I also recognize them for the little monsters > they are. To me a child is a lot like a wild horse. You have to rein > them in and break their rebellious spirit. Fortunately some children > respond more favorably to discipline than others. Today’s parents are > too bust amassing money to care about proper childrearing. As a result > their children run wild, learn everything you never wanted to know about > sexual perversion off the Internet before they’re ten, and grow up to be > killers, thieves, and fornicators. I’m here to change all that by > leading children toward the Kingdom of God. > : You also seem to have a fear of women’s rights… > What "rights" are those? The "right" to choose what kind of purse to > carry with a particular dress? I believe in women’s responsibilities — and those are > first toward their God, second toward their husbands, third toward their > children, fourth toward their parents, and fifth toward anyone else, > including bosses and others they work with. I’m not opposed to women > working outside the home — as long as the children are taken care of. > : a fear of negativety, and most of all, a fear of God. > Yes, and isn’t that wonderful?!?! I also love God with all my heart, all > my soul, and all my strength. Jesus Christ is my Best Friend, and I am > His Secret Agent. > Any further questions? > God bless you! > Grandmother "Holiness" Hickey -|- > God’s Good Will Ambassador |
Response:
: Hiya Grandma, Jesus loves you, Don. : Are you serious or what? Totally serious. The wicked have trouble taking me seriously. I’m here to help them find the True Way to Holy Heaven. Their home-made pseudo-religions won’t help them a bit. : You seem to have a fear of foreskins. I’m not afraid of them: I’m disgusted by them. They’re dirty and I can smell them from ten feet away. God wants True Believers to be properly circumcised as boys so no smegma will accumulate in the folds of their filthy foreskins and offend decent people like me. : You also seem to have a fear of children. Hardly! I love children. I also recognize them for the little monsters they are. To me a child is a lot like a wild horse. You have to rein them in and break their rebellious spirit. Fortunately some children respond more favorably to discipline than others. Today’s parents are too bust amassing money to care about proper childrearing. As a result their children run wild, learn everything you never wanted to know about sexual perversion off the Internet before they’re ten, and grow up to be killers, thieves, and fornicators. I’m here to change all that by leading children toward the Kingdom of God. : You also seem to have a fear of women’s rights… What "rights" are those? The "right" to choose what kind of purse to carry with a particular dress? Or the "right" to murder her living fetus in cold blood? I believe in women’s responsibilities — and those are first toward their God, second toward their husbands, third toward their children, fourth toward their parents, and fifth toward anyone else, including bosses and others they work with. I’m not opposed to women working outside the home — as long as the children are taken care of. : a fear of negativety, and most of all, a fear of God. Yes, and isn’t that wonderful?!?! I also love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength. Jesus Christ is my Best Friend, and I am His Secret Agent. Any further questions? God bless you! Grandmother "Holiness" Hickey -|- God’s Good Will Ambassador |
Response:
Hiya Grandma, Are you serious or what? You seem to have a fear of foreskins. You also seem to have a fear of children. You also seem to have a fear of women’s rights, a fear of negativety, and most of all, a fear of God. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Greetings, children! > Have you all done a Good Deed today for Grandma Hickey? I >certainly hope so. Of course, you must remember that "by Grace are ye >saved through Faith: and that not of yourselves: it is the Gift of God: >not of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9). > I want to let all of you know that my Messages will be slightly >different from now on. Now that I have two adorable grandchildren — >Keesha Love’s son Cornelius Caesar Holloway and Kilbert’s son Hammurabi >Jehu Hickey — I realize that my style of preaching, praying, praising, >and prophesying needed an overhaul. > I will no longer address the issue of Holy Circumcision here. >By now everyone knows how I feel about the subject, and if you don’t I >will reiterate my viewpoint one last time in this forum: "God demands it, >I accept it, and that settles it." I will post pro-Circumcision and >anti-Foreskin, anti-Smegma, anti-Filth diatribes in other newsgroups — >unless of course you get together and demand that I start denouncing the >vile and primitive practice of parents’ leaving their sons’ putrid >prepuces dangling there like old shoes just waiting to capture a >pocketful of bacteria, viruses, yeastie beasties, and DEATH to spread >to anyone who can’t smell the overpowering odor and who for whatever >idiotic reason won’t flee from it with all due haste. Rest assured that >I will not preach about the Lord’s Holy and Healthy Circumcision again on >alt.parenting.solutions. > I will also not dredge up the issue of spanking. Again, everyone >who knows me knows how I feel about the subject. For those of you who >don’t I will sum up my position in the following seven simple words: >"Spare the rod and SPOIL the child!" Spanking has worked wonders for >every member of my family. Not one of them would ever dream of bringing >a "domestic partner" or any other such piece of filth into my home. I >have seen a lifetime’s worth of proof that children who are not spanked >frequently and vigorously think nothing of lying, cheating, and stealing, >to name only a few bad habits that undisciplined children easily fall >into. I acknowledge that there are a few exceptions out there. I just >want to tell you one thing. When I was going to high school, kids never >imagined bringing guns through the doors and shooting their teachers. It >didn’t happen because we had Prayer at the beginning of each day first of >all, at least until 1963, and because we had Punishment to look forward >to at the end of each misdeed. In those days children had respect for >themselves, their appearance, their peers, their elders, their country, >and their God. Now that’s all gone out the window and into the mud. I >for one would like to bring it all back. The way to do that, if you ask >me, is to bring the paddle back into the classroom, along with the Ten >Commandments. I know I’m swimming against the tide and that most of you >want to pull me down and hold my head under water until I turn blue and >drown. I’m pleased with how all my children have turned out. Can you >honestly say the same? Think it over before you answer. Just remember >that those bums who sit on the corner begging were somebody’s children >once, as were the hoodlums who broke into the house down the block last >night and stole a bunch of jewelry. I will confine my discussions of the >practice, which in my mind is a very sound one, to alt.spanking. > Even though Suzanne Root literally begged me to come here to >preach to you against the wanton murder of living fetuses, which some of >you try to whitewash by calling "abortion" or, worse yet "a woman’s right >to choose…," I will not inveigh against that subject here either. I’m >sure my stance on the matter is clear. Abortion is murder. Anyone who >procures an abortion is a murderess. Anyone who performs an abortion is >a murderer. ALL will answer to God on Judgment Day, and all will be >obliged to explain to the murdered child why they denied him his life so >theirs could be easier. > I pledge to do my best not to get into arguments with individuals. >I’m here to preach the Gospel, not enter into a bunch of nonsensical >debates about whether God is so omnipotent He can create a rock so heavy >that even He can’t move it. I have better things to do with my time than >to spar with a bunch of undereducated ultraliberals who can’t make an >informed decision about which shampoo is best for their scalp any more. >much less take on a Woman of God who can cast out demons and raise the dead. > What I will do is offer every one of you my help rearing your >children to be well-adjusted, God-fearing, God-loving members of society >who care about the world and all the people in it, whether saints or sinners. >Every one of you is free to disagree with my advise, or to ignore it >altogether. I insist that you make no effort to silence me. I can >assure you they will fail. I have been called by Almighty God to spread >the Good News here. No mortal man or woman can stop me. Even if you >succeed in murdering me, the Truth of my Message will go on — forever. > If you are a Godless atheist or devil worshipper, you’ll find >that you, too, can profit from my advice if you’ll but heed it. God is >reaching out to you. You’re saying no to Him because you’ve had negative >experiences in the wrong kind of "church." I’m here to tell you there >are different kinds of Churches, Holy Churches where the Word of God is >taught and lived in its entirety, Churches were the blind see, the deaf >hear, the dumb speak, the ignorant learn, the lame dance, and the dead >leap out of their coffins praising God forevermore! Hallelujah! If you’ve >never seen and had your heart touched by such Miracles in your tragic little >life, you’ve been attending the wrong church and you desperately need to >find a better one. > God bless all of you, my children. Jesus loves every one of you, >from the rotten to the regal. Draw nigh unto Him, and unto me His humble >Servant, and learn all I have to teach you. >Praise the Lord! >Grandmother Hickey -|- >Jesus’ Special Agent | >Coming later this week: "Santa Claus Is NOT Coming to Town!"
Response:
The strongest evidence that there IS a god is that aol now let’s me filter newsgroups. If you want me to see something, don’t post it with "Hickey" in the subject. – Ron Low Levity is the dearth of gravity. Brevity is the height of clarity. non-commercial e-mail always welcome Allow 2 days for replies
Response:
Greetings, children! Have you all done a Good Deed today for Grandma Hickey? I certainly hope so. Of course, you must remember that "by Grace are ye saved through Faith: and that not of yourselves: it is the Gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9). I want to let all of you know that my Messages will be slightly different from now on. Now that I have two adorable grandchildren — Keesha Love’s son Cornelius Caesar Holloway and Kilbert’s son Hammurabi Jehu Hickey — I realize that my style of preaching, praying, praising, and prophesying needed an overhaul. I will no longer address the issue of Holy Circumcision here. By now everyone knows how I feel about the subject, and if you don’t I will reiterate my viewpoint one last time in this forum: "God demands it, I accept it, and that settles it." I will post pro-Circumcision and anti-Foreskin, anti-Smegma, anti-Filth diatribes in other newsgroups — unless of course you get together and demand that I start denouncing the vile and primitive practice of parents’ leaving their sons’ putrid prepuces dangling there like old shoes just waiting to capture a pocketful of bacteria, viruses, yeastie beasties, and DEATH to spread to anyone who can’t smell the overpowering odor and who for whatever idiotic reason won’t flee from it with all due haste. Rest assured that I will not preach about the Lord’s Holy and Healthy Circumcision again on alt.parenting.solutions. I will also not dredge up the issue of spanking. Again, everyone who knows me knows how I feel about the subject. For those of you who don’t I will sum up my position in the following seven simple words: "Spare the rod and SPOIL the child!" Spanking has worked wonders for every member of my family. Not one of them would ever dream of bringing a "domestic partner" or any other such piece of filth into my home. I have seen a lifetime’s worth of proof that children who are not spanked frequently and vigorously think nothing of lying, cheating, and stealing, to name only a few bad habits that undisciplined children easily fall into. I acknowledge that there are a few exceptions out there. I just want to tell you one thing. When I was going to high school, kids never imagined bringing guns through the doors and shooting their teachers. It didn’t happen because we had Prayer at the beginning of each day first of all, at least until 1963, and because we had Punishment to look forward to at the end of each misdeed. In those days children had respect for themselves, their appearance, their peers, their elders, their country, and their God. Now that’s all gone out the window and into the mud. I for one would like to bring it all back. The way to do that, if you ask me, is to bring the paddle back into the classroom, along with the Ten Commandments. I know I’m swimming against the tide and that most of you want to pull me down and hold my head under water until I turn blue and drown. I’m pleased with how all my children have turned out. Can you honestly say the same? Think it over before you answer. Just remember that those bums who sit on the corner begging were somebody’s children once, as were the hoodlums who broke into the house down the block last night and stole a bunch of jewelry. I will confine my discussions of the practice, which in my mind is a very sound one, to alt.spanking. Even though Suzanne Root literally begged me to come here to preach to you against the wanton murder of living fetuses, which some of you try to whitewash by calling "abortion" or, worse yet "a woman’s right to choose…," I will not inveigh against that subject here either. I’m sure my stance on the matter is clear. Abortion is murder. Anyone who procures an abortion is a murderess. Anyone who performs an abortion is a murderer. ALL will answer to God on Judgment Day, and all will be obliged to explain to the murdered child why they denied him his life so theirs could be easier. I pledge to do my best not to get into arguments with individuals. I’m here to preach the Gospel, not enter into a bunch of nonsensical debates about whether God is so omnipotent He can create a rock so heavy that even He can’t move it. I have better things to do with my time than to spar with a bunch of undereducated ultraliberals who can’t make an informed decision about which shampoo is best for their scalp any more. much less take on a Woman of God who can cast out demons and raise the dead. What I will do is offer every one of you my help rearing your children to be well-adjusted, God-fearing, God-loving members of society who care about the world and all the people in it, whether saints or sinners. Every one of you is free to disagree with my advise, or to ignore it altogether. I insist that you make no effort to silence me. I can assure you they will fail. I have been called by Almighty God to spread the Good News here. No mortal man or woman can stop me. Even if you succeed in murdering me, the Truth of my Message will go on — forever. If you are a Godless atheist or devil worshipper, you’ll find that you, too, can profit from my advice if you’ll but heed it. God is reaching out to you. You’re saying no to Him because you’ve had negative experiences in the wrong kind of "church." I’m here to tell you there are different kinds of Churches, Holy Churches where the Word of God is taught and lived in its entirety, Churches were the blind see, the deaf hear, the dumb speak, the ignorant learn, the lame dance, and the dead leap out of their coffins praising God forevermore! Hallelujah! If you’ve never seen and had your heart touched by such Miracles in your tragic little life, you’ve been attending the wrong church and you desperately need to find a better one. God bless all of you, my children. Jesus loves every one of you, from the rotten to the regal. Draw nigh unto Him, and unto me His humble Servant, and learn all I have to teach you. Praise the Lord! Grandmother Hickey -|- Jesus’ Special Agent | Coming later this week: "Santa Claus Is NOT Coming to Town!"
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