Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello, > Our son just turned 5. He is bright and fun and passionate, etc. The problem > is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. He grouches and whines > from morning till night…the smallest thing will set him off. (He is sweet > and thoughtful about 20% of the time these days…if not for that, he’d be > left on top of a mountain. 
DH and I are unclear as to what to do about > these attacks of ill humor (which come in all different varieties). Example: > yesterday was simply beautiful, so I picked him up a couple hours early from > his summer preschool (he starts K in the fall). I was thinking we could go > for ice cream and have a fun mommy-son afternoon. When I proposed going for > ice cream, his face turned sour and he growled through clenched teeth (I am > not making this up): "NO! I don’t WANT to go for ice cream!" Without another > word, we went to the car and drove home. We are baffled by this. Why is he > such an angry young man? How do we address/punish the situation? My mother > is a master at distracting him in the middle of these attacks and making him > laugh. But she’s the grandmother! We get angry and exhausted with him and > not inclined to cajole him every minute of the day. He has no siblings and > so has 100% parental bandwidth…part of the problem?
Tips/tricks/techniques > appreciated.
He sounds pretty normal to me. Kids get on great for a while, then get stuck on the edge of a step ready for the next big leap. The fact that it is showing to mum and dad and not outside the home is generally a sign that he is healthy and secure and able to express his emotions and feelings comfotable. Just when you come to terms with it, it’ll be all forgotten and he’ll be happily climbing the next step. Try treating him as if he were a little older and a little more responsible than he seems. My guess is he wants more control and independence and you to support that and help guide him guide him into it. At the end of the next step you will no doubt be looking back at this one and worrying what all the fuss was about while frantically worrying what to do about the next crisis. The problem with healthy happy first children I am afraid (and probably magnified by the fact that he is an only child hence more parental bandwidth for worry and anxiety about the precious litle chap). Before you buy.
Response:
>I just did a quick search on "oppositional" and I came up with a lot of >information on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which I had never heard >of. I hate our collective mania for labeling kids, but I’m going to pick up >a few books to see if it speaks to us. One thing that does seem different is >our son is not defiant to any authority figures except us. He’s cooperative >and interactive with teachers, his doctor, etc.
Most kids I’ve ever known are like this. They trust us enough to let themselves go. It is normal for kids who are perfect with/around anyone else to be wild at home. Marie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
> And I also do hope that your complete and total lack of credibility in > these matters, and your compulsion to post frequently to any poor soul > who might have any problem with his or her child, prevents us from > helping someone who indeed might have such a problem. We don’t have > that information yet from the OP. If you took your own words and > (purported) intentions seriously, you would stop crying "wolf" at every > vague opportunity. > Banty
Ooops. I mean to say, I hope Elaines nutty off the hip diagnoses *don’t* prevent us from helping someone who might indeed have a serious problem needing professional help. Cheers, Banty
Response:
Yup, Rupa said it all! Katie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Don’t mind Elaine. She’s a childless extremist. If we always went by her >advice, I think many of us would have euthanased our kids long ago. >How is he at school? >I’d suggest: >1) Check if he’s getting enough sleep. One of mine was (is!) horribly >grumpy if short of sleep. >2) Is he eating enough? One of mine — a teenager! — has to be fed every >two hours for everyone else’s sake. If your youngster is growing, he may >have upped his food needs but not have the patience to sit still long >enough at every meal. >3) Is he getting a bad example from a friend he looks up to? Sometimes >boys get the feeling they have to be disagreeable to be male. Especially >look out for a slightly older boy. >4) Has he, by any chance, been watching South Park instead of Sesame >Street? >5) Is he tense and upset about something? (Have you moved, has he changed >pre-schools, have there been any changes in the family structure?) >6) Perhaps he gets too much bandwidth when he’s with you? It may get a bit >intense for him, particularly if he’s trying to be more independent? >Perhaps he has trouble with transitions and schedule changes? So it would >be easier on him if you warn him? I used to give my kids 10 and 5 minute >warnings. >For instance: when it’s time to leave, tell him you’ll leave in 10 minutes. >Five minutes later, say you’ll leave in five minutes. >Also, give him choices? For instance, go to the school, ask him if he would >like to leave early for an ice-cream (or if he would prefer a hot dog); >then do the warning thing. (BTW, these surprise early departures from >preschool never worked for my kids; they preferred preschool to ice-cream >and mom any day!) >Best of luck! >Rupa > Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although >he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely >compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to >be > recent.
Response:
>Your recommendations are all thoughtworthy. It’s a lot of information >however. This is much new information is best when presented by someone who >can also offer guidance. NOT a do it yourself at home in your own basement >sort of project.
This would not be the same Elaine who usually says that child psychologists and other professionals are only in it for the money and that you will simply pay for their new swimming pool, is it? That you should make plans immediately to dump the kid because he will only wind up in jail because he’s a bad seed? And yes, Rupa is right: kids are a do-it-yourself project, and they don’t come with instructions or help manuals or a technical help hotline. You ask for help, try to figure out what your child needs, and then maybe seek professional assistance if the situation seems serious enough. But since you don’t have kids you might not know that….. Lynne Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com
Response:
> Your recommendations are all thoughtworthy. It’s a lot of information > however. This is much new information is best when presented by someone who > can also offer guidance. NOT a do it yourself at home in your own basement > sort of project.
Elaine…this is what parenting is about. It *is* a do-it-yourself in your own basement (or nursery) sort of project. Moms and Dads are in the business of getting kids to sleep more, eat more, get good role models, stay calm, and all that stuff. If you delegate all that to professionals, you end up merely as Brusher of Baby’s Teeth. (Unless you leave that to a dentist.) Rupa
Response:
> I just did a quick search on "oppositional" and I came up with a lot of > information on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which I had never heard > of. I hate our collective mania for labeling kids, but I’m going to pick up > a few books to see if it speaks to us. One thing that does seem different is > our son is not defiant to any authority figures except us. He’s cooperative > and interactive with teachers, his doctor, etc.
I wouldn’t suggest assuming a pathology as a good starting point. Most of these things have very vague boundaries, and at least for myself, I find I can suggest myself into just about any disease with listed symptoms. Elaine hasn’t made a good call on this, IMO. The one incident you described sounded perfectly normal to me; it may have meant ‘No, I *don’t* want ice-cream, I wanted to stay where I was" or "I don’t like to have my routine changed" or "I’m not in the mood to go out" or any one of several other things. Obviously he should have expressed it better, but then, he’s five. Tact may not be his long suit yet, especially with his parents. Rupa
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One other thought (this comes from dealing with a 2yo so may not apply, but…): Try hard not to let his attitude change yours. IOW, react calmly to his outbursts. He says "I don’t *want* to…." in a sulky way and you respond "OK then, why don’t we do …" or "I’m sorry you feel that way, but we still have to do …." but all in a matter-of-fact and/or cheerful manner. Perhaps he is going through a new phase of testing his boundaries to see how much of an infuence he has on his parents. *Sometimes*, they are just trying to see what kind of reaction they can get. — –Greenbriar (If you wish to e-mail me, post a message and I will respond)
Response:
Thank you all for some great ideas. You’re right–I’m not sure if he’s getting enough sleep and he sure does go downhill quick if he’s hungry (got that from him mom, I’m afraid). Kay, I like your ideas about talking through his emotions with him. I know for myself I feel better when I can tell myself "wow, I’m really in a rotten mood." Being self-aware is a good thing. I’ll try to help him get more vocabulary for this. thanks for all the posts!!
Response:
> The problem > is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. > Tips/tricks/techniques > appreciated.
Hi! Because he is generally fine with teachers, grandma etc, I wouldn’t be too worried about your son’s mental health. Like you, I don’t think labelling children is always helpful. I’m British, and we don’t even *have* oppositional defiant disorder! Children tend to show their ‘worst’ side to the people they love and trust the most. He knows you won’t abandon him, so he can show you if he is feeling unhappy. I wonder what he is unhappy about? Is he unhappy about something in preschool? Something at home? He maybe doesn’t even know himself. See if you can find out, in that magical 20per cent of the day when he is cheerful! It may be something that seems utterly insignificant to you, but seems like the end of the world to him. When he is being grumpy, try to teach him labels for his emotions, and encourage him to talk about and distinguish between them. ’You seem very angry. I wonder if you are sad about something?’ ’It’s hard to have to go to the shops when you are very tired. I bet it’s the last thing in the world you want to do!’ ’It’s very disappointing when things don’t go as you planned them. I expect that makes you feel let down and upset.’ ’It’s quite embarrassing to get things wrong. You wonder whether everyone thinks you are stupid, don’t you?’ Don’t be too ‘pushy’ about it – that would just irritate him. Just let him know that you are trying to understand and acknowledge his feelings. Hugs help, if he is a cuddly boy. Humour helps – as long as you also give him chance to express his feelings. It also helps if you tell him about your feelings, and show him how you are dealing with them. ’I'm feeling cross because the washing machine is broken and we’ve lots of washing to do before the weekend. It’s no good feeling cross, though – I’ll phone the repair man and see if he can come today. Let’s ask Anne next door if she can wash some of our clothes in her machine…..’ You could also let him know how you feel about his bad temper. ‘I feel really upset when you talk like that.’ ’I'm sad to see you so angry. I feel like I can’t help you because I don’t know what’s wrong.’ Don’t expect, or press for, a coherent response to your statements. Children need time to mull things over! Often they don’t even seem to hear, but then you hear your own words and ideas coming out of their mouths, weeks later, so you know they *did* hear you! Don’t respond to angry demands, or give treats to improve an already bad mood – your child has to learn to manage his moods himself, not to rely on an adult to ’sweeten him up’. If he asks for something in an angry voice, comment on his feelings, rather than his demand. ’Goodness – you sounded really angry then. Did something happen that upset you?’ Negative feelings can be overwhelming to small children. Punishing and shouting can only add to their problems, making the situation worse. He sounds like a lovely boy – and you sound as if you care for him so much. I hope things improve soon. Love Kay
Response:
Lauren, I am with you on the labels we put on kids in mid development. Our DD is very similar, she saves her most emphatic defiance for us. Try not to get sucked into it, It rarely is worth it and simply become a power struggle and but just remind him that it hurts your feelings when he talks to you so harshly and it would be nicer to tell you no in a kinder way as to not hurt your feelings. He is just a little boy still and you are the safest people to explore this new found power with. BTW almost 5yr old DD is learning to tone it down, it just takes a little time and patience, like everything else concerning kids. Good Luck, Katie PS I have noticed artificial colors really affect my kids ability to control their emotions particularly Reds and Blues, I have no idea why but it does. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I just did a quick search on "oppositional" and I came up with a lot of >information on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which I had never heard >of. I hate our collective mania for labeling kids, but I’m going to pick up >a few books to see if it speaks to us. One thing that does seem different is >our son is not defiant to any authority figures except us. He’s cooperative >and interactive with teachers, his doctor, etc.
Response:
Since this is recent, can you pinpoint when it started? If so, perhaps there is an event or person who is associated with it. And also if so, he may act up with you because he feels safe doing so and does not feel safe doing this outside the home? He is five. Five year olds often are *rule bound* and want to tell *you* the rules, but since this behavior occurs only with you and has not happened before, I think it may run deeper and perhaps professional help is in order to discover what might be wrong. One thing you may want to do is to sit down at a time when he is happy and not acting oppositional and give him a hug and ask him if something has been bothering him and he wants to talk about it. If there is some event that triggered this, that might end up opening a floodgate about what happened and what he is feeling. Try getting Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber’s book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk and apply these techniques to your son and perhaps he will tell you what is wrong in a way that makes sense to him and to you. Dorothy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hello, >Our son just turned 5. He is bright and fun and passionate, etc. The problem >is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. He grouches and whines >from morning till night…the smallest thing will set him off. (He is sweet >and thoughtful about 20% of the time these days…if not for that, he’d be >left on top of a mountain. DH and I are unclear as to what to do about >these attacks of ill humor (which come in all different varieties). Example: >yesterday was simply beautiful, so I picked him up a couple hours early from >his summer preschool (he starts K in the fall). I was thinking we could go >for ice cream and have a fun mommy-son afternoon. When I proposed going for >ice cream, his face turned sour and he growled through clenched teeth (I am >not making this up): "NO! I don’t WANT to go for ice cream!" Without another >word, we went to the car and drove home. We are baffled by this. Why is he >such an angry young man? How do we address/punish the situation? My mother >is a master at distracting him in the middle of these attacks and making him >laugh. But she’s the grandmother! We get angry and exhausted with him and >not inclined to cajole him every minute of the day. He has no siblings and >so has 100% parental bandwidth…part of the problem? Tips/tricks/techniques >appreciated.
There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. source unknown
Response:
Your recommendations are all thoughtworthy. It’s a lot of information however. This is much new information is best when presented by someone who can also offer guidance. NOT a do it yourself at home in your own basement sort of project.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’d suggest: > 1) Check if he’s getting enough sleep. One of mine was (is!) horribly > grumpy if short of sleep. > 2) Is he eating enough? One of mine — a teenager! — has to be fed every > two hours for everyone else’s sake. If your youngster is growing, he may > have upped his food needs but not have the patience to sit still long > enough at every meal. > 3) Is he getting a bad example from a friend he looks up to? Sometimes > boys get the feeling they have to be disagreeable to be male. Especially > look out for a slightly older boy. > 4) Has he, by any chance, been watching South Park instead of Sesame > Street? > 5) Is he tense and upset about something? (Have you moved, has he changed > pre-schools, have there been any changes in the family structure?) > 6) Perhaps he gets too much bandwidth when he’s with you? It may get a bit > intense for him, particularly if he’s trying to be more independent? > Perhaps he has trouble with transitions and schedule changes? So it would > be easier on him if you warn him? I used to give my kids 10 and 5 minute > warnings. > For instance: when it’s time to leave, tell him you’ll leave in 10 minutes. > Five minutes later, say you’ll leave in five minutes. > Also, give him choices? For instance, go to the school, ask him if he would > like to leave early for an ice-cream (or if he would prefer a hot dog); > then do the warning thing. (BTW, these surprise early departures from > preschool never worked for my kids; they preferred preschool to ice-cream > and mom any day!) > Best of luck! > Rupa > Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although > he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely > compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to > be > recent.
Response:
And I also do hope that your complete and total lack of credibility in these matters, and your compulsion to post frequently to any poor soul who might have any problem with his or her child, prevents us from helping someone who indeed might have such a problem. We don’t have that information yet from the OP. If you took your own words and (purported) intentions seriously, you would stop crying "wolf" at every vague opportunity. Banty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I sure hope your personal grudge doesn’t end up ruining an opportunity for > this woman to look into rescuing her son. He’s only 5. Oppositional > disorders can be the most divisive conditions a family can face. > > Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although > he’s > > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely > compassionate > > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle > with > > animals and young babies. > > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to > be > > recent. > A bit of advice. Ignore Elaine. She has no children and knows nothing > about parenting, but greatly enjoys convincing parents that their children > need professional help and are doomed to a life in jail if they are > anything short of perfect 100% of the time. > Naomi
Response:
I sure hope your personal grudge doesn’t end up ruining an opportunity for this woman to look into rescuing her son. He’s only 5. Oppositional disorders can be the most divisive conditions a family can face. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to be > recent. > A bit of advice. Ignore Elaine. She has no children and knows nothing > about parenting, but greatly enjoys convincing parents that their children > need professional help and are doomed to a life in jail if they are > anything short of perfect 100% of the time. > Naomi
Response:
Well, I snuck a peek at this thread, I logged off work (I never post from work, although I admit to looking :-), went on vacation (yay), got home, and found that Rupa had posted all I wanted to say, and more. I second the idea about sleep, and confirm the veracity of the first piece of advice concerning from whom you should *not* take advice. (I’d add that, if we had listened to Elaine all along, before we had euthanized our kids, we would have self-diagnosed (oh, no, never go to a shrink she says) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, borderline personality oppositional disorder, ADD, ADHD, and just plain "bad-seed" poor genetics for each and every one of them!) Banty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Don’t mind Elaine. She’s a childless extremist. If we always went by her > advice, I think many of us would have euthanased our kids long ago. > How is he at school? > I’d suggest: > 1) Check if he’s getting enough sleep. One of mine was (is!) horribly > grumpy if short of sleep. > 2) Is he eating enough? One of mine — a teenager! — has to be fed every > two hours for everyone else’s sake. If your youngster is growing, he may > have upped his food needs but not have the patience to sit still long > enough at every meal. > 3) Is he getting a bad example from a friend he looks up to? Sometimes > boys get the feeling they have to be disagreeable to be male. Especially > look out for a slightly older boy. > 4) Has he, by any chance, been watching South Park instead of Sesame > Street? > 5) Is he tense and upset about something? (Have you moved, has he changed > pre-schools, have there been any changes in the family structure?) > 6) Perhaps he gets too much bandwidth when he’s with you? It may get a bit > intense for him, particularly if he’s trying to be more independent? > Perhaps he has trouble with transitions and schedule changes? So it would > be easier on him if you warn him? I used to give my kids 10 and 5 minute > warnings. > For instance: when it’s time to leave, tell him you’ll leave in 10 minutes. > Five minutes later, say you’ll leave in five minutes. > Also, give him choices? For instance, go to the school, ask him if he would > like to leave early for an ice-cream (or if he would prefer a hot dog); > then do the warning thing. (BTW, these surprise early departures from > preschool never worked for my kids; they preferred preschool to ice-cream > and mom any day!) > Best of luck! > Rupa > Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although > he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely > compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to > be > recent.
Response:
> Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to be > recent.
A bit of advice. Ignore Elaine. She has no children and knows nothing about parenting, but greatly enjoys convincing parents that their children need professional help and are doomed to a life in jail if they are anything short of perfect 100% of the time. Naomi
Response:
LOL: we refer to him as "the teenager"
Response:
I just did a quick search on "oppositional" and I came up with a lot of information on oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which I had never heard of. I hate our collective mania for labeling kids, but I’m going to pick up a few books to see if it speaks to us. One thing that does seem different is our son is not defiant to any authority figures except us. He’s cooperative and interactive with teachers, his doctor, etc.
Response:
Don’t mind Elaine. She’s a childless extremist. If we always went by her advice, I think many of us would have euthanased our kids long ago. How is he at school? I’d suggest: 1) Check if he’s getting enough sleep. One of mine was (is!) horribly grumpy if short of sleep. 2) Is he eating enough? One of mine — a teenager! — has to be fed every two hours for everyone else’s sake. If your youngster is growing, he may have upped his food needs but not have the patience to sit still long enough at every meal. 3) Is he getting a bad example from a friend he looks up to? Sometimes boys get the feeling they have to be disagreeable to be male. Especially look out for a slightly older boy. 4) Has he, by any chance, been watching South Park instead of Sesame Street? 5) Is he tense and upset about something? (Have you moved, has he changed pre-schools, have there been any changes in the family structure?) 6) Perhaps he gets too much bandwidth when he’s with you? It may get a bit intense for him, particularly if he’s trying to be more independent? Perhaps he has trouble with transitions and schedule changes? So it would be easier on him if you warn him? I used to give my kids 10 and 5 minute warnings. For instance: when it’s time to leave, tell him you’ll leave in 10 minutes. Five minutes later, say you’ll leave in five minutes. Also, give him choices? For instance, go to the school, ask him if he would like to leave early for an ice-cream (or if he would prefer a hot dog); then do the warning thing. (BTW, these surprise early departures from preschool never worked for my kids; they preferred preschool to ice-cream and mom any day!) Best of luck! Rupa – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to be > recent.
Response:
Sounds like a budding oppositional situation. This would be a good time to nip it in the bud. Especially if it’s getting worse rather than better as he matures.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only > bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although he’s > much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely compassionate > to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with > animals and young babies. > And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to be > recent.
Response:
Wow, that took me aback. I think I should mention that he’s only bad-tempered with us (his parents, and maybe his grandparents although he’s much better with them). He has many friends and is genuinely compassionate to others (with the exception of us, sometimes), is sweet and gentle with animals and young babies. And he’s always been "challenging" but the worsening grumpiness seems to be recent.
Response:
Seek professional help. This is serious. It would be a big mistake to try to tinker with this particular problem under the advice of the keyboard hobos on this newsgroup.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello, > Our son just turned 5. He is bright and fun and passionate, etc. The problem > is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. He grouches and whines > from morning till night…the smallest thing will set him off. (He is sweet > and thoughtful about 20% of the time these days…if not for that, he’d be > left on top of a mountain. DH and I are unclear as to what to do about > these attacks of ill humor (which come in all different varieties). Example: > yesterday was simply beautiful, so I picked him up a couple hours early from > his summer preschool (he starts K in the fall). I was thinking we could go > for ice cream and have a fun mommy-son afternoon. When I proposed going for > ice cream, his face turned sour and he growled through clenched teeth (I am > not making this up): "NO! I don’t WANT to go for ice cream!" Without another > word, we went to the car and drove home. We are baffled by this. Why is he > such an angry young man? How do we address/punish the situation? My mother > is a master at distracting him in the middle of these attacks and making him > laugh. But she’s the grandmother! We get angry and exhausted with him and > not inclined to cajole him every minute of the day. He has no siblings and > so has 100% parental bandwidth…part of the problem?
Tips/tricks/techniques – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> appreciated.
Response:
In article t>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Seek professional help. This is serious. It would be a big mistake to try to > tinker with this particular problem under the advice of the keyboard hobos > on this newsgroup. > Hello, > Our son just turned 5. He is bright and fun and passionate, etc. The > problem > is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. He grouches and whines > from morning till night…the smallest thing will set him off. (He is > sweet > and thoughtful about 20% of the time these days…if not for that, he’d be > left on top of a mountain. DH and I are unclear as to what to do about > these attacks of ill humor (which come in all different varieties). > Example: > yesterday was simply beautiful, so I picked him up a couple hours early > from > his summer preschool (he starts K in the fall). I was thinking we could go > for ice cream and have a fun mommy-son afternoon. When I proposed going > for > ice cream, his face turned sour and he growled through clenched teeth (I > am > not making this up): "NO! I don’t WANT to go for ice cream!" Without > another > word, we went to the car and drove home. We are baffled by this. Why is he > such an angry young man? How do we address/punish the
situation? My mother > is a master at distracting him in the middle of these attacks and making > him > laugh. But she’s the grandmother! We get angry and exhausted with him and > not inclined to cajole him every minute of the day. He has no siblings and > so has 100% parental bandwidth…part of the problem? > Tips/tricks/techniques > appreciated.
I have a teenage son who exhibits the same type of behavior. He is also argunetative and just generally disagreeable. Other days he is easier to deal with. His father and I have learned to accept this as part of his personality Before you buy.
Response:
Hello, Our son just turned 5. He is bright and fun and passionate, etc. The problem is that lately he has been utterly foul-tempered. He grouches and whines from morning till night…the smallest thing will set him off. (He is sweet and thoughtful about 20% of the time these days…if not for that, he’d be left on top of a mountain. DH and I are unclear as to what to do about these attacks of ill humor (which come in all different varieties). Example: yesterday was simply beautiful, so I picked him up a couple hours early from his summer preschool (he starts K in the fall). I was thinking we could go for ice cream and have a fun mommy-son afternoon. When I proposed going for ice cream, his face turned sour and he growled through clenched teeth (I am not making this up): "NO! I don’t WANT to go for ice cream!" Without another word, we went to the car and drove home. We are baffled by this. Why is he such an angry young man? How do we address/punish the situation? My mother is a master at distracting him in the middle of these attacks and making him laugh. But she’s the grandmother! We get angry and exhausted with him and not inclined to cajole him every minute of the day. He has no siblings and so has 100% parental bandwidth…part of the problem? Tips/tricks/techniques appreciated.
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