Question:
I recently read and re-read a book called How to talk so Kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk" by Faber and Mazlish. Even if you are not an avid reader it is written in short chapters and even cartoons. It is an easy read,reminds us that parents can make mistakes but that there’s always tomorrow to try again a better way, builds kids and parent’s self esteem and is just a wonderful wonderful book. I hope you have time to find it in your local library. It’s a real gem. One other comment- my parents were divorced when I was 14. Although it was difficult, I really got to know both parents by spending quality time with them and I realized the value of time in my relationships- I met and married after 7 years of building a relationship that had a strong foundation on family,positive expression and always learning how to be a better person. I think that my parents divorce taught me a lot, built character and was so much better for everyone in the long run. Your children will see that someday,too!! Good luck to you!
Response:
THE SINGLE PARENT reprinted from LIVING WITH TEENS, by Blossom M Turk, EdD, Legendary Publishing Co., 1990 Question: I am a single parent and have been for six months. Now that the shock and some of the awful pain that followed my divorce is subsiding, I am feeling really scared about raising my two children alone. Their father has left the state with the woman with whom he was having an affair for two years before his divorce. When I think about having to be both mother and father to my children, work full time and manage the house all alone, it terrifies me. How can I do it all and still have my children become the good people I want them to be? How can I be the good parent I want to be and still have time for me? Right now, it all seems overwhelming. Answer: It is not unusual for it all to seem overwhelming when one is newly single. However, it is important for you to have a support person or support group to help you through this adjustment period. Do check out the available resources in your community: a counselor, a minister, a divorce group, close friends. It is not a sign of weakness or incompetency to need others in times of loss and/or traumatic changes in one’s lifestyle. The best thing you can do for your children right now is to get back your own sense of "I am O.K.; I am a worthwhile, competent and lovable person." Any parent, especially the single parent, is more likely to feel confident and competent about his/her parenting role if he/she has a healthy, positive self-image. We need to self-love, self-inspire, self-motivate before we can unconditionally love another, inspire others to move toward their potential, or motivate others to meet their goals. There will be times of fun and laughter, success and pride, and closeness between you and your children as you teach, guide and accompany them along the path to adulthood. There will also be times of hurt, disappointment, anger, and chaos. You are much more likely to cope with those out-of-control times if you believe you are a capable person – not perfect, but competent and doing the very best you know how to do. You are much more likely to cope with the difficult moments in your life if you have learned how to say no when it is appropriate to do so…if you have learned how to balance your own life as a parent, as a working person, as a social person and as a spiritual person. You are much more likely to establish and carry out fair, firm family values and rules, to be reasonable and even- tempered at home and at work if you take care of yourself. Manage your stress with good nutrition, a regular exercise program and some programmed alone time. As a single parent, you will want to be involved in your children’s school life, support their participation in life-enhancing after-school activities, and plan quality evening and weekend family times. Indeed, your children may be the most important part of your life, but remember: healthy parenting requires that they are not the only important part. Nurture them without smothering them. And remember to tell yourself daily that you are a competent, confident, loving and lovable person. [ MOMSIG < 1K ]
Lois E Paul, Executive Director Voice (209) 478-5585 Help The Children FAX (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107 TDD/TTY (209) 478-5685 HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (26), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5), Jessica (5), and ? (due in Dec 96) - All Children Are Gifted…. They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-
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