Pure Parents

Question:

> My 15 month-old daughter is usually very happy, but at bedtime every > night (after her bath) she throws an absoulute fit when we try to put

<snip> My 18 month old used to do the same thing…what we did was let him run around naked for about 5-10 minutes, then put the diaper and PJs on. Worked like a charm. Laura H

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My 15 month-old daughter is usually very happy, but at bedtime every > night (after her bath) she throws an absoulute fit when we try to put > her pj’s on.  Even after her diaper and clothes are on , she continues > to scream.  She won’t respond to comforting, and when ignored, she > screams until she vomits (from screaming so much).  Once she’s thrown > up however, she acts like nothing ever upset her.  This happens over > very small things, and her response is extremely unpredicatble.  We > have tried everything to discourage tantrums, and she continues to > throw herself on the floor and scream when she doesn’t get her way.  I > am determined not to raise a brat, someone please help!! > Thanks in advance, > John

Been a long time since my kids were that young.  We didn’t have too much tantrum trouble but we did know to ignore tantrums.  My view was that if a child knew tantrums would get parents to give in, they’d use ‘acting out behavior’ the rest of their lives to manipulate.   Children who throw tantrums grow up to be adults who are chronic complainers and manipulators.  I firmly believe that.  Especially if they manage to get you to give in and give them checkstand candy after they fuss.  I think kids learn that if you can be publicly embarrassed, they’ve got you for life. ABout bedtime…hmmm.  Important time.  Perhaps you should decide that the bedtime ritual should be more pleasant. Start it BEFORE a tantrum starts, lest they think their tantrum was rewarded.   ITs hard to know what the problem is…maybe the bed is uncoimfortable, or the dark is. Or something in the room.  Or nothing to do if they’re not quite ready to sleep.  Or maybe you’re sending yoru child to bed long before he/she is tired and ready to sleep.  Ya know, even adults can’t go to sleep on demand!  A few comforting toys in bed might be okay, especially if the room’s not too bright.   We were very pleased to make bedtime, after settling them quiet, was a time for reading to them, and softly visiting with them for a little while. Remember that kids who go to bed…if they’re expected to go to sleep, must be ready for sleep.  I’d offer that an arbitrary time, set unrelated to their natural sleep needs, will not be a good time. They’ll perceive it as abandonment and boredom and be wide awake in virtual isolation.  Who likes that???  Maybe a later bedtime is in order.  Kids should not be sent to bed just because its 8:30 or 9pm, time for a TV show YOU want to see, for example. Kids don’t do boredom well.  Leave a light on in there.  Try soft music.  In my weirdness, I decided the classical radio station was good for him and you’ll not convince me it wasnt!   In short, give them a bedtime treat…give them some of your attention.  We read to our son when he was little, and gave him a hug, or more than just one.  We talked about the day.  And he had his Kermit Frog stuffed animal, and we talked about Kermit.  With our daughter, well, she had an army of stuffed animals, and a little fischer price tape recorder and she insisted on a taped story…for several years. (It automatically shut off).  But we never just did a quick tuck-in and close the door.  I did’t wnat them to feel we were abandoning them–essentially getting rid of them so early that they were being left out–sent to bed, isolated away from more family time they were going to miss.  Who likes to leave a party EARLY?  Maybe you should put on YOUR pajamas first.  And after a bit of ritual, start acting a little tired!  And make it clear you’re going to bed too…which can be good for a marriage (grin)

Response:

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: > My 15 month-old daughter is usually very happy, but at bedtime every : > night (after her bath) she throws an absoulute fit when we try to put : > : <snip> : My 18 month old used to do the same thing…what we did was let him run : around naked for about 5-10 minutes, then put the diaper and PJs on. : Worked like a charm. : Laura H Well, I do have a question.. My 9 year old cries and carries on everynight, when my wife tries to get  her dressed for bed. What would you suggest we do. We tried putting her in time out, she continues for hours. We even tried spanking her, she quites down for 5-10 minutes, and she starts up again. Last Night, we asked her, okay if we let you sleep with a t-shirt and a pair of panties, would that be ok? She refuses to wear a shirt. We then agreed, that would be fine. When we came into her room, we found her underware on the floor, and she had absolutely no covers on her. What do we do in this case? Would it be okay if we let her have her own wish, or would it be best to either put her in time out, if not paddle her but, if necessary? What shall we do?                    Peace

Response:

<snip> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Well, I do have a question.. My 9 year old cries and carries on > everynight, when my wife tries to get  her dressed for bed. > What would you suggest we do. We tried putting her in time out, > she continues for hours. We even tried spanking her, she quites > down for 5-10 minutes, and she starts up again. > Last Night, we asked her, okay if we let you sleep with a t-shirt > and a pair of panties, would that be ok? She refuses to > wear a shirt. We then agreed, that would be fine. When we came > into her room, we found her underware on the floor, and she had > absolutely no covers on her. > What do we do in this case? Would it be okay if we let her > have her own wish, or would it be best to either put her > in time out, if not paddle her but, if necessary? > What shall we do? >                    Peace

I never had that problem with my older two, but I’ll tell ya…bedtime was NEVER fun until we changed our routine.  What we did was let them have 20 minutes of READING time in bed….nothing else but reading and they could wear their walkman to bed.  This way they turned the music way down and it lulled them to sleep.  My 8 yr old does this almost every night.  You can get cheapie "walkman" type radio/tape players at Walmart for about $15. The other thing is….by 4-5 my kids were getting themselves ready for bed.  Maybe she feels like she isn’t in control of her bedtime ritual and is using her "fit throwing" as a means of controlling SOMETHING.  I would suggest having HER get herself ready for bed. Good luck…. Laura H

Response:

My 15 month-old daughter is usually very happy, but at bedtime every night (after her bath) she throws an absoulute fit when we try to put This sounds like a child with an anxiety problem. Compared to that of an adult, a child