Question:
Hello, I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he phyically has to be restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room. any suggestions?? Thanks, Jim
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, > I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired > when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. > The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of > bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried > removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things > for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he phyically has to be > restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair > with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. > It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed > sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room. > any suggestions?? > Thanks, > Jim
It sounds like you’re just trying too hard to enforce a bedtime. Let him stay up later and see what time works for him.
Response:
>I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired >when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. >The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of >bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried >removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things >for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he phyically has to be >restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair >with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. >It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed >sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room. >any suggestions??
I had this same problem. We had to get strict, swats on the diaper (Noone lecture me about corporal punishment okay? I was raised like this and I’m fine) Firm voices and IMMEDIATELY putting him back to bed. It took about 3 days, and he finally got it. I know it’s tough and you have to endure a lot of crying and stress for those three days, but it worked for us. Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence. — Make a difference in the life of a child WITHOUT material things.
Response:
Well my 2.5 has same problem not ready for bed till 10:30… My attempt to fix the problem was getting a dog…in theory the dog and daughter can exercise together and dog can keep her company…..WRONG I brought in a puppy not a dog… big difference…..another dependant into the family and now have to deal with problems of raising a puppy and a toddler together and doubled my parenting job. But hopefully at some time in the near future my vision will work out and I can get her tired and ready for bed. Michael.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Our Son’s bedtime is 8:30 or so (many times it stretches to 8:45 – 9pm). > We do believe there should be some structure, and a regular bedtime is > important. > and he has worked out our baby proof doorknow cover. > thanks for the reply > I went through this in spades with my son from age 2.5 to age four. The big > problem was that he was pretty much ready to give up the nap but he still > usually got it and he was not ready for sleep until about 11 at night. I > was exhausted. He was cooperative, but would keep getting up because he was > not tired. > On top of that we went through the monsters under the bed period [revisiting > that sometimes lately], nightmares [not night terrors], and being night time > potty trained. > After we finally got totally rid of the day time naps DS was usually ready > for sleep [and on his way to bed] between 8:30 and 8:45 nightly, rising > about 6:30 to 7 a.m. Use of a consistent bed time routine helped alot. > Also, with the invariable frequent popping out of bed I just calmly and > quietly put him back to bed, tucked him in [mini routine, essentially]. > Sometimes, if he’d been quiet in bed for an hour but had not fallen to sleep > yet, I’d rock with him in the rocking chair for five minutes in a dark area > and then tuck him back him. That is a major comfort thing for him and I was > using it as a reinforcer that he’d been doing what I’d asked even if his > body wasn’t letting him fall to sleep yet. > So, if your child is still napping in the day time you may want to evaluate > for deletion of the nap. If not, well, you might try pushing back bed time, > or conversely, waking him earlier consistently. See if he is physically > active enough to tire out. If not, increase his physical activity, except > for that last hour before bed time. Continue with the routine and continue > to consistently and calmly return him to bed. Try to keep bed time as free > from battles as possible [yeah, I know, tough one sometimes]. Parental tag > team is helpful in that one. Keep voices low, lights in that area of the > house low, etc., just like with a baby nursing at night, to encourage quiet > and movement towards sleep. > And, if all that isn’t helping him move towards falling asleep faster, > consider one of my interim approaches: later lights out time. Bed time was > continued at the usual time during the nap problem period [long story there] > but I allowed DS to keep his light on [or a flashlight] and have a quiet toy > or a couple books on his bed for quiet play/"reading". Lights went out > about 30 to 45 minutes after he was tucked in. I used a kitchen timer [the > noisy ringing kind], set outside his door, so he’d know when it was time for > him to turn lights out and lay down. It was very helpful, he began to > police himself on that quite quickly, although I think he was about 3.5 when > I started that. I knew he wasn’t going to sleep soon, I needed time to me, > nap time wasn’t changing, and I felt bad that he was lying there in bed > trying to be asleep or at least quiet for an hour or two before he’d fall > off. > I hope some of my thoughts are helpful to you. I really feel for you. This > is very frustrating and dealing with this kind of stuff at the end of your > day, when you are tired and not at your best, is not exactly easy. BTW, our > computer is located across the hall from DS’ bedroom. It is noteworthy that > I got heavily into UseNet during this period – waiting for him to fall to > sleep. I’m still here, DS is asleep within ten minutes of going to bed > these days. :-) > -Aula, mom to DS, now age 5
Response:
> Our Son’s bedtime is 8:30 or so (many times it stretches to 8:45 – 9pm). > We do believe there should be some structure, and a regular bedtime is > important. > and he has worked out our baby proof doorknow cover. > thanks for the reply
I went through this in spades with my son from age 2.5 to age four. The big problem was that he was pretty much ready to give up the nap but he still usually got it and he was not ready for sleep until about 11 at night. I was exhausted. He was cooperative, but would keep getting up because he was not tired. On top of that we went through the monsters under the bed period [revisiting that sometimes lately], nightmares [not night terrors], and being night time potty trained. After we finally got totally rid of the day time naps DS was usually ready for sleep [and on his way to bed] between 8:30 and 8:45 nightly, rising about 6:30 to 7 a.m. Use of a consistent bed time routine helped alot. Also, with the invariable frequent popping out of bed I just calmly and quietly put him back to bed, tucked him in [mini routine, essentially]. Sometimes, if he’d been quiet in bed for an hour but had not fallen to sleep yet, I’d rock with him in the rocking chair for five minutes in a dark area and then tuck him back him. That is a major comfort thing for him and I was using it as a reinforcer that he’d been doing what I’d asked even if his body wasn’t letting him fall to sleep yet. So, if your child is still napping in the day time you may want to evaluate for deletion of the nap. If not, well, you might try pushing back bed time, or conversely, waking him earlier consistently. See if he is physically active enough to tire out. If not, increase his physical activity, except for that last hour before bed time. Continue with the routine and continue to consistently and calmly return him to bed. Try to keep bed time as free from battles as possible [yeah, I know, tough one sometimes]. Parental tag team is helpful in that one. Keep voices low, lights in that area of the house low, etc., just like with a baby nursing at night, to encourage quiet and movement towards sleep. And, if all that isn’t helping him move towards falling asleep faster, consider one of my interim approaches: later lights out time. Bed time was continued at the usual time during the nap problem period [long story there] but I allowed DS to keep his light on [or a flashlight] and have a quiet toy or a couple books on his bed for quiet play/"reading". Lights went out about 30 to 45 minutes after he was tucked in. I used a kitchen timer [the noisy ringing kind], set outside his door, so he’d know when it was time for him to turn lights out and lay down. It was very helpful, he began to police himself on that quite quickly, although I think he was about 3.5 when I started that. I knew he wasn’t going to sleep soon, I needed time to me, nap time wasn’t changing, and I felt bad that he was lying there in bed trying to be asleep or at least quiet for an hour or two before he’d fall off. I hope some of my thoughts are helpful to you. I really feel for you. This is very frustrating and dealing with this kind of stuff at the end of your day, when you are tired and not at your best, is not exactly easy. BTW, our computer is located across the hall from DS’ bedroom. It is noteworthy that I got heavily into UseNet during this period – waiting for him to fall to sleep. I’m still here, DS is asleep within ten minutes of going to bed these days. :-) -Aula, mom to DS, now age 5
Response:
Just an idea,,, Every single night, we had the same routine, brush teeth, read, etc at the same time every evening. I or my husband would sometimes lie down next to her, within five minutes she would fall asleep and we would leave the room. Does he like his room? Can he get something extra special from you if he sleeps the whole night in his room, (maybe one sticker, five stickers and then a reward?) Our experience,, the more we made an issue of it, the more of an issue it became. If he keeps getting out of bed,, make it safe for him in his bedroom, the bathroom etc.. so that he can’t hurt himself or get into anything dangerous. but I wouldn’t keep going and putting him back to bed. You give him what he wants,, he wants to see you, get your attention, mission accomplished. Have faith, by the time they are 15, this behavior has usually stopped. good luck, R. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, > I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired > when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. > The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of > bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried > removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things > for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he phyically has to be > restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair > with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. > It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed > sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room. > any suggestions?? > Thanks, > Jim
Response:
> I think you do need a set bedtime. What time is his? Maybe it’s too > early. Mine go to bed between 7 and 8 pm.
Julian is 3.5 and his bedtime has been between 9 and 10 p.m. for a very long time now. He gets up happy and rested at 7:00 or so, and takes one nap of about an hour each day. So a too-early bedtime could definitely be part of the problem. Children differ so much in how much sleep they require. — Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) Check out our website at http://dreamwater.net/guavaln
Response:
Barbara said: >He gets up happy and rested at 7:00 or so, and takes one >nap of about an hour each day.
I wish Charlotte would nap, even just for an hour. She hasn’t napped in a long time. So I’d rather she go to bed earlier and get up earlier. I need my evenings to myself. I’m excited for today. Charlotte got up about 5 times last night (she was sick yesterday) so she’s (hopefully) going to nap today. Patrick already is. :) Later, Sophie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hello, > I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired > when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. > The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of > bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried > removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things > for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he phyically has to be > restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair > with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. > It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed > sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room. > any suggestions?? > Thanks, > Jim
Sounds like in this case, he just needs some attention. Easiest thing to do? Give it to him. If he will stay in his bed while you are in there, go ahead and lay down with him or just sit beside his bed. Turn off the light and try telling him he has to lay down and close his eyes. Then stay for a bit. This works well with my son (4 yo) and usually inside of 10 minutes (and what’s 10 minutes???) he is snoring. Sharon —
Response:
Our Son’s bedtime is 8:30 or so (many times it stretches to 8:45 – 9pm). We do believe there should be some structure, and a regular bedtime is important. and he has worked out our baby proof doorknow cover. thanks for the reply – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Can he work out how to use a baby-proof doorknob cover? My daughter is 2.6 > yrs old and we have one on the inside of her room. If she’s not ready for > bed she usually just pushes a chair over to turn the light on, and plays > quietly, gets back in bed and finally falls asleep with the light on. > I think you do need a set bedtime. What time is his? Maybe it’s too early. > Mine go to bed between 7 and 8 pm. > Later, Sophie > mom to Charlotte (2.6 yrs) and Patrick (14 months)
Response:
When my 3 year old does that, we turn off all of the lights in the house, give him a smooch, and go to bed. He’s back in his bed within seconds and asleep within minutes. 
) A regular bedtime is important, but he still may need a *later* bedtime. Good luck! ~Bethany — www.rdj.com.au – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Our Son’s bedtime is 8:30 or so (many times it stretches to 8:45 – 9pm). > We do believe there should be some structure, and a regular bedtime is > important. > and he has worked out our baby proof doorknow cover. > thanks for the reply
Response:
> Hello, > I have a three year old boy who refuses to go to sleep. He is tired > when it is bed time, and we tell him some stories when he is in bed. > The problem starts when we leave the room. Inevitably, he gets out of > bed and leaves his room. He finds us and wants to play. We have tried > removing privileges, but these are not effective since they are things > for the next day. We have tried timeout, but he physically has to be > restrained, since he will not sit in the timeout chair (a high chair > with straps to secure him) without removing the straps. > It can take upwards of 45 minutes to an hour to get him to bed > sometimes, with my wife and I putting him back to his room.
I wouldn’t bother with time-outs or loss of privileges. Just keep putting him back to bed each time he comes out. Do it matter-of-factly and without rancor. Another suggestion: Go to bed yourselves after he does. We’ve found the kids have a lot less interest in staying up if they think you’ve gone to bed. (You don’t have to *stay* in bed either, if it’s too early for you. Just wait until your son is asleep, and get back up again.) — Be well, Barbara (Julian [7/22/97] and Aurora’s [7/19/99] mom) Check out our website at http://www.dreamwater.net/guavaln
Response:
Can he work out how to use a baby-proof doorknob cover? My daughter is 2.6 yrs old and we have one on the inside of her room. If she’s not ready for bed she usually just pushes a chair over to turn the light on, and plays quietly, gets back in bed and finally falls asleep with the light on. I think you do need a set bedtime. What time is his? Maybe it’s too early. Mine go to bed between 7 and 8 pm. Later, Sophie mom to Charlotte (2.6 yrs) and Patrick (14 months)
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