Pure Parents

Question:

        On the topic of strangers, I just need to but in to say that it is also important (perhaps more so) to talk to children about people they KNOW, people in their family –uncles, camp counsellours, even priests or rabbis ….The message should be that if ANYONE makes you feel uncomfortable or touches you funny that its o.k to tell..Alot of parents I think get caught up in  the "stranger danger" when this is an actually rare phenomenon..THe people abusing kids are not largely strangers in playgrounds offering candy but the neighbour or that "fun uncle"…THis is why the issue of telling is so hard for kids…Just my input, Cheers, C

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Newsgroups: alt.parenting.solutions > Hello, > I know this sounds kinda weird, but my son who will be 5 in about 3 weeks is > just TOO DARN friendly. He is not shy with strangers whatsoever, and this > scares me. I warn him alot about "bad" people, but he is convinced the whole > world is waiting to be his friend. It even gets embarrassing. When we are in > stores he tries to talk to anybody who will listen, is convinced every elderly > person is his grandma or grandpa, and even sometimes asks cashiers or anyone > who is nice to him for a hug. Even my daycare lady says whenever anyone comes > to her house he is asking them for a hug! Most people are charmed, but when > someone ignores him he takes it personally. I am getting worried about him. His > pediatrician says he is just extremely affectionate and outgoing and not to > worry…but I don’t think he realizes the extent of it! It seems everywhere we > go, people I have never seen or met know him by name! It is getting ridiculous! > Could my husband and I have been overly affectionate towards him? Has anyone > else had a child like this? What can I do? I don’t want to discourage him but > he HAS to realize it is not acceptable to talk to strangers or ask them for > hugs!!! None of my other kids are like this. Any advice?

Try reading lots of fairy stories to him. They contain lots of bad people (who lose in the good versus evil battle) and might teach him caution with strangers. For example snow white is poisoned by an apple from the wicked witch.

Response:

> Try reading lots of fairy stories to him. They contain lots of bad people > (who lose in the good versus evil battle) and might teach him caution with > strangers. For example snow white is poisoned by an apple from the wicked > witch.

Good idea!  I remember reading somewhere about studies that have been done that say the classic fairy tales are better for kids than the new politically correct crap.  It had to do with the fact that there’s ugly in the stories just like there’s ugly in the real world.  But in the fairy tale world the good guys always win in the end and it helps kids learn to cope and deal with the ugly that’s to be found in the real world. — Denise Duggan (aka HyperMommy) Profession: Computer Programmer Homelife: Desperately trying to stay one step ahead of           Jimmy (10/93) and Joey (9/95) who are both *ALL* boy Hobby: CMO & Extraneous Brass (Captain) aboard the USS Khai Tam           Tallahassee, Florida’s chapter of STARFLEET

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I’ve told my kids (9 and 5) since they were very young pretty much the >same things, everyone you’ve never met is a stranger, some good and some >bad.  I have always said that it’s okay for them to talk to strangers >when a grown up they know is around — I have never limited that since I >or someone else was there to make sure they were safe.  I’ve spent a lot >of time talking about feeling comfortable and uncomfortable with people. > I’ve said that if anything makes them feel uncomfortable they are under >no obligation to ANYONE to stay around (this applies to other kids to). >We’ve talked about things just not seeming right (Why would that person >want a child to help them with directions, why would someone we don’t >know want to give us something,….)  I think the important thing is for >them to THINK about the situation and how they feel.  We’ve also talked >about what to do if someone tries to get them to go somewhere, what if >they try to leave and the person tries to grab them….  The other thing >I have said is that sometimes no matter how much someone tries to get >away or get help they simply may not be able to.  What a terrible >feeling for those kids whose parents have told them they must get away >and they just can’t — would never want my kids to feel guilty, worry >about what I’m going to think of them if something terrible does happen. > Sounds like I have spent a lot of time on this but I really haven’t — >just like learning about crossing the street or anything else I bring it >up briefly when the time seems right. >kathi

this is a good subject that I happen to stumble upon, but my son is 3, and like the other child is usually very talkative towards strangers. He will say hi  to every one in the supermarket and smile, and although I have never left him alone with a stranger or turned my back for a split second, I wonder if in the situation (which will probably never happen, because that is one of my worst fears) where someone appoached him and took his hand if he would just willingly go with them.  He is not quite old enough for me to explain the stranger danger to him yet.  I am wondering what to do, what age is the best where he will comprehend and what to do until then.  Is just being extremely, EXTREMELY cautious with him enough right now?  Should I be teaching him not to say "hi" to strangers at all?  Even though I am with him.  How would I go about doing that?  I already know all the things I want to teach him about strangers, but it is only suitable for 4 or 5 year olds.  I get very nervous because he is so friendly and so sociable.  Blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile that lights up my face, and even when we are in the mall people come up to me and say he is very adorable, so that worries me even more.  (I hope I don’t sound….vain about my son???) Any advice? Pamela

Response:

In Germany we hear all the time (at least 1 a month) about children being kidnapped (sadly the tearful pleas of the parents are ingored) and turning up molested and murdered. You all may be now hearing about the child porno