Pure Parents

Question:

He sounds like a nice kid.  You are lucky, because some boys at that age are little animals.  So maybe, in this instance your disabilities are a good thing. Char Iowa,  USA – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Kitty wrote, > I don’t know how you guys with young ones do it! > I was diagnosed with RA at 22 and gave birth to my son at 31.  I think that > he has > learned wonderful lessons about being considerate and compassionate; > and also he has learned to be very independent. Even as a toddler, he clung > to me like a monkey > because I couldn’t hang on very tight (wrists and elbows).  He’s 13 now.  I > have seen him > stop to help older people down off the bleachers at school sports events > etc., > while his classmates were oblivious to their need.  He’s a wonder (I’m > slightly biased). > K.C. > Washington State

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I have a nephew who is a "special bud" too.  He promises to take care of me when I get old.   Told him the other day that after we finished the remodeling, I intend to get some one in to clean once or twice a month.   He said he would come in every week and clean for me and he would only charge me $5.00, "Cause I know you dont have much money".  Combination compassionate kid and budding capitalist.  LOL   He is going to be 12 in  about a week. Char Iowa,  USA – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My brother has a son that has been my "bud" since he was 3.

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Sometimes they grow up to be big animals, like me! Bruce //. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->He sounds like a nice kid.  You are lucky, because some boys at that age are >little animals.  So maybe, in this instance your disabilities are a good thing. >Char >Iowa,  USA

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>Sometimes they grow up to be big animals, like me! >Bruce //.

ONLY IF WE ARE LUCKY… kim <BEG>

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Doesn’t sound like you’re biased at all.  Tell him your friends are very proud of him! Bruce //. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->because I couldn’t hang on very tight (wrists and elbows).  He’s 13 now.  I >have seen him >stop to help older people down off the bleachers at school sports events >etc., >while his classmates were oblivious to their need.  He’s a wonder (I’m >slightly biased). >K.C. >Washington State

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KC, Your son is a wonder.  That is terrific that he is so caring and in tune to others. Sue

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Your son sounds like one I want in my house.  Be proud of him and LET HIM KNOW HOW PROUD YOU ARE! Erin

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>I was diagnosed with RA at 22 and gave birth to my son at 31.  I think that >he has >learned wonderful lessons about being considerate and compassionate; >and also he has learned to be very independent. Even as a toddler, he clung >to me like a monkey >because I couldn’t hang on very tight (wrists and elbows).  He’s 13 now.  I >have seen him >stop to help older people down off the bleachers at school sports events >etc., >while his classmates were oblivious to their need.  He’s a wonder (I’m >slightly biased). >K.C. >Washington State

KC I bet you are very proud of your son.  You should be he deserves it. My sister-in-law has JRA.  Ahe had 4 boys and since I got RA I have been very glad of the fact that they know how to help you get up. from chairs or in and out of cars.  Some people who help hurt you more and you would be better off without their help, but all of my sister-in-laws sons are gentle helpers. My brother has a son that has been my "bud" since he was 3.  I live in a basement apartment of their house and he used to come and visit me every night.  I would be laying on my water bed (in pain from the work day) and he woudl sit on the floor by my bed and just keep me company. He has always been a considerate guy.  He notices everything and remembers it.  My life was often made bearable by the joy he brings me.  He is 18 now and in the training at Ft. Gordon.  I do miss him, but I quess I will have to get used to it.  They do grow up and leave home.(darnit)  Sorry I have to brag too.  I really have missed him. He went to boot camp in June and won’t be home until just before Christma. idydal-Diana xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx http://www.xmission.com/~dedens/ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Remove nospam from address

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Kitty wrote, I don’t know how you guys with young ones do it! I was diagnosed with RA at 22 and gave birth to my son at 31.  I think that he has learned wonderful lessons about being considerate and compassionate; and also he has learned to be very independent. Even as a toddler, he clung to me like a monkey because I couldn’t hang on very tight (wrists and elbows).  He’s 13 now.  I have seen him stop to help older people down off the bleachers at school sports events etc., while his classmates were oblivious to their need.  He’s a wonder (I’m slightly biased). K.C. Washington State

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Hi Uv – Have you forgotten your teenage ‘hormonally challeged’ years? -bg-  My boys are gentlemen too and have never been in trouble in school, with the law, or anywhere else.  Friends, relatives, teachers, daycare workers, and their friends parents have always complimented me on my childrens behavior but I’ve always kept watch on those hormones!!! Fortunately (Unfortunately??) my son is a little behind in the hormone area. He doesn’t own two pubic hairs to rub together to start a fire and save his life. My tune might change when he gets there, but at this rate, he’ll be 18 before he begins puberty. That’ll be too late to tell him he can’t go where he wants to on a school night. Sure rules will be rules and he’s living in my house, etc. etc. but….. I’d better be able to trust him now and trust him to do right by anyone then, as well. Uv

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Hi Uv – Have you forgotten your teenage ‘hormonally challeged’ years? -bg-  My boys are gentlemen too and have never been in trouble in school, with the law, or anywhere else.  Friends, relatives, teachers, daycare workers, and their friends parents have always complimented me on my childrens behavior but I’ve always kept watch on those hormones!!! When we lived in Hawaii my oldest son dated a cute little Phillapino girl who’s mother told her that my son was ‘going places’ in life and that she should trap him in whatever way was necssary (I didn’t find this out until after they broke up).  This girl was only 15 years old! My problem with her was that right in front of me she would rub herself all over my son’s body while looking me straight in the eye!  My mother wanted to take her out in a cane field and make her disappear! I’ve already warned my boys that I’m not a hands-off mom and until my dying breath, to expect to be hearing from me if they step too far out of line,  So far they actually think that’s funny! -g- Kitty

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Hi, I read your message about your son.  And I would trust your instincts about raising your child.  I am told I am way too protective of my kids.  But…in the end I always tell them that the reason is I love them, care for them, and know they are "old" enough, but do not want them to have to make a decision I don’t think they are ready for.  I tell them that the job description for mother is 90% worry and I would worry so much…then I tell them humor me. I have also told them they can always use me as the reason not to do something, which I have heard my son say on the phone (without asking)….no, my mother would not let me or I have chores to do (this is our code for when someone asks him to do something and he feels he shouldn’t or does not want to….this way his buddies don’t think he is a wimp or chickening out or is being un-friendly).  I usually get one chore out of this, because I discourage lying. So, nope I don’t think you are wrong.  Trust yourself.  You only have one chance to raising the boy and if your don’t feel good about something and if something happens…well…need I say more.  You could maybe invite the tribe over for breakfast the next day…so your son and friends can get together and help out the other parents with entertainment, food, etc. RoboMom Ben – 13 Tina – 8

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Hey Krissy – I don’t know how you guys with young ones do it!  Whenever I see a post about someone trying to get pregnant, my first reaction is, "my God, do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?"  But I worship the ground my boys walk on so I would do it too, if I had to! My hat is off to all of you raising little ones with your medical conditions, pain, drugs and their side-effects.  I hope all of you enjoy your children as much as I do mine.  I know there’s a special place in heaven for all of you willing to take on the responsibilities of the little rascals under such trying circumstances! Life should always be an exhilarating ride by the seat of your pants! It makes it so much more interesting! -bg- Kitty

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>.  Today at the football game the girls FATHER came to my husband and again >asked if my step-son could sleep over at their house and again assured my >husband that he was very fond our Michael and that they would be home and >again >assured my husband that this was something that "all the kids are doing now >days."   >Now I ask all of you.  Is there something wrong with this picture?  Are these >parents asking for trouble?  Is this not like putting a steak on the floor >and >telling the dog "don’t eat that" and then walking out of the room?  Are these >parents weird?  Maybe I’m not totally up on this but I am only 32.  I >remember >highschool and what people did.  Looking forward to your reply.

I find it weird that the other parents were trying to butt in on your family rearing and coax you into it.  If you say no, mean no.  Take it my son is only 3 but if you let them manipulate you it usually gets worse because they think they can work their way around anything. Even today I think it is wrong to allow that kind of sleep over.  True if they are going to sneak around, have sex , or whatever new things they do <g> they will find a way to do it.  But encouraging situations, especially by the parents is extremely bad parenting IMHO. Shandi

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>Thank God most of the >raising was done before I developed RA.  

Oh Kitty! How lucky for you! My kids are 8 and 9 and *know* they can out run mom anytime they need to!!!! Keep Smilin’ ~Krissy Akron, Ohio Visit my web pages at: http://arthritisnet.com http://members.aol.com/KrissyJo/RA.html

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just a hot momma with fast reflexes!   This was probably the beginning of your RA and you just didn’t realize it! Christy

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I am on your side on this issue.  If kids are gonna’, they will find a way.  But by golly I am NOT going to give them an opportunity that I set up.                Char

picture?  Are these parents asking for trouble?

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Now maybe my husband I are aren’t into the 90’s thing but tonight is Homecoming for my 17 yr old step-son.  First his girlfriends parents wanted my "son" to go camping with them tomarrow (Sun.) night through Monday.  We put our foot down. Next they wanted him to be able to spend the night at their house along with a few other couples who were also going to homecoming.  Again we put our foot down.  Today at the football game the girls FATHER came to my husband and again asked if my step-son could sleep over at their house and again assured my husband that he was very fond our Michael and that they would be home and again assured my husband that this was something that "all the kids are doing now days."   Now I ask all of you.  Is there something wrong with this picture?  Are these parents asking for trouble?  Is this not like putting a steak on the floor and telling the dog "don’t eat that" and then walking out of the room?  Are these parents weird?  Maybe I’m not totally up on this but I am only 32.  I remember highschool and what people did.  Looking forward to your reply. Feel free to Email me

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>I say set your own standards and stick to them.  "Everybody’s doing it" >doesn’t cut the mustard in my book! >Barbara Joy

I agree with Barbara here… how else are kids supposed to learn right from wrong?  If you feel it is wrong, then don’t allow it and don’t let someone *else’s* idea of right or wrong change your mind.  You’ll sleep better at night. Best regards, LadyAndy2

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>stick to your guns!

Kitty Easier to do if you’ve got some of those big magnets on. Bruce //.

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Hey Bruce – Actually, it was "I’ll drop-kick you into next week, and you’d better wait for me to catch up or we’ll do it again"!  Thank God most of the raising was done before I developed RA.  No magnets were needed – just a hot momma with fast reflexes!  They felt it before they saw it coming! Kitty

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o.k. I’m going to give you the opinion of a 25 yr. old with a 17 yr. old sister. My mother lets her do whatever she wants and she had a leash around my older sister and I. Brandy (17) is the only one who still lives at home so she is pretty lenient with her. I personally think Holly and I turned out to be great adults and make wise decisions. I say stick to your guns. JoLynn

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This is not an easy choice to make.  I raised 3 daughters by myself and confronted this sort of situation on and off.  If you know the parents of that boy and you are possessive they will be home and chaperoning the kids I would say it is acceptable.  If you say "no",  teenagers somehow always find a way to do what they want to…. I believe showing your son that you trust him and make him aware of this being a special privilege might work in your favor. Just my opinion. Nocki – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Now maybe my husband I are aren’t into the 90’s thing but tonight is Homecoming > for my 17 yr old step-son.  First his girlfriends parents wanted my "son" to go > camping with them tomarrow (Sun.) night through Monday.  We put our foot down. > Next they wanted him to be able to spend the night at their house along with a > few other couples who were also going to homecoming.  Again we put our foot > down.  Today at the football game the girls FATHER came to my husband and again > asked if my step-son could sleep over at their house and again assured my > husband that he was very fond our Michael and that they would be home and again > assured my husband that this was something that "all the kids are doing now > days." > Now I ask all of you.  Is there something wrong with this picture?  Are these > parents asking for trouble?  Is this not like putting a steak on the floor and > telling the dog "don’t eat that" and then walking out of the room?  Are these > parents weird?  Maybe I’m not totally up on this but I am only 32.  I remember > highschool and what people did.  Looking forward to your reply. Feel free to > Email me

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Hi Crownlines, I say set your own standards and stick to them.  "Everybody’s doing it" doesn’t cut the mustard in my book! Barbara Joy

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No way would that fly at my house!  My boys are 17 and 25.  The youngest is a senior and neither of them were ever allowed out on a school night and had to wait until their senior years for a 12:00 curfew on the weekend.  I’m a tough momma but both of my sons adore me, so I say stick to your guns! Kitty

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