Question:
> We have a conflict between my son and his stepmother. The two differ on > parenting techiques (surprise!). I am looking for anyone with experience > in this area. Please Help!
We’d be happy to help or give advice, but you haven’t given us enough information. I have a question for you, though: Does your son HAVE parenting techniques???? Isn’t he the child? If he is a teenager he will be protesting ANY parental limits. That’s the function of teenagers. So if you are telling us that your wife is imposing limits and your son doesn’t like them, then everything seems generally fine! Except that YOU should probably be the one imposing limits on your son. Do YOU disagree with the limits that your wife is setting? Would you like to discuss specifics? Other questions: Is the boy following the rules, even though he’s unhappy with them? Does he know how to put forward a rational argument for a rule change? Is he willing to earn the right to different rules by behaving responsibly for some finite period of time? Donna Kinney
Response:
> We have a conflict between my son and his stepmother. The two differ on > parenting techiques (surprise!). I am looking for anyone with experience > in this area. Please Help!
Does the stepmother’s parenting technique differ (and by how much) from yours? This may shed light on the problem. BTW, where is the boy’s father in all this and why is the stepmother being the "parent?" Sharon
Response:
Try alt.support.step-parents. You will find yourself in good company, and should get some feedback from others in your situation. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, they seem to manage a shaky truce, if not actual harmony in the home. Not knowing any of the details of the problem, I can suggest that the boy must understand that the step mother is not a special kind of guest in the home. She actually lives there, and is in fact his boss. He does have to do as she says. It’s your job to back up your wife’s word. She is helping to raise someone else’s kid, and should be respected for that. The boy should not be expected to love her. He should be expected to remain civil and to respect her authority. You MIGHT be able to help by finding out where they are bumping heads, and do what you can to de-fuse the situation. If the boy is making a big mess, be there say on Saturday morning and supervise him in a cleanup of his room, and maybe one other chore. If he is helping out some, bargain with your wife to lay off of him during the week. Part of the difficulty that women have as step mothers is that they try to be super mom. They try to prove they are as good in the role as the bio mom. Let your wife know that she doesn’t have to be super mom. She doesn’t even have to be mom at all. He has a mother. Tell her to do what she can, and encourage her to have interests outside the home.
: We have a conflict between my son and his stepmother. The two differ on : parenting techiques (surprise!). I am looking for anyone with experience : in this area. Please Help! — Elaine Gallegos
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