Question:
In my kids’ school, toddlers from around 15 mo through 36 mo call their teachers by first names. Once the kids get into "preschool" level, they use "Miss" or "Mrs." and a last name. It really comes off as no less affectionate. Between ages 2 and 3, our older kid called us by first names occassionally. Big deal. She was just sort of figuring out that people, including grandmas and cops and teachers, had several forms of address. She also calls mom "Dad" and dad "Mom" once in a while by mistake. I’m already over it, no pouting or hurt feelings. Levity is the dearth of gravity. Brevity is the height of clarity.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She > rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. > Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: > *Ignoring her when she calls me Inger (ever tried to ignore a 2 yo? Ha!) > *Telling her she can _only_ call me Inger, not mommy anymore (she’s > pleased) > *Ignoring the situation altogether > *Explaining to her that it makes me sad when she calls me Inger > *Telling her she is the only person in the whole world who gets to call me > mommy, isn’t that special > None of this has any effect on her whatsoever. Incidentally, she does > call her dad "Spencer" (or "Pencie") now and again, but mostly still dad > or daddy. > Any suggestions? Is this a stage, part of the 2 yo independence thing? > Anyone else had their kid do this?
This may be an independence thing, or maybe she just thinks "Inger" is a really cool name and she wants to call you that. I know you have your heart set on being called mommy, but maybe this is one of those things that doesn’t matter that much in the big scheme of things. And also, maybe if you just drop it she’ll all of a sudden start calling you mommy. Kelly
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She > rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. > Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: > *Ignoring her when she calls me Inger (ever tried to ignore a 2 yo? Ha!) > *Telling her she can _only_ call me Inger, not mommy anymore (she’s > pleased) > *Ignoring the situation altogether > *Explaining to her that it makes me sad when she calls me Inger > *Telling her she is the only person in the whole world who gets to call me > mommy, isn’t that special > None of this has any effect on her whatsoever. Incidentally, she does > call her dad "Spencer" (or "Pencie") now and again, but mostly still dad > or daddy. > Any suggestions? Is this a stage, part of the 2 yo independence thing? > Anyone else had their kid do this? > Thanks! > Inger, mom (er, Inger) to Susannah 5/11/94
My son called me by my first name, simply because he only heard my friends call me that. No one else called me "Mommy". I tried to explain who I was, but he didn’t seem to have any desire to call me anything else. Then one day he fell off his tricycle and scraped his elbow….. as I was running to help him ( I was watching him from the porch ) I heard him sob out, very clearly " Moooooommmmmmmmmy" I was Mommy or Mama from then on. You might try having your friends ask "where is your Mommy?" or "who’s your Mommy" My second child never called me by my first name. If she’s just being stubborn, I think she’ll get over it soon. They don’t call them the terrible two’s for nothing. Orenda
Response:
: > My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She : > rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. : > Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: In the grand scheme (sp) of things does it really make any differnece? My husband started this in our house (I was REALLLY mad at the time) I would like for my kids to call me Mom, but I asked my slef a few things. 1. Does it mean they love me less? 2. WHY is this so important? 1. Of course no, respect and love don’t have much to do with what they say rather than how they say it. 2. Mostly because I wasn’t comfortable with it, my father shudders when he hears them calling Wayne and me Wayne and heather. That alone made a little more comfortable. In the end I decided that it ws an authority thing and I try not to let it bother me. It does from time to time. However in long run what difference does it really make? And it does have at least one good thing going for it. I used to work as a security guard. We’ve had lost children, when trying to elicit infomation from crying scared children the resonse to "what is your mommys name" can be "MOMMY" Now when the kids last name is Smith this is a problem. "Would Mrs Smith come to the security office on the third floor please"? Children should know this infor mation. With your daughter it’s likley just a stage, shes learneding that Mommy is someone else. it’s really a fascinating process. when kids realize that you are also someones daughter, as well as other people friends and Not just their mom. Ithink the name thing has something to do with that. To some degree perhaps it’s a security thing. Will Mom still be mom if I call her Inger? You are and shes secure in that knowledge. — Heather Right now I’m having Amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Response:
Well, the folks who bet on a phase can collect their money now. Between a weekend with a much loved Auntie who told her that my name is mommy (much more influence than I have) and me responding to her saying Inger with, "What’s my name?" she has decided it’s mommy again. Or Inger-mommy once in a while! :-) Thanks to all of you for your interesting, insightful, supportive, and thoughtful posts! On to the next crisis . . . (don’t you love age 2?) Inger, _MOMMY_ to Susannah age 2.25
Response:
: [In reference to children calling parents by their first name.] : >In the grand scheme (sp) of things does it really : >make any differnece? : It’s a personal issue for each parent, but to me it would make a very big : difference. I’m an adult, I’m their parent, I’m not their pal or their : schoolmate. I insist that myself and my wife be addressed with the proper : respect. : I also want my children to address other adults as "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. : Jones." Often these people will say, "Just call me Bob" or "Just call me : Cindy." This is very troubling for me, because it’s encouraging the loss : of respect and authority for adults. Respect for adults has very little to do with what you call them. I can pack an enormouse amount venom and dislike in to "Father" or "Mr Smith" so can most of the teenagers I know. You seem to be of the mind set that says "respect every one whos older than you" Thats how I was brought up. I still to this day have problems calling people older than my self by thier first name. In fact so well ingrained was the "respect" thing, that I have remained silent when an adult has said or dome things that were wrong. We should teach our children to respect everyone, but to be able to question what they say or do if they feel the person is wrong. Just becasue someone is older doesn’t mean they are automaticly right. This doesn’t mean that kids should go around being disrespectful to adults. My kids are respectful of their teachers and other adults, they are also resptful of other kids. I hope I’m making sense here. I guess in alot of ways this part of parenting is like many others a lot of us are going to disagree on the best way of dealing with it. And in some ways (in this issues anyway) there really is not wrong or right — Heather Right now I’m having Amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Response:
writes: >It’s a personal issue for each parent, but to me it would make a very big >difference. I’m an adult, I’m their parent, I’m not their pal or their >schoolmate. I insist that myself and my wife be addressed with the proper >respect.
Dear Mr. or Mrs./Miss/Ms. PtrFamili, Do you think that the respect comes automatically with the title? I think it’s a false sense of respect. I ask everyone to please call me Liza. It’s my name. I’m comfortable with it. The kids in the neighborhood still respect me and listen to my pearls of wisdom <grin> even though they are not giving me a title. >I also want my children to address other adults as "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. >Jones." Often these people will say, "Just call me Bob" or "Just call me >Cindy." This is very troubling for me, because it’s encouraging the loss >of respect and authority for adults.
I’m sorry that’s troubling for you and I always tell my kids to address others with a title until asked to do otherwise. If another adult asks your child to call him by his first name then it is because that person wishes to be addressed that way. Isn’t it logical that people should be addressed the way they wish to be? >I’m not a Southerner, so I never had the habit of calling adults "Sir" and >"Ma’am." But I think that this is a wonderful tradition which should be >preserved, and I wish it were common in the North as well.
Well, I grew up in the northern US and I have always addressed those whose names I did not know "Sir" or "Ma’am". Those I did know were called Title Lastname until they told me to call them Firstname. BTW, you didn’t sign your post so I couldn’t actually call you anything. Please feel free to call me Liza. Liza (Just don’t call me late to dinner.) — Hainburg Germany (near Frankfurt, on the banks of the River Main) "Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all!" – Dirk Gently
Response:
[In reference to children calling parents by their first name.] >In the grand scheme (sp) of things does it really >make any differnece?
It’s a personal issue for each parent, but to me it would make a very big difference. I’m an adult, I’m their parent, I’m not their pal or their schoolmate. I insist that myself and my wife be addressed with the proper respect. I also want my children to address other adults as "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Jones." Often these people will say, "Just call me Bob" or "Just call me Cindy." This is very troubling for me, because it’s encouraging the loss of respect and authority for adults. I’m not a Southerner, so I never had the habit of calling adults "Sir" and "Ma’am." But I think that this is a wonderful tradition which should be preserved, and I wish it were common in the North as well.
Response:
I vote for just a stage, and not to sweat it. My 4 year old and now my 2 year old both called me by my first name for a little bit. They are just trying to figure out how this whole name thing works and that people can have different names. My 2 year old is constantly saying "Me Jim, You Jane. (No jokes please!) I say yes, that’s right and he drops it. The other precious moment is the expression on their face when they realize two people can have the same name!
Response:
> I also want my children to address other adults as "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. > Jones." Often these people will say, "Just call me Bob" or "Just call me > Cindy." This is very troubling for me, because it’s encouraging the loss > of respect and authority for adults. > I’m not a Southerner, so I never had the habit of calling adults "Sir" and > "Ma’am." But I think that this is a wonderful tradition which should be > preserved, and I wish it were common in the North as well.
I am from the South and like the nice compromise that some people use when addressing elders that they feel fairly close to. Instead of Mr. Smith or Mrs. Jones, they’ll say Miss Ruth or Mr. John. I can understand what you’re trying to say about showing respect by using formal titles, but I think its more important for children (and adults) to behave respectfully toward others than to place a lot of emphasis on formal titles. I think if an adult tells a child to "Call me Bob" or "Call me Mary" its actually disrespectful not to do so, since that is what they want to be called. Just my opinion. Kelly
Response:
Both of my children did that with my husband and I. My mom said I did it too. Kids do this. It will pass. Debbie
: > : > My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She : > rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. : > Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: : > : > *Ignoring her when she calls me Inger (ever tried to ignore a 2 yo? Ha!) : > *Telling her she can _only_ call me Inger, not mommy anymore (she’s : > pleased) : > *Ignoring the situation altogether : > *Explaining to her that it makes me sad when she calls me Inger : > *Telling her she is the only person in the whole world who gets to call me : > mommy, isn’t that special : > : > None of this has any effect on her whatsoever. Incidentally, she does : > call her dad "Spencer" (or "Pencie") now and again, but mostly still dad : > or daddy. : > : > Any suggestions? Is this a stage, part of the 2 yo independence thing? : > Anyone else had their kid do this? : > : > Thanks! : > : > Inger, mom (er, Inger) to Susannah 5/11/94 : My son called me by my first name, simply because he only heard : my friends call me that. No one else called me "Mommy". I tried to : explain who I was, but he didn’t seem to have any desire to call me : anything else. Then one day he fell off his tricycle and scraped his : elbow….. as I was running to help him ( I was watching him from the : porch ) I heard him sob out, very clearly " Moooooommmmmmmmmy" I was : Mommy or Mama from then on. : You might try having your friends ask "where is your Mommy?" or : "who’s your Mommy" My second child never called me by my first name. : If she’s just being stubborn, I think she’ll get over it soon. They : don’t call them the terrible two’s for nothing. : Orenda
Response:
> I vote for just a stage, and not to sweat it. My 4 year old and now my 2 > year old both called me by my first name for a little bit. They are just > trying to figure out how this whole name thing works and that people can > have different names. My 2 year old is constantly saying "Me Jim, You > Jane. (No jokes please!) I say yes, that’s right and he drops it.
I just want to put in my two cents for "the other side" — I *care* whether my children call me Mommy or by my first name. You don’t have to overreact when your child goes through the "first name" stage….on the other hand, unless you make an effort to correct your child, they won’t necessarily start calling you "Mommy" again. My cousin never called her mother "Mom" (always used her first name)….and we have friends whose kids use thier parents’ first names also. If you don’t like it, tell your child that they are right, your name is XXXX, but that you are their mother (or father) and that they are the only kids that can call you "Mommy" (or "Daddy"), and that that is the most special name of all for you. Each time they call you by your first name, remind them that Mommy is the name you like and to please call you Mommy — have them reask the question, or whatever, using "Mommy". It works — and it didn’t hurt at all! Karen
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She > rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. > Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: > *Ignoring her when she calls me Inger (ever tried to ignore a 2 yo? Ha!) > *Telling her she can _only_ call me Inger, not mommy anymore (she’s > pleased) > *Ignoring the situation altogether > *Explaining to her that it makes me sad when she calls me Inger > *Telling her she is the only person in the whole world who gets to call me > mommy, isn’t that special > None of this has any effect on her whatsoever. Incidentally, she does > call her dad "Spencer" (or "Pencie") now and again, but mostly still dad > or daddy. > Any suggestions? Is this a stage, part of the 2 yo independence thing? > Anyone else had their kid do this?
It sounds like a control issue. If I were you, I’d respond when she calls you Inger. Tell her (once) that you’d rather she call you Mommy, because you’re very proud to _be_ her mommy, but let her make the choice. If you don’t make a big deal of it, she’s more likely to respect your wishes. If you try to force the issue, she’ll exert her independance (it’s a two year old thing). FWIW: Abby occasionally calls me and Steve by our first names. We don’t make an issue of it…. Also: ask yourself why _you_ want to make an issue of it. There will be a lot more small issues coming up as she grows, and understanding your own reactions to her may help you cope…. 
Good luck. — Lise Mendel Mommy to Abigail (5/9/93) and Dorothy (10/19/95) http://www.access.digex.net/~catalyst/ I reserve the right to repost e-mailed flames wherever it amuses me to
Response:
My two year old daughter, Susannah has decided to call me "Inger." She rarely calls me "mommy/mom" anymore She says, "I wanna call you Inger. Daddy call you mommy." I have tried: *Ignoring her when she calls me Inger (ever tried to ignore a 2 yo? Ha!) *Telling her she can _only_ call me Inger, not mommy anymore (she’s pleased) *Ignoring the situation altogether *Explaining to her that it makes me sad when she calls me Inger *Telling her she is the only person in the whole world who gets to call me mommy, isn’t that special None of this has any effect on her whatsoever. Incidentally, she does call her dad "Spencer" (or "Pencie") now and again, but mostly still dad or daddy. Any suggestions? Is this a stage, part of the 2 yo independence thing? Anyone else had their kid do this? Thanks! Inger, mom (er, Inger) to Susannah 5/11/94
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