Question:
My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried everything. We have grounded her , taken away privledges and even have gone to counceling, which was quite an effort. She is quite popular in school and thinks she should be allowed to talk on the phone at all hours. Her rebellion is almost uncontrolable. I have talked to my neighbor, who has two teenage daughters (15 and 13) and he says he was in the same predicament until one day he took them both up to their room and spanked them. He said after a few more spankings, the girls started to behave. He said that this is the only punishment that opened their eyes. I don’t know if I should try spanking or not. Right now my wife and I think that it may be worth a try. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
Response:
First, I think you should not have spanked in the first place and I *especially* think that spanking a child’s bare butt is about one of the worst humiliations you can do. Please do not resort to this kind of behavior again–if you spank her (especially on a barebutt at 14 years old) you will not solve the problem–you will only create hostility that she will suppress–it will come back later, believe me. I recommend you try counseling again. I also suggest that you try taking a class if one is available on parenting skills for parents of adolescents. Finally, try to learn as much as you can about adolescents–they are going through a tremendous amount of change and asserting their independentce. Try to find some way to let her feel like she has some control without going out of reasonable limits. Taking away privileges is one good consequence (no phone time allowed, etc.) but make sure she is reinforced for displaying appropriate behavior, too. Or makeher earn phone time for good behavior (definitely don’t let her have a phone in her own room!) I highly recommend the book "The art of sensitive parenting". I think the author’s name is Kersey. She deals with appropriate use of assertiveness skills with kids all the way through adolescence. I think it is a very logical approach to child/teen-rearing. Good luck, and please don’t spank! Kelly Seek to understand before seeking to be understood Kelly Kyes – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the > complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried > everything. We have grounded her , taken away privledges and even have > gone to counceling, which was quite an effort. She is quite popular in > school and thinks she should be allowed to talk on the phone at all hours. > Her rebellion is almost uncontrolable. I have talked to my neighbor, who > has two teenage daughters (15 and 13) and he says he was in the same > predicament until one day he took them both up to their room and spanked > them. He said after a few more spankings, the girls started to behave. > He said that this is the only punishment that opened their eyes. > I don’t know if I should try spanking or not. Right now my wife and I > think that it may be worth a try. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 > and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. > If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
Response:
If you want suggestions.. email me :) Breeanna
Response:
Go out quickly and get a copy of _Reviving Ophelia_ by Mary Pipher. I’m currently reading it and think it’s great. My daughters are only 6 and 3 but I want to be prepared for "those years". I’m not for spanking so would advice against it. Good luck. Peace, Jeanne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the >complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried >everything. We have grounded her , taken away privledges and even have >gone to counceling, which was quite an effort. She is quite popular in >school and thinks she should be allowed to talk on the phone at all hours. > Her rebellion is almost uncontrolable. I have talked to my neighbor, who >has two teenage daughters (15 and 13) and he says he was in the same >predicament until one day he took them both up to their room and spanked >them. He said after a few more spankings, the girls started to behave. >He said that this is the only punishment that opened their eyes. >I don’t know if I should try spanking or not. Right now my wife and I >think that it may be worth a try. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 >and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. > If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
Response:
May I suggest a wonderful book called "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk". I can’t think of the author but it’s a classic and wonderful book that will perhaps help you with your problems without resorting to spanking. Good luck….
Response:
I can understand that you and your wife are at the end of your rope. Personally I don’t agree with spanking, but if that’s what you decide to do I have one suggestion. I wouldn’t recommend pulling her pants down at age 14. Spanking with your bare hand over clothes will be enough. Also try not to spank when you are very mad. It usually results in spanking alot harder than you mean to. I wish you the best of luck. If you find something that works, let everyone know in case they are in the same predicament in the future. Cathy
Response:
>My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the >complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried >everything. We have grounded her , taken away privledges and even have >gone to counceling, which was quite an effort. She is quite popular in >school and thinks she should be allowed to talk on the phone at all hours. > Her rebellion is almost uncontrolable. I have talked to my neighbor, who >has two teenage daughters (15 and 13) and he says he was in the same >predicament until one day he took them both up to their room and spanked >them. He said after a few more spankings, the girls started to behave. >He said that this is the only punishment that opened their eyes. >I don’t know if I should try spanking or not. Right now my wife and I >think that it may be worth a try. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 >and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. > If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
Well. I would not advise spanking, as I believe that this is inefficient when dealing with teenagers. I personally think that you have nothing other than a normal teenager, who would just like a little bit of freedom. If you trust her, and she has been a pretty good kid in the past, you should give her a little bit more space. Tell her her telephone limits, dont take it away. This is a teenager, not a little girl anymore., taking her phone away, and grounding her, moreless spanking her will only make her do "other things". You should feel proud that all you are dealing with is a big mouth and a telephone problem. Things could be worse. Not trying to start a war, its just an opinion from personal experience. I gave my children a lot more freedom that their friends had, and to this day I still have a very close, "TRUSTING" relationship with them. teenagers especially, open up to "cool" parents.
Response:
>My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the >complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried >everything. We have grounded her , taken away privledges and even have >gone to counceling, which was quite an effort. She is quite popular in >school and thinks she should be allowed to talk on the phone at all hours. > Her rebellion is almost uncontrolable. I have talked to my neighbor, who >has two teenage daughters (15 and 13) and he says he was in the same >predicament until one day he took them both up to their room and spanked >them. He said after a few more spankings, the girls started to behave. >He said that this is the only punishment that opened their eyes. >I don’t know if I should try spanking or not. Right now my wife and I >think that it may be worth a try. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 >and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. > If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
I don’t think spanking is the answer, I am not a non spanking fan but at the same time your daughter is now a young adult and should be treated with that in mind, my suggestion is to sit down and talk (not shout, scream and get in a fight) but talk, you as parents though before you do this have to realize that some of what you are going to hear probably won’t be what you wanted to hear, however if you manage to let your daughter say her piece and listen open mindedly you may find she actually has some good ideas of her own on how so solve your household conflicts.It sounds like you are finding it very hard to let go of your little girl but if you don’t start soon you may not have a daughter in a few years. At last they have found something capable of doing the work of 5 men. ONE WOMAN !!!!
Response:
>>My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the >complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried >everything.
<snip> >. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 >and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. > If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick!
I don’t have a teenager, so I can’t speak from *that* particular experience, but I do have a 6 1/2 year old SD that spends summers with us, and I had to work *very* hard to restrain myself this past summer. There is one quite that I read in "1-2-3 Magic" that kept me strong: "A spanking is nothing more than a parental temper tantrum." God forbid I should "stoop to her level"! I’m very proud to say that I did not strike this child once all summer, although I did threaten to take a Florida vacation by myself! 
Lynn Wood – Mom to Noelani (2/2/95) Stepmom to Shannon (11/5/89) Time marches on and eventually you realize it’s marching across your face
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>My 14yr old daughter has a very smart mouth on her and seems to do the >>complete opposite of everything we tell her. My wife and I have tried >>everything. > <snip> >. I haven’t spanked her since she was 12 >>and when I did I always took down her pants and spanked with my bare hand. >> If I do spank – is this how I should do it? Please respond quick! > I don’t have a teenager, so I can’t speak from *that* particular > experience, but I do have a 6 1/2 year old SD that spends summers with > us, and I had to work *very* hard to restrain myself this past summer. > There is one quite that I read in "1-2-3 Magic" that kept me strong: > "A spanking is nothing more than a parental temper tantrum." > God forbid I should "stoop to her level"! I’m very proud to say that > I did not strike this child once all summer, although I did threaten > to take a Florida vacation by myself! > Lynn Wood – Mom to Noelani (2/2/95) > Stepmom to Shannon (11/5/89)
First of all you really need to have a teenager to apreciate what colin is going through. Disciplining a 6 year old is not a good comparison. I do have a 14 year old daughter, and believe me there have been times when I would have liked to spanked, but there are much more effective ways. One, find out what your daughter really enjoys, for mine it’s the phone, the mall and going out with friends to their homes etc.. those are the things that we sanction when she misbehaves. Two, be available to listen. I know that sometimes it is easier to only half listen and dismiss alot of their woes and concerns but if you are truly available to your child ( you must be prepared to hear things you sometimes would rather not know, but isn’t it better coming from your child than a stranger?) eventually she will treat you like she treats her friends and not like a adversary. And three, know not only who her friends are but who their parents are, kids are less likely to try to put one over if they know there is a network of parents looking out for them. This last one isn’t always easy either, but most parents are usually going through the same thing and are at a loss as to what to do as you are or have helpful suggestions since they also know your child. Trust me, I now have a 14 year old daughter who is for the most part obedient and cooperative child ( well as much as a 14 year old could be that is ;-D) Tammy — Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition # 285: " No good deed ever goes unpunished" Quark " The Collaborator"
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.