Question:
Georga, you’ve outdone yourself this time!!! But now can you tell me what gets coffee stains out of clothing, carpet and computer monitors? Marion—-Tampamom to Louis(6) and Erica(2) >I couldn’t help myself. After laughing myself silly over some of the >new Mother Hickey posts, and her new Harness that also doubles as a >great bondage toy, I just had to put this together. Here is a history >of all the usefull products Mother Hickey has blessed us with:
<snipped, though I hated to do it>
Response:
WTG girlfriend! Jackie "Single parent…..who not only is happy about it, but proud of it…."
Response:
— origin: alt.parenting.solutions: >|Georga, you’ve outdone yourself this time!!! But now can you tell me what >|gets coffee stains out of clothing, carpet and computer monitors?
Don’t drink coffee while reading M.H. posts? <ducks and runs> >|Marion—-Tampamom to Louis(6) and Erica(2) >| >|>I couldn’t help myself. After laughing myself silly over some of the >|>new Mother Hickey posts, and her new Harness that also doubles as a >|>great bondage toy, I just had to put this together. Here is a history >|>of all the usefull products Mother Hickey has blessed us with: >|> >| <snipped, though I hated to do it> >| >|
– Erikc (alt.atheist #002) | "An Fhirinne in aghaidh an tSaoil." BAAWA Knight | "The Truth against the World." ICQ 26776011 | — Bardic Motto If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all. —- Noam Chomsky Christianity summarised: "Kiss god’s ass or he will burn yours"… Remove "21" to respond.
Response:
— origin: alt.parenting.solutions: [===] >| E-mail me for details about how to order your very own Mother >| Hickey Miracle Healing Bathroom Tissue. You’ll be glad you did. >|Bear in mind that individual results may >| vary depending on your degree of Faith in Miracle Healing. >| For most people, every trip to the toilet with Mother Hickey >| Miracle Healing Bathroom Tissue is a religious experience! Don’t go >|to your great white throne without a >| roll!
She needs to use some of it himself to wipe the drool off his mouth. >|I wonder what she will come up with next?
Who knows, but I’m sure it will be a hoot! >|Georga >| >|Stay tuned for the past wit and wisdom of Mother Hickey.
– Erikc (alt.atheist #002) | "An Fhirinne in aghaidh an tSaoil." BAAWA Knight | "The Truth against the World." ICQ 26776011 | — Bardic Motto If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all. —- Noam Chomsky Christianity summarised: "Kiss god’s ass or he will burn yours"… Remove "21" to respond.
Response:
I couldn’t help myself. After laughing myself silly over some of the new Mother Hickey posts, and her new Harness that also doubles as a great bondage toy, I just had to put this together. Here is a history of all the usefull products Mother Hickey has blessed us with: We had the ever wonderful Mother Hickey Muzzle for noisey children… A whole lot of you all has kids who won’t sit down and shut up when you tell them to. You done tried preaching to them from the Word of God. You done tried sending them to bed without no supper. You even done tried spanking them with the biggest paddle you can swing. But none of that worked. Well, cheer up! You all got new hope from Mother Hickey with her brand new MUZZLE for sassy brats. It made of smooth cloth that you place over a child’s mouth and then tie in a foolproof knot behind its head. It guarantee silence and peace of mind for as long as you leave it in place. We don’t recommend leaving it on for more than eight hours at a time, but we realize it’s some special problem kids who may need to be MUZZLE all day long. You gonna run into trouble if you don’t give growing kids their three meals a day now, so don’t get addict to the quiet and leave the MUZZLE on all the time. It come in three colors: red, Black and blue. We offer them labeled in two ways. One say, Silence Be Golden (or Silence IS Golden for all you all snooty white people out there). The other say, Be still and know that I be God, (or Be still and know that I AM God if you insist). I recommend the Ebonic models myself, mostly cause I the one who be doing the hand stitching of them, and also cause early exposure to Ebonics remove prejudice out of kid’s hearts. We gonna have a Black president by 2050, and you all better get use to the idea. We use MUZZLES in our holy church when Mama preach. When I was a little girl Mama used to tape my mouth shut when I sassed her or spoke up out of turn. That hurt. The new Mother Hickey MUZZLE don’t leave no marks on your child’s face and don’t hurt to put on or take off. It’s the best discipline tool we got here at Hickey Family Laboratories. For you people too scared to spank your bad kids, the Mother Hickey Patent MUZZLE is totally non violent. It break in a child’s hard heartedness without inflicting no pain or discomfort. It just keep its mouth closed, that’s all. It also prevent screaming and biting. When use properly, it let you read the Bible or watch the 700 Club on TV to get your spiritual nourishment while your wild kids learn to settle down and behave. Just drop me a line if you want to order one. Dare to discipline your kids! If they ain’t whip into shape, they gonna grow up lazy and stupid. Then there was the Mother Hickey Prayer Cloth which I am sure we can all come up with alternate uses for: Mother Hickey sends her heartfelt THANKS to all of you who have been generous this month and have helped support her ministry to the Sodomites of San Francisco. Everyone who has sent a free will love offering of any size should be receiving a personal letter by the end of March. She thanks you for your kind cards and letters and prayers. Moral support is every bit as important as financial support, and may God bless ALL of you for your help. Mother Hickey arrived in San Francisco last week with five thousand dollars in her pocket. That may sound like a fair amount to you and me, but don’t you know housing is so outrageously expensive that the best accomodation she could find was a cheap hotel room in the city’s ugliest slum, known to locals as the Tender Loins of the City? She had to fight to get her own bathroom, and her room lies directly beneath that of a homosexual couple who engage in one form of sodomy or another every night of the week. It was appalling. Thanks to you, her faithful supporters, she has been able to take out a short-term lease on an apartment. Even the cheapest apartments in San Francisco fetch a thousand dollars a month. Can you imagine that? But she has managed to find that the "Dead Sea" Bay Area is a veritable haven for Black Jews. Once she is settled I will be joining her there myself, which means that my Usenet ministry will cease. I expect that Kesha or Kasha, or maybe even Old Father Hickey himself will step in to take my place. Mother Hickey wants to give you all something truly special. For a donation of five dollars or more she will send you, at no obligation, one of her specially blessed prayer cloths. To scoffers it looks like an ordinary handkerchief, but believers know that it bears traces of the tears and/or sweat that Mother Hickey exudes when she’s paying for you and me. (We run each prayer cloth through the radar range to kill any germs that might cling to it.) Its a priceless gift that’s yours for a small free will offering of only five dollars. US funds only please. IRCs OK. Send your donation along with your prayer requests. All letters will be answered by Mother Hickey herself. We turn no one away for lack of funds. If you absolutely NEED a Mother Hickey prayer cloth but cannot afford to donate even five dollars to our church, please write a 200-word letter explaining your situation and Mother Hickey will answer you personally. Those who prove themselves worthy of her generosity will receive a Mother Hickey prayer cloth at absolutely NO CHARGE! Thousands have found that they derive spiritual strength from holding an object that God’s Mouthpiece has touched and prayed into for the betterment of all humankind. Hold a specially blessed Mother Hickey prayer cloth in your hand and you will feel the Power of Almighty God coursing through it and you! You will hear the Voice of the Savior as it speaks to your heart and urges you to 1) repent if you’re a sinner or 2) share the Word of God with others if you’re saved. You will feel Jesus’ love. Mother Hickey prayer cloths have been known to heal illnesses and save marriages. Some even help children to calm down and behave. Individual results may vary, of course, but you’ll never know what blessings await you if you don’t order your Mother Hickey prayer cloth today. And who could forget the Mother Hickey Masterbation Deterent? A lot of you have complained that you can’t stop your kids from masturbating. Mother Hickey had them same problem with her adopted son Elijah, whose parents were fornicators. She tried everything — admonitions, prayers, constant spankings, even boiling water –and wound up having to nail the poor boy’s hand to the bedroom wall for a day and a night. Now I personally cannot condone such extreme measures. Father Hickey was very sick at the time and Mother Hickey lost her temper with Elijah. Fortunately she was able to heal the nail imprint through the power of prayer. Be that as it may, Mother Hickey Miracle Laboratories has just developed a safe, painless deterrent to masturbation. It’s the Mother Hickey Holy Masturbation Deterrent. It looks like a little mirror with a caption written in gold lettering that asks, "WHAT?!?! Know ye not that your body is the Temple of the Holy Ghost, Which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s" (I Corinthians 6:19-20). If you look at the mirror at a certain angle, a spectral image of Mother Hickey appears wagging her finger at would-be sinners. Before school is out and kids find they have too much time on their hands again, we hope to market a model that projects Mother Hickey’s voice into the room intoning her famous line, "Shame on you, sinner!" We all know that masturbation hastens the aging process and diminishes mental agility. Erikc [sic] Sadler is a case in point. He lives his life wandering from one sexual thrill to another, begging Mother Hickey to perform oral sodomy on him, asking me what I think about while I wash my various and sundry private parts, and masturbating several times a day while fantasizing about dragging decent ladies like us down into the mud with him. If his parents, who neglected him to the point of leaving him uncircumcised and smegma-polluted, had tried the Mother Hickey Holy Masturbation Deterrent when he was a teenager, he might not be such a sick individual today. Of course, circumcision would have made a real difference. There is STILL hope for him, though, for the patented Mother Hickey Holy Masturbation Deterrent works on adults too. Give it to a friend whom you know is committing adultery or fornication and you’ll soon be hearing confessions and pleas for Divine Mercy. How does it work? The Mother Hickey Holy Masturbation Deterrent literally puts the Fear of God into sinners by showing them glimpses of their own sinful selves, coupled with a near-subliminal image of Mother Hickey showing her disapproval while reciting a verse of Holy Scripture that reminds sinners that their sexual organs are not playthings. Guilt and fear will overshadow them and they will quickly busy themselves with more constructive pursuits such as Bible-reading and houscleaning. Order now and receive a handwritten prayer from Mother Hickey for you and your family, asking God to drive demons of lust and rebellion out of your home. It’s beautifully lettered and suitable for framing. Frame not included. Length of prayer text varies with size of contribution and earnestness of prayer requests. The Mother Hickey Holy Masturbation Deterrent has helped dozens of families just like yours overcome the horrors of teen sexuality — those sticky stains on the
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