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What do you think?

Question:

Hey TimeRanger, Did you forget your response? — ~~~~ "The RodMaker" (aka) "The Shadow"

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I know there are several places to look at fishing reports, but I am >considering putting them all in one place. How do people feel about this. >Would anybody contribute??? >Regards >www.hooks-online.co.uk > www.fishticker.com > — > "Of what service would militia be to you, when most probably you will not

have a single musket in the State; for as arms are to be provided by Congress, they may or may not furnish them?" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> -Patrick Henry, 5 June 1788

Response:

Dunno, beginning to wonder if anyone from the uk uses this group. — Alex ;-(

That is a fabulous idea, I live in a high rise but I am not walking twenty three flights, but in the house would be a lot easier, If I ever get the inclination to do something, I walk the halls, anything you do is better than nothing. I am bad, please do as I say and not as I do, I have to go its almost time for Dr. Phil. Loretta — In tribute to the United States of America and the State of Israel, two bastions of strength in a world filled with strife and terrorism.

Response:

> It’s very easy Shannon… > Just put on your favorite music and dance your pants off for 15 minutes > twice a day. > Work up a sweat, breathe hard, feel your blood pump. > Jennifer

Hey, how about making a video of that one? May as well make a little money off of it. Anyone who is energetic enough to "dance your pants off" is movin’ pretty darned good. If you are a bit heavy remember many men just love zaftig women. ‘-) — Chuck "If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain it. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time." Abraham Lincoln

Response:

> Great A1C Shannon, congratulations > How about taking a class, or getting a video, for Pilates ? Even just > a stretching regiment is good exercise.

I think you have to be in really great shape to begin with to do Pilates. I’ve tried that stuff and failed miserably. I can do Yoga…or at least some poses. But I can’t do Pilates at all. :( — Type 2 http://users.bestweb.net/~jbove/ Julie Bove, posting from new account

Response:

Hi Walking steps is good exercise. You could also go to a window, open it, hold on to the sill and do squats using arms and legs as needed. Sit on a hard chair at a table and pedal. Put on boots for more resistance. Good luck. Fred Henzi

You are talking here not about natural consequences, but about so-called "logical consequences." A natural consequence is something that happens with no interference or action by the parent (or other adult). For example, if your child goes outside in snowy weather with no coat or mittens, he will get cold. That’s a natural consequence. I don’t have a problem with this at all, because this is REAL. This is how children learn about the world. I am not so comfortable with logical consequences, because in my experience they are just disguised punishments. You used the word "penalty" which sounds to me like just another word for punishment. If there isn’t a better reason for someone to do something than "because otherwise I’ll punish or penalize you" then I’m not convinced we should be asking someone to do it. I don’t think >that’s wrong. I think raising your children is terror *is* wrong, but a *small* >amount of healthy fear is not a bad thing. I can’t tell you how many times I was >pressured to do things, and my response was, "I can’t do that! My mother would >KILL me!" Authoritarianism doesn’t work, but discipline does. Terror doesn’t >work, but knowing that there are consequences for breaking the rules does. Trust >me, I’m living proof.

Angel here > I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine year > old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March.

And in what way is this different from how things would be if you took 20 minutes, went to a courthouse and got married? Other than he can walk at any time…with no complications. > I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I > see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain > responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic > survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, > caring and happy adults.

And responsibility means growing up and refusing to play house rather than get married. the biggest thing a father can do for his children is love their mother. > I know that even with the best parenting, kids are > individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that > while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles.

Yes! Exactly. There is no substitute for adequate information. > My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many before > on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in > parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they > know that they are important and loved.

Very good goal. Maybe you need to establish a relationship with your man where you are more than "flavor of the month"… > That their feelings matter and that > they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I > want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they > have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they are > teenagers.

Exactly. Imagine parenting as a tug-of-war between independence and dependence. At 2, the child pulls very hard on the independence end of the rope. You wouldn’t let go and send a toddler tumbling. At about 5, the child is pulling on the dependence end, and you have to push them out of the nest a little. (OK, I’m mixing metaphors) In their teens, it feels like they’ve harnessed a locomotive to the independence end. But, if you let go the rope, they will tumble. My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for > teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc.

Ridiculous. if I had not been able to talk about sex to my father, I would have gone crazy under my mother’s legalsitic regime. I waited until I was 19, and well ready to have sex. And I am still married to the gentleman after 9 years. I never tried drugs until my 20s, and had no peers. My friends were extremely good kids. Our drug-of-choice was chocolate. > and > that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they should > just sit back and let the kids steer their own course,

Even if the child wants advice, rules and limits? Perhaps BF feels his parents were too restrictive in his teen years. Read _Reviving Ophelia_ for your girls. > make their own > mistakes, and learn from them.

90% of people do not learn from their mistakes. I was one of those that learned from others and made made my own mistakes. > I say "what if they don’t learn from them? > Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool > of sharks without any protection at all.

You are right on this. Give them all the info, create an open environment and the kids will come to you. Don’t demand to know what’s going on, but stay open. > My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, > unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did I > do wrong?" when it’s too late.

happiness is transitory. I will be satisfied if my kids are content. Unproductive is highly variable. Irresponsible? I hardly think a woman living in sin and about to have an illegitimate child is the best judge of responsibility. As I said, It takes 20-30 minutes at the courthouse, why not do it? > Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for > dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone has. > Thanks!

PArenting is taking credit for things you are never sure you had a hand in and the blame for things you aren’t sure are your fault. Do your very best for yourself and for your kids, and you will have no regrets. Angel, getting rigid and legalistic.

Response:

I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine year old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many before on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they are teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full of abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any kids. My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they should just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool of sharks without any protection at all. My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did I do wrong?" when it’s too late. Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone has. Thanks! Charlene

Response:

You MIGHT have asked yourself some of these questions before you had a kid by a guy who didn’t stick around, or got knocked up by this one, who sounds a lot like the last one. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine year >old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. >I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I >see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain >responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic >survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, >caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are >individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that >while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. >My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many before >on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in >parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they >know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that >they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I >want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they >have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they are >teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full of >abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, >and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any >kids. >My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for >teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and >that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they should >just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own >mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? >Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool >of sharks without any protection at all. >My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, >unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did I >do wrong?" when it’s too late. >Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for >dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone has. >Thanks! >Charlene

Response:

Elaine, SHUT UP! I have had it with your smug, superior attitude. If you don’t have something constructive to offer, keep your mouth shut. And, frankly, I hope you never have children, because the last thing the world needs is more people like you teaching children to be obnoxious! Whew! Now, Charlene: I think there is a gray area here. Of course, you want your children to talk to you. However, you can achieve that, I think, without being "buddies." More than anything else, children *need* discipline; they *have* to have that. And yes, being a strict disciplinarian means that there will be times when your children will probably dislike, even hate you. However, discipline does not necessarily mean saying, "Because I said so!" It means letting the children know the rules (when they’re older, even participating in setting the rules), letting the children know the consequences for breaking those rules, and then consistently abiding by those rules/consequences. My mother and I were not "friends" when I was a teenager. She was *very* strict with me. However, I still talked to her. I didn’t tell her *everything*, but she knew most everything that was going on in my life. Once I became an adult, things changed dramatically. She knew that her "job" was over, and I was allowed to set my *own* rules. She gave me guidance and help, but there was no more punishment. Fortunately, she had done a great job, so I did okay with my own rules. From that point on, we were the closest of friends until her death, and I still miss her every day. Don’t be afraid to lay down the laws with your kids; just do it in such a way that you let them feel that they are people, too. Good luck. Kathleen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > You MIGHT have asked yourself some of these questions before you had a kid > by a guy who didn’t stick around, or got knocked up by this one, who sounds > a lot like the last one. >I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine > year >old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. >I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I >see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain >responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic >survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, >caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are >individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that >while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. >My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many > before >on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in >parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they >know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that >they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I >want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they >have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they > are >teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full > of >abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, >and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any >kids. >My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for >teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and >that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they > should >just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own >mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? >Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool >of sharks without any protection at all. >My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, >unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did > I >do wrong?" when it’s too late. >Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for >dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone > has. >Thanks! >Charlene

– M. Kathleen DeFilippo Technical Services Professional http://members.home.net/mkdefilippo/index.htm

Response:

One other thing. IMHO, it’s irresponsible *not* to talk to your kids about drugs and sex… it’s potentially fatal for them to be uninformed or misinformed. But, again, I think that you can have an environment where you can talk to them, and vice versa, without being "buddies." – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine year > old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. > I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I > see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain > responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic > survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, > caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are > individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that > while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. > My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many before > on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in > parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they > know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that > they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I > want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they > have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they are > teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full of > abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, > and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any > kids. > My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for > teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and > that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they should > just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own > mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? > Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool > of sharks without any protection at all. > My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, > unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did I > do wrong?" when it’s too late. > Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for > dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone has. > Thanks! > Charlene

– M. Kathleen DeFilippo Technical Services Professional http://members.home.net/mkdefilippo/index.htm

Response:

Charlene, In case you’re new to this group, let me just tell you that Elaine knows everything!! NOT. As for you Elaine, how do you know her situation? How do you know that her child’s father didn’t stick around by choice? What if he died? What if it wasn’t his decision? You assume an awful lot. And how does her current boyfriend sound a lot like the last when she told us absolutely nothing about the last one? You really need to find something more constructive to do with your free time. Perhaps you could GET A LIFE! Dawn (Taylor and Mackenzie’s mom) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > You MIGHT have asked yourself some of these questions before you had a kid >by a guy who didn’t stick around, or got knocked up by this one, who sounds >a lot like the last one. >I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine >year >old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. >I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I >see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain >responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic >survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, >caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are >individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that >while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. >My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many >before >on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in >parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they >know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that >they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I >want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they >have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they >are >teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full >of >abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, >and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any >kids. >My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for >teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and >that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they >should >just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own >mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? >Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool >of sharks without any protection at all. >My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, >unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did >I >do wrong?" when it’s too late. >Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for >dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone >has. >Thanks! >Charlene

Response:

Elaine – I think you are in this ng for the same reason Hickey was. Just to stir up trouble. It seems like when anything is said, you have something to say that will just rock the boat – whether it be advice on something you know nothing about or just being plain MEAN. Why don’t you think about how you would feel if someone said something like this to you BEFORE you post it? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You MIGHT have asked yourself some of these questions before you had a kid > by a guy who didn’t stick around, or got knocked up by this one, who sounds > a lot like the last one. >I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine > year >old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. >I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I >see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain >responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic >survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, >caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are >individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that >while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. >My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many > before >on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in >parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they >know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that >they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I >want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they >have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they > are >teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full > of >abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, >and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any >kids. >My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for >teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and >that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they > should >just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own >mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? >Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool >of sharks without any protection at all. >My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, >unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did > I >do wrong?" when it’s too late. >Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for >dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone > has. >Thanks! >Charlene

Response:

Kathleen DeFilippo wrote More than – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->anything else, children *need* discipline; they *have* to have that. And yes, >being a strict disciplinarian means that there will be times when your children >will probably dislike, even hate you. However, discipline does not necessarily >mean saying, "Because I said so!" It means letting the children know the rules >(when they’re older, even participating in setting the rules), letting the >children know the consequences for breaking those rules, and then consistently >abiding by those rules/consequences. >My mother and I were not "friends" when I was a teenager. She was *very* strict >with me. However, I still talked to her. I didn’t tell her *everything*, but she >knew most everything that was going on in my life. Once I became an adult, >things changed dramatically. She knew that her "job" was over, and I was allowed >to set my *own* rules. She gave me guidance and help, but there was no more >punishment. Fortunately, she had done a great job, so I did okay with my own >rules. From that point on, we were the closest of friends until her death, and I >still miss her every day. >Don’t be afraid to lay down the laws with your kids; just do it in such a way >that you let them feel that they are people, too. Good luck.

Well, I disagree with Kathleen that children need discipline and punishment (or consequences). When I was growing up, I discussed almost nothing with my parents. However, my own kids (ages 22, 20, 17 and 14) have surprised me by discussing almost everything with me. I don’t know if "buddies" would be the right way to describe our relationship. We are family, and everyone in the family is treated with respect, no matter what their age. I find that my children frequently come to me for advice, opinions, etc. and will discuss topics such as sex and drugs with me. I think this is achievable and very helpful to the child. I don’t, however, think that "laying down the law" is conducive to open communication. (JMHO) Teresa

Response:

I agree with you. In my opinion, it’s very important to have the type of relationship with children where they feel comfortable talking to you about their problems, questions, and concerns. Good communication just doesn’t happen. It must be nurtured from the very beginning when children are first beginning to express themselves. If we don’t know what is going on in our childrens’ lives, how can we guide them? If they can’t come to us with their questions, how will they get accurate information? If they can’t come to us with their problems, who can they turn to? I have raised two daughters, and while I am sure they did not confide in me 100 per cent, still I feel that we had and still have a good, open relationship where they feel they can come to me about anything. I didn’t have that with my Mom because she would over-react over certain things. (For example: One of my daughters asked me once, "Mom, do you think oral sex is wrong?" I would never in a million years have asked my Mom that question – she would have over-reacted – and I would never have heard the end of it!) My advice to anyone who wants to nurture good communication with their children is 1) be available to your child, 2) don’t over-react when your child confides in you, 3) be prepared to hear things you wish you didn’t know, 4) be a good listener – pay full attention, don’t finish sentences for them, don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t interrupt with advice or criticism, 5) keep confidences private, 6) be empathetic, 7) clarify what your child has said, and be honest in your responses. Maybe some others in the group can add more suggestions. Hope this helps! Margaret – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I live in a committed relationship fulltime with my boyfriend, his nine year >old daughter, my 5 year old daughter, and we are expecting in March. >I have always wanted to be a parent, and I take the role very seriously. I >see it as a very important job, and that parents have certain >responsibilities to their kids, the main one, apart from ensuring basic >survival, is doing everything I can to help them grow up to be responsible, >caring and happy adults. I know that even with the best parenting, kids are >individuals and will make their own choices and mistakes, but I think that >while they are young I should give them the tools to overcome obstacles. >My BF and I had a discussion about this last night, and have had many before >on this topic, and we disagree on certain key things. One of my ‘goals’ in >parenting is establishing the kind of relationship with my kids where they >know that they are important and loved. That their feelings matter and that >they are respected and they should in turn respect themselves and others. I >want them to feel safe and comfortable with us and to come to us when they >have something important that they want to discuss, especially when they are >teenagers. I didn’t have this kind of childhood at all, and mine was full of >abuse. I know firsthand how much it hurts to feel unloved and uncared for, >and to have to ‘fend for myself’. I don’t want this for my kids, or any >kids. >My BF has the opinion that it is unnatural, and maybe even harmful, for >teens to talk to their parents about sex, drugs, peer pressure, etc. and >that parents are not supposed to guide kids through adolescence, they should >just sit back and let the kids steer their own course, make their own >mistakes, and learn from them. I say "what if they don’t learn from them? >Who is going to teach them?" To me, that’s like turning a guppy into a pool >of sharks without any protection at all. >My biggest regret in life would be to see my kids grow to be unhappy, >unproductive, irresponsible adults and then have to ask myself , "What did I >do wrong?" when it’s too late. >Am I giving myself too much responsibility, or setting myself up for >dissapointment? I would appreciate any comments or opinions that anyone has. >Thanks! >Charlene

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not you > > would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a friend a > > large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. I > > never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she > > received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, it > > was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit instead? > > When I didnt hear about the birth of her daughter until 2 weeks later, I > > donated the rest of what I had. My girls have beautiful clothes and > > they’re in excellent condition (most of them were given to me by others). > > I had a hard time letting go of some of those items because it was like > > letting go of my babies. > > Sherri > > mom to Lauryn Angela, 4 and Angela Renae, 1 >.I really don’t know why your friend was so rude. Maybe should evaluate

your friendship…When i was pregnant with my first I was exstatic to receive anything we had nothing!!!! New outfits are nice but, How many can you get as gifts (not nearly enough to last) I think that you we very thoughtful I have just given all of my baby clothes away because I know I am not going to have anymore,.. I understand what a lose that you felt by giving them up and how much your friend must mean to you for doing so..( if this is her first just give her time and she will understand what a deal she got) I think that the best way to know what is going on with your friend is to ask her. I fyou guys are close and she is any kind if friend you should be able to talk about it.. Don’t worry about your friend you definetly held up your end of the bargain..In my own opinion she will soon realize what she has got.. "mother is name of God on the lips and the hearts of babes" jewell

Response:

I always ask the mom first if she would like to have some used clothing. That way there is no embarrasment on either end. That said, I have run into people who have declined the used clothing for these reasons (other than won’t fit): She has plenty of clothes from her grandma already, I’d like to buy something for her for once, we already have that, it’s out of season, it’s too girlie/boyish. Never has anyone said, "No, I want you to buy me something new." Elena, mom to Dana (14 mo.) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not you >would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a friend a >large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. I >never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she >received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, it >was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit instead? > When I didnt hear about the birth of her daughter until 2 weeks later, I >donated the rest of what I had. My girls have beautiful clothes and >they’re in excellent condition (most of them were given to me by others). >I had a hard time letting go of some of those items because it was like >letting go of my babies. >Sherri >mom to Lauryn Angela, 4 and Angela Renae, 1

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> > One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not you > would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a friend a > large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. I > never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she > received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, it > was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit instead? > When I didnt hear about the birth of her daughter until 2 weeks later, I > donated the rest of what I had. My girls have beautiful clothes and > they’re in excellent condition (most of them were given to me by others). > I had a hard time letting go of some of those items because it was like > letting go of my babies. > Sherri > mom to Lauryn Angela, 4 and Angela Renae, 1

If they’re nice clothes in good condition, I would be thrilled to get them! But then I’m one who much prefers to buy used whenever possible, and I know that there are people who just don’t like used *anything*, so I guess it would depend on the person you were giving them to. –Summer

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not > you > > would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a >friend > a > > large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. > I > > never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she > > received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, > it > > was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit > instead? > Some people I know would rather you spend $30 on a KMart (sorry kmart > shoppers) dress than send them a twice used designer original that cost > $2000. Personally, I appreciate ANY gift I get, I figure if someone goes > to the trouble, even if they do not have the same taste or style as I do, > I should still appreciate the thought behind the gift. To not do so is > very bad manners in my opinion. > I would not give used clothes if I had an idea that the person might not > like it — even if it is a really big loss for them. I offered 6 pair of > barely used Baby Gap overalls ($30+ a pair, they looked new) to a friend > who can’t afford to buy one pair and she didn’t want them because they > were used. Oh well, I certainly would have taken them. > Lots of VERY wealthy women buy used clothes. > Suzanne > (mom to John Henry, 24 weeker, now 2)

Um…Suzanne….can I have those Baby Gap overalls? -Amy M. Windmill (6/3/95) Amy Windmill, General Manager windmill fraser multimedia – http://www.wfmm.com/

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When my daughter was born, after two boys I had no "girlie" clothes. A girlfriend of mine, who lived out of town sent me a box of used clothes. I knew she didn’t have the money to buy me anything, and I never expected anything. I see nothing wrong with used items as a gift, especially if I knew the person well enough to know she didn’t have the money. I would never say know to a FREE outfit ! Ever! By the way, I buy most of my kids clothes at second hand stores…mostly brand names like mexx, gap, lots of osh gosh. I even belong to a moms group where once a month we all bring in what our kids have out grown, take what we need, and the rest is donated to the church. I bet this person who did not acknowledge the gift of used clothing is probably someone who doesn’t appreciate much in life. Oh well. Lynda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not > you > would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a friend > a > large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. > I > never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she > received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, > it > was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit > instead? > Some people I know would rather you spend $30 on a KMart (sorry kmart > shoppers) dress than send them a twice used designer original that cost > $2000. Personally, I appreciate ANY gift I get, I figure if someone goes > to the trouble, even if they do not have the same taste or style as I do, > I should still appreciate the thought behind the gift. To not do so is > very bad manners in my opinion. > I would not give used clothes if I had an idea that the person might not > like it — even if it is a really big loss for them. I offered 6 pair of > barely used Baby Gap overalls ($30+ a pair, they looked new) to a friend > who can’t afford to buy one pair and she didn’t want them because they > were used. Oh well, I certainly would have taken them. > Lots of VERY wealthy women buy used clothes. > Suzanne > (mom to John Henry, 24 weeker, now 2)

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instead? Some people I know would rather you spend $30 on a KMart (sorry kmart shoppers) dress than send them a twice used designer original that cost $2000. Personally, I appreciate ANY gift I get, I figure if someone goes to the trouble, even if they do not have the same taste or style as I do, I should still appreciate the thought behind the gift. To not do so is very bad manners in my opinion. I would not give used clothes if I had an idea that the person might not like it — even if it is a really big loss for them. I offered 6 pair of barely used Baby Gap overalls ($30+ a pair, they looked new) to a friend who can’t afford to buy one pair and she didn’t want them because they were used. Oh well, I certainly would have taken them. Lots of VERY wealthy women buy used clothes. Suzanne (mom to John Henry, 24 weeker, now 2)

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> One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not you > would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift. I once gave a friend a > large box of maternity clothes and infant items as a baby shower gift. I > never got a thank-you and my friend never even called to say that she > received the box. Postage was $30. I never asked her to pay anything, it > was a gift. Should I have spent the $30 on one new infant outfit instead? > When I didnt hear about the birth of her daughter until 2 weeks later, I > donated the rest of what I had. My girls have beautiful clothes and > they’re in excellent condition (most of them were given to me by others). > I had a hard time letting go of some of those items because it was like > letting go of my babies. > Sherri > mom to Lauryn Angela, 4 and Angela Renae, 1

I have "borrowed" other people’s maternity and baby clothing and have also "shared" some of my own maternity clothing to a cousin, but I would never consider it to be a gift either way. Once the items were not needed any more, they have always been returned. Sorry, but I would never give used clothing as a "gift" to anyone. If you’re not able to spend the money for something new, it should be explained to your friend that this is the best you can do and that you hope she understands how much it means to you to be able to share your precious things with her. She may have looked at it differently if you explained the situation. Kathy – Mom to Katelyn (18 mon.) & Michael (6 mon.)

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Yeppers, she did get the box. After 1 month, I called to say "hi" and during our conversation I asked her if she received the box of clothes. She said "yes" and that was it. That was over a year ago. If anyone who reads this receives used items as a gift, please include the sender on your list of those to thank. Sherri mom to Lauryn Angela, 4 and Angela Renae, 1

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> One of the topics in the newsgroup misc.kids is whether or not you >would give used childrens clothing as a baby gift.

Every time I read here that someone has lost a bird, my heart aches for them, and yet I feel my expressions of sympathy are so inadequate. I’d like to do something more for them, to let them know I *care* about how much they’re hurting, so I’m thinking about adding a "Winged Memories" (or something similar) section to my http://members.tripod.com/~iluvbirds/Whatisit.html page. I know there are many such sites already, so maybe another one isn’t needed… that’s why I’m asking for your input. I was thinking that people could write email me a brief memorial for their bird, and I could post it on my page for them. Thoughts? Suggestions? — Mama —- "Mamabird’s Nest" Visit my nest and meet my birds! http://members.tripod.com/~iluvbirds/

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I think it’s a good idea because you converse regularly with these folks. You sort of "know them" and I think it would mean more because it’s a group of familiar names and sigs instead of a stranger’s memorial page. Know what I mean? Gloria – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Every time I read here that someone has lost a bird, my heart aches for > them, and yet I feel my expressions of sympathy are so inadequate. I’d > like to do something more for them, to let them know I *care* about how > much they’re hurting, so I’m thinking about adding a "Winged Memories" > (or something similar) section to my > http://members.tripod.com/~iluvbirds/Whatisit.html page. > I know there are many such sites already, so maybe another one isn’t > needed… that’s why I’m asking for your input. > I was thinking that people could write email me a brief memorial for > their bird, and I could post it on my page for them. > Thoughts? Suggestions? > — > Mama > —- > "Mamabird’s Nest" > Visit my nest and meet my birds! > http://members.tripod.com/~iluvbirds/

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> I think it’s a good idea because you converse regularly with these folks. > You sort of "know them" and I think it would mean more because it’s a group > of familiar names and sigs instead of a stranger’s memorial page.

I’m inclined to agree with Gloria. It wouldn’t be as impersonal as some of the other departed pet pages. — TA FAW "Hope is a feathered thing that perches in the soul" Emily Dickinson http://www2.netcom.com/~faw/Geobass/plot.html

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I’ve added "The Book of Winged Memories" to my site. Please visit and let me know what you think. Merry Christmas fellow bird lovers!!!!!! — Mama —- "Mamabird’s Nest" Visit my nest and meet my birds! http://members.tripod.com/~iluvbirds/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Every time I read here that someone has lost a bird, my heart aches for >them, and yet I feel my expressions of sympathy are so inadequate. I’d >like to do something more for them, to let them know I *care* about how >much they’re hurting, so I’m thinking about adding a "Winged Memories" >(or something similar) section. >I know there are many such sites already, so maybe another one isn’t >needed… that’s why I’m asking for your input. >I was thinking that people could write email me a brief memorial for >their bird, and I could post it on my page for them. >Thoughts? Suggestions? >– >Mama

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my doc told me the same thing! the time would be right around now to give the meds up, but i chose just to keep myself medicated for now as i am in school really trying to do well and am a bit worried about how i’d perform without meds. maybe in the summer i’ll go drug-free…who knows…i STILL change by the day! a lot of people thought it kinda bizarre when i told them of the doctor’s plans…they’d never heard of such a thing. you are the first person other than myself who has gotten this out of their doc….interesting1 keep me posted?! lam

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Cath, My Pdoc said the same thing to me in ‘91, and I belived her. I weaned myself off one, while she told me to try both a week later..* I was on Stellazine, Haldol, Cogentin, Sinnequan at the time* By the time 93 came around I was feeling better than I had felt in 11 years. In 94 I started to notice a pattern of eing depressed every holiday that passed in the year! Last year it hit me, I realized it when I started banging my head against walls and shit like that, cutting myself, cuttin everyone off from me and always wanting to fight, argue maim, and scar anybody who wore clothing. it was a belligerant, psychotic showdown between me myself and my other 4 me’s and it was a lost effort to try and fight them…>:/ the long and short of this one HarvilleC is DON’T do it…make sure it is a good thing first.. they will fuck you over to get more cash in the long run. Brandie – officianado on tapering off drugs. — PsychopathiccKitties do it in mania! BrandieWine – Better Cats Prefer The Best! http://www.geocities.com/soho/gallery/6650 stop in

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An Automobile manufacturer needs to know what people in the U.S. think or feel about a few items. Given the lack of response, I would say that Americans are not interested in the future design of automobiles. It take only 5-15 minutes of your time and they’re offer cash prizes. Although the data may seem silly, it does matter. We’re looking for U.S. Respondents over 18 to participate in an online Automotive Survey at http://www.apsg.com/autoscan . Ken

Response:

> An Automobile manufacturer needs to know what people in the U.S. think or > feel about a few items. Given the lack of response, I would say that > Americans are not interested in the future design of automobiles. It take > only 5-15 minutes of your time and they’re offer cash prizes. Although the > data may seem silly, it does matter. > We’re looking for U.S. Respondents over 18 to participate in an online > Automotive Survey at http://www.apsg.com/autoscan . > Ken

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