Question:
I agree with you here lav (finally).-CDC – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> There is no evidence that consistent, loving, discipline strategies combined > with spanking are more effective than the consistent, loving > discipline that does not include spanking (and other forms of corporal > punishment). > LaVonne > Let > My point is that B’s mom doesn’t discipline her, at all! I can’t wait > till they come down for christmas!
Response:
> > Yes there have been some here on this ng that think that ignoring *bad* > behavior is better for the child than restricting, restraining or > disciplining. And your right, It may not be practical, in fact it may be > down right inconvient some times but thats parenting and everyone will > benifit in the long run if you are sucessful…<G> > Tammy > I beleive that failure to discipline is abuse, neglect or whatever.
Yes, Marshall, failure to discipline is indeed neglectful. However, no one here is debating whether or not children should be disciplined, but rather what is considered appropriate discipline. Based on research to date, corporal punishment (including spanking) has been shown to correlate with negative long and short term effects. There is no evidence that consistent, loving, discipline strategies combined with spanking are more effective than the consistent, loving discipline that does not include spanking (and other forms of corporal punishment). LaVonne Let – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> me tell you a little story… > While visiting a friend this past summer, her 8 year old daughter would > not listen to her at all. She will throw a trantum if she doesn’t get > her own way. My 11 yr. old step daughter was a model of good > behaviour. She knows that she’ll be spanked if she is not good. > Anyway… When my friend’s daughter (lets call her B)found out that she > would be comming with me to a neighboring city for 3 days. Before > leaving, B was told that if she mis-behaved, she would be spanked, just > like my step-daughter. B was a good girl the whole 3 days. > My point is that B’s mom doesn’t discipline her, at all! I can’t wait > till they come down for christmas!
Response:
> One thing that really, really disturbs me is when I see parents taking their toddlers > to the supermarket or mall for *hours*. <snipped> > My advice is instead of food shopping for 1-2-3 days at a time, make one big trip sans > kids and get the shopping done for the week or more. You can even do it with a friend > (one watches the kids, the other goes shopping… switch). Leave the "fun" trips to > the supermarket for the kids, and keep them short unless your child really loves to > shop.
This is very good advice but very difficult for me to do. My partner’s work takes him away from home for extended periods of time. Anywhere from a week to a month or two. We have one vehicle, and he has it. The friends I have are single moms (without vehicles and they don’t live close by, we are mostly phone buddies). I don’t usually have the option to grocery shop on my own (believe me, when I do have the opportunity I take full advantage of it). There are some things that I do have to get every couple of days, like milk and bread. If I can, I will buy many loaves in advance and freeze them. Milk is a bit different (I have tried freezing it but neither my kids nor myself likes the way it tastes after it has been thawed out). I do have a list and I try to make the ‘trip’ as short as possible (I agree that kids don’t like to be in the store that long) so the ‘trip’ would take 15 to 20 minutes, at the most. It’s something that simply has to be done, or we don’t eat.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > This is pretty much what we do, and you’re right about being consistant. > > We have a grocery store almost across the street from us, there are days > > when it will take me all day to get milk. We’ll all get dressed up, > > head over to the store and the kids will start to act up, I’m talking > > screaming at the top of their lungs and running around. I’ll gently > > take hold of their arm, get down on my knees so that we are on the same > > eye level and explain to them why they can’t do that (it bothers the > > other shoppers, it is dangerous because they can knock someone else over > > or they could trip or someone could grab them, etc.) and then I tell > > them that if they continue the behaviour we’ll have to leave. They > > start up again and I march them home. After an hour has passed and they > > promise me that they’ll ‘behave’, I try again, if it happens again, we > > come home. There are days when it isn’t easy at all. But I accept that > > part of my responsibility as their parent is to be consistant and even > > though it may be a pain in the neck now, that it will pass and we’ll all > > be better off for it in the long run. It may not seem ‘practical’, but > > parenting rarely is. *grin* What I mean by that is that some might > > think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go > > while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to > > leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not > > only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done > > the hard way. > By definition things that continue — as this behavior is- are being > reinforced. Your method is rewarding acting out at the grocery store and > the kids are getting lots of attention and lots of little trips. The only > negative consequences of your actions are to YOU not them. This is > a good technique if it stops the behavior. You are on the right track in > realizing that YOU have to inconvenience yourself to follow through on > misbehavior. But since this is NOT stopping the behavior there clearly > needs > to be some other consequence. FORGET ‘promise they will be good’ nonsense. > They are yanking your chain. In addition to bringing them home, they need > to lose TV privileges, or spend time in the corner, or not get to go > on the park outing planned for later that day OR WHATEVER works. Finding the > appropriate consequence is your job — these may not be the right plan — > but if you find it, you will know it because they won’t act up in the grocery > store anymore — or rarely. [since they have been making such a party of > this for so long, they will test you a few times even after you implement > some other consequences. If you hold firm, it will work.] > Good luck. Parenting is hard — but it is easier when Mom is in charge. > Been there, done that. > Diana > d
One thing that really, really disturbs me is when I see parents taking their toddlers to the supermarket or mall for *hours*. Few kids at that age can handle it, and it’s really not fair to the kids. As if that isn’t bad enough, I often hear the mother of a child who’s whinning or acting up a bit, "YOU are a BAD girl/boy" "Can’t you just be QUIET" or "STOP THAT", all said in really nasty voices. Not only is it ineffective (from what I can see), I consider it emotional abuse, and always feel terrible seeing it. My advice is instead of food shopping for 1-2-3 days at a time, make one big trip sans kids and get the shopping done for the week or more. You can even do it with a friend (one watches the kids, the other goes shopping… switch). Leave the "fun" trips to the supermarket for the kids, and keep them short unless your child really loves to shop. As for clothes shopping at malls, what I plan to do until my child is begging to pick out his own stuff (I’m due in 8 months), is bring an outfit that fits well along, and match everything to the size, try the things on at home. I know I’ll need more than one trip, but I think it’ll be worth it. I realize this has nothing to do with discipline methods, but I remember being dragged along to shop with my mom, and really hated it…
Response:
What is the objective of punishment? To make a child stop doing something s/he is doing? To teach a child not to do something s/he is doing? To help the parent feel more effective and more in control? What is the objective of discipline? To make a child stop doing something s/he is doing? To teach a child not to do something s/he is doing? To help the parent feel more effective and more in control? Are discipline and punishment the same thing? What do we think when we hear "Those are well disciplined children!" What do we think when we hear "Those are well punished children!" I suspect we think "well disciplined" = "well behaved." But what does "well punished" equal? I suspect we think "well punished" means "probably-but-maybe-not abused." Why is "well disciplined" a positive thing, while "well punished" is not?
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <snip> >What I mean by that is that some might > think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go > while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to > leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not > only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done > the hard way. > Yes there have been some here on this ng that think that ignoring *bad* > behavior is better for the child than restricting, restraining or > disciplining. And your right, It may not be practical, in fact it may be > down right inconvient some times but thats parenting and everyone will > benifit in the long run if you are sucessful…<G>
Ignoring *bad* behavior is a form of discipline — it’s called extinction. There are times when it is an appropriate strategy — there are times when it is not appropriate. LaVonne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Tammy > — > "Resistance is futile….." > Locutus of Borg > "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Some of the things that have worked for me in disciplining my 5 year old > > is, counting to 3. When she is engaging in behavior that is undesirable I > > count to three, I rarely ever get past 2. If I should get to 3 then I > > imediatly get up and take away or remove her from what she is doing and > > that ends that activity for the day, if we’re out we go home, > <snipped> > This is pretty much what we do, and you’re right about being consistant. > We have a grocery store almost across the street from us, there are days > when it will take me all day to get milk. We’ll all get dressed up, > head over to the store and the kids will start to act up, I’m talking > screaming at the top of their lungs and running around. I’ll gently > take hold of their arm, get down on my knees so that we are on the same > eye level and explain to them why they can’t do that (it bothers the > other shoppers, it is dangerous because they can knock someone else over > or they could trip or someone could grab them, etc.) and then I tell > them that if they continue the behaviour we’ll have to leave. They > start up again and I march them home. After an hour has passed and they > promise me that they’ll ‘behave’, I try again, if it happens again, we > come home. There are days when it isn’t easy at all. But I accept that > part of my responsibility as their parent is to be consistant and even > though it may be a pain in the neck now, that it will pass and we’ll all > be better off for it in the long run. It may not seem ‘practical’, but > parenting rarely is. *grin* What I mean by that is that some might > think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go > while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to > leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not > only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done > the hard way.
By definition things that continue — as this behavior is- are being reinforced. Your method is rewarding acting out at the grocery store and the kids are getting lots of attention and lots of little trips. The only negative consequences of your actions are to YOU not them. This is a good technique if it stops the behavior. You are on the right track in realizing that YOU have to inconvenience yourself to follow through on misbehavior. But since this is NOT stopping the behavior there clearly needs to be some other consequence. FORGET ‘promise they will be good’ nonsense. They are yanking your chain. In addition to bringing them home, they need to lose TV privileges, or spend time in the corner, or not get to go on the park outing planned for later that day OR WHATEVER works. Finding the appropriate consequence is your job — these may not be the right plan — but if you find it, you will know it because they won’t act up in the grocery store anymore — or rarely. [since they have been making such a party of this for so long, they will test you a few times even after you implement some other consequences. If you hold firm, it will work.] Good luck. Parenting is hard — but it is easier when Mom is in charge. Been there, done that. Diana d
Response:
I certainly agree with your concern for being consistent and following through. But if I may just comment on the example you give, I honestly think that you may not be getting the results you hope for, in the case of the kids acting up in the grocery store. My guess is the kids really don’t want to be in the grocery store in the first place, so when you take them home for an hour, they’ve gotten exactly what they were after when they started acting up! I tried that a few times when my daughter was a little younger (she’s 8 now) and I finally came to the conclusion that I was punishing myself more than her, AND it wasn’t doing the slightest bit of good. I finally learned 2 ways of dealing with this — go shopping by myself (not always practical, as you know) or give my daughter a job to do at the grocery store. Little kids can pick out the best apples and put them in a bag or pick out their favorite flavors of yogurt, whatever. Older kids can find products from coupons, or even have their own list to shop from if they read well. Big improvement, believe me. By the way, I have used the "take them right home" method when my daughter was being impossible somewhere that she WANTED to be. And it’s VERY effective in that case. Kathy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >This is pretty much what we do, and you’re right about being consistant. >We have a grocery store almost across the street from us, there are days >when it will take me all day to get milk. We’ll all get dressed up, >head over to the store and the kids will start to act up, I’m talking >screaming at the top of their lungs and running around. I’ll gently >take hold of their arm, get down on my knees so that we are on the same >eye level and explain to them why they can’t do that (it bothers the >other shoppers, it is dangerous because they can knock someone else over >or they could trip or someone could grab them, etc.) and then I tell >them that if they continue the behaviour we’ll have to leave. They >start up again and I march them home. After an hour has passed and they >promise me that they’ll ‘behave’, I try again, if it happens again, we >come home. There are days when it isn’t easy at all. But I accept that >part of my responsibility as their parent is to be consistant and even >though it may be a pain in the neck now, that it will pass and we’ll all >be better off for it in the long run. It may not seem ‘practical’, but >parenting rarely is. *grin* What I mean by that is that some might >think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go >while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to >leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not >only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done >the hard way.
Katherine Crosby Frank Crosby Millinocket, Maine
Response:
> Biggest problem I have with this is the message it may send to kids > about learning, reading, writing, math, etc. I’d rather instill a > love of learning than a "reading, writing, math is a punishment" idea. > Doing a math sheet or reading is not really a punishment. It’s practice for getting poor grades on a test or whatever. Some parents would ground their children or whatever. Our girl gets practice in whatever math subject she’s doing. I have MS works set up to give random questions for any math function (ie Multiplication, Division.) The questions change every time, and it’s a simple matter of pressing a key. > How about writing their feelings — about the issue, about themselves, > about their parents, about possible solutions? Providing the child is > old enough for this exercise and can understand. > Absolutely — we see it on this ng all the time!
That would be a good discipline technique, and she could also use the practice for spelling and writing. — * Marshall Hillyer, * * * * WWW3.sympatico.ca/mhillyer *
Response:
>My point is that B’s mom doesn’t discipline her, at all!
and what does that have to do with using methods other than spanking for discipline? Real Men change diapers
Response:
> But "falure to discipline" and "failure to spank" are NOT synonomous.
I didn’t say that they were. > Most children who are not spanked *are* disciplined in another, more > effective, non-voilent manner. *Some* (note that I did not say "many" > "most" or "all") children who are spanked are *not* "disciplined" > because there is little consistency to it. Mom or Dad spanks when the > behavior gets particularly annoying, or when the hcild is *caught*.
Oh, so a child who isn’t spanked, will admit to doing something wrong, while a child whom is spanked, will?? >I will not say whether or not spanking in and of itself is abusive > (though I can say that for my child it is terribly ineffective), but > you make a good point that lack of cosistent discipline is a form of > neglect. However, please let’s not leave the impression that because a > parent chooses not to spank for whatever reason that this is the same > as choosing not to discipline. It’s not at all. > Phan
I wan’t trying to leave that impression. I was just stating my views. — * Marshall Hillyer, * * * * WWW3.sympatico.ca/mhillyer *
Response:
>I beleive that failure to discipline is abuse, neglect or whatever. Let >me tell you a little story… >While visiting a friend this past summer, her 8 year old daughter would >not listen to her at all. She will throw a trantum if she doesn’t get >her own way. My 11 yr. old step daughter was a model of good >behaviour. She knows that she’ll be spanked if she is not good.
Yes, failure to discipline is neglectful. Children cannot be allowed to always do whatever they please and must be taught correct behaviour. But "falure to discipline" and "failure to spank" are NOT synonomous. Most children who are not spanked *are* disciplined in another, more effective, non-voilent manner. *Some* (note that I did not say "many" "most" or "all") children who are spanked are *not* "disciplined" because there is little consistency to it. Mom or Dad spanks when the behavior gets particularly annoying, or when the hcild is *caught*. I will not say whether or not spanking in and of itself is abusive (though I can say that for my child it is terribly ineffective), but you make a good point that lack of cosistent discipline is a form of neglect. However, please let’s not leave the impression that because a parent chooses not to spank for whatever reason that this is the same as choosing not to discipline. It’s not at all. Phan
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -><snip> > If this goes on over a long period of time, I think you should consider that > these kids are getting a lot of little outings, which they may be thoroughly > enjoying. > You don’t say how old the kids are, or how long you have been doing this, and if > it really is working, good. Kids go through stages, and if this is one, it will > be fine. > But I think you might look more closely at it if it doesn’t stop soon. > Regards, > Lynn > Aun Aprendo ***** Team OS/2
I agree, if this goes on for a extended period of time a child of even 2 1/2 or 3 should know what will happen after you get to 3. I very rarely get past 2 before the behavior is stopped. On those rare times when I get to 3 I imediatly take action, and because of my consistantancy my kids know I mean what I say, always. It may be more of a game if they can make 6 half trips to the store may be more fun than one successful trip, maybe he should consider getting someone to come and stay with the kids making a point to tell them," I am going to the store without you because you can’t remember how to behave there. When you can be a good girl/boy then you may go with me." A time or two of this may cure their behavior pattern. Tammy — "Resistance is futile….." Locutus of Borg "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
Response:
> Yes there have been some here on this ng that think that ignoring *bad* > behavior is better for the child than restricting, restraining or > disciplining. And your right, It may not be practical, in fact it may be > down right inconvient some times but thats parenting and everyone will > benifit in the long run if you are sucessful…<G> > Tammy
I beleive that failure to discipline is abuse, neglect or whatever. Let me tell you a little story… While visiting a friend this past summer, her 8 year old daughter would not listen to her at all. She will throw a trantum if she doesn’t get her own way. My 11 yr. old step daughter was a model of good behaviour. She knows that she’ll be spanked if she is not good. Anyway… When my friend’s daughter (lets call her B)found out that she would be comming with me to a neighboring city for 3 days. Before leaving, B was told that if she mis-behaved, she would be spanked, just like my step-daughter. B was a good girl the whole 3 days. My point is that B’s mom doesn’t discipline her, at all! I can’t wait till they come down for christmas!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Some of the things that have worked for me in disciplining my 5 year old > is, counting to 3. When she is engaging in behavior that is undesirable I > count to three, I rarely ever get past 2. If I should get to 3 then I > imediatly get up and take away or remove her from what she is doing and > that ends that activity for the day, if we’re out we go home, > <snipped> > This is pretty much what we do, and you’re right about being consistant. > We have a grocery store almost across the street from us, there are days > when it will take me all day to get milk. We’ll all get dressed up, > head over to the store and the kids will start to act up, I’m talking > screaming at the top of their lungs and running around. I’ll gently > take hold of their arm, get down on my knees so that we are on the same > eye level and explain to them why they can’t do that (it bothers the > other shoppers, it is dangerous because they can knock someone else over > or they could trip or someone could grab them, etc.) and then I tell > them that if they continue the behaviour we’ll have to leave. They > start up again and I march them home. After an hour has passed and they > promise me that they’ll ‘behave’, I try again, if it happens again, we > come home. There are days when it isn’t easy at all. But I accept that > part of my responsibility as their parent is to be consistant and even > though it may be a pain in the neck now, that it will pass and we’ll all > be better off for it in the long run. It may not seem ‘practical’, but > parenting rarely is. *grin* What I mean by that is that some might > think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go > while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to > leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not > only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done > the hard way.
If this goes on over a long period of time, I think you should consider that these kids are getting a lot of little outings, which they may be thoroughly enjoying. You don’t say how old the kids are, or how long you have been doing this, and if it really is working, good. Kids go through stages, and if this is one, it will be fine. But I think you might look more closely at it if it doesn’t stop soon. Regards, Lynn Aun Aprendo ***** Team OS/2
Response:
> ><snip> > Well, spanking is a form of discipline we use. But we also use mouth > soapings. For minor things, we find that a lond tedious task (ie. 1 > hour) works the best. Writing lines, "I will not Blah Blah" or math > sheets. Out girl needs pratcice with her long-division, and we find > that a sheet whenever needed is good discipline. As an added bonus, her > math has improved. > I wouldn’t be against writing lines, remembering How much I hated doing > them as a kid. :-P yuck
Biggest problem I have with this is the message it may send to kids about learning, reading, writing, math, etc. I’d rather instill a love of learning than a "reading, writing, math is a punishment" idea. > But soap in the mouth I don’t know, I’d much rather give them a exercise > in creative writing or thinking.
How about writing their feelings — about the issue, about themselves, about their parents, about possible solutions? Providing the child is old enough for this exercise and can understand. Mainly because a person who uses foul > language is a person who has run out of ideas.
Absolutely — we see it on this ng all the time! LaVonne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Tammy > — > "Resistance is futile….." > Locutus of Borg > "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -><snip> > Well, spanking is a form of discipline we use. But we also use mouth > soapings. For minor things, we find that a lond tedious task (ie. 1 > hour) works the best. Writing lines, "I will not Blah Blah" or math > sheets. Out girl needs pratcice with her long-division, and we find > that a sheet whenever needed is good discipline. As an added bonus, her > math has improved. > I wouldn’t be against writing lines, remembering How much I hated doing > them as a kid. :-P yuck > But soap in the mouth I don’t know, I’d much rather give them a exercise > in creative writing or thinking. Mainly because a person who uses foul > language is a person who has run out of ideas. > Tammy > — > "Resistance is futile….." > Locutus of Borg > "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
I fine my kids from their allowance, it works wonder’s !!! Jackie.
Response:
><snip> > Well, spanking is a form of discipline we use. But we also use mouth > soapings. For minor things, we find that a lond tedious task (ie. 1 > hour) works the best. Writing lines, "I will not Blah Blah" or math > sheets. Out girl needs pratcice with her long-division, and we find > that a sheet whenever needed is good discipline. As an added bonus, her > math has improved.
I wouldn’t be against writing lines, remembering How much I hated doing them as a kid. :-P yuck But soap in the mouth I don’t know, I’d much rather give them a exercise in creative writing or thinking. Mainly because a person who uses foul language is a person who has run out of ideas. Tammy — "Resistance is futile….." Locutus of Borg "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
Response:
> Some of the things that have worked for me in disciplining my 5 year old > is, counting to 3. When she is engaging in behavior that is undesirable I > count to three, I rarely ever get past 2. If I should get to 3 then I > imediatly get up and take away or remove her from what she is doing and > that ends that activity for the day, if we’re out we go home,
<snipped> This is pretty much what we do, and you’re right about being consistant. We have a grocery store almost across the street from us, there are days when it will take me all day to get milk. We’ll all get dressed up, head over to the store and the kids will start to act up, I’m talking screaming at the top of their lungs and running around. I’ll gently take hold of their arm, get down on my knees so that we are on the same eye level and explain to them why they can’t do that (it bothers the other shoppers, it is dangerous because they can knock someone else over or they could trip or someone could grab them, etc.) and then I tell them that if they continue the behaviour we’ll have to leave. They start up again and I march them home. After an hour has passed and they promise me that they’ll ‘behave’, I try again, if it happens again, we come home. There are days when it isn’t easy at all. But I accept that part of my responsibility as their parent is to be consistant and even though it may be a pain in the neck now, that it will pass and we’ll all be better off for it in the long run. It may not seem ‘practical’, but parenting rarely is. *grin* What I mean by that is that some might think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done the hard way.
Response:
> <snip> >What I mean by that is that some might > think it is more ‘practical’ to ignore their behaviour and let them go > while you get the milk anyway. Some might think it is ‘practical’ to > leave your young kids in the car while you run into the store, but not > only is it illegal, it is dangerous. Some things just have to be done > the hard way.
Yes there have been some here on this ng that think that ignoring *bad* behavior is better for the child than restricting, restraining or disciplining. And your right, It may not be practical, in fact it may be down right inconvient some times but thats parenting and everyone will benifit in the long run if you are sucessful…<G> Tammy — "Resistance is futile….." Locutus of Borg "Best of Both Worlds I & II"
Response:
Some of the things that have worked for me in disciplining my 5 year old is, counting to 3. When she is engaging in behavior that is undesirable I count to three, I rarely ever get past 2. If I should get to 3 then I imediatly get up and take away or remove her from what she is doing and that ends that activity for the day, if we’re out we go home, if it is something she is using incorrectly I take it away for the remainder of the day or if she is simply in a bad mood and being difficult just because I put her in timeout. This works good. The key is being consistant if you always act on three this gives them 2 messages, one you have time to make it right or stop doing it and two if you don’t you will have to face the concequences. I try to make the punishment fit the crime so to speak. For leaving the yard, no outside the rest of the day. With my oldest girl taking away privilages like the phone, and trips to the mall or friends homes works real good, I have been able to use these since she was about 9 ( not the mall of course, but other outings) . One thing I have found useful is restricting the use of some toys and games to specific regions of the house like the kitchen table ( things with itty bitty tinie parts, like polly pocket and crayons, water paints and such) for several reasons, one it always seems to be when I busy like before dinner and when I’m on the computer. She is near me and that makes her contented and easy to show me or ask me things. Two, because she is more willing to put them away if I promise her she can set the table for dinner or have a turn on the computer. (BTW the computer is a very good reward incentive for good behavior or a job well done!) And Thirdly because then I don’t step on them by accident and hurt my foot or break them, to quote a friendly adversary a "win/win situation". <g> ;-D The two things that seem to be the key is one if your going to take away something it must be something that they really like or care about. My kids are not glued to the tv all day so sanctioning the tv would really not phase them, but restricting use of the computer would. The other is to be consistant, if it is against the rules today it must be everyday, not just when you get angry enough. It may be inconvient at times but in the long run it pays off. Tammy — "Resistance is futile….." Locutus of Borg "Best of Both Worlds I & II" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I open the question to everyone: > What (specific) NON-SPANKING methods do you use to discipline your > children when you feel their behavior warrants discipline? > (NOTE: If you want to discuss the merits of spanking see the numerous > other threads. I am interested in different methods used > *only*).Thanks.) > As a personal response, we’ve tried the 1-2-3 magic thing with some > success for our ADHD son (8). Taking away toys, TV, videotapes hasn’t > been too successful. > Thanks for your imput!
Response:
>I open the question to everyone: >What (specific) NON-SPANKING methods do you use to discipline your >children when you feel their behavior warrants discipline?
With Devin, 5, I do the 1-2-3 thing too. It works every time. If he’s doing something like tearing up his room, I have him clean it up. If he hits or pushes someone, we talk about it thoroughly before he gets a time out. If he’s otherwise fighting with his friends, we separate them. For various other offenses I threaten to take away a privilege (I used to just take them away, but it doesn’t seem necessary to do that when just the idea of it changes his behavior). I feel blessed to have a sensitive, caring, thoughtful, and highly energetic child. I’ve learned to deal with the high energy — I’m just glad he’s healthy. Good thread idea. Debbie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I open the question to everyone: > What (specific) NON-SPANKING methods do you use to discipline your > children when you feel their behavior warrants discipline? > (NOTE: If you want to discuss the merits of spanking see the numerous > other threads. I am interested in different methods used > *only*).Thanks.) > As a personal response, we’ve tried the 1-2-3 magic thing with some > success for our ADHD son (8). Taking away toys, TV, videotapes hasn’t > been too successful. > Thanks for your imput!
Well, spanking is a form of discipline we use. But we also use mouth soapings. For minor things, we find that a lond tedious task (ie. 1 hour) works the best. Writing lines, "I will not Blah Blah" or math sheets. Out girl needs pratcice with her long-division, and we find that a sheet whenever needed is good discipline. As an added bonus, her math has improved. — * Marshall Hillyer, * * Kitchener, Ontario * * CANADA * * * * WWW3.sympatico.ca/mhillyer *
Response:
I open the question to everyone: What (specific) NON-SPANKING methods do you use to discipline your children when you feel their behavior warrants discipline? (NOTE: If you want to discuss the merits of spanking see the numerous other threads. I am interested in different methods used *only*).Thanks.) As a personal response, we’ve tried the 1-2-3 magic thing with some success for our ADHD son (8). Taking away toys, TV, videotapes hasn’t been too successful. Thanks for your imput!
Response:
: I open the question to everyone: : What (specific) NON-SPANKING methods do you use to discipline your : children when you feel their behavior warrants discipline? Well I sometimes use what I call a countdown. But I don’t know how usefull this is for other parents because of the way it grew in our house. My kids both like to "fight" there seem to be fans of the power rangers. (although I don’t understand where it comes from. The power rangers is as good as never turned on in our house and the few times it was it seemed to scare them.) So at times thet can use the big bed as wrestling area to "fight". And of course they love it when daddy joins. Now of course accidents happen and they sometimes hurt each other or me and even I have hurt one of them by accidnets at times. When that happens we start a countdown (acctually a countup) usu- ally to 20, at the start of the countdown all fighting has to stop and the remaining time is used to calm everyone down and see how bad the hurt was, give people a chance to withdraw if they wish or give them a chance to compose themselve for when the fighting restarts. It has always been stressed that the purpose of this countdown is to calm things down when accidents happened or things got too ex- icited. The purpose was not some penalty for the guilty one. This countdown has now appeared in other circumstances. And since the purpose of it is already clear to my kids it works without a problem the times I have used it. I’m just not sure whether it is easily usable by other who don’t have the same background in which it grew. — All opinions expressed herein are currently under revision Antoon Pardon Brussels Free University Computing Centre
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