Pure Parents

Question:

I wish! … nope, I’m in Chicago – we moved here for the balmy winters, they’re easy on our cars, ha ha. KidDoc – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hey, KidDoc, you in Florida by any chance!  I’d love to refer a few folks to > you….. > -Aula

Response:

Dang, I wish I’D said that….I swear I was going to say something about using humor, I really was! KidDoc – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > I like Kiddoc’s suggestions to an extent, but I also think that > sometimes it’s possible to turn a situation like this around with a > little humor and love. > What would happen if instead of saying "I don’t appreciate your > attitude,*  you went over and said, "You sound upset, do you > need a hug?" and gave her one. It might start a flow of tears > about whatever is bothering her or it might turn the situation > around into a *thanks, mom, I really needed that,* kind of beginning > to the day. > The other approach is to use humor.  Say something like "Gee, > that counter must have really made you spill the breakfast > food, bad counter" and throw your own rag on it and beat it up. > Might just end in a giggling fit which also isn’t a bad way to start > the morning, imho. > Dorothy

–

Response:

> Susie, > I have tried this, several times, in fact. It seems that she is usually in a > bad mood. Much more often than not she just seems angry in general, and you > hardly ever see a smile on her face. So her moods are very tough to predict > or understand. I’ve come to know that this is just her way. She is not my > biological daughter, BTW, she is my stepdaughter of 2.5 years, for those of > you who don’t know by now (I’ve posted several times about her) and before > you say it, Like Steve did, I know the problem isn’t just me, the "wicked > stepmother"…she is like this with absolutely everyone, even teachers. > Charlene

So what!!? You don’t have to act LIKE her?? Why not just try being affectionate and either comforting her into a better mood or teasing her into a better mood? Don’t you KNOW these things or are you trapped in your first reflex reaction like some kind of "pull your string"-toy??? Steve

Response:

> Do you honestly think any of your stupid comments would affect my home life? > You are full of yourself arent you elaine. get STUFFED, you prissy old > gluebag.  LOLOLOL.

(What a bunch of children. No wonder they have trouble as parents.) Steve

Response:

> Hi, My daughter is 10 but we get the same sort of attitude at times too. > When she behaves like this I very firmly say enough of that sort of > attitude, and then leave it, and when she is in a better mood, check out if > anything is bothering her. > I do notice however that she seems to develop this sort of attitude more > when she has been watching too much TV.  Esp if there are a lot of sit coms, > the role models in these shows are very bad. > Annemarie

People blame TV for this stuff all the time. They THINK they do this because they notice their child behaving after a spell of watching TV. ;-> What they fail to realize is that their child simply didn’t HAVE the opportunity to offend them when they WERE engrossed in watching TV, it’s an excellent babysitter. The CONTRAST between being an inoffensive viewer sitting quietly and being called away from that might fool you into thinking that having watched TV was the culprit, when actually it was being called away and actually responding to you that offended you, since usually they sit so quietly just watching, and you get used to that silence!! ;-> Both kids and parents can wish to blame TV for their ill mood at being disturbed from watching TV by each other. Novel failure to comprehend what is going on. ;-> — The TV is so interactive with the mind that children can make major leaps in personality development based on only a certain circumstance of thought and experience regarding the storyline seen and absorbed completely from television. The actual effects on children since the early 1950’s before TV has been that children who watch it consistently have much expanded general verbal usage and larger volcabularies than their third world counterparts who are also in school but who only utilize these more complex vocabularies for a few moments per day instead of for many hours a day in front of the tube. Linguists have noted that pat technical phrases used previously only by specialists are now used and even are used correctly by adults and teens and even older pre-teen children merely because of the effect of TV. Our popular vocabulary since the 50’s seems to have expanded almost three-fold and this seems to be a direct result of television. The frightening thing about this video-linguistic learning is how many kids who are deprived of TV or even just CABLE TV in the in ghetto homes are being denied this very educational process and may in fact be less able to keep up with their luckier peers in school merely because of their lack of this common verbal and ideational body of experience. — But still, when you imagine that your child is picking up the behavior of program characters off TV, first instead ask whether they are simply watching people and programs that depict the things they are going through, OR whether actually this is not merely an artifact of the TV watching process, when people are an inoffensive non-responsive captive audience. Steve

Response:

Oops, re-read the posts- looks like I don’t agree with Elaine..  :o)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Kind of agree with Elaine here.  Maybe this girl is just not a morning > person.  I can’t really see anything that this 11-yr-old actually did that > would warrant a big reaction. > Seems to me that just ignoring the behavior and than discussing it (i.e. her > mood in general) later, when she is in a better mood, may be the best course > of action. > Would anyone like it if someone got on their case everytime they were in a > bad mood?  So she slopped around the dishrag.  Whoopee.  Why take it > personally?  ~Bethany

Response:

> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your > 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, > for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a huge > scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet > dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in > response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts both > hands over her ears as if to shut you out.

Sokehow I can well imagine that when you asked her to clean it that it was not at all as you might do to a friend of yours. She’s indicating that you have stated the obvious and insulted her by your commanding tone, or don’t you care if you insult your own daughter? Some people don’t and then they wonder why they and their kids are growing apart. It amazes me that they are so blind to what they have done. > I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind > of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > have, discipline wise, with this child.

Ignore her. It won’t get any better from here on out, only worse if you keep doing that, and you can MAKE it far worse if you try to turn it into a pointless battle of wills over mindless obediance, which is what you’re demanding. You seem to wish for her not to have an attitude of her own like when she was 6. The way to indicate, to someone whom you LIKE, that you don’t appreciate their attitude toward your requests is not to shout at them. It’s to get soft and indicate that they hurt your feelings, not violated your "orders". If you did that to your friends you wouldn’t have any. Now you won’t like hearing that you need to be your teen’s friend or else nothing, but that’s the way it will progrewssively now get to be, and your displeasure won’t change the truth. > Any comments or suggestions welcome, > except those by Steve.

Tough shit. Steve

Response:

Kind of agree with Elaine here.  Maybe this girl is just not a morning person.  I can’t really see anything that this 11-yr-old actually did that would warrant a big reaction. Seems to me that just ignoring the behavior and than discussing it (i.e. her mood in general) later, when she is in a better mood, may be the best course of action. Would anyone like it if someone got on their case everytime they were in a bad mood?  So she slopped around the dishrag.  Whoopee.  Why take it personally?  ~Bethany

Response:

>’Should’ she? Actually, you wish. Sure, if we were all a bunch of mindless >drones like you with no individuality that might be true. Are you the mother >voice of the masses? You just can’t deal with my oppinion because of your >own feeble predjudice right elaine?

Looks as if you are letting your predjudice agains Elaine come into play here. I see nothing wrong with what she said.  I too would expect my kids, at that age, to go through their morning routine, get to school, etc without adding problems to the mix.   It’s ok to be in a bad mood it’s not ok to inflict in unnecessarily on others. >actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the >routine without playing the drama queen.

Kendra ~*~*~*~ Fight like a real man!  Get on your knees and pray! < ><

Response:

Hi Charlene.  I like Susie’s idea of attempting to find out what’s behind the tone.  Perhaps the most important rule of thumb is to not respond to her "attitude" with an emotional or intense reaction.  Kids, both big and small, find emotion to be enormously reinforcing.  Her emotionality should always be met with your calm.  The more intense she is, the more monotone you become.  Have no expression on your face. Don’t roll your eyes, wrinkle your nose, or scowl.  Just be…emotionally flat. Then remember the Golden Rule of Sass: we only speak to our children when they are not speaking to us in a disrespetful or demeaning tone of voice.  When they speak to us rudely, something happens to our ears.  Oh no!  We can’t hear a word they’re saying!  What?  I can’t hear you, you’d better try again when you don’t have that tone. If your daughter screams, "I WILL!" at you (as per your example), I’d take a deep breath and say to her – calmly – "You know, you seem upset right now.  I think it would be better if we stopped talking until things calm down a little." If your daughter persists (e.g. "I have rights too you Know!  This is my house too!  I don’t have to do something just because you tell me to!"), I’d say, "I’ll be glad to listen to everything you have to say after you’ve calmed down.  But right now, let’s take a break from this conversation."  Walk away if you have to.  Leave the room.  Have a mantra: "I can’t hear you when you speak to me with that tone.  I can’t hear you when you speak to me with that tone." And if your daughter just scrubs the counter silently, but in a fit of pique, I’d let her be and thank her – genuinely, and with eye contact – when she is done. Then, later, during a quiet moment, I’d say to her, "You know, I notice that you often have words for me when I ask you to do things.  I wonder if I’m hearing it the same way you mean it.  I’m confused about what you’re trying to tell me.  Are you trying to tell me that you’re embarrassed, that you feel put down, that you want to be the boss, that you hate me, or that you just don’t know a better way to answer?"  Then listen without being defensive or judgmental – really HEAR what she has to say. Finally, I’d follow up by telling her how her attitude makes you feel. "OK, I see how you felt put down when I asked you to wipe up the counter.  On the other hand, I feel really hurt when you speak to me that way.  I never really know how to respond – all I know is that it’s painful for me.  What do you think we could do to change that? (or: If you were me, how would you respond?)." Good luck, and remember – you have many many teenage years ahead of you during which to perfect these skills!! KidDoc Kid Doc – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your > 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, > for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a huge > scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet > dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in > response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts both > hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind > of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions welcome, > except those by Steve.

Response:

When pre-teens start getting impatient and think they’re not being "served" well enough is a good time to give them a new task.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->’Should’ she? Actually, you wish. Sure, if we were all a bunch of mindless >drones like you with no individuality that might be true. Are you the mother >voice of the masses? You just can’t deal with my oppinion because of your >own feeble predjudice right elaine? > Looks as if you are letting your predjudice agains Elaine come into play here. > I see nothing wrong with what she said.  I too would expect my kids, at that > age, to go through their morning routine, get to school, etc without adding > problems to the mix. > It’s ok to be in a bad mood it’s not ok to inflict in unnecessarily on others. >>actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the >>routine without playing the drama queen. > Kendra > ~*~*~*~ > Fight like a real man!  Get on your knees and pray! > < ><

Response:

Hmmm….wonder how your son is doing today…

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> oh did I well here it is – fuck ya!!! >Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck". >> >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a >> >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with >that >> >sort of thing first thing in the morning. >> >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. >> >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >> >Your >> >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean > it >> >up, >> >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with > a >> >huge >> >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking >> wet >> >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say >something >> >in >> >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she > puts >> >both >> >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. >> >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this >> >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >> >kind >> >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that >I >> >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions >> >welcome, >> >> except those by Steve.

Response:

Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck".

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with that >sort of thing first thing in the morning. >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >Your >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it >up, >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a >huge >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking > wet >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something >in >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts >both >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >kind >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions >welcome, >> except those by Steve.

Response:

I do not believe every act needs to be elevated to the status of a soap opera.  But, hey. That’s just my view.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> ‘Should’ she? Actually, you wish. Sure, if we were all a bunch of mindless > drones like you with no individuality that might be true. Are you the mother > voice of the masses? You just can’t deal with my oppinion because of your > own feeble predjudice right elaine? >actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the >routine without playing the drama queen. >> How about just flat out asking her what her problem is and see if some >lines >> of communication open up. She’s in a mood before facing the day or >whatever, >> maybe somethings going on she needs some support on instead of just >> mechanically rushing through the ‘routine’.  Is she like this in the >> mornings and then nicer at night?  I think the mornings can be rough for >> them sometimes, same as for us. They have to get ‘geared up’ for ’school’ >> sometimes and who knows whats happening in her day. >> Good luck >> >Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. >> >It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >Your >> >11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it >up, >> >for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a >> huge >> >scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking >wet >> >dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something >in >> >response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts >> both >> >hands over her ears as if to shut you out. >> >I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this >> >scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >kind >> >of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I >> >have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions >> welcome, >> >except those by Steve.

Response:

Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a huge scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts both hands over her ears as if to shut you out. I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions welcome, except those by Steve.

Response:

Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with that sort of thing first thing in the morning.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your > 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, > for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a huge > scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet > dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in > response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts both > hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind > of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions welcome, > except those by Steve.

Response:

actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the routine without playing the drama queen.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> How about just flat out asking her what her problem is and see if some lines > of communication open up. She’s in a mood before facing the day or whatever, > maybe somethings going on she needs some support on instead of just > mechanically rushing through the ‘routine’.  Is she like this in the > mornings and then nicer at night?  I think the mornings can be rough for > them sometimes, same as for us. They have to get ‘geared up’ for ’school’ > sometimes and who knows whats happening in her day. > Good luck >Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. >It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your >11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, >for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a > huge >scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet >dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in >response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts > both >hands over her ears as if to shut you out. >I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this >scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind >of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I >have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > welcome, >except those by Steve.

Response:

Do you honestly think any of your stupid comments would affect my home life? You are full of yourself arent you elaine. get STUFFED, you prissy old gluebag.  LOLOLOL.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hmmm….wonder how your son is doing today… > oh did I well here it is – fuck ya!!! > >Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck". > >> >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a > >> >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with > >that > >> >sort of thing first thing in the morning. > >> >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >> >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for >school. > >> >Your > >> >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean > it > >> >up, > >> >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you >with > a > >> >huge > >> >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the >soaking > >> wet > >> >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say > >something > >> >in > >> >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she > puts > >> >both > >> >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >> >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle >this > >> >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle >this > >> >kind > >> >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve >that > >I > >> >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > >> >welcome, > >> >> except those by Steve.

Response:

Hows your head today?

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hmmm….wonder how your son is doing today… > oh did I well here it is – fuck ya!!! > >Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck". > >> >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a > >> >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with > >that > >> >sort of thing first thing in the morning. > >> >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >> >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for >school. > >> >Your > >> >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean > it > >> >up, > >> >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you >with > a > >> >huge > >> >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the >soaking > >> wet > >> >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say > >something > >> >in > >> >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she > puts > >> >both > >> >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >> >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle >this > >> >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle >this > >> >kind > >> >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve >that > >I > >> >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > >> >welcome, > >> >> except those by Steve.

Response:

oh did I well here it is – fuck ya!!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck". > >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a > >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with >that > >sort of thing first thing in the morning. > >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. > >Your > >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it > >up, > >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a > >huge > >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking > wet > >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say >something > >in > >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts > >both > >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this > >kind > >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that >I > >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > >welcome, > >> except those by Steve.

Response:

He’s doing fine you nut!

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hmmm….wonder how your son is doing today… > oh did I well here it is – fuck ya!!! > >Oh, wait….you forgot to say, "fuck". > >> >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a > >> >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with > >that > >> >sort of thing first thing in the morning. > >> >> Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >> >> It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for >school. > >> >Your > >> >> 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean > it > >> >up, > >> >> for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you >with > a > >> >huge > >> >> scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the >soaking > >> wet > >> >> dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say > >something > >> >in > >> >> response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she > puts > >> >both > >> >> hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >> >> I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle >this > >> >> scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle >this > >> >kind > >> >> of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve >that > >I > >> >> have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > >> >welcome, > >> >> except those by Steve.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Corner. Nose in circle. Forget about school. When she behaves like a >pleasant, civil human being, she is free to go. AS IF I’d put up with that >sort of thing first thing in the morning. > Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >Your > 11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it >up, > for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a >huge > scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet > dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something >in > response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts >both > hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >kind > of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions >welcome, > except those by Steve.

Response:

elaine shmain

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the >routine without playing the drama queen. > How about just flat out asking her what her problem is and see if some >lines > of communication open up. She’s in a mood before facing the day or >whatever, > maybe somethings going on she needs some support on instead of just > mechanically rushing through the ‘routine’.  Is she like this in the > mornings and then nicer at night?  I think the mornings can be rough for > them sometimes, same as for us. They have to get ‘geared up’ for ’school’ > sometimes and who knows whats happening in her day. > Good luck > >Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >Your > >11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it >up, > >for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a > huge > >scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking >wet > >dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something >in > >response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts > both > >hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > >scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >kind > >of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > >have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > welcome, > >except those by Steve.

Response:

‘Should’ she? Actually, you wish. Sure, if we were all a bunch of mindless drones like you with no individuality that might be true. Are you the mother voice of the masses? You just can’t deal with my oppinion because of your own feeble predjudice right elaine?

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->actually, Charlene should be able to depend on her to run through the >routine without playing the drama queen. > How about just flat out asking her what her problem is and see if some >lines > of communication open up. She’s in a mood before facing the day or >whatever, > maybe somethings going on she needs some support on instead of just > mechanically rushing through the ‘routine’.  Is she like this in the > mornings and then nicer at night?  I think the mornings can be rough for > them sometimes, same as for us. They have to get ‘geared up’ for ’school’ > sometimes and who knows whats happening in her day. > Good luck > >Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. > >It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. >Your > >11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it >up, > >for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a > huge > >scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking >wet > >dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something >in > >response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts > both > >hands over her ears as if to shut you out. > >I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this > >scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this >kind > >of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I > >have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions > welcome, > >except those by Steve.

Response:

How about just flat out asking her what her problem is and see if some lines of communication open up. She’s in a mood before facing the day or whatever, maybe somethings going on she needs some support on instead of just mechanically rushing through the ‘routine’.  Is she like this in the mornings and then nicer at night?  I think the mornings can be rough for them sometimes, same as for us. They have to get ‘geared up’ for ’school’ sometimes and who knows whats happening in her day. Good luck

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Parenting pre-teens…I didn’t know it would be this much fun. >It’s the morning, and you’re rushing to get the kids ready for school. Your >11 year old makes a big mess on the counter and you ask her to clean it up, >for the second time. "I WILL" she practically shouts back at you with a huge >scowl on her face, then stomps over to the counter, throws the soaking wet >dishcloth down and starts furiously scrubbing it. Then you say something in >response to this, like, "I don’t appreciate your attitude" and she puts both >hands over her ears as if to shut you out. >I’d just like to know how the rest of you out there would handle this >scenario, because it is the WORST one for me. I just can’t handle this kind >of show of disrespect and bad attitude, I think it’s the #1 peeve that I >have, discipline wise, with this child. Any comments or suggestions welcome, >except those by Steve.

Response: