Question:
I would be interested in the percentage of female whiners. My son was not and my daughter is…from what I have read, it seems that it is more common for girls to whine. Hmmmm…nurture vs. nature. Debra
Response:
>I would be interested in the percentage of female whiners. My son was not >and >my daughter is…from what I have read, it seems that it is more common for >girls to whine. Hmmmm…nurture vs. nature. >Debra
Funny you say that, Debra, cuz my girls were also worse than my son. I wasn’t as mature as some of you others, I used humor sort of, but it worked. I just answered them in a whining voice, and they thought it was funny — at first! But when I didn’t stop, they got upset and told me to quit it. I did not quit. I kept whining as I spoke to them. When they were really annoyed with the tone of voice, I told them those were the same feelings I dealt with when they talked to me in that tone of voice. It didn’t stop them from ever whining again, but all I’d have to do is begin to use the same tone of voice and say " I really don’t like this tone of voice do you?" In a whine, and they’d really make an effort to stop. I agree with so many of the other postings, and wish I’d thought of lots of the ideas when my girls were young and still whining!! Laura
Response:
> I would be interested in the percentage of female whiners. My son was not and > my daughter is…from what I have read, it seems that it is more common for > girls to whine. Hmmmm…nurture vs. nature. > Debra
Boys are richly rewarded for aggressive loud behavior — they often get attention in ways that girls are punished or scolded for. Whining, like nagging, is the tactic of the ignored and powerless. Sit an watch interactions between parents and young boys and young girls and it is a real eye opener to see what kinds of behavior is rewarded and how different it is for different sexes. That said — I sure do know quite a few male whiners.
Response:
Rule # 1.. never never give into any request made while whining!! I found that with my daughter I reminded her that she was whining and that she does not get anything with that voice. Even now…. the question comes up "What do you get when you whine?" The answer" Nothing". The voice quickly changes. Its one of those wonderful behaviors that must be consistently reinforced. Give in once and you are doomed! MJ of mother of 9 yr old girl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
> I totally disagree with the sticker chart. The long term > results of that are a nightmare: children only behave when they are > "getting something". Logical/natural consequences are NOT negative > reinforcement, only a consequence. > My .02. > L. Krogel, M.S., C.C.P.S.
I posted earlier suggesting the use of a sticker chart as it has worked very well for us with our daughter who is 4 yrs old. I do not believe that the results we have gotten are a "nightmare" of any kind. After all, aren’t most of us doing what we are supposed to be doing in our lives because we are "getting something" in return for correct and appropriate behavior??? If you do the right thing, usually you are rewarded or compensated for this in some manner (freedom, salary, love, friendship, etc.) The sticker chart was a fun way for us to keep track of her good behavior. She loves stickers and we talked about why she was getting a sticker each time. As a result, we have a sweet little girl for a daughter and our life is very pleasant these days. We didn’t have to go thru as much of the nastiness that I feel would have occurred if we had not chosen to take this route. Maybe it is not a good idea for some kids, but it works for us! Amy
Response:
>>Hi, >Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining >in 5-6 year olds? >Thanks for any suggestions. >-Troy
Lots of great ideas…good food for thought. Also be sure of one thing…that the adults caregivers aren’t whining either…often the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Good luck… Debra
Response:
> >I can’t understand you when you whine… I’ll >listen when you’re through." > This is what I do with my three-year-old daughter when she starts up. It stops > her in her tracks and she gets her regular voice back.
I know many people both in this thread and in previous threads on the same subject find this approach to be quite effective, but I wonder if anyone has the same problem with it as I do — you’re telling your child something that just isn’t true (unless you really cannot understand the whining child). I can understand my daughter just fine when she whines, I just don’t like listening to the sound of it, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling her I don’t understand her. What I do is tell her that she can whine all she wants, but I don’t like to listen to it so she has to do it in her room. This works pretty well, too. – Valerie
Response:
Point taken, Valerie. If you don’t agree with "I can’t understand", simply say, "I won’t listen to you when you whine. I’ll listen when you are using your regular voice." My examples are not to be taken EXACTLY, merely the concept. Again, it’s using the logical/natural consequence of whining: NO ONE LISTENS!! I totally disagree with the sticker chart. The long term results of that are a nightmare: children only behave when they are "getting something". Logical/natural consequences are NOT negative reinforcement, only a consequence. My .02. L. Krogel, M.S., C.C.P.S. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >I can’t understand you when you whine… I’ll > >listen when you’re through." > This is what I do with my three-year-old daughter when she starts up. It stops > her in her tracks and she gets her regular voice back. > I know many people both in this thread and in previous > threads on the same subject find this approach to be quite > effective, but I wonder if anyone has the same problem with > it as I do — you’re telling your child something that just > isn’t true (unless you really cannot understand the whining > child). > I can understand my daughter just fine when she whines, I > just don’t like listening to the sound of it, so I wouldn’t > feel comfortable telling her I don’t understand her. What > I do is tell her that she can whine all she wants, but I > don’t like to listen to it so she has to do it in her room. > This works pretty well, too. > - Valerie
Response:
Stop whining? Impossible!! We have found that not listening during a whine-session helps with our 4 yr old. She has been told that we don’t hear her when she talks like that and now we don’t even remind her – just ignore her until she changes her tone. It usually doesn’t take long for her to realize what’s going on and her voice changes so we’ll listen. Good luck! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi, >Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining >in 5-6 year olds? >Thanks for any suggestions. >-Troy
Response:
>I can’t understand you when you whine… I’ll >listen when you’re through."
This is what I do with my three-year-old daughter when she starts up. It stops her in her tracks and she gets her regular voice back. Now, what do I do about my husband and whining? (just kidding!) Susan
Response:
I’ve been given the following suggestion which I suggest in parenting classes I teach. Parents have found it sucessful: Parent: (Making a grimmacing face) "What IS that noise? Do you hear that?" (Pretending to be figuring out source of noise) "Oh my gosh! That’s coming from you??? I can’t understand you when you whine… I’ll listen when you’re through." This works best for 2-4 year olds. For older (5-6 yr. olds) I would simply say: "I’ll listen when you’re talking in your regular voice." And then DON’T listnen!! Ignore it until it stops! Hope this is helpful! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi, > Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining > in 5-6 year olds? > Thanks for any suggestions. > -Troy
Response:
> Hi, > Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining > in 5-6 year olds? > Thanks for any suggestions. > -Troy
Our daughter gets "mean and nasty" when she starts with the whining- we call it having an "episode". She is almost 5 and this has been going on for about a year or so. We have found that positive reinforcement has worked much better than any negative attention. We used a sticker chart and she had to make it thru an entire day without getting "mean and nasty" to get a sticker. She chose the sticker and put it on the chart too. When she had 5 stickers on the chart, she got to choose some special little treat….book, toy, movie, etc. At first a day seemed so long, but she has gotten used to acting nicely and we don’t even need to keep track with a chart. We rarely have "episodes" any more. This sticker chart has worked very well for us. We are using it again to encourage her to stay dry overnight. This time the reward is a new, big bed that she really wants. (She is still in a toddler bed and I don’t want to move her til she is night trained- another post topic!!!) Try the sticker chart- it might just work! Good luck. Amy
Response:
This has worked with my 4yo: I would say, "That’s your whingy voice" for a while, and then once he knew what I meant, I’d say "What voice is that?" and he’d immediately change his tone of voice. Not to say he doesn’t still whinge sometimes, but he stops as soon as we ask what voice he’s using. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hi, >Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining >in 5-6 year olds? >Thanks for any suggestions. >-Troy
Response:
Hi, Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining in 5-6 year olds? Thanks for any suggestions. -Troy
Response:
In article > Hi, > Has anyone ever hit upon a strategy (that actually works) to stop whining > in 5-6 year olds? > Thanks for any suggestions. > -Troy
Well, the bad news is that it is pretty common right up until 85 or so. We had some luck by absolutely not reinforcing it by doing what the whiner wanted. We started by saying ‘whining drives me nuts, if I hear that tone of voice, or you nag about something, you are NOT going to get what you ask for’ We then followed up — with a look and a non response. Usually this would result in the whiner, rephrasing and changing tone of voice. If there was continuing whining, we sent them out of the room. This had some reasonable success – But it takes a lot of consistency. The other thing is that if you don’t want whining, then you really do have to respond to less irritating overtures for attention. If you watch whiners, you will often see that they are ignored when the politely request attention and then get a response when they start to whine. Thereby we teach them to whine, yell, hit or whatever else it takes for them to get our attention.
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