Pure Parents

Question:

            ****Big Slab of Text Trimmed Off Here****** – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->One parent handled the issue like this: >Parent: "Hey, Peter, there’s a lot of your stuff laying >around the house today. It’s getting in the way. Do you >want to pick it up or would you rather I picked it top ?" >Peter: "You pick it up." >Parent: "Well, if you pick it up, you get to see it again. >So you might want to rethink your decision on that. But you >don’t have to rush. If, by lunchtime, I still see the stuff >out there, I’ll know you decided to have me pick it up. If >l see it’s gone, then I’ll know you decided to pick it up." >In the event the parent has to pick up the toys, the >following discussion will probably result, >Peter: "Where’s my stuff?" >Parent: "Gone." >Peter: "Why?" >Parent: "We agreed that if it was still laying around at >lunchtime that I was supposed to pick it up."

This little example has got me laughing…. This is almost the an exact transcription of one of my conversations with my 4 yo daughter. Actually, we have had 15 or 20 similar discussions regarding toys so far. I have even threatenet to throw out any toys that I had to pick up after bedtime , In fact I have thrown away more than a few selected (for overall  insignificance ) toys while at the same time hiding other "valuable" ones to put some teeth into my threat. The hidden toys usually reappear as a reward for some act of helpfullness within a week or two.  I urge some caution when using this approach (depending on your child) as I did become the victim of my own threats on one recent occasion. After an entire day of asking, begging, threatening and demanding that my daughter pick her things up we were both at the end of our respective ropes with frustration. I wanted the damn toys out of every room in the house and there was no possiblity that my child would even so much as put two things away. This battle had actually been going on for a week or more to some degree but that evening was showdown time. After a time-out for me to regain some of my composure, my daughter came up to me and in the most sincere and helpful manner said to me, " Daddy, could you please throw my toys away because I can’t pick them up?" >This is a great opportunity for the parent to solve the >problem without anger or threats. It is also a great >opportunity for the child to give this a lot of thought >and have the chance to practice his/her responsibility.

or maybe vica-versa

Response:

"When Are You Ever Going to Learn to Take Care of Your Stuff?" Help The Children Presents: Parenting Solutions Special Thoughts on Raising Kids Lois Paul, Executive Director Kids and their toys. We can be sitting in relative order one minute, and before we can turn a page in the evening paper, the room is trashed. Unfortunately, some parents can’t blame their kids for not picking up their toys. our kids will do as we do. Parents who trash their rooms with mounds of clothes draping the chairs usually raise children who want to act just like them. In addition to caring for our own things, explaining how we feel when we pick things up sends a powerful message. Putting the dishes away, replacing the tools on their proper hooks, sweeping the sidewalks after mowing the grass–if we talk about it as we do it, and after we do it, our kids get the right message A very effective father used to handle it this way, "Boy, it feels good to finish this job, but I won’t feel great until I get this mess picked up." As soon as he cleaned up, he would say, "Now I feel really great! Everything is in the right place." He said this out loud giving his children an opportunity to eaves-drop. Until our kids are 3- or 4-years-old, cleaning up their toys should be a community project. We put a toy away, then they put a toy away, then we put a toy away, etc. As children grow older, their toys become their responsibili- ty. What happens to their belongings is up to them. One parent handled the issue like this: Parent: "Hey, Peter, there’s a lot of your stuff laying around the house today. It’s getting in the way. Do you want to pick it up or would you rather I picked it top ?" Peter: "You pick it up." Parent: "Well, if you pick it up, you get to see it again. So you might want to rethink your decision on that. But you don’t have to rush. If, by lunchtime, I still see the stuff out there, I’ll know you decided to have me pick it up. If l see it’s gone, then I’ll know you decided to pick it up." In the event the parent has to pick up the toys, the following discussion will probably result, Peter: "Where’s my stuff?" Parent: "Gone." Peter: "Why?" Parent: "We agreed that if it was still laying around at lunchtime that I was supposed to pick it up." The question then becomes should we give the toys back? If our child is basically responsible, we say, "Every time you pick up all your toys by yourself without being told, you earn back one of those toys you lost today."  With kids who have a hard-core problem with responsibility, they should know they are gradually saying "so-long" to the toys we have to pick up. Don’t be afraid of saying from time to time, "You know, I’m really worried about the way you’re taking care of your stuff. I’m thinking maybe you need to be a little older before you have that responsibility. So, I’m going to take this toy until I don’t have to worry about how well you’re taking care of it. Don’t worry, you’ll get another shot at being responsible for it. " This is a great opportunity for the parent to solve the problem without anger or threats. It is also a great opportunity for the child to give this a lot of thought and have the chance to practice his/her responsibility. EXPLAINING HOW WE FEEL WHEN WE TAKE CARE OF OUR THINGS, SENDS A POWERFUL MESSAGE TO KIDS.

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Lois E Paul, Executive Director         Voice       (209) 478-5585 Help The Children                       FAX         (209) 478-5586 41 West Yokuts Avenue, Suite 107        TDD/TTY     (209) 478-5685                                   HTTP://www.adopting.org/htc.html Mother to Helene (27), Erica (25), Thiago (16), Andy (10) and grandmother to Joshua (5) and Jessica (5)                                - All Children Are Gifted….                They Just Open Their Presents At Different Times-

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