Pure Parents

Question:

Hi everyone, I am new to this site and I must say how suprised I am at the amount of religious discussion that takes place.  I think that is fine and dandy, but maybe a religious site would be more appropriate.  I have enjoyed all of the true parenting tips and discussions I have read.  please no comments on my grammer and spelling because I already know how poor they are.  Thanks

Response:

>Hi everyone, >I am new to this site and I must say how suprised I am at the amount of >religious discussion that takes place.  I think that is fine and dandy, >but maybe a religious site would be more appropriate.  I have enjoyed all >of the true parenting tips and discussions I have read.  please no >comments on my grammer and spelling because I already know how poor they >are.  Thanks

I agree, theology belongs in other NGs. However, there are a couple of trolls in here that like to stir up trouble and several other’s that insist on feeding the trolls. My suggestion is to ignore them all. If you want to discuss theology I suggest you visit alt.atheism, or alt.religon. JMHO, Beast aa#1477

Response:

Don’t be scared away by the troll (Mother Eulalia)…..she’s not really part of the parenting community, she just likes to stir up controversy.  With the exception of her spam bait, there is really little discussion about theism going on here.  Otherwise, I’d have nixed this newsgroup long ago. -Treelo – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Hi everyone, > I am new to this site and I must say how suprised I am at the amount of > religious discussion that takes place.  I think that is fine and dandy, > but maybe a religious site would be more appropriate.  I have enjoyed all > of the true parenting tips and discussions I have read.  please no > comments on my grammer and spelling because I already know how poor they > are.  Thanks

Response:

Question:

I am a freelance writer and am writing a parenting tips book for expecting and new moms with babies ages 0-1.  I need your parenting tips and advice.  Please e-mail me with any tip you may have on any subject in baby

Question:

David, Yes, it is normal, but no, you should not allow it to continue, and no, it isn’t something that will stop overnight. You are doing the right thing by saying NO BITE, but you have to do a little more.  This pup is very, very young, so you can only do so much right now… Accompany the NO BITE (in a loud, deep, very forceful "I mean business" voice) with 1-removing your hand from the puppy’s mouth and 2-sticking an acceptable chew toy in the dog’s mouth, such as a nylabone or hard rubber ring.  And **praise** when the dog stops biting.  Say "good puppy, good no bite" in a happy, lovey voice.  As soon as he goes for your hand again, get out your "I’m not happy" voice and pull your hand away and say "Ah-Ah-Ah! NO BITE!"  Insert toy. Puppies play together by biting and chewing, so it will take a little while for him to learn that people don’t play that way.  You (everyone in the household) must be consistent and do this every time.  If puppy gets really out of control or is being corrected over and over and over, put him in his crate for 15 minutes.  When he is a little older, if he continues to chew your hands, a light tap under the chin with the flat of your thumb (not hard enough to hurt, just startle him a little) can be used.  The key is consistency (biting your hands *always* makes you unhappy, use the grouchy voice, and results in no playing), patience, and praise when he is being good.  In about another month he will be old enough for puppy obedience, and I always suggest this for pets, especially when it is going to be a large dog and there is a small child.  BTW, any playtime with a dog and child should **always*** be closely supervised.  A good book you might find useful is "Dogs & Kids…Parenting Tips" by Bardi McLennan. Good luck, Lori Ripley’s Retrieve-It-Or-Not http://www.geocities.com/~goldendog – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > My new yellow lab pup (9  wks old) thinks that everyone in the family is > a chew toy.  We have tried holding its nose and saying "no bite" so much > she thinks that is her name.  She chews us when we sit and try to hold > her.  She chews our feet when we try to walk with her.  She chews our 2 > year old child until he squeeks like her teddy bear. > help?  anyone? > If it’s normal behavior we will work through it, but we have only had > Jack Russell Terriors before and don’t know what lab pups are like. > thanks > david

Response:

On May 29th you write: >My new yellow lab pup (9  wks old) thinks that everyone in the family isa chew

toy. Think retriever and you have your answer – she just needs something in her mouth. Everytime she grabs something inappropriate, offer her one of HER chew toys and tell her how wonderful she is when she takes it. An added benefit  is if you use the name of the toy as you give it to her, she will eventually learn it’s name and get it herself when you ask her to. Enjoy her Monica

Response:

We also have a LabX puppy who does the same thing and we are having the same problems getting him to stop. We’ve found that distracting him with his Dino dog or a rawhide bone while telling him "no..chew your bone (toy, ect) works as long as you dont seem to be excited about the biting…   our daughter rolls around on the floor yelling "AHH!! puppy eat me!!" which he thinks is the greatest fun in the world  (probably coz she does the same thing when her daddy tickles her  so getting him to leave her alone is a little harder..   by putting him out on the patio, he is getting the idea of "how much is too much" when playing with the baby… he is always trying to test the limits and see if we are paying attention, just like Bethy does…sometimes I feel like we have twins. hope this gives you some more ideas and Ill def be checking replies to get some more ideas of my own – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My new yellow lab pup (9  wks old) thinks that everyone in the family is > a chew toy.  We have tried holding its nose and saying "no bite" so much > she thinks that is her name.  She chews us when we sit and try to hold > her.  She chews our feet when we try to walk with her.  She chews our 2 > year old child until he squeeks like her teddy bear. > help?  anyone? > If it’s normal behavior we will work through it, but we have only had > Jack Russell Terriors before and don’t know what lab pups are like. > thanks > david

Response:

My new yellow lab pup (9  wks old) thinks that everyone in the family is a chew toy.  We have tried holding its nose and saying "no bite" so much she thinks that is her name.  She chews us when we sit and try to hold her.  She chews our feet when we try to walk with her.  She chews our 2 year old child until he squeeks like her teddy bear. help?  anyone? If it’s normal behavior we will work through it, but we have only had Jack Russell Terriors before and don’t know what lab pups are like. thanks david

Response:

> My new yellow lab pup (9  wks old) thinks that everyone in the family is > a chew toy.  We have tried holding its nose and saying "no bite" so much > she thinks that is her name.  She chews us when we sit and try to hold > her.  She chews our feet when we try to walk with her.  She chews our 2 > year old child until he squeeks like her teddy bear. > help?  anyone? > If it’s normal behavior we will work through it, but we have only had > Jack Russell Terriors before and don’t know what lab pups are like. > thanks > david

Hi.  I hope you have a nice crate for her and that she’s already getting used to it, since you feed her in it and give her treats in it and let her stay in it not only when you have to leave her alone but also when you will be right by her (so she doesn’t think that crate time is bad since it always means you leave her alone.)  And I hope that she gets to sleep in her crate in your bedroom at night so that she feels secure and so that her survival instinct doesn’t have to kick in and she doesn’t have to cry all night.  :-)  Now, since you’re doing all that already, I’ll go on to tell you about her biting you… There have been posts here almost every week on what to do about puppy biting.  You can use DejaNews and find a bunch of them, I’m sure.  In short, she needs to learn to stop doing it.  Some pups are responsive to a "no bite", but some just get more riled up, and some, espeically retrievers, have such a high drive to have your body parts in their mouth that you need to find something else to give her the idea that it’s not OK…  Holding the muzzle closed and saying "no bite" is good, but if the pup does it again (and of course she will!) then she needs more.  After she does it again, she’ll need a time out.  Time outs with pups work well if the pup is in a safe place (like the kitchen) and if you can step over a baby gate and walk away from her.  Less preferred but still OK is to give her a time out in her crate.  As long as the crate is also used for feeding and sleeping in the "pack’s den" and for treats, I don’t think time outs in the crate will make the crate too aversive for her.   When you give the "no bite" command and when you give a time out, it’s important to use a low voice and not to get excited or loud.  That sort of stuff just riles the pup up more and makes her think you are really excited about her game — she gets a little rough with you, you get a little rough with her, fun is had by all (at least in her mind!)  She has to learn that’s not the case, that whenever her teeth touch you all the fun stops.   You might also try, maybe when she’s older and not such a baby, putting your finger down her throat a tiny bit, enough to make her uncomfortable, when you give the "no bite" command.  Holding the muzzle closed just doesn’t do it for some dogs.  With my pup, who was so so so assertive with me that for a while I was getting kind of worried, I would hold her out away from my body, off the floor, in a manner so that she could not get her mouth around to me to bite me, and give the "no bite" command.  She really didn’t like being held like that; she’s very dominant and at that age was not into humans at all, and thus being held up unable to move by a yucky human really seemed to give her the message that biting was not OK. At 8 and 9 weeks I’d only hold her for a few seconds, and then if she did it again she’d get a time out.  When she got a bit older I’d hold her until she stopped struggling and started acting a little submissive.  At that point she would be rewarded by being let down.  Now, at 6 months, she’s fine, and she never ever puts her teeth on me.  And frankly I’m rather amazed after how incredibly driven she was when she was younger to bite the crap out of me or completely ignore me but nothing else… I mean, she would snarl, growl, and basically try to take my hand off.  Now she’s great.  :-) You can also work on teaching your pup that you are extremely pleased with her when she has a toy in her mouth.  And of course, basic obedience and working on her attention span will help a lot — right now she’s pretty much clueless about what being a dog owned by humans is all about.  But thru obedience she’ll learn that you have things to tell her and that she has certain behaviors she can execute that make you happy and others that don’t make you happy.  In the meantime you just have to live thru her babyhood! take care, Daisy

Response:

Question:

It is very hard to predict the behavior of a mixed breed dog, as it could be 99% like one or 99% like the other, or any range in between.  In this case, though, labs and springers are both sporting group dogs and typically very smart, gentle and eager to please.  Both are good with children (IF you teach your children how to treat the dogs respectfully).  However, both are also VERY energetic breeds, so be sure that you have time to take the dog for a long walk and play some vigorous games of fetch.  I also recommend the book "Kids and Dogs….Parenting Tips" by Bardi McLennan (or maybe "Dogs and Kids"….it’s late~).   In any case, I urge that the pup, as soon as it is 4-6 months old, be taken to a basic obedience class.  It will make it a much better companion, much better behaved around the children, and teach you how to handle and understand it.  Labs and Springers are smart dogs and need a challenge, such as obedience, to remain mentally healthy and challenged.   Lori — Ripley’s Retrieve-It-Or-Not http://www.geocities.com/~goldendog The Official Virginia Lanier Mystery Page http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/1442/vlanier.htm ^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^ "All knowledge, the totality of all questions and answers, is contained in the dog."                                —Franz Kafka                                   "Investigations of a Dog" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> We recently found at our local shelter a littler of Lab/Springer spaniel mix > puppies.  We are first time (future) dog owners with 5 yr old twins.  How would > this dog fit into our family?

Response:

We recently found at our local shelter a littler of Lab/Springer spaniel mix puppies.  We are first time (future) dog owners with 5 yr old twins.  How would this dog fit into our family?

Response:

Question:

(hi WTpooh – I thought I had seen you somewhere before! I’m Tribbles from parentsplace!) I happen to agree and think that the point that was made about mom being jealous is a valid one. When hubby comes home from work and she clings to him like a barnacle, you’d think that I was a horrible mother the way she almost won’t have anything to do with me for at least the next couple of hours. But she gets her ‘daddy fix’ and then things even out. To the dad that originated this, just keep hanging in there. You’ll have a wonderful, loving, well-adjusted daughter out of this. maybe a little of just ‘mom and dad’ time would be good to help ward off the ‘mom’s jealous’ thought. good luck! sasha — The Phillips Three                         (o_  (o_ Almost Heaven West Virginia           (/)_ V_/_ V_/_                     "The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." David Russell- phrase of the day, week, month (or however long it takes me to find a new one).

Response:

Make sure your wife isn’t the only one dealing out the limitations and/or punishments.  It could be your daughter is associating you with non-punishment or periods when there aren’t any "don’t do thats". Brett http://www.dnaco.net/~bkottman/kristen.html

Response:

Hi,  I have a similar problem at my home.  My son is 2 and very attached to me. When he was 1 it would go back and forth who hes attachted to.  If you wife is jealous maybe she should lighten up a little bit.  But don’t take it out on your child because she wants you more.  If you pull back, who will be left.  People also told me I held my son too much(and still do) but he is the most loveable little boy at age 2.  A baby needs all the love it can get, no mattter which parent gives it. Sherry  

Response:

As a child therapist I usually hear the opposite…i.e., the child always wants the mother.  But the advice is still the same.  Recognize that there are differences in how much time and when each parent interacts with the child.  There are also different styles of parenting, not to mention personalities that some children respond to differently…IT IS NOTHING PERSONAL.  But if parents react to it as personal, then it may reinforce the very behavior that parents wish to stop.  This is called negative reinforcement and even small children pick up on it.  So don’t over react and find ways to use your own style of parenting and personality to interact with the child.   If anyone would like a free handout on parenting tips on disciplining Ron.

Response:

I totally agree with the answer the other person gave below.  Our daughter is the same way.  She wants to be with daddy all the time when he is home, and doesn’t even like for my husband and I to hug with out her being right in the middle of us.  She is just lonely for daddy is all.  I am home with her all day long, so when daddy is here it is PLAY TIME!!! She even behaves better for my husband than she does for me.  DO NOT stop giving her hugs, kisses, and attention. THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE!!!!!!  Can you imagine what she would think if you stopped??????? You and your wife need to sit down and talk about this.  It is VERY common.  Every mom I know talks about it.  If that doesn’t help, maybe you should talk to the doctor, and he can reassure her. Best Wishes, Shannon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I think you are doing fine.  I think your wife is wrong about why your >daughter behaves the way she does.  I think it is a combination of things.   >Part of which is the amount of time you and your wife each spend with her.   >She sees your wife all day and you for only a couple hours.  She misses you >and wants to spend as much time as possible with you while you are home.   >Holding and cuddling with her are good things.  You should keep it up.  I am >sorry you and your wife disagree about this and she really may be a little >jealous of you.   I would also encourage your daughter and wife to be more >cuddly toward each other (ask your daughter to go give mommy a hug or a kiss, >and then show her what you mean for her to do; she will learn from your >example and eventually she will be more apt to do it on her own). >Hope this helps a little.  Many couples have your problem–you are not alone.   >It may also be just a stage in her development and will soon become less of a >problem. >I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl.  When >I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I >come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. >When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to >cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at >times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.   >I suspect that it may have something to do with the fact that I am a very >physical person; I love to touch and be touched, whereas my wife is not. >When our daughter was younger (and much lighter), I would frequently carry >her in my arms when we would go shopping or for a walk.  My wife says that >I hold her too much and that is why she has become like this.   >I should note that my wife spends more time with her than I do; she works >on Saturdays only, and during the week I work eight hours a day at my job >while my wife is at home with the baby.  When I get home I play with her >for a couple of hours and then it’s time for bed.   >My wife has recently suggested that I not play with her or pick her up when >I come home, but this seems like too extreme a measure.  I know that she is >hurt by this behavior, and I don’t want her to feel this way, but on the >other hand I can’t ignore my daughter and feel very good about myself >either.   >Any advice from someone who has had a similar experience would be greatly >appreciated. >Michael Rubida >Father to Emily (one year)

When you are a bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.             Pooh’s Little Instruction Book

Response:

>I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl. When >I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I >come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. >When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to >cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at >times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.  

My son (17 mos) enjoys his time with his dad too.  Similar situation in that I’m home with him all day while daddy works and daddy likes to "throw him around" and play with him when he is home.  I can see where your wife would get jealous, but she must realize that everyone likes a change and you are a change when you come home. Also, since you stated you’re more physical with Emily, your wife must realize that this is why you are preferred.  Emily is just doing what’s natural, your wife is the one with the problem.  Not playing with her when you come home is not going to solve the problem, it will just make an unhappy baby. One question.  When Emily is hurt, who does she go to?  Trevor always comes to mom.  I’m his comfort object.  If Emily goes to mom when she’s hurt the problem in definately your wife’s only. Eventually she will start to "fixate" on her mother.  Just let it evolve naturally.  Your wife could be more affectionate during the day and let you guys have your fun time at night.  You will have a great father/daughter relationship. Nyoka

Response:

Some ideas off the top of my head: 1. Encourage your wife to be more involved with touching during regular family play time. 2. Have your wife do a favourite "thing" during that play time, instead of you   e.g. sing a song, play with a toy, or tickle 3. At bedtime, let mommy put her to bed, and let Emily cry herself to sleep.  We have done this for different reasons.  Our child is asleep within 15 minutes but he soon gets the idea that crying won’t help. 4. You are at work all day, so when you come home it’s "party time".  Are there some not-so-favourite things you can do when you get home?  Bath time?  Change a diaper?  Eat peas?

Response:

> I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl.  When > I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I > come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. > When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to > cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at > times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.  

This happened in our family with our two boys.  They were both totally fixated on daddy, maybe for the same reasons (he held them constantly when he was home).  It did hurt my feelings, too, but they eventually grew out of it and became somewhat equal opportunity.  Don’t hold or cuddle your daughter any less, as that would be misunderstood.  Just ask your wife to be consistent in whatever she does.  Good luck. — Gina

Response:

I think you are doing fine.  I think your wife is wrong about why your daughter behaves the way she does.  I think it is a combination of things.   Part of which is the amount of time you and your wife each spend with her.   She sees your wife all day and you for only a couple hours.  She misses you and wants to spend as much time as possible with you while you are home.   Holding and cuddling with her are good things.  You should keep it up.  I am sorry you and your wife disagree about this and she really may be a little jealous of you.   I would also encourage your daughter and wife to be more cuddly toward each other (ask your daughter to go give mommy a hug or a kiss, and then show her what you mean for her to do; she will learn from your example and eventually she will be more apt to do it on her own). Hope this helps a little.  Many couples have your problem–you are not alone.   It may also be just a stage in her development and will soon become less of a problem.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl.  When >I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I >come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. >When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to >cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at >times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.   >I suspect that it may have something to do with the fact that I am a very >physical person; I love to touch and be touched, whereas my wife is not. >When our daughter was younger (and much lighter), I would frequently carry >her in my arms when we would go shopping or for a walk.  My wife says that >I hold her too much and that is why she has become like this.   >I should note that my wife spends more time with her than I do; she works >on Saturdays only, and during the week I work eight hours a day at my job >while my wife is at home with the baby.  When I get home I play with her >for a couple of hours and then it’s time for bed.   >My wife has recently suggested that I not play with her or pick her up when >I come home, but this seems like too extreme a measure.  I know that she is >hurt by this behavior, and I don’t want her to feel this way, but on the >other hand I can’t ignore my daughter and feel very good about myself >either.   >Any advice from someone who has had a similar experience would be greatly >appreciated. >Michael Rubida >Father to Emily (one year)

Response:

I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl.  When I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.   I suspect that it may have something to do with the fact that I am a very physical person; I love to touch and be touched, whereas my wife is not. When our daughter was younger (and much lighter), I would frequently carry her in my arms when we would go shopping or for a walk.  My wife says that I hold her too much and that is why she has become like this.   I should note that my wife spends more time with her than I do; she works on Saturdays only, and during the week I work eight hours a day at my job while my wife is at home with the baby.  When I get home I play with her for a couple of hours and then it’s time for bed.   My wife has recently suggested that I not play with her or pick her up when I come home, but this seems like too extreme a measure.  I know that she is hurt by this behavior, and I don’t want her to feel this way, but on the other hand I can’t ignore my daughter and feel very good about myself either.   Any advice from someone who has had a similar experience would be greatly appreciated. Michael Rubida Father to Emily (one year)

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I’m the father of a one year old who has become a total daddy’s girl.  When >I’m in the shower, she sits outside the bathroom door and cries until I >come out.  At bedtime, if I don’t put her to sleep, she cries and screams. >When we go grocery shopping, if I walk away from the cart she starts to >cry….  This is starting to hurt my wife’s feelings, as it almost seems at >times that our baby is almost totally fixated on me.   >I suspect that it may have something to do with the fact that I am a very >physical person; I love to touch and be touched, whereas my wife is not. >When our daughter was younger (and much lighter), I would frequently carry >her in my arms when we would go shopping or for a walk.  My wife says that >I hold her too much and that is why she has become like this.   >I should note that my wife spends more time with her than I do; she works >on Saturdays only, and during the week I work eight hours a day at my job >while my wife is at home with the baby.  When I get home I play with her >for a couple of hours and then it’s time for bed.   >My wife has recently suggested that I not play with her or pick her up when >I come home, but this seems like too extreme a measure.  I know that she is >hurt by this behavior, and I don’t want her to feel this way, but on the >other hand I can’t ignore my daughter and feel very good about myself >either.   >Any advice from someone who has had a similar experience would be greatly >appreciated. >Michael Rubida >Father to Emily (one year)

I’ve been going through something similar to this with our 14-month-old daughter. Though we’re both physical parents, she will go out of her way to be with me … in the kitchen, living room, den… Someone from her day care told me that it’s a phase. And, as I’ve learned from previous responses in this newsgroup to my post about her wanting to be picked up, I just try to roll with it, rather than alter it. Mercedes

Response:

Question:

You have got to be joking!

Response:

Thank you, but No thank you.  I can get all the advice I need from this ng, friends, or Doctor, all of which costs nothing extra. Have a good Day

Response: